anyone retire to diff state with no family/friends?

[chickapin parterre]

Can't tell you how much I appreciate everyone's posts - interesting and insightful to read the comments.



Many have suggested snowbirding with 2 places and I know that's popular. But I can't see that as the right step for us. We're not the type to maintain two residences, with all the associated ownership obligations or rental costs. We have pets, plus costs for rent, taxes and home/auto insurance and other living expenses here are very high: tough for us to both maintain a winter residence here and summer place elsewhere

This isn't meant as a rant: no one is living their best life right now. Many have it far worse. I imagine many up north will soon deal with this same cabin fever in reverse, during the winter months ahead.

Well....here in Yuma our covid life is very normal...folks are golfing, ATV rides, going to Mexico, shopping, casinos, etc...the only activity that is not happening is movie outings. Granted, many folks here are scared and staying home. No large play groups for cornhole or cards or shuffle board, are still happening, just have to know your group and make a pact to practice safe behaviors. our card group did split in half in June, when half went to a large shuffle board tournament...they all caught covid. They were told that if they went, they would be banned from the rest of the group. Now they are on the outside looking in our play group....and we do not know how they will join us....and Yuma just did a mass test day by spit...to lower the rate...so they can open again to greater capacity. Everyone who wants to be open in Yuma....is open.

 

[ScottOKW2K]

I am planning on possibly moving to Florida in retirement, which is only a few years away. I've spent my entire life in the Deep South so I'm already used to the heat - in fact, I find Florida more tolerable as there is often a breeze due to the Atlantic and Gulf coasts being so close by. Due to death and divorce I no longer have any close relations to keep me here.

I'm looking forward to this for several reasons. No state income tax, access to WDW and the space coast, and it would be much less expensive to fly nationally and internationally from MCO than from where I live now. I also don't mind distance driving, so a visit back to my current area to see the few relatives I have here would be an easy journey by either air or car. Though I prefer travel by car, as I find it more relaxing.

Because of what it offers Orlando is my first choice right now. I'll rent first to see if this actually works out. . If it doesn't work, I'll find something else.

 

[barkley]

My only advice is to make sure the move passes what I call the Death Test, i.e., how either of you would feel about living in the new area/place if the other died. I know two couples this happened to, and in both instances this happened not that long after their move. Also, as a PP stated, make sure the new area has the same kind of health coverage as you have now. My sister, for example, can't move, since her excellent health insurance is available to her only as long as she stays where she is.

along the same lines somewhat-learn about the death and estate laws for any place you feel you might permanently retire to. for some of us a part of making the decision is based on wanting to live in a 'death with dignity state'. being that there are only 10 in the u.s. it can narrow choices down. another issue is estate planning. if you are going to retire to a state other than the state the person you intend to deal with your will or trust resides in-research the implications. we had to be executor/trustees of a couple of estates (1 will/1 trust) outside the state we live in, and it was no major issue BUT-another family member passed in a state that prohibited a non in that state resident to be an executor which cost that estate legal fees that could have been easily avoided had the deceased been aware of the laws, and made few easy tweaks to his will.

 

[NotUrsula]

I think that "what ifs" matter way less than "what is", in a matter of speaking.

Family is very important if you are the sort of person who really depends on family for a social support network, and for whom family actually serves that function without complaint. I know a lot of people who do the family thing only because they feel obligated, and who grouse about family obligations all the time. If that's your actual family dynamic, my personal feeling is that you are better off without it.

My own extended family is spread across the globe. We like one another fine, but are independent sorts, and I in particular am considered an outlier for both my education & my politics. We all were very closely tied to one another when our parents were alive because they demanded duty visits on certain holidays, but once they passed we were quietly grateful to give up that hassle. DH grew up here, but his family is all gone now, so we could leave and probably would if we could find comparable jobs elsewhere. We certainly don't intend to stay here after retirement.

