Anyone's MIL do this? Year after year?

[disneybound31]

My son and daughter love to start planning their Christmas lists around this time- we don't buy alot during the year so they love to write and re-write the lists. It's part of their excitement. So anyway, every year my mother-in-law starts asking what they have put on the list so far (even though some items may change and that is pat of the fun-ness and why I wait to shop til a bit later..but anyhow). The thing is that SHE starts buying-and she never communicates until after she buys- meaning that, for example, the super cute sports bean bag that my son saw in Target and that I REALLY wanted to get for him from me has been purchased now by MIL.

She never asks first what DH and I have gotten or want to get our kids. She just starts getting stuff and some years we have actually had to scramble to get them ANYTHING from us! Because she 'takes over' the whole list some years. Anybody else have this happen? Or get annoyed when the grandparents don't communicate?

Even though it's a stupid bean bag I really feel like having DH tell her to return it. I'm just over it this year.

 

[4MCMICKEY]

The way I prevent this is by taking the kids list and marking off the things I will be buying or just sending grandma an email and excluding the items that I have or will be buying. There is always enough items on the kids list that everyone has plenty to choose from.

Kelley

 

[solfan68]

Our family has been using an Amazon wishlist for the last several years. Quite successfully, actually. If MIL is tech-savvy then you can control what goes on the list and she can just check there.

 

[disneychrista]

Don't give her the entrie list...problem solved.

 

[zoemurr]

I had this problem for years, and it drove me crazy that she would try to trump Santa. My DH tried to talk to her nicely, but finally I made sure no one told her anything on their list until it went through me. (I guess if she sees your kids a lot that might be hard..)

I end up sending a pretty detailed llist to both GMs and uncle (he's my fav.. just send him the links from amazon and he buys.) We've finally reigned her in some, but it was hard. My mom is not a whole lot better, and has been begging to get the kids DSs.. but they don't need them, and I had no trouble saying no. Tell your DH to speak up and be honest. I think it probably should come through him. She had her years of being Santa, and now it's your turn to do it how you would like.

 

[sylvenmaid]

Actually no. She never asks for anything until a couple of weeks before Christmas. Sometimes we'll see something that we think they might like to buy for him. They usually agree so it works out for everyone. We save them money and time by picking it up for them. If they see something they want to buy him, then they call and ask us first.

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

Moving to the Community Board.

I think it's great that your DMIL makes the effort to find out what the kids want and tries to buy them something from their list. My DMIL hates to shop and has always asked me to "buy something" and give it to her to wrap for the kids.

 

[Silent1CB]

Why not just share part of the list with her. Or pick which items you'll buy & remove those items from the list before you give it to her. Seems easy to solve.

 

[Jillpie]

This seems too easy OP. Why is she being given any list before you see it? Can't you control what goes on that list, and you have your own private list so you can give the kids what you want to give them?

 

[luvmy3]

Can you just have your kids write 2 seperate lists, one for MIL and the other for you/Santa?

 

[sunnyday123]

Just give her a seperate list. Problem solved!

DD actually loves Christmas, but the gift giving is starting to get annoying to her. She has Christmas with me, them my Mother and Step-father come over with a car load of stuff ( they actually had to go home last year for stuff that wouldn't fit) then my Dad comes over with his pile. Then she goes to her Dad's, and THEN she goes to his parents, with his brother and his family. She's literally opening gifts until 6 pm.

This year she said all she wants is some clothes and Disney money. The sad part is everyone is buying stuff trying to out-do each other, or in her father's case guilt because of the divorce so 90% of it is stuff she has no interest in.

 

[disneybound31]

This seems too easy OP. Why is she being given any list before you see it? Can't you control what goes on that list, and you have your own private list so you can give the kids what you want to give them?

The reason it is not easy to fix is that she lives 5 minutes away and the kids see her at least once a week...she will ask them what they have put on their lists and they will honestly tell her. If they say 2 things then she literally goes out and hunts those things down. Then she asks again next visit. She only asks if DH and/or are out of the room so it is something she KNOWS we wish she would stop doing. We have nicely discussed it with her in previous years.

This would be a non-issue for us if it were one or two or even 3 things. It is across the board with both kids. She does it with the only other grandchild as well. It seems to be a 'my gifts trump your gifts' sort of thing as mentioned by a previous poster. Annoying.

