Appropriate amount for LI, NY wedding gift?

[Newfie2000]

Is it up to $300-$400 now?
I'm glad we don't have any weddings in the future.

Me Too!

 

[okeydokey]

I am assuming they invited you because they value your friendship and want you to experience the joy of their marriage. Give them what you can afford to give and feel comfortable giving. If that is $50 or $100, then give that. Nobody should have a problem with that and if they do then they are greedy snobs.

 

[Soon2B4]

I'm glad I live in Ohio and I have no family in NY! It's normal for people to give $50 and family usually gives $100-$200. I guess that's the advantage to a lower cost of living.

 

[Green Tea]

Is it up to $300-$400 now?
I'm glad we don't have any weddings in the future.

Wow. I think here cash would be an unusual wedding gift; it is generally items off their registry.

 

[mjkacmom]

Wow. I think here cash would be an unusual wedding gift; it is generally items off their registry.

I think the OP was asking for advice from those of us in the NY metro area, since things are much different here, especially regarding weddings. It looks like the majority of those who attend these particular weddings are in agreement in regards to the gift amount. The registry is for the shower gift here.

 

[lovedvc]

Don't feel pressured to give $300. I had a LI wedding in 96 and believe me I don't remember who gave what and I never discussed what people gave me with others. I would say the norm for LI is $200 to $300 and my decision goes by how close I am with them.

 

[HALEYSMOMMOM]

wow!!!!! what about Chicago, is it similar to this too? We need to send a wedding gift to my DHs cousin who lives in Chicago. When we got married 12 yrs ago here in S IN, we got about $25 average, and were thrilled to get it. We are considered middle class here, maybe just a bit upper middle class. We cant afford much, but dont want to be offensive, what do you guys think?

 

[a1tinkfans]

Another Li'er...........300 minimum (and Friday Night Weddings are generally the least expensive of the weekend)

If family or close friend, we do $500.

IMHO.......Please "gift" what you can afford. Your friend would rather have you at the wedding and comfortable than feeling guilty you gave a gift you could not afford. (at least Decent people feel that way, )

Have a great time!

 

[a1tinkfans]

wow!!!!! what about Chicago, is it similar to this too? We need to send a wedding gift to my DHs cousin who lives in Chicago. When we got married 12 yrs ago here in S IN, we got about $25 average, and were thrilled to get it. We are considered middle class here, maybe just a bit upper middle class. We cant afford much, but dont want to be offensive, what do you guys think?

If you are not attending you can "get away with" sending less of a gift, but IMHO 200 would be good! OR, just buy something off the gift registry and ship it, so much easier and usually less expensive too!

 

[Adi12982]

WOW! I wish some of you came to my wedding. We had about 150 people attend our wedding and got less than 2K, and some gifts. I would probably give $100-200 (for a couple) depending on the relationship - but if money is tight, I would likely do a more personal gift that I would know the couple would appreciate. . . sometimes a thoughtful gift is worth wayy more than cash.

I also have issues with the whole cover your plate thing - It's not like I chose where we are having dinner, etc. If you couldn't afford the $100 per plate, there are cheaper places

 

[MomtoAlexnWilliam]

I know the OP asked about what was the going rate in LI. I live in the south so I have no experience with that!

However, I am shocked that there is an expectation that the guests should cover the cost of their plate for a gift! We invited people to our wedding to share in the joy, not subsidize the wedding/reception. If a bride and groom can't afford the wedding they are putting on, they shouldn't have it.

And I am shocked that it costs $200 per plate for a reception up there. Even the most extravagant of weddings down here get no where near that cost. What are the receptions like?? What kind of food is served?? I'm not naive nor am I a stranger to nice receptions or black tie charity events. I'm just imagining what all could be done with $200 per person!

As a point of reference, wedding gifts down here usually are in the $40-50 range unless you are extremely close to the bride and groom. We loved all our gifts but loved the presence of our family and friends even more!

 

[mjkacmom]

I also have issues with the whole cover your plate thing - It's not like I chose where we are having dinner, etc. If you couldn't afford the $100 per plate, there are cheaper places

Good luck finding a place for $100 a head on LI! The bride and groom expect nothing - however, most of us guests wouldn't be comfortable not covering our plate, since this is how it has always been here.

