Anyone elses kid the "worst one on the team" ?

[luckey-lasvegas]

DD 11 is having a bit of a hard time. She excelled in skating for the last 5 years but has struggled to land her Axel for the last year. She decided to take a break from skating and try something new, so she started playing soccer a couple of months ago. I think she's getting better everyday but I can't seem to convince her of that, and the kids on the team aren't helping much. Does anyone have any advise on how to raise her self esteem ??
On the plus side she's ready to go and tackle that Axel again .

 

[jadedbeauty14304]

My Dd10 played soccer for a season, and found that she was just not made for that sport. They would put her in goal, and she would play with the net and dance while the kids were kicking the ball around. LOL We sat down and talked about it, and she was bored, she didn't like it, and I allowed her to not sign up for the next session. Came to find out she has some major natural talent at playing the saxophone, and that is her new favorite activity.

I would just sit and talk with her, and if she doesn't like it, she doesn't like it. Let it go. It has been a couple of months, maybe soccer just is not the right activity for her. I was "forced" into an activity when I was a preteen, and I hated it, but my parents wanted me to just "keep with it" thinking I hated it because I was not good at it. Well, I got good at it and still hated it and resented my parents for making me participate in something I did not want to do. I always swore I would let my Dd decide what she does or does not want to do.

 

[stacy6552]

Find video of that baseball game that's been all over the news. You know the baseball game where the opposing team carried a player around the bases, which cost them the game. Thats what sports are about.

 

[AJKMOM]

When DS, now 23, was in second grade, we paid him a nickel every time he kicked the soccer ball. We offered, but never had to shell out, $5.00 for a goal. He just did not have the "killer instinct" some of those sports need for someone to be a star. He could run fast, but when he saw someone else trying to kick the ball too, he froze.

We tried several years and let him stop. He was a pretty good saxophone player in middle and high school. Also a better than average cross counrty runner; on a team of 25-30 kids, he was in the top 10 3 years in a row.

Maybe your daughter would like a summer sport like tennis, swimming, or golf? There are plenty of things she can try if soccer isn't her sport. I'm sure it can be tough because it seems like lots of kids play, but it just isn't for every one. My kids never had an interest in baseball or softball, and they hated riding bikes. There is something for everybody, but everybody is different.

 

[crostorfer]

DD 11 is having a bit of a hard time. She excelled in skating for the last 5 years but has struggled to land her Axel for the last year. She decided to take a break from skating and try something new, so she started playing soccer a couple of months ago. I think she's getting better everyday but I can't seem to convince her of that, and the kids on the team aren't helping much. Does anyone have any advise on how to raise her self esteem ??
On the plus side she's ready to go and tackle that Axel again .

I coach soccer, albeit much younger kids than 11 yr olds, at that age they all start to become competitive, (which is probably part of your problem here). The way I always get the slow starters to participate and have fun is constant praise and have them teach me what to do. I act like I have no idea what I am doing and have them "teach" me how to do a corner kick, or how to score a goal from a pass. Acting like they are the expert and you are the novice helps so much, I've been able to break every one of my 5 yr olds out of their shell that way.

 

[somethingblue]

When I was in fourth and fifth grade I played on a soccer team affiliated with the church I attended, and I was definitely the worst player on the team. When you're that age it seems like everyone is involved with sports, and if you want to fit in you have to be involved with them too. Thankfully, as kids get older they start realizing that you don't HAVE to be athletic to do something cool, like play an instrument, paint pictures, create video games, whatever.

My suggestion is to encourage your daughter to find out what it is she really enjoys, be it athletic, artistic, or academic, and then support her in whatever she does. I know my sister, who is twelve, is experimenting with choir, art, and track. And as long as she's on the soccer field, tell her how much she is improving, and remind her that winning isn't everything, it's having fun.

 

[Schmeck]

Yup, I was the worst player on our softball team, which was really painful since my mom was an all-star athlete and was still playing recreational softball. I played the one season, and didn't go back. I ended up taking horseback riding lessons, and really enjoyed that, and won a trophy and a few ribbons.

My oldest daughter stopped freestyle lessons when it got to be axel time. She found that she loved synchronized skating - it's a team effort, and she has gone to Nationals twice!

 

[aripantaloon]

I was the worst player on the softball team. In my defense, that was the summer before I finally got some much-needed eyeglasses. It was so horrible for me because I never got on base. Ever. I was the only one on the team not to do so. I quit after that year. Even the parents from the other teams heckled me. My parents never pushed me to stay with it or to try something else.

