Apples to Apples (in regards to gifts)

[slo]

I’m curious on everyone’s opinion about this…

The Backstory…..

Our good friend and DD20’s Godfather is a wonderful person, but is totally not respecting our agreement on no gifts for Christmas. Last year we agreed that he buy for his goddaughter and she’ll give him a gift. He buys her a gift and gives us a $75 gift card to a restaurant. We are grateful, but now feel bad because we didn’t do the same since we agreed on no gifts (DD20 did give him a gift).

This year, DH lost his job the end of November. The friend texted me saying no gifts, which I was grateful for because we now have to be very frugal. DD20 got him something small and he gives her a gift and gives us a $75 gift card to our local butcher we shop at. Again…very generous, but again, we feel bad for not having something for him.

My question to you all…..
Next year, should buy him something for $75? I honestly don’t want to, because we really don’t like to overspend at Christmas for anyone. We arent wealthy people and try to spend within our means.

Do you feel gifts need to be apples to apples?

 

[ronandannette]

Simple answer - no. Gifts are just that, a kind gesture meant to express warm feelings towards the recipient. At least they should be. You've read The 5 Love Languages? It's not just about how one receives love, it's also about how they show it. This guy cares for you and is thoughtful. I'll bet he went with the butcher card this year instead of a restaurant in order to help ease the current pinch just a little bit. He knows what he's doing and it's NOT fishing for a reciprocal gift. Thank him, use the card with pleasure and be at peace.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

You’ve told your friend no gifts. If he still chooses to give you one then that is a kind gesture on his part and in no way should make you feel like you need to reciprocate.

 

[Lord Manhammer]

Your daughter's Godfather is just being kind, I would guess. It's a present, why not accept it with grace and say thank you? Not everything has to be tit for tat. Your friend may not have many people to give to at the holidays, or they may be wealthy and want to share their good fortune with people they care about. Whatever their reason, I would say to just accept it and be gracious.

 

[Southernmiss]

I get where you are coming from.

But it's his way of 'helping'. He gifted you because he wanted to.

My own Godfather gave my family generous gifts through the years because he could and wanted to.

 

[NYCgrrl]

You are now $150.00 ahead. Buy him a gift or make him a homemade goody and include a handwritten card expressing thanks for the gift and pointing out that since you are now all adults who don’t believe in Santa anymore the gift exchange should end since you really prefer his true friendship. Or something like that.

 

[GreatLakes]

No. We have some relatives that blow through the agreed upon limit each year. We are always appreciative but don't feel the need to reciprocate.

 

[Disneylover99]

I thought it was nice that he texted you to say no gifts. He took the financial stress off of you because he knew your situation and then he did something kind to help you out.

Don’t feel bad. Just give him a heartfelt thank you. He really does sound like a wonderful person. No need to reciprocate next year.

 

[Meriweather]

not if you feel obligated to give a gift.
Only if you want to.

 

[slo]

He is a wonderful friend and has been for about 30 years.
Naturally we said "thank you" about 100 times, because we are grateful. I was just curious on everyone's thoughts on this topic. My mom was always a stickler on if someone gives you a gift for X amount of dollars than you should do the same. I've had that drilled in my head for many many years.

We are taking him out to dinner on NYE as a thank you for his generous gift.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Just have him over for dinner as a thank you. He’s sounds like a great friend.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

By repeatedly saying no gifts, it sounds like he doesn't want or need anything, but enjoys buying for you.

 

[lynxstch]

You’ve told your friend no gifts. If he still chooses to give you one then that is a kind gesture on his part and in no way should make you feel like you need to reciprocate.

This was the perfect response and I totally agree with it.

 

[ronandannette]

He is a wonderful friend and has been for about 30 years.
Naturally we said "thank you" about 100 times, because we are grateful. I was just curious on everyone's thoughts on this topic. My mom was always a stickler on if someone gives you a gift for X amount of dollars than you should do the same. I've had that drilled in my head for many many years.

We are taking him out to dinner on NYE as a thank you for his generous gift.

Reverse-engineer this for a minute. It's just sad to me. If you gave someone a gift, are you looking for the return? Would you be miffed at the recipient if you didn't get one?

 

[mumto3girls]

Simple answer - no. Gifts are just that, a kind gesture meant to express warm feelings towards the recipient. At least they should be. You've read The 5 Love Languages? It's not just about how one receives love, it's also about how they show it. This guy cares for you and is thoughtful. I'll bet he went with the butcher card this year instead of a restaurant in order to help ease the current pinch just a little bit. He knows what he's doing and it's NOT fishing for a reciprocal gift. Thank him, use the card with pleasure and be at peace.

Yes, this absolutely 100%.

 

[PollyannaMom]

My question to you all…..
Next year, should buy him something for $75? I honestly don’t want to, because we really don’t like to overspend at Christmas for anyone. We arent wealthy people and try to spend within our means.

Do you feel gifts need to be apples to apples?

No.

I'm sure he meant for the butcher's card to take a little of the strain off during your family's financial pinch. You have given him a gift - the chance to help a neighbor, and all that that implies for him as exactly the type of person you would choose as your DD's godfather.

Bake him something homemade next year, and don't feel like things have to be "equal".

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

Instead of taking him out to dinner on NYE, why not have him over for dinner and make him something yummy from the butcher shop. It will cost less than going out and also share with him the very generous gift that he got you guys.

 

[Christine]

Don't worry about it. Some people just enjoy giving with ZERO expectation on anything in return.

 

[anniemae]

No need to feel that you have to return the gesture. That, to me, makes your gift to him insincere. Like "oh crap, now I have to get him a gift of equal or greater value. Quick! to the store!"

Take his kind gifts as they were intended, a lovely gesture with no expectation of a return gift. Smile, say thank you and enjoy.

As for next year, I would probably bake him some cookies, banana bread, a cake or some other treat you know he enjoys. Just a little something to let him know he is appreciated. Not necessary though.

 

[georgina]

I'll pile on and agree with everyone above. This is why gift-giving gives me high anxiety! As someone with more means than some of my relatives, if I find a good gift to give I don't want them to feel they have to reciprocate in an even manner. That takes away some of the joy of giving.