 

[sasywtch]

Great question! We retire in three years and are beyond anxious to get out of So Cal. We were toying with retiring in Oregon, but it would be far from our son and my mother and all of our lifetime friends. Therefore, we are now looking closer at the Northern or Central CA coast. Any place except the LA Basin. Over it.

El Dorado County is very nice

 

[_19disnA]

If you have always lived in the same area and ALL of your relatives are also there is a different situation then wanting to move for the first time for retirement. If you have ever relocated due to your job, that experience is probably similar. You may get assigned to a location you have never been and likely won't know anyone at first. You will meet co-workers, neighbors, etc. who will likely expand your list of those you interact with. If all of your relatives live in the same area currently, that doesn't mean they won't ever relocate for any number of reasons. As others have mentioned, it also depends on the family dynamics since some families continue to do things together whiles others may drift apart over time.

Depends on how flexible you are and what exactly you are looking for. Certainly you can still travel for holidays to visit with relatives. Or perhaps, some may want to come and visit with you.

 

[shh]

for some of us a part of making the decision is based on wanting to live in a 'death with dignity state'. being that there are only 10 in the u.s. it can narrow choices down.

Thank you for posting. So few states are...not a single one in the entire southeastern region of the US.

 

[shh]

I think that "what ifs" matter way less than "what is", in a matter of speaking.

Family is very important if you are the sort of person who really depends on family for a social support network, and for whom family actually serves that function without complaint. I know a lot of people who do the family thing only because they feel obligated, and who grouse about family obligations all the time. If that's your actual family dynamic, my personal feeling is that you are better off without it.

My own extended family is spread across the globe. We like one another fine, but are independent sorts, and I in particular am considered an outlier for both my education & my politics. We all were very closely tied to one another when our parents were alive because they demanded duty visits on certain holidays, but once they passed we were quietly grateful to give up that hassle. DH grew up here, but his family is all gone now, so we could leave and probably would if we could find comparable jobs elsewhere. We certainly don't intend to stay here after retirement.

What you say makes a lot of sense - and you're so right that many do it purely out of a feeling of obligation they resent.

Unfortunately though, I've also seen how one's world can flip - 60-70+ years of independence works great until an unexpected accident or health issue hits. The surviving partner of every couple faces a grim reality once the other passes. If there's no one to step in - even if out of obligation:

• Who advocates for the person, if hospitalized? Hospitals are dangerous without someone outside actively looking out for you.
• Who guards against abuse from home health aides, assisted living or nursing home staff? Those with no family advocating for them are very vulnerable.

So...I've managed to go waaay past the scope of relocation and down into the rabbit hole! But these truly are the deeper concerns that give me pause.

If extended family would drop what they're doing to fly out of town and help, that's awesome. I know ours would likely help out if we were local, but we're not so close that they'd fly out of state, take time from work, etc, like someone's own kids would.

 

[Hikergirl]

Dh and I moved to a different state when we were young and dh was just starting his career, and we were starting our family. It didn't work out so well, I was incredibly homesick and we moved back close to home to be near our family and friends. Now that we are getting closer to retirement age we are looking forward to moving away again. Dh thinks he'll work for another 10 years and by then our kids will be settled in their lives so it will be easier to figure out where we will move. Ideally I'd like to be centrally located so it's easy to visit all my kids but we are definitely looking to be in a warmer climate for the winter months. We do have a camp property in this state that we plan to keep for the summer and fall months but not to live in permanently.

 

[RamblingMad]

My friends where I grew up also ended up moving away anyway. I still keep in touch with many of them.

Live where you want to live. Don’t wait for retirement to start over.

 

[MrsPete]

ey knew no one? How did it turn out? Were you able to make friends/connections in the new location? Were you glad you made the move or did you end up moving back?

If you make an effort -- get involved with a church, search out social groups, etc. -- you'll meet people.

... But then our mid-70s parents started having major health issues. ...

Good point -- you don't want to run up and down the road constantly to help your aging parents.

... Why did we decide to stay put? To be honest, we just know too many people who move in retirement and are miserable. They can't find Doctors and Dentists and friends and recreation they like. Some try to move back, but find they can't afford the house they sold here a few years earlier. ...

