Apparently no longer working outside the home makes me lazy?

[Silent1CB]

In some words today, my "dear" SIL in so many words called me lazy because I now longer work.

Interesting.

So she must think the same of her own mother then.

DH doesn't have a problem with it. And no one else has said anything like this too me in the past 4 years.

I think she's jealous honestly that she can't seem to ever hold a job or get ahead in any career she picks and is always struggling financially. Fine, but don't take it out on me.

I finished my education and had my career. Worked my butt off always bringing home work and putting work before life & family. Was stressed beyond believe & having anxiety attacks & depressed.

DH & I decided that we really didn't need the 2 incomes any longer now that mortgage was paid & all the bills were gone, so why continue to kill myself for someone else.

We are much happier now with me at home being a housewife. Honestly, I never in a million years would have seen myself as a housewife, but its working great for us since DH works & travels so much.

Just venting. Thanks.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Venting is a good thing.

Ignoring her works best, eh? Smile and go your merry way!

 

[PattnFmly]

She probably is jealous. I know I'd love to be home and not have to commute into the city every day. But lazy? Nope, I have so many projects I could be doing that I just don't have time for! Don't let her get to you! It's your life and you get to live it your way!

 

[Christine]

You don't have to stay home to be lazy! I work outside the home and I'm terribly lazy.

 

[themilesfamily]

I think she's jealous

I think you hit the nail right on the head.

 

[mykidsand_i]

jealous was exactly what I was thinking too. In fact, i've been told the same thing (by my aunt)...Before my girls were in school, I was a stay at home mom. Now that they are both in school I work 10-20 hours a week, most of those hours are worked from home...My aunt is very infamous in our family for sending 'letters' to people. NASTY, NASTY letters. Anyways, I got one about 2 1/2 years ago and it told me i was lazy and I should get a job. I would have made LESS money if I got a job than if I would have been home, because I would have hd to pay for daycare. It didn't make sense for us.

I believe that some of the people who are home makers and stay at home parents actually work HARDER at times. SOME, not all. But, yes, I believe that your SIL is being rude and severely jealous.

 

[laliwalden]

Yep, she is the green eyed monster!!

I tried staying at home for a while, I just couldnt do it. I NEED to be out!! LOL, I am back to working full time and am so much happier!!

I am a better mommy when I work!!

 

[Disneefun]

OMG -- I get this all the time, too. Occasionally, I get called stupid, too (because without working I'm setting myself up for problems if DH dies or loses his job). I, like you, decided to quit killing myself for an income that was mostly eaten up by taxes and commuting expenses. It definitely wasn't worth the anxiety and depression. Decided that I could actually "make" more money if I was home to cook, take care of household things and actively save money by couponing, meal planning, etc.

All the debt was gone, so I quit. I do freelance from home, but not regularly, just when I come across a project that I really want to do. I have a million other things going so I'm not lazy. As for stupid, I keep my irons in the fire by freelancing and we have very nice life insurance and disability policies on DH that will take care of me/us if something awful happens. If he loses his job, I can up the freelance work or probably find a decent job.

It makes me so mad. I agree. I think most people who say things like this are jealous, or they simply have no clue how much work running a household and doing it well entails.

 

[Emme]

Decided that I could actually "make" more money if I was home to cook, take care of household things and actively save money by couponing, meal planning, etc.

It makes me so mad. I agree. I think most people who say things like this are jealous, or they simply have no clue how much work running a household and doing it well entails.

I am on that boat too, move on over . My husband loves me being home and I thoroughly enjoy it. When we first got married I worked outside the home as well, but now things are so much easier and smoother on all of us with me being home. I am always so busy too...anyone who thinks we women who stay home do nothing but eat bon bons and watch soaps (at least not in my home) are crazy! I get up with my hubby at 5:30 and pretty much go all day nonstop!

So consider me a non-bonbon eating, non-soap opera watching, stay at home friek and darn proud of it!!

 

[si-am]

Sounds like she's being overly critical, but I really hate the "just jealous" card being played whenever anyone says something disagreeable.

Believe it or not, there are plenty of women who don't want to stay home and aren't "jealous" of those who do.

 

[Bluestars]

I wouldn't worry about her comments if I were you. Some people don't like to see other people happy. It doesn't matter what anyone other than your husband thinks.