 

[crazee4mickey]

It's not very difficult to have control over the whole Christmas list and who buys what....

How old are your kids? Tell them not to tell anyone what they want that it will be done with lists so special items can be bought by certain people. Unless your kids are extremely young this shouldn't be too difficult, then tell Grandma that you have already bought items (even when you haven't) and not to buy anything until she checks with you because you would hate for her to have to return a bunch of items after Christmas.

I like to shop early so we get items that are popular while others may like to wait.

Each of our 4 kids makes a separate list of things they would like from each group in our family: us, my parents, my husband's parents, aunts and uncles. Every list is different and this way you don't get duplicate items.

It works very well this way.....

 

[ksjayhawks]

How old are your kids? Talk to them about this if they are old enough and tell them not to tell grandma anything. Work on some replies they can use.

 

[Jennasis]

EASY!

You buy them whatever you want and put "From Santa" or "From Mommy and Daddy" on the tag and YOU GIVE IT TO THE KIDS...(wait for it)...BEFORE GRANDMA CAN GIVE IT TO THEM!!

That's right. Trump granny and ruin her Christmas gift-giving experience. Just one time will be all it takes to get her to cut the "I'm-better-than-Santa/Mom/dad" crud.

 

[zachnsamsmommy]

OP...yep, we have the same issues.

And for those pp who say not to put it on the list...
My ODS is 8, and he tells them things he wants, even if it isn't on 'the list' that we give them. For example, he likes Star Wars Legos. We even told MIL not to get one certain one, b/c we were getting it. She got it anyway, and we were 'uncool' at Christmas b/c only MIL and FIL got him his favorite gifts. It is like they have to 'one up' the parents...so frustrating.

I've already told MIL not to get a few things he said, b/c I told her we already bought them (even though we haven't). But I'm sure she will buy them anyway.

So I know firsthand of your frustration...

 

[Wishing on a star]

I think you need to ask yourself why MIL has such access to 'the list' to begin with.
Even if she verbally asks what they want, INSTRUCT them to say "SANTA will be bringing me ............."

Knowledge is power... why are you giving her the power?

PS: If there are certain things that MIL may find out about, just make sure that YOUR/SANTA gifts are opened first.

No matter what the situation, one can only walk all over you if YOU let them.

My MIL just had to get DS his 'first bike', etc.. etc.. etc... when he was little.
She actually thought we would spend the night, or leave home at dawn to arrive at her house so that DS could open his gifts there on Christmas morning!!!

We put a stop to that kind of thing real quick.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

The way I prevent this is by taking the kids list and marking off the things I will be buying or just sending grandma an email and excluding the items that I have or will be buying. There is always enough items on the kids list that everyone has plenty to choose from.

Kelley

Yep, we do this too. It's too hard to keep track of what everyone buys, so we just make each g-parent their own little list. Granted, we don't always get what we hope they'd get DD, but... it's better than ending up with 3 of something we can't return, and nothing else.

Its hard to figure out sometimes, and some people want *all* the attention.

 

[Imzadi]

I think it is your MIL's need to seem special to her grand kids, even at your expense. Thank your lucky stars that she cares so much for them and wants to spoil them to bits. There have been so many other threads where the grandparents don't visit, don't care, obviously favor one child over the others, etc.

While this situation IS frustrating, it is one of the "better" grandparent problems to have. Hope you do what the others suggest and find a way to get this smoothed out.

 

[bumbershoot]

It seems to be a 'my gifts trump your gifts' sort of thing as mentioned by a previous poster. Annoying.

Gracious. If we had even one grandparent with interest in or the money to do this, I'd be so happy! Less money for us to put out, and DS gets everything he wants. Excellent.

Sort of happened for his b'day...we took him to DLR for his b'day, and Disney gave him the giftcard and that was his birthday. Then we visited my brother and SIL the next month, and SIL gave him a huge check, and DS got legos galore with it. Perfect!

I'd count my lucky stars in your situation...then again, we don't do Santa really (though somehow he's decided, against family tradition, that he does indeed believe in the dude...I started a lot of sentence with "well, the Santa story would say that..." when he asks questions) and we don't even celebrate xmas...we celebrate Yule, so maybe that's why it's more relaxed for us (and would be even MORE relaxed if other relatives were taking care of al lthe gifts for us!!!).