Living in this region, things are more expensive. I remember my grandmother was still giving $25 wedding gifts when she was in her 90's (or at least thought she did - my mom was in charge of her checkbook ). She also couldn't understand why you couldn't get a coke for 25 cents, or why her live-in cost more than $10 a day. She was still, in her mind, living in the past, when the COL was much lower. A lot of you are living 20 years ago than us, regarding the COL.

 

[tomthebarncat]

I am confused are you going to a wedding or a fund raiser? My general cash gift is 50 bucks, that is it, standard wedding cash gift. I just don't understand why the guests are expected to subsidize someone else's wedding. I agree with the other posters who stated if you cannot pay for your extravagant wedding then don't have one. Just my two cents. Thankfully this is considered extremely rude in Europe, guests are never expected to cover the cost of the event they are attending. Selfishness is never ending. For fun, check out etiquette ^^^ell.com, it has some amazing stories of greedy brides, etc.

 

[mjkacmom]

I am confused are you going to a wedding or a fund raiser? My general cash gift is 50 bucks, that is it, standard wedding cash gift. I just don't understand why the guests are expected to subsidize someone else's wedding. I agree with the other posters who stated if you cannot pay for your extravagant wedding then don't have one. Just my two cents. Thankfully this is considered extremely rude in Europe, guests are never expected to cover the cost of the event they are attending. Selfishness is never ending. For fun, check out etiquette ^^^ell.com, it has some amazing stories of greedy brides, etc.

FOR THE LAST TIME, THE BRIDE AND GROOM DON'T EXPECT IT!!!!! Sorry to shout, but it really bothers me when people make asssumptions about customs they truly don't understand. Most brides and grooms here want to celebrate with family and friends - it's NOT about the money! And it's all a wash - I gave my sister $500, she gave me $500 - at the end of the lifetime, it all get equalized. It's the same thing as people who live in areas where $50 is the typical gift - they get $50 back!

Would I be considered rude if I said "that was the worst wedding ever! Reception in the church basement, nothing but mints, punch and cake - and they obviously expect a gift, because they had a gift table - and no alcohol!" In my entire life, I've never been to a wedding remotely like the one I described, but I know they are routine in other areas - so be it! It's rude to comment on wedding of the like you've never actually attended, right?

 

[kimisabella]

What I don't understand is why people are making an assumption that the bride and groom are looking for guests to subsidize their wedding reception and are greedy. It is entirely possible that the brides parents, grooms parents, or both are paying for or helping to pay for the wedding. Therefore, the bride and groom are not looking to "recoup" their initial outlay, as a PP suggested.

We got married, on LI 11 years ago, thankfully my parents paid for more than half of the reception, so we weren't looking for people subsidize our wedding.
My sister got married in July, the wedding was on LI, not unusually extravagent, but paid $150/head. There were many optional things she could have added to raise the price per person to well over $200.

Since almost every reception venue around here charges basically the same amount of money, it's no secret how much the per person cost is.

 

[kimisabella]

FOR THE LAST TIME, THE BRIDE AND GROOM DON'T EXPECT IT!!!!! Sorry to shout, but it really bothers me when people make asssumptions about customs they truly don't understand.

Jinx!!! LOL, we posted basically the same sentence at the same time!!!

 

[LeslieG]

I'm glad I live in Ohio and I have no family in NY! It's normal for people to give $50 and family usually gives $100-$200. I guess that's the advantage to a lower cost of living.

Yes, I'm from Ohio too, and that is exactly what I was thinking. But I'm going to a wedding in Providence, RI next month, and I'm having a hard time deciding what to give that doesn't seem cheap, but $200 - $300 to me seems so high.

 

[pilgrimage]

What would be typical menu for a Long Island reception where
the per plate cost is $200?

 

[dizkids]

 

[luvmy3]

OP, give what you can afford and are comfortable with. Like others have said the bride and groom won't care. It seems the only people who think they should cover the plate are other guests. If you are not comfortable with doing that, don't be pressured because someone else tells you you should. Go and enjoy the wedding, I'm sure the bride won't be stressing over who gave her what, so you shouldn't either