Anyone feel bad for feeling bad?

[darnheather]

With so much going on in the word losing out on a vacation should be the least of my worries but I am so bummed out. I made the decision today to cancel my cruises in September. Whether DCL is sailing I just don't think it will be safe for my daughter and I to be on it without vaccines. I had a huge six week vacation planned culminating with back-to-back cruises on the Fantasy and Dream which would have given us our grand slam and Silver status. Now even if I did wait and did get 125% I wouldn't be able to do those cruises in the spring or summer of next year because the prices are crazy high (thanks Star Wars) and in September I'll be in school.

But I feel bad just for feeling so bad. I know so many people have it so much worse. I'm planning to reschedule for a Merrytime cruise this December and a Baja Cruise with Disneyland in March. That is still a great and wonderful thing to look forward to. So why can't I be excited and happy? Why do I feel bad? I feel guilty and selfish. At least I know why "A plague on both your houses." was such a powerful curse in Shakespeare's time.

 

[harriet2]

It is ok to feel bad! It was something positive you looked forward to and you lost it. Even if other stuff is worse or other people have it far worse, it doesn't matter, you lost this thing you looked forward to and there is nothing wrong about feeling bad! Give yourself a break and allow yourself to be sad.

 

[Karin1984]

There will always be someone in the world who is worse off than you. Even without Corona going around.
You can feel bad for having a house, a job, food, family, friends, pets, a car, because there are some who have none of these things. Feeling miserable about your level of luxury is not going to help those who have less. All you can do is try to do a bit of good in your own way, whether it's donating to a charity or helping a neighbour by doing their groceries.

For what is 'your normal', it includes a vacation, and you can be sad that it's not going like you planned and you have to reschedule. That's okay. Allow yourself to feel bad, don't punish yourself by saying others have it worse so you shouldn't complain or feel sorry for yourself.

And for what it's worth, when you google articles about the psychology of this crisis, there is plenty written about why you feel bad, even when for some their lives haven't changed that much. The constant stream of bad news does something to your brain. If you read Harry Potter, to me it's like a Dementor, all the bad news sucks away all that is good and all your energy. It is draining. And you are not alone in this. I think many on these boards can relate to this in one way or another.

 

[lklgoodman]

Nothing wrong with feeling bad about having to cancel your plans. I've only left my house twice in the past 10 weeks. And that was to go through our grocery store pick up. As I was driving to the store I saw yard signs congratulating high school seniors on their graduations. I started bawling like a baby and I don't even know any seniors graduating this year!! This is a hard time for the world right now. It's hard to feel happy no matter how it's affected you. Feel mad, sad, or however you need to right now. Hopefully soon you will be able to feel happy about your new plans, and nothing wrong if it takes awhile to feel happy again(I find wine, chocolate, and ice cream help, probably good I won't be in a swimsuit anytime soon! Plus it's only 39 degrees here today.)

 

[T & R]

I just don't think it will be safe for my daughter and I to be on it without vaccines.

I'm planning to reschedule for a Merrytime cruise this December and a Baja Cruise with Disneyland in March.

I don't understand, these two statements conflict.

 

[spiders]

There is nothing wrong with feeling disappointed about something not happening that you wanted to happen. There is always something worse happening to someone else -- always.

My kid has a friend in the neighborhood. Her father died unexpectedly about two weeks ago. I don't even think they got to have a real funeral for him. I wouldn't go and tell her mother about the things I'm presently disappointed about but when I'm at work, we discuss trips that have been cancelled. Know your audience.

 

[CamColt]

I have been lucky this situation hasn't affected me too much at this point however it's safe to say my bucket list, once in a lifetime, 25th anniversary trip to Hawaii this summer not going to happen. Obviously, I'm crushed! However I also count my blessings this is my biggest worry in all of this, and that helps to put it in perspective. Things could be so much worse, and I am grateful they are not, but that doesn't mean I'm not upset about my trip. We have to let ourselves be upset. We wouldn't be human if we weren't.

 

[ladyofthetramp]

As my husband tells me about our Italy/Greece trip-my trip that I have dreamed of, like forever... You have the right to mourn the loss, then you can move on. I have the similar cruise booked for next year, but will I get to go? Will we be employed and financially able? Will we be well? I don't know. It is a tough spot. And with the tough circumstances of quarantines and isolation we are living under now, the loss of a vacation feels even worse. A first world problem for sure, but that doesn't mean you can't feel bad. Mourn the loss. And cross your fingers that better days are ahead for all of us. And hopefully we will all be cruising soon. <3

 

[stsomewhere]

We are feeling bad about canceling the upcoming DCL transatlantic in October. We have a few more weeks until paid in full date. But, considering that UK is wanting a 14 day quarantine upon arrival . We just cant imagine a cruise with social distancing. Pool char, shows, etc..

