Appropriate amount for LI, NY wedding gift?

[chicagodisneyfan]

Weddings are obscene here too - but lots of fun. I use a base of $300 for acquaintances, $500 for close friends and $1,000 for close family.

Around here - no one gives an actual gift to the wedding - it is all envelopes.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

OP- Give what you feel comfortable giving. Your friends want you there. On LI it is just common to cover your plate. We were all brought up that way. We know how much the halls here all charge since they are all about the same. I will say though that even if the event was at a KOC I would still give the same amount (at least $300).

That being said- I was LI bride and to be honest people were very generous, however I could have cared less if they came with a lolipop for me. I wanted them there to celebrate with us. The gifts were just a bonus.

I also don't mean to sound rude but you mentioned that your DH had to buy a suit- that shouldn't be factored into how much you spend. I always have to buy a new dress (can't wear the same thing with the same crowd ya know!) and that has nothing to do with what I put in the envelope.

Go and have a great time. Give what you can afford. The couple just wants you there.

 

[everylastbreath]

I am confused are you going to a wedding or a fund raiser? My general cash gift is 50 bucks, that is it, standard wedding cash gift. I just don't understand why the guests are expected to subsidize someone else's wedding. I agree with the other posters who stated if you cannot pay for your extravagant wedding then don't have one. Just my two cents. Thankfully this is considered extremely rude in Europe, guests are never expected to cover the cost of the event they are attending. Selfishness is never ending. For fun, check out etiquette ^^^ell.com, it has some amazing stories of greedy brides, etc.

I think a lot of you are confused about "covering your plate" it is generally a rule of thumb in judging how much of a gift you should give, not actually "covering the cost of your dinner", it is just a way of figuring out how much to give. No one is opening envelopes in the back room and paying the caterer for the meal at the wedding.

LI weddings are expensive, anyone who gives $50 at a wedding here is completly off base.

 

[woodkins]

We live on the North Shore of Long Island and $250 is the minimum gift most people give. My dd just turned 7 and most kids at her party gave $25 gift cards, so I can't ever imagine someone giving $50 for a couple attending a wedding!

 

[kkwis2]

I am just thanking my lucky stars that I don't live on Long Island! My mom grew up there and moved away when she married my dad (he was in the Air Force). She will be flabbergasted at these amounts for a wedding gift.

Honestly, I don't know that I would ever attend an event if I lived there. I guess if you are accustomed to it, you just do it, but those are crazy amounts of money to attend a wedding reception for a couple of hours!

Just MHO.

 

[everylastbreath]

I am just thanking my lucky stars that I don't live on Long Island! My mom grew up there and moved away when she married my dad (he was in the Air Force). She will be flabbergasted at these amounts for a wedding gift.

Honestly, I don't know that I would ever attend an event if I lived there. I guess if you are accustomed to it, you just do it, but those are crazy amounts of money to attend a wedding reception for a couple of hours!

Just MHO.

I think every just cost more here so we are just so use to it that it doesn't phase us.

I can't get over the New Years Eve reception AshleyW is having for $25 a head, man, you can't even get a children's party at a bowling alley here for $25 a head!! Kids B-day parties are more than that here!!!

 

[mjkacmom]

Honestly, I don't know that I would ever attend an event if I lived there. I guess if you are accustomed to it, you just do it, but those are crazy amounts of money to attend a wedding reception for a couple of hours!

Just MHO.

I don't think it's too much. My HS reunion was at a chain hotel, $100 a person, for a horrible buffet. Weddings last 4 - 5 hours, open bar (which DH and I take advantage of), wonderful food, dancing... It's a really nice night out!

 

[woodkins]

I think every just cost more here so we are just so use to it that it doesn't phase us.

I can't get over the New Years Eve reception AshleyW is having for $25 a head, man, you can't even get a children's party at a bowling alley here for $25 a head!! Kids B-day parties are more than that here!!!

