Appropriate gift for Sun afternoon wedding?

[arminnie]

Thanks for the replies. Sounds like common sense does rule over the "cover your plate rule". I was pretty sure that it did, but it was nice to get first hand confirmation.

I don't think I've been to a NE wedding in about 30 years - when my friends were getting married. I remember going to my first sit down meal in Pittsburgh. I'd been to some very nice country club weddings (with debutantes) in the South, but I'd never been to a seated meal. I have no idea what I gave as presents back then. I just hope I didn't offend anyone (pre-internet days so I had no clue about cash gifts). They are still my friends so I guess long term it was okay.

I forgot to mention in my original post about the $35 answer from the calculator that the state I plugged in was Arkansas.

 

[LSchrow]

that calculator is great..
if go to a former co-worker's wedding in oct, on LI (whom i haven't seen or spoken to in almost a year), the suggested gift is $-75.

might be worth going to if they are going to pay me

 

[solfan68]

how does the date and time of a wedding change the type of gift you provide?

Thank you for asking, cause... I was wondering myself.

 

[bumbershoot]

Thank you for asking, cause... I was wondering myself.

You saw it was answered, yes?

Maybe it's because LI is 'cover your plate' territory, and a Sunday afternoon wedding is cheaper?

 

[luvmy3]

OP, give what you and your dh want that you can comfortably afford. If the groom doesn't think its enough then he's not much of a friend anyway.

 

[PaulaSue]

Sorry I just dont get why it matters where and when the weddding is to decide on the gift.

You give what you want and can afford.

 

[Ava]

It is very easy to get caught up in what is expected of one but whatever you do, do no harm !!! Don't hurt yourself do what is comfortable for you and your family. After the wedding is over what you should remember is not the size of the gift but the joy in ones heart!

I feel much better about my "predicament" of what to give for my co-worker's LI wedding. I was talking to her the other day & she asked if we'd been able to arrange a babysitter so we can come to her wedding. I told her yes we had & I'd sent back the response card the day before. She was so genuinely excited that we can come, I feel okay giving what we can afford even if it's not enough to "cover our plates."

 

[krcit]

I always feel that Long Islanders get a bad rep on these wedding threads Weddings seem to be regional. Around here they are usually fancy parties with cocktail hours and sit-down dinners. I had a LI wedding and believe me, I didn't expect anyone to 'cover their plate'. I wanted my family and friends there. I had the wedding I could afford and any gifts we got were a nice bonus. I give what I can afford when I go to a wedding. A backyard wedding for a cousin will get the same gift as a fancy wedding hall wedding of a cousin.

 

[shoney]

My wedding was in a Nassau County LI catering hall 18 years ago. The cost was about 85.00 a head for a Friday night. That was going rate for the type of place we were looking at. Most people gave 150.00 per couple and close relatives and friends gave more. As for "cover your plate", it is just used as a guide.

Relatives from out of state and upstate, still talk about our wedding. they thought the cocktail hour was the dinner LOL

If I were going to a wedding today, I wouldn't give less than 200.00.

I know this may seem crazy to other people, but this is just how it is around here. Gifts are reserved for the shower and/or engagement party. Envelopes only for a weddding.

 

[ICF]

give what you can afford and feel good about giving regardless of the place or the time. Just go the wedding and share the couple's day.

+100000

 

[kimisabella]

Ahhhh, gotta love the old LI wedding debate. Yes, starting gift is $250+ per couple. This the norm. No one here is shocked by this. I loved the solution for people having expensive weddings on LI to go somewhere else. OK, what if the bride and groom are from LI, all relatives are on LI, and you want the wedding to be where?? in NJ?/CT?/PA? Makes no sense. You would be asking most guests to travel out of their way, not to mention the couple having to go back and forth several times, possible hotel costs, ect..

I am always baffled at why these threads get so catty

 

[cecepelle]

I posted the link for the calculator at the beginning of the thread and while I found it helpful it gave me an odd amount $215 so we gave $200.

 

[allison443]

Isn't there a norm or guideline everywhere though?

In some areas something like a toaster is a usual wedding gift. In other areas people normally give $50. In other areas people normally give $200 or more.

So whether you give the toaster or $200, you are doing what is the norm in your area. If you are in the area where a toaster is a normal or common wedding gift, would you give something from the dollar store?

I guess I don't get why people act so shocked to find out that everyone doesn't do things exactly like them.

Edited to add, I don't go for the whole cover your plate thing. I would never look up the amount of the venue and make my gift based on that. Our gift is the same whether it's a backyard wedding, American Legion hall, or catering hall. It is higher for close family members.

 

[Ava]

Ahhhh, gotta love the old LI wedding debate. Yes, starting gift is $250+ per couple. This the norm. No one here is shocked by this.

If you grew up on LI or in the NYC area the expense of a wedding here is not shocking. However, if you did not grow up around here, it does come as a shock when you're invited to your first LI wedding and find out that what's considered the "starting gift" here is double what the norm is where you're from.

 

[kimisabella]

If you grew up on LI or in the NYC area the expense of a wedding here is not shocking. However, if you did not grow up around here, it does come as a shock when you're invited to your first LI wedding and find out that what's considered the "starting gift" here is double what the norm is where you're from.

Which is why I said no one is shocked here, meaning LI. Not from LI, yes, probably is a shock. However, I don't see LI'ers making snippy comments, or assumptions regarding other regions norms/traditions/practices on how they celebrate weddings.

 

[okeydokey]

Which is why I said no one is shocked here, meaning LI. Not from LI, yes, probably is a shock. However, I don't see LI'ers making snippy comments, or assumptions regarding other regions norms/traditions/practices on how they celebrate weddings.

People in Long Island must have a lot of disposable income. Honestly, I could never afford to give 200-300 for a wedding. I'd hate to have to turn down an invitation to a wedding for financial reason. Is that what people on LI do?

 

[mjkacmom]

Ahhhh, gotta love the old LI wedding debate. Yes, starting gift is $250+ per couple. This the norm. No one here is shocked by this. I loved the solution for people having expensive weddings on LI to go somewhere else. OK, what if the bride and groom are from LI, all relatives are on LI, and you want the wedding to be where?? in NJ?/CT?/PA? Makes no sense. You would be asking most guests to travel out of their way, not to mention the couple having to go back and forth several times, possible hotel costs, ect..

I am always baffled at why these threads get so catty

Wedding here in NJ are just as expensive as LI weddings, so moving the venue here wouldn't help out financially (8 miles from the Lincoln Tunnel).

 

[kimisabella]

People in Long Island must have a lot of disposable income. Honestly, I could never afford to give 200-300 for a wedding. I'd hate to have to turn down an invitation to a wedding for financial reason. Is that what people on LI do?

Most people who live on LI (at least where I live) work in NYC - the money is in the city. People can't live on LI unless you have an income of $100k+, and I'm being totally serious, not being snotty at all. Between living expenses, taxes, recreational activies, ect. it is an expensive place to be. The taxes on my home are $9K/year alone, and that's considered low. We are not rich by any means, but live in an area where money flows very freely. People have a lot of disposable income.

When I throw a party, if people are in a tough financial situation and can't give as much as others, I don't care at all. As long as they attend, and have a good time that's all that matters. I have family members that attend our parties, give a lot of money, but are critical, complain, and are miserable.... I'd rather have people who want to be there, but, don't give anything.

Wedding here in NJ are just as expensive as LI weddings, so moving the venue here wouldn't help out financially (8 miles from the Lincoln Tunnel).

Oh I know, I guess I was just searching for an example that people could visually relate to. CT is just as expensive as well.