Appropriate amount for LI, NY wedding gift?

[mjkacmom]

What would be typical menu for a Long Island reception where
the per plate cost is $200?

Well, you would start with an cocktail hour (the best part!) with tons of passed food, plus carving stations, pasta stations, raw bar, and lots of apps. Then you proceed to the main room, with either a band or DJ, start with salad, then pasta, then ice, then main course, and then cake, maybe ice cream, and venetian table (sort of like this http://www.luigisbakery.com/images/Others/Venetian Table.jpg - think of a cruise ships chocolate buffet, with more options).

At more formal affairs, they have after dinner drinks in a certain area - brandy, port... There is open bar the entire time, of course.

 

[disney1995disney]

What would be typical menu for a Long Island reception where
the per plate cost is $200?

Depends.. What folks outside of NY don't always get is just how much more expensive everything is up here.

Taxes, housing, meals out etc etc..

But to answer your question avg $200 p/p would be
5 hour party
open bar
cocktail hour
passed apps with 4 hot/4cold stations
4 course sit down dinner
Dessert w/Viennese

I actually run a wedding/catering facility. We are 1 1/2 north of NYC and what the city folks consider "country". We average $170 a plate. LI and the City blow way past that..

 

[mjkacmom]

What would be typical menu for a Long Island reception where
the per plate cost is $200?

This is a restaurant/catering hall about 15 minutes from me in NJ (-10 from NYC - this is a $200+ reception:

http://www.themanorrestaurant.com/weddings.htm

I've been to a wedding here, 10 minutes from home - very nice! http://www.newarkclub.com/weddings_menu.html

 

[tigger51276]

I don't live in New York, but I do live just north of Boston, MA and weddings are pretty expensive, however regardless of the type of wedding I'm going to (expensive-ritzy or non-expensive casual) I gift the same amount and that is $75 for myself and then $75 if I brought a guest. That is what I could afford (and as a single parent I couldn't even always afford that so I'd use a credit card and get them a gift card to wherever they registered). I find that a wedding is supposed to be about celebrating a happy day with friends/family and if my friend or family wasn't happy with what I could afford to give them, then honestly I didn't care because then to me they were more about the money than having people their to share their day with them. Go with what you know you can afford to give and be happy with your decision!

 

[flagdaytwins]

I now give based on how long I think the couple will stay married.

My strategy has worked thus far.

 

[tigger51276]

I now give based on how long I think the couple will stay married.

My strategy has worked thus far.

 

[Dancemom03]

Not in NY but not too far away in MD. A friend's daughter is getting married in their BACKYARD - it's a VERY nice house, mind you, but they're not dropping big bucks for a venue if you know what I mean. It's just under 250 people at home, and what this young lady has always wanted. Her mom and I were talking about it the other day and the per plate cost for her backyard wedding is $190. That cost is pretty normal when it's held at a venue, but I couldn't resist teasing her and saying I'd have DH bring our grill to help with the burgers...

IMO $200 would be a bare minimum here - and that would be someone we weren't close to. Now if it was only a random aquaintance and I didn't attend the wedding, it's possible $100 might do it, but I'd probably send a nice gift instead of cash in that instance.

I know most couples don't do it for the gifts but I'd personally feel bad if I didn't at least come close to covering my plate. It's the unspoken etiquette I was raised with. Besides, hopefully it's one of those once in a lifetime events for a couple we are close to, I want to help them, as much as I'm able, to have a nice start in their life together.

 

[mamalle]

dear lord.. Im glad we are not invited to any weddings in the near future.. OMG

 

[MomtoAlexnWilliam]

Glad to hear that the bride and groom don't expect the guests to gift in accordance with the cost per plate. I am also glad that I am not invited to any weddings in your area. Those gifts are way too extravagant in my opinion. We couldn't afford to go to them!

disney1995disney, thanks for giving us an idea of what is provided at weddings in your area. That is some kind of huge celebration! Offering that at a reception would also get expensive down here. But I can't imagine, as a bride, spending that kind of money for a wedding reception that lasted only a few hours. I'd put the money toward a down payment of a house! But, alas, different parts of the country have different traditions!

 

[Nina1]

My mouth is hanging open at the $300 suggestions!!! Around here, the max is $100-$200 for friends, more for family, if you can afford it. $300 seems outrageous to me. The most we received from any one person for our wedding (7 years ago) was $2500 from my father-in-law and $1800 from DH's grandparents. Aside from that, the majority of monetary gifts from friends were in the $100-$200 range and I thought that was generous.

Instead of a monetary gift, can you purchase something nice from their registry? How about a place setting or crystal? You know anything on their registry(s) is something they want and you can control how much you spend. Also, if this is truly a good friend, he will not care how much you spent on a gift...only that you were there and celebrated with him on this most special of days. Additionally, if he is a good friend, he should not expect more than you can afford to give. Or at least he shouldn't.

For example...I have one very good friend whose husband does not make alot of money. They had two kids and another on the way when we got married (she got married right out of high school). Anyway, she made us the most beautiful wedding sampler with our names, wedding date, etc. and had it framed for us. It was/is absolutely beautiful. It hung in the livingroom of our first home and is hanging in the family room of this home. I love it as much today as I did on my wedding day - not only for its beauty, but because I know how much love and time she put into it. I couldn't care less how much it cost her to make.

Just my two cents. Hope it all works out for you.

 

[Nina1]

I now give based on how long I think the couple will stay married.