I excelled academically, so that's what I did. I guess my advice would be to encourage her to try her best and let her know that is all she can do - try her best. If she wants to quit soccer all-together, just let her. Not every kid is good at all sports, so she may have to find one she likes better. Sounds like she's good at skating, though. I don't know if this is a good idea or not, since it really depends on the coach, but, if the other kids on the team are giving her a hard time, could you talk to the coach about it? Maybe he or she can give a "pep talk" to the kids about being a team and supporting everyone on the team no matter what her ability.

 

[Tam1067]

I had one of those. He liked soccer but was not so good, and decided when he hit the junior level (10 and 11 year olds) to stop playing because the coaches were quite competitive. I think it stinks that happens.

Now he swims, and that's a better thing for him. In any case, just encourage your DD to try different things until she finds something she likes. Some kids love team sports, and others don't.

 

[mommy-on-the-move]

My eldest is- she is thoroughly academic (on the gifted program) and, although she's very fit & athletic, she royally sucks at team sport- she can't catch for toffee, and well... she just doesn't have the drive that winning is the be all and end all that it is for other members of her teams. She is a very good distance runner- she's going on for age 11 and it took us a while to realise although she enjoyed team sports she's there to play at them, not to compete in them, she much prefers solitary sports where she is only competing with her own personal best and her result only matters to her- she doesn't much like the feeling of other people sense of pride & achievement riding on her as part of a team.

My eldest son is 5 and he is very much eager to be part of sports team but he is dyspraxic (along with a few other issues) and try as he might he is awful at ball sports, running- he can try 200% to get 20% of the result other kids do. We just encourage him on the fact he is improving and constantly making improvements in his own personal goals (and we're really lucky he has a wonderful class & teacher this year where they rally the class to praise his personal achievements too- yes there are a few mean kids who will laugh at his disabilities but looking at their families they're the kids who'll still be laughing at those with disabilities as adults- sad but true.)

My nephew is hopeless at sport and it is entirely killing my bil to accept it- he's a very sports orientated man himself and it breaks my heart to see him brow beat my (very small, timid & somewhat effeminate) nephew over having to be a soccer star, having to be a tough boy- it's just not in his nature and bil can't accept it which i find really sad because the boy has alot of great strengths they could really be praising him up for and enjoying with him but they're so busy obsessing he needs to be "his fathers son" and great at sport that they're missing out on it.

 

[mickeyluvr004]

DD 11 is having a bit of a hard time. She excelled in skating for the last 5 years but has struggled to land her Axel for the last year. She decided to take a break from skating and try something new, so she started playing soccer a couple of months ago. I think she's getting better everyday but I can't seem to convince her of that, and the kids on the team aren't helping much. Does anyone have any advise on how to raise her self esteem ??
On the plus side she's ready to go and tackle that Axel again .

My dd 9 has been skating for 3.5 years and she gets this at times but she continues to try over and over she was in basic 5 FOREVER and is now in freestyle 1 which seems like FOREVER but she is doing really good, we just enrolled her in synchronized skating and she absolutely loves it so im sure soon she will master freestyle 1 in noo time because her teacher in the sychronized is also a teacher in the learn to skate program and sees her struggle with some of these, one other option is maybe a private coach just to get her through this good luck

 

[K and K's Mommy]

My nephew is hopeless at sport and it is entirely killing my bil to accept it- he's a very sports orientated man himself and it breaks my heart to see him brow beat my (very small, timid & somewhat effeminate) nephew over having to be a soccer star, having to be a tough boy- it's just not in his nature and bil can't accept it which i find really sad because the boy has alot of great strengths they could really be praising him up for and enjoying with him but they're so busy obsessing he needs to be "his fathers son" and great at sport that they're missing out on it.

This brought tears to my eyes and made me appreciate my DH even more. He, too, is very athletic and very good at lots of sports. My poor DS 9 just isn't. The biggest problem is that he loves sports, but he is very awkward and slow.

Luckily, he has so many other wonderful things about him. As my DH says, my DS is the academic type, and my DH is very accepting of that. I am the more worried one because my son love sports. He can talk basketball and football circles around me. We are going to take golf lessons this summer, and maybe that will be his sport. After all, you don't have to be fast for that one!

 

[debster812]

Slightly different perspective here.

DS is nearly 11, and lives for soccer. He plays for our town (rec and travel) and also plays for a club as well. On his town teams he is one of the better players, and on his club team he is one of the weaker players.