Perhaps it'd be reasonable for the OP to keep his existing house (rent it out maybe?) and live temporarily in the new place a few years.

More than likely I’ll end up near where my kids settle down.

This is a dangerous game, as the kids may move again and again -- but, yes, I want very much to live near enough that I can be an important part of my future grandchildren's lives. And to be a help to their parents.

 

[barkley]

Perhaps it'd be reasonable for the OP to keep his existing house (rent it out maybe?) and live temporarily in the new place a few years.

anyone considering this would do well to consult with a cpa knowledgeable on the tax laws in both states b/c by renting in one state and living in another the homeowner could be subjected to paying state income tax in BOTH b/c of the rental income. another issue is considering the financial implications when it comes to ultimately selling the house-if you've rented it more than 3 years there's the potential loss of the ability to exclude the gains on the sale which can cause a big tax hit, and while it may not be the case in all regions-we've lived in areas where having rented out a home, even for just a couple of years 'tainted' it such that despite the condition/improvements post rental-buyers would pay no where near what identical owner occupied places sold for.

 

[_19disnA]

You have to decide what your priorities are in finding a place to retire (i.e. close to relatives, living someplace warm, etc.). Not selling your existing home if moving a significant distance away presents all sorts of potential issues that you don't currently have to deal with. If something requires repair, how do you arrange that via long distance? If you leave the house empty and choose not to rent there are added expenses for taxes/insurance & upkeep that will impact your budget. Know of some friends who have vacation homes they rent and it involves a fair amount of time and coordination. They also don't make any money doing this and are lucky to break even. Some people don't have the financial resources to be able to afford two homes. Even if you can afford to have two homes, not sure that is the best use of your time in retirement or your financial resources.

As you get up in your years also good to have those 'power of attorney' documents so a trusted relative can make decisions on your behalf if your spouse is no longer around or unable to do those things. Better to have those then find out during some medical emergency that none of the doctors will talk with your relatives about your condition.

What might have worked for someone else, may not be the best solution for you and your situation.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

I’m ready to retire to a different country.

 

[RamblingMad]

I’m ready to retire to a different country.

Denmark looks promising.

 

[barkley]

As you get up in your years also good to have those 'power of attorney' documents so a trusted relative can make decisions on your behalf if your spouse is no longer around or unable to do those things. Better to have those then find out during some medical emergency that none of the doctors will talk with your relatives about your condition.

along these lines-if considering retiring out of state from your trusted person you need to find out what the laws in the state you will be a resident of are concerning naming someone from out of state on p.o.a's, advance medical directives and such. i will also say, from personal experience-depending on the states you are dealing with, it can be a major p.i.t.a. if notarized papers are required b/c some official papers require notarizing in the specific state you live in and if your trusted person lives in another they will have to travel to your state just to sign/get a notary (for what can be a seemingly simple transaction).

 

[_19disnA]

^^ We have never had those issues but perhaps it varies based on the requirements of a specific state.

 

[Praying Colonel]

I’m ready to retire to a different country.

DW and I like to watch House Hunters International and look at the different places people move to.

 

[person]

Moved from California to Ohio when I was in my forties, spent ten years there. Got a part-time job and did volunteer work, there were many opportunities to make friends. Small-town life and the snow started to wear on me, so moved to Florida in my fifties. Felt great not to be considered old here due to the amount of seniors. Once again, got a part-time job, plenty of friend opportunities in a state where a large part of the population has moved from somewhere else and doesn't have family near. Went back to California for a year to care for a relative, the weather was great but the traffic and prices for everything made me glad to head back to the south. The heat/bugs/reptiles get to be a bit much, but a lot of us travel out-of-state a few times a year and that makes it manageable. If you're ready for an adventure, grab your DH and start your new chapter!

Hi; amazing how much geographical differences are significant sometimes!

 

[person]

DW and I like to watch House Hunters International and look at the different places people move to.

Those shows can be interesting, but then they are so much alike sometimes also...