We had a girls gotta spa bday party for my dd and the minimum package for 10 girls was $480. Each additional girl was $29.95. That is not considered an extravagent party either.

 

[luvmy3]

I think a lot of you are confused about "covering your plate" it is generally a rule of thumb in judging how much of a gift you should give, not actually "covering the cost of your dinner", it is just a way of figuring out how much to give. No one is opening envelopes in the back room and paying the caterer for the meal at the wedding.

LI weddings are expensive, anyone who gives $50 at a wedding here is completly off base.

What happens when someone who is invited to a wedding that just happens to be on LI can't afford to give $200 or more to the couple? Why is it off base for them to give what they personally can afford?

 

[disney1995disney]

I think every just cost more here so we are just so use to it that it doesn't phase us.

I can't get over the New Years Eve reception AshleyW is having for $25 a head, man, you can't even get a children's party at a bowling alley here for $25 a head!! Kids B-day parties are more than that here!!!

Yup. Like I said my wife is born/raised on LI, and we live up in Dutchess Co. Even there prices are pretty high. We just did a little b-day party for our DD and it was running $40 per kid.

For the folks outside of NY, you just don't always realize how really expensive everything is up here. Taxes for us run $7k for a 3br ranch. What we paid for the house here this year (our first one, we saved years for the 20% down) would buy 3times over other places.

But we have family here. Jobs, kids are now in middle school. We won't uproot. It is just the way it is.

So dropping $300 on my niece's wedding last month was not something we thought twice about. Well I did, but my wife just tells me to do it. I agree because honestly that is how it works up here.

It is interesting to hear other people's views though. The base salaries have to be much lower I guess if the other expenses are that much lower. I think that is why when some people hear that a household income for someone up here in NY might be $150+k a year, people just assume you are rich.. Great input everyone has had though. Like I said, love seeing how everyone else does their parties

 

[JackJack08]

I'm glad I live in Ohio and I have no family in NY! It's normal for people to give $50 and family usually gives $100-$200. I guess that's the advantage to a lower cost of living.

Me too!

 

[rumrunnergirl]

I can't believe the cost of receptions, along with the wedding ideas PP's have posted..

My DFi and I are planning a New Year's Eve wedding & reception, and it's nowhere NEAR that extravagant. We're having a hosted bar w/top shelf liquor, and then a big selection of hors d'oeuvres, and champagne toast at midnight for around $25/pp.

But, I suppose that's the difference between Iowa and New York. We're aiming to spend under $15k for our entire wedding - sounds like LI weddings could cost more than that for food alone.

As far as gifts go.. give what you can afford. If it was my wedding, I'd just be happy you came, regardless of how much you spent on a gift.

I'm with ya. We just got married at WDW. We had the wedding, reception lunch @ WCC, breakfast @ Kona the next day and an Epcot Dessert Party for our guests and all that start to finish cost of wedding through honeymoon was under $8K. We don't drink so there was no need for an open bar, cocktail hour, etc. Even if we did drink I'm not paying for people to come to my wedding and drink. We told our guests to just show up and that's all we wanted for a gift - the nicest gift was their presence, not a present.

I'm glad I don't live on LI and local customs and whatnot don't phase me a bit. I let my conscience be my guide on gifts, not what the local "norm" says it thinks I should do. Thank goodness everyone we know is married.

 

[shoes99]

Yikes, I guess I am behind the times. My cousin's daughter is having a destination (PA) wedding on Sunday. I was planning on giving $150 as a gift and its costing us $150+ for hotel and travel expenses. We are retired and really can't afford any more. All families live in NJ, but the festivities are in PA.

 

[scrappinmom]

Dh is from Long Island, me the midwest....so last year when we went to his cousins wedding out east, I was FLOORED when he told me to put a $300 check in the card! But really that's the norm now, at least for out there.

We've been married 21 years...so I was a little out of the loop!! hahah

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

The OP has gotten plenty of input on her question.

Now, let's all refocus our attention to another subject. Who wants to start a thread about refillable mugs?