If this is what makes you and your husband happy, it sounds like a good decision.

 

[HelenePA]

Sit back eat your bonbons, watch your programs and let the maid do everything around the house like I do

 

[bumbershoot]

You don't have to stay home to be lazy! I work outside the home and I'm terribly lazy.

I love your response.

I was lazy when I was working, and I'm lazy at home. Though if I really really really think about it, and get really honest, maybe, just maybe, I'm a smidge more productive at home. Hubby certainly thinks so! Plus, we've actually turned our financial lives around in amazing ways since I stopped driving myself literally crazy (a year before I stopped working entirely, I had to take FMLA for 2 weeks for my own mental health, to see if it was my boss or all in my head) and stopped working outside the home, and I'm pretty much to thank for that (took years of working on DH to get him to agree to the changes, and THAT was work!). So that was cool.


But, you know, before I realized all of this about myself, when I was still in school and envisioning A Career for myself (which I might get back to in a few years, working for myself now that I KNOW myself), I thought staying at home would be a level of Hades. Let alone staying home with kids (though I was actually going to have a SAHD while I was working...I have a DH would would happily do that, actually, except for the tricky part about me having the nourishment for babies/toddlers, and he can make far more than I can). I think I said it out loud once.

I know I wasn't jealous then, so I would be careful assuming she's jealous. She probably just doesn't know. And since she doesn't keep jobs for long, she might just be really defensive...why does SHE keep having to do all this while you don't? My hubby's sister I'm sure is the same way, but I don't talk to her. She's constantly scraping by...living in such a place with her 2 girls that we toe a line of wanting to report her to CPS b/c the place is an illegal "apartment" and we worry for the kids' safety...she truly has to work, and probably just doesn't want to think about how different our lives are...but I'm not sure that's pure jealousy.

 

[ticktock]

Sounds like she's being overly critical, but I really hate the "just jealous" card being played whenever anyone says something disagreeable.

Believe it or not, there are plenty of women who don't want to stay home and aren't "jealous" of those who do.

Then why would she be sticking her nose in the OP's business?I would think anyone happy with their own life would be too busy with it to go around criticizing other peoples choices. Or is being a housewife now considered to be one of those toxic lifestyles like being a drug addict or alcoholic?

 

[Silent1CB]

I did have a little part time job, but it seems to have dried up with the economy. I've got plenty to keep me busy. I've taken over most of DH's chores too. And I enjoy going out with friends once in a while now, something I never did or was too tired to do before.

Previously, my friends used to be "work" friends, and well, you know that's not always good or healthy. Now I have REAL friends.

 

[Silent1CB]

Sit back eat your bonbons, watch your programs and let the maid do everything around the house like I do

Well, I'm eating healthier these days since we don't do take out all the time anymore.
I don't like soap operas nor do I watch TV much really.
But, let me tell you that I DID think about hiring a maid. He wouldn't know since I handle all the money too.

I could never do it though. lol

 

[auntie]

I prefer.."homemaker" as opposed to the term housewife. I mean.. I'm not married to a house?..That's just me. What I do is as important as any job I've held outside the home.
It's sad, that sometimes it's we women who are our own worst enemies. Instead of being supportive of one another's choices...what ever they may be, there are always those women who will pass judgement.
Sounds like your sister in-law is one of those.

 

[Emme]

I prefer.."homemaker" as opposed to the term housewife. I mean.. I'm not married to a house?..

Love that, so very true !

 

[Cornhusk]

You could always do what my SIL said when someone called said she was "just a housewife" She said "Oh ho ho! I am a chauffer, maid, errand-girl, daycare provider, private secretary to my kids, cook, nanny, coach, vacation planner, psychologist, gardener AND often a clown to make them laugh."

 

[RitaZ.]

You don't have to stay home to be lazy! I work outside the home and I'm terribly lazy.

When one of my friends returned to work, she told her husband that she felt guilty that she wouldn't have the time to cook gourmet meals for him and the girls. He told her not worry because she wasn't a gourmet cook. We still laugh about that one.

Don't let her hold that much power over you. No matter what a woman chooses to do, whether to be a SAHM or WOHM, there will always be someone to criticize and diminish her choice. So, do what feels best for you and your family. Others' opinions simply don't matter.