 

[brentm77]

With so much going on in the word losing out on a vacation should be the least of my worries but I am so bummed out. I made the decision today to cancel my cruises in September. Whether DCL is sailing I just don't think it will be safe for my daughter and I to be on it without vaccines. I had a huge six week vacation planned culminating with back-to-back cruises on the Fantasy and Dream which would have given us our grand slam and Silver status. Now even if I did wait and did get 125% I wouldn't be able to do those cruises in the spring or summer of next year because the prices are crazy high (thanks Star Wars) and in September I'll be in school.

But I feel bad just for feeling so bad. I know so many people have it so much worse. I'm planning to reschedule for a Merrytime cruise this December and a Baja Cruise with Disneyland in March. That is still a great and wonderful thing to look forward to. So why can't I be excited and happy? Why do I feel bad? I feel guilty and selfish. At least I know why "A plague on both your houses." was such a powerful curse in Shakespeare's time.

Don't feel bad for feeling bad. It is human to do so. We can't feel unlimited suffering for all 285K deaths in the world from the virus. It would be unbearable if we were wired that way. Furthermore, we have the capacity to both feel bad for those who are suffering and feel bad for our missed vacations.

We had to cancel/move our vacation-of-a-lifetime trip to Italy and Greece, where I had pulled off first class plane tickets (a rare thing for us, let alone to Europe and back). We had wonderful private excursions planned. It really was a dream come true. My wife and I married very young (19 and 20) and used to watch Rick Steve's incessantly while we were poor students, dreaming of traveling to Europe one day. We were finally going to pull it off, with our two teenagers (for our oldest's senior trip, no less), and in a fashion we never dreamed possible back then. Although we are scheduling the same cruise next year, we know it is tentative. We are so disappointed for missing the vacation, but also devastated to see the serious harm the virus (and associated economic collapse) has caused to so many worldwide. You can't help but think, "why this year? the only year we were finally going to do this trip."

Former U.K., Supreme Court judge Lord Sumption said it nicely:

There is more to life than the avoidance of death. Life is a drink with friends. Life is a crowded football match or a live concert. Life is a family celebration with children and grandchildren. Life is companionship, an arm around one's back, laughter or tears shared at less than two metres. These things are not just optional extras. They are life itself. They are fundamental to our humanity, to our existence as social beings.

I would add "Life is a meaningful vacation with loved ones..."

 

[SL6827]

Yes I have felt bad for feeling bad here recently. I have never been one to resent anyone that has more than me or just better off than me. It has always seemed like a "8th grade mentalitly" to me. But this past month I found myself feeling jealous and sad when watching You Tube videos of others who were getting to move to Florida, or had moved in the past couple years. I have never felt that way before. I was ashamed.

I guess I felt as though that ultimate dream of that would absolutely never have a chance of happening with this virus happening now. I felt so bad for feeling like that and horrible for feeling jealous. I am blessed beyond measure and I try my best to remember that every day. Material possesions are not the only thing in life that can make you rich. There is a couple up in Chattanooga, TN that lost both of thier sons this year, (completely separate deaths a few months apart) and they either lost their home completely or it was heavily damaged with the tornados here in the past month. But their faith in God and life is still strong. That is an ultimate mindset.

 

[Madzac]

Oh totally understand. I have a high school senior who is devastated. She’s lost all those moments and just found out they also canceled her dance recital. She danced for 15 years. On top of that we had a graduation cruise in July that will cancel I’m sure. We were supposed to be going with my brothers family first time ever. They can’t even reschedule so that’s just not going to happen.

We’ve had so many adults tell me or my daughter that we/she lack perspective and that this won’t matter in 5 years. Or others have it worse. Don’t you think we get that? But her and I being sad doesn’t take away from the gravity of the situation. These times are big and important. And they are all things you can’t get back. Understanding the whys doesn’t mean you can’t grieve and that this is minor. It’s big right now.

 

[Calantha]

We’ve had so many adults tell me or my daughter that we/she lack perspective and that this won’t matter in 5 years. Or others have it worse. Don’t you think we get that? But her and I being sad doesn’t take away from the gravity of the situation. These times are big and important. And they are all things you can’t get back. Understanding the whys doesn’t mean you can’t grieve and that this is minor. It’s big right now.

