Anyone have a child who hit in school?

[mapmakerj]

The only problem is he is almost 6, and the 2nd oldest kid in his kindergarten. He did do preschool 2 days a week and had a hard time adjusting there. After a couple months he was doing well but the kids had already labeled him "the bad kid" and wouldn't interact with him after that and unfortunately his teacher did nothing to help correct the problems. (The woman should never have been allowed to teach from what I observed and I did report her to the director) My son gave up and figured he had nothing to lose since everyone already thought the worst of him. The last 2 months he sat and played by himself when it wasn't group time. My heart just broke, but he really, really wanted to graduate and he begged me to stay in the class. His K teacher is the total opposite of his Preschool one. She really cares about all her kids so I think time will tell. She has started the "sticker chart" so we will have to see how that works this week

 

[disneymac]

I'm so glad you have a teacher who cares enough to work with your son - between the two of you, things will work out fine. Kindergarten is a big adjustment for most kids - it's tough to remember sometimes, but your child is not the only one having difficulties right now. Good luck and enjoy your trip whenever you decide to take it!

 

[travelitis]

I wouldn't postpone or cancel. This is just Kindergarten after all. He's barely started school, and yes, he's having an adjustment issue. That's not so unusual.

I agree that missing family vacation isn't a logical consequence of hitting. Time out, losing priviledges at school and at home would be logical, but losing family vacation punishes everyone, and it's too big of a punishment for the infraction. I agree with the posters who've suggested small rewards. Why not put a calendar in his folder and have the teacher check or sticker each day he doesn't hit? If he gets a whole week of stickers he earns a small reward (trip to DQ, Hot Wheel car, etc.)

 

[Mom to Jordan]

What a sad situation. i think that the teacher needs to also work with the other children to create harmony in the classroom. Prehaps someone from guidance could work with your child on ways to fit into the group. it sounds like a typical only child having trouble finding his place. Perhaps a buddy to team up with. Since he is an older 5, perhaps some extra responcibility in the classroom. I still say take the trip as it sounds like all need a break. Not big on bribes but it could not hurt for him to bring a class gift back from WDW!!!

Jordans' mom

 

[Nini]

keep your spirits up in a situation like this! My dd(turning 4 in Oct.) went through a "physical stage" where she was learning how to cope with her emotions and was using tactile coping mechanisims (some children bite, kick, scream, hit) on me as well as other adults and children. It took a little time, but I read an article about teaching your child how to cope with their feelings as they don't really know what is appropriate and what is not. I spoke with my dd (2 at the time) and told her that it was 'ok' to get upset, angry, hurt, frustrated, etc...but that she needed to SAY with her WORDS what is upsetting her/bothering her. When she was reacting negatively, I had to stop and remind her that she needed to use WORDS not kicking, biting (or whatever was happening). After approx. a week of this, she started calming down because (I believe) she was learning a positive way to cope with her feelings. I have to say that my child is normally a very RESERVED child, she was just needing guidance in knowing the best way to express her feelings.

She used to require prompting to "use her words", but now she is GREAT! We are moving on to using our "listening ears " so mommy doesn't have to repeat herself (too often ).

I don't feel that "taking away" or "punishing" negative behavior in this instance is appropriate. It seems like he needs to learn to express his feelings in a different (more socially appropriate) way. When he expresses himself appropriately, reward him with small things he would appreciate...praise, extra story at bedtime did the trick for me.

DON'T GIVE UP!!!! Take the time, talk with him, let his teacher know what you are doing (they will appreciate your efforts) and they may be able to apply the same technique of encouraging him to "use his words". He will soon be the happy well adjusted child you know he can be!

It was not easy to keep my cool sometimes when she was acting negatively, but staying calm and focused does really help to bring the child into a calmer state so that they CAN communicate more effectively.

I just know that if it worked for me, it can possibly work for you too!