My strategy has worked thus far.

I'm guessing in this disposable day and age...$1.00 - $2.00, perhaps?

 

[pilgrimage]

I am at the age where I get many wedding invitations, easily 20-25
per year. I admit, I'm a bit relieved that $300 is not typical in our
region!

 

[AshleyW]

I can't believe the cost of receptions, along with the wedding ideas PP's have posted..

My DFi and I are planning a New Year's Eve wedding & reception, and it's nowhere NEAR that extravagant. We're having a hosted bar w/top shelf liquor, and then a big selection of hors d'oeuvres, and champagne toast at midnight for around $25/pp.

But, I suppose that's the difference between Iowa and New York. We're aiming to spend under $15k for our entire wedding - sounds like LI weddings could cost more than that for food alone.

As far as gifts go.. give what you can afford. If it was my wedding, I'd just be happy you came, regardless of how much you spent on a gift.

 

[Topper]

Pay for your plate is stupid. OP, give what you can afford and don't worry about it.

 

[mjkacmom]

My DFi and I are planning a New Year's Eve wedding & reception, and it's nowhere NEAR that extravagant. We're having a hosted bar w/top shelf liquor, and then a big selection of hors d'oeuvres, and champagne toast at midnight for around $25/pp.

But, I suppose that's the difference between Iowa and New York. We're aiming to spend under $15k for our entire wedding - sounds like LI weddings could cost more than that for food alone.

As far as gifts go.. give what you can afford. If it was my wedding, I'd just be happy you came, regardless of how much you spent on a gift.

I do think a lot of people are covering their plate, without knowing it. If most people gave you gifts in the $25 range, and you give gifts in the $25 range, and the cost per plate is $25, you are covering your head. I'm guessing that most people end up giving wedding gifts that are equivalent to the cost of what the host is paying to have them attend. Yes, weddings are more elaborate here, which is fine. I happen to embrace cultural differences, not shun them. However, you could host the same exact reception here in the NYC area, and in the south, and it will cost way more here.

I had guests at my wedding from NW MA - I would've been shocked if they covered their plate! How the heck would they know to do that (this was before the internet)? If you are not from around here, you probably have no idea how much things cost here. The custom of covering your plate really only applies to the locals!

As for the PP who suggested getting something off the registry, a smaller cash gift is really more appropriate.

 

[kimisabella]

Glad to hear that the bride and groom don't expect the guests to gift in accordance with the cost per plate. I am also glad that I am not invited to any weddings in your area. Those gifts are way too extravagant in my opinion. We couldn't afford to go to them!

disney1995disney, thanks for giving us an idea of what is provided at weddings in your area. That is some kind of huge celebration! Offering that at a reception would also get expensive down here. But I can't imagine, as a bride, spending that kind of money for a wedding reception that lasted only a few hours. I'd put the money toward a down payment of a house! But, alas, different parts of the country have different traditions!

Weddings in this area are a huge celebration - there are also many people in this area that can afford it. When we were engaged we purchased a house, so did my two sisters, so we didn't have to choose wedding or house. Some people in this area have very high paying jobs (unfortunatley I'm not one of them ) so it is quite common for these celebrations to be lavish.

 

[funhouse8]

Depends.. What folks outside of NY don't always get is just how much more expensive everything is up here.

Taxes, housing, meals out etc etc..

But to answer your question avg $200 p/p would be
5 hour party
open bar
cocktail hour
passed apps with 4 hot/4cold stations
4 course sit down dinner
Dessert w/Viennese

I actually run a wedding/catering facility. We are 1 1/2 north of NYC and what the city folks consider "country". We average $170 a plate. LI and the City blow way past that..

We went to a Wedding at the WaterMill a couple of weeks ago. The cost was $200 a plate. This is what it included plus an extra hour. For Dinner I had Filet Mignon. It was yummy. Oh and they had name brand liqure. Six of us attended from my family.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

We went to the WaterMill last summer and thought it was nice.

Thanks Kimi for stating that the bride and groom don't expect everyone to cover the cost. I had thought that expectation had subsided over the years

 

[TimandTanya]

We have completely changed our gift giving attitude the last few years. We no longer try to "Keep up with the Jones'" and give a gift from the heart. We try not to give money, because it is very impersonal, and doesn't reflect your personality at all. The more thought we put into a gift, the less and less is focused on how much we spend. How about a nice piece of art from a local artist, wine of the month club membership, or something that really says, "we care and congrtulations!"

We once gave a gift basket that we made ourselves. The couple had expressed how much they were looking forward to starting a family to us on more than one occasion. The basket had a nice throw blanket in it, a bottle of wine, Popcorn, peanuts, candy, and gift certificate for movie rentals. But the best thing we put in there was a book of 5 gift certificates from us for babysitting for the night, with no expiration date. They are now on gift certificate #3 many years later, and they tell us all the time that our gift was the best one they ever got.

Get creative, thoughtful, and the gift will mean so much more than just cash.

Hope this helps!

P.S. Our families and children are very close, due in a small part to the closeness of the gift. We of course would babysit alot more than 5 times, but afterall, it is the thought that counts.

 

[jmkst58]

I can't believe it either. I am from the country- in western PA- & I was married 11.5 years ago- so I know it is relative and my wedding was NOT EXPENSIVE in the least-- but the cash gifts that we received were much closer to under $100 per couple. And that's being generous.

People and areas & expectations vary SO MUCH that it truly amazes me.