I'm with you Madzac. I'm crushed that our April trip was cancelled, I'm worried about the cruise in September, I'm sad for my son (who's only in Pre-school) - but he misses his friends and teachers so much.

But I know so many people are having a terrible time right now, so I do feel bad for feeling bad, but I recognize our feelings are valid too.

 

[SL6827]

I do feel bad for the high school seniors whos life milestones having been impacted.

 

[Cruising Engineer]

I don't waste my energy feeling bad about things I can't control.
The university has been shut down and the labs are closed. I can't do my dissertation research without the labs. So I redirect and continue my online research therefor I will be better prepared for when the labs open.
Redirect your energy.

 

[MrsInsG]

Of course you feel badly; something sad has happened that has interrupted your life. My oldest DD is finishing her freshman year of college at home instead of with her friends in her dorm. She was really having a hard time about a week or so ago and she felt the same as you; upset that she was sad when so many have it worse. As I told her, it would be different if you were having a conversation with someone who had a loved one die from Covid, got laid off their job, lost their home, and was going hungry and you said, "You think that's bad?! I had to cancel my Disney vacation!" THAT would be wrong. However, you are aware that others have it worse and that does not have anything to do with your emotions.

There are people who will invite you to participate in what I (do not) affectionately refer to as the 'Grief Olympics.' Just because you're invited, doesn't mean you have to go. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

 

[belle032]

Of course you are allowed to feel disappointment. I should be planning fastpasses and dining reservations for our WDW trip right now, but I'm not. And it honestly sucks. In the overall scheme of things, is it a big deal? No, not really. I know most other people would laugh at that.

Don't try to compare who's got it worse (because that is a losing game). Just recognize and allow yourself to feel some disappointment because it's something that is important to YOU. Then hopefully move on and look forward to the next thing.

 

[monkeydawn]

And for what it's worth, when you google articles about the psychology of this crisis, there is plenty written about why you feel bad, even when for some their lives haven't changed that much. The constant stream of bad news does something to your brain. If you read Harry Potter, to me it's like a Dementor, all the bad news sucks away all that is good and all your energy. It is draining. And you are not alone in this. I think many on these boards can relate to this in one way or another.

This so much. I have taken exactly two days off from the news since very early on and both of those days were so much better. There is such a lack of scientific stuff coming out right now that I may go to an every other day approach to my COVID news.

 

[lklgoodman]

Oh totally understand. I have a high school senior who is devastated. She’s lost all those moments and just found out they also canceled her dance recital. She danced for 15 years. On top of that we had a graduation cruise in July that will cancel I’m sure. We were supposed to be going with my brothers family first time ever. They can’t even reschedule so that’s just not going to happen.

We’ve had so many adults tell me or my daughter that we/she lack perspective and that this won’t matter in 5 years. Or others have it worse. Don’t you think we get that? But her and I being sad doesn’t take away from the gravity of the situation. These times are big and important. And they are all things you can’t get back. Understanding the whys doesn’t mean you can’t grieve and that this is minor. It’s big right now.

I can't imagine saying something like that to a graduating senior, how heartless of them!! My dd is almost 12 years old and has been taking dance lessons for 7 years. Her dance recital was suppose to be this past weekend. I told her I want her to put on all her different dance outfits so I can at least take her pics in them!! Her grandparents live in a different state than us. We may have her do her dances at home while zooming with them.. It's not nearly the same, but will have to do for now. Hugs to you and your dd!!

 

[ChicosWife]

It is ok to feel bad! It was something positive you looked forward to and you lost it. Even if other stuff is worse or other people have it far worse, it doesn't matter, you lost this thing you looked forward to and there is nothing wrong about feeling bad! Give yourself a break and allow yourself to be sad.

There will always be someone in the world who is worse off than you. Even without Corona going around.
You can feel bad for having a house, a job, food, family, friends, pets, a car, because there are some who have none of these things. Feeling miserable about your level of luxury is not going to help those who have less. All you can do is try to do a bit of good in your own way, whether it's donating to a charity or helping a neighbour by doing their groceries.

For what is 'your normal', it includes a vacation, and you can be sad that it's not going like you planned and you have to reschedule. That's okay. Allow yourself to feel bad, don't punish yourself by saying others have it worse so you shouldn't complain or feel sorry for yourself.

And for what it's worth, when you google articles about the psychology of this crisis, there is plenty written about why you feel bad, even when for some their lives haven't changed that much. The constant stream of bad news does something to your brain. If you read Harry Potter, to me it's like a Dementor, all the bad news sucks away all that is good and all your energy. It is draining. And you are not alone in this. I think many on these boards can relate to this in one way or another.

Exactly my thoughts.