 

[4fireworks]

I don't think you should cancel the trip. I know how you are feeling, when my DS started Kindergarten I had a really hard time with him, it was like Jekyl/Hyde!
I dreaded picking him up b/c of what I would hear when they came out. He was biting, kicking, spitting, pulling hair,etc, and I COULD NOT beleive that my child would be so out of hand and in the principals office at 5 years old!! We tried anything we could think of, but nothing seemed to work, and the teacher started hinting that she thought we should get him checked out, and at first I was really angry with her for saying that, after many months into the school year, I gave in not knowing what to do. I went to a specialist, and after many many tests and questions, he was determind to have ADD. I had been in total denial, but after we left the doctors office I felt a little relieved knowing that my child wasn't possesed or something. He was completely different after he started taking medication ( the lowest dose possible ), and the rest of the school year sailed by.
I am just telling my story, in NO WAY am I saying that all kids who misbehave or hit other kids have ADD/ADHD!!!!! I actually think that a lot of kids on ADD meds, probably shouldn't be, but in our situation it was what needed to be done.
Good luck in whatever happens! I hope you can still go on vacation!!

 

[EmmaAndQuinnsMommy]

Don't postpone it. You are feeling overwhelmed right now because it is only the beginning of this. You will feel a lot better a few weeks from now, trust me. As long as everyone is on board and working on it, you will make progress. Trust me. My daughter went through something similar in preschool. She didn't hit, but tried to kick out at the teacher!!! She would say she didn't want to be friends with someone if they didn't do what she liked, etc. It took some time (and I was a TOTAL basketcase over it, and thought I must have done something horribly wrong to cause this), but it got so much better. The teachers were so caring and patient with her and *I* had to learn not to over-react to it. I got it in my head that it was just the most awful awful thing and instead should have just realized it was a normal behavior that had to be addressed. By the end of that year of preschool my daughter was 100% improved and did not have a single other problem in preschool or kindergarten. We bought her 3 or 4 books about being angry, dealing with her feelings and things she COULD do when she felt mad, etc. It was a process and it was stressful, but she is great now. She has never even tried to hit another child. She is in 2nd grade and doing great. I have relaxed a LOT which I think helps too. When she goes through some new unpleasant phase (and there is ALWAYS a new unpleasant phase! LOL!) I am better able to handle it and know that in the end, it really WILL be ok. Your child is a good child and he will learn. He won't associate Disney with this and honestly, his psyche might appreciate the break from the 'pressure' of kindergarten for those few days. He can connect with his family and do something fun and then go back to school with that inside.

Carrie

 

[mapmakerj]

Thanks for all the encouragement. The cancellation of the trip was not meant as a punishment, rather my DH felt that it might be hard to get back into the routines of school. His thought is "What if he finally gets adjusted the week before we go and we screw up his progress by not keeping his routine going for a while? We have decided to postpone until next fall so DS can get a full year of school under his belt before we pull him out. My DS knows that we are now going next year and he is ok with that. A very kind DIS'er send him a postcard from Mickey and told him to be good in school this year because he couldn't wait to see him next year. (He has it on his bulletin board to remind him.) We told our DS if he is good this week, we will take him to a hotel at Wisconsin Dells this weekend. I think that taking a few weekend trips as rewards for good behavior is in all of our "comfort zones" for now.

 

[Nini]

Thanks for all the encouragement. The cancellation of the trip was not meant as a punishment, rather my DH felt that it might be hard to get back into the routines of school. His thought is "What if he finally gets adjusted the week before we go and we screw up his progress by not keeping his routine going for a while? We have decided to postpone until next fall so DS can get a full year of school under his belt before we pull him out. My DS knows that we are now going next year and he is ok with that. A very kind DIS'er send him a postcard from Mickey and told him to be good in school this year because he couldn't wait to see him next year. (He has it on his bulletin board to remind him.) We told our DS if he is good this week, we will take him to a hotel at Wisconsin Dells this weekend. I think that taking a few weekend trips as rewards for good behavior is in all of our "comfort zones" for now.

you in doing what you feel is best for YOUR child! EVERY child is different and has different needs. The only ones that can determine that are the childs' parents. You both sound like you are being very level headed at this point and should be encouraged by the progress you see in your son.

Best Wishes and keep up the good work!!!