Because he has such passion and love for the game, thta he does not mind that he's not even close to the best on his club team, and uses the experience to improve his game. If your DD enjoys playing, she will certainly keep improving if she sticks with it.

DS's coaches this year (for town) are emphasizing working as a team, being a good teammate, and focusing on skills. The wins and losses are secondary. Maybe have her speak with her coach? That's the one thing DS's coaches insist on, that if the kids have any issues, they want the kids to come to them first, and NOT have the parents intervene.

 

[SplashMountainMama]

This brought tears to my eyes and made me appreciate my DH even more. He, too, is very athletic and very good at lots of sports. My poor DS 9 just isn't. The biggest problem is that he loves sports, but he is very awkward and slow.

Luckily, he has so many other wonderful things about him. As my DH says, my DS is the academic type, and my DH is very accepting of that. I am the more worried one because my son love sports. He can talk basketball and football circles around me. We are going to take golf lessons this summer, and maybe that will be his sport. After all, you don't have to be fast for that one!

That sounds just like my second DS who is also 9. He wants so badly to be good at sports and tries really hard, but he just isn't co-ordinated enough. My oldest DS11 isn't into sports too much, but he surprised me by asking to sign up for soccer this summer. Now I'm a little worried because he's never played before, but I'm hoping he'll do OK. My next 2 kids, DD8 and DS6, have much more natural ability when it comes to sports. As long as they're having fun and are keeping active I'm happy.

 

[KirstenB]

Oh man, does this thread ring true! Four yrs ago when our older dd was 6, she played softball. A lot of the kids had been playing since they were 4, and several girls were really decent. I volunteered to be assistant coach (I'd played softball many years ago), so I wound up coaching first base at games. The second to last game, dd finally got her first base hit. She was so surprised she just stood there for a second or 2, and I was like "run, run, run!!!!"

The outfield was no better. I was constantly hissing at her to put the dandelions down, and pay attention! Needless to say, it was our first and last season at softball. She's taken up swim team, and enjoys that. She's an average swimmer, which, given her softball experience, is a real victory!!

OP good luck to you and your daughter.

 

[GeorgiaPeach8]

I'll reply with a different perspective...I was the kid who sucked at most sports. I'm sure my parents spent endless hours and tons of money dragging me around to try everything. I didn't find my niche until well into junior high. I found several clubs and academic activities that I loved! By senior year I was held offices on yearbook, newspaper, pep club and senior committee.

Hang in there--I think it is important to let kids experience a wide variety of activities. I wouldn't worry a great deal about the self-esteem issue. I'm a high school teacher and I think most of the kids I teach would say their parents worried too much!

 

[luckey-lasvegas]

The main problem is that my DD spent soooo much time skating that she never did the pre school soccer, baseball etc. that most of the kids did. I think for the amount of time she has been playing that she is doing great, she just happens to be very hard on herself. Most things come pretty easy for her and when she comes up against something that's a challenge for her she gets frustrated. I'm sure it doesn't help that her ultra competitive mother played soccer from age 8 - 30 something. They actually won their game last night and she played really well, so that helped. She just want's to please everyone so desperately that it kills her when she messes up at practice and one girl in perticular yells "what are you doing" at her . It is her choice to play I'm not forcing her, my only requirement is that once she starts a season that she finishes it. She wanted to try something new and she did, it's a learning experience for her and in a way it's probably better that she knows we won't be good at every thing but it's important that she tried !

 

[shelly3girls]

By 11 most girls have played for years. If DD really loves to play soccer and wants to continue then I would sign her up for soccer camp maybe even two. My oldest also skates so I know the time involved but I can say that we have been able to balance both.

Good luck with her axel, I know that is a major defining jump for the girls!

 

[BeckyScott]

The kid's school had a big assembly-showcase-thing with the parents and there was a drawing for prizes. Oldest DS (10) won a soccer ball. Later during refreshments, he was talking to another kid from his class, who had won a plastic chess/checkers set. They decided to trade prizes. Bless his heart, my son very willingly traded off a soccer ball for a checkers set. That's how we roll.

I spent all of elementary school as the "last one picked". Once I hit high school, all was well, because there were so many more activities to choose from, I found my niche. Drama club, yearbook staff...

The other side of it, though... youngest DS is 8 and autistic, and we have had several situations where he has "hit the wall" skill-wise. So I understand, even though it's not the exact same thing, it's a similar idea. What to do when they're hitting a wall and you don't know if you should push thru or give up. When he was younger, preschool age, he was slower than everyone else but it wasn't really noticable, and the activities were set up with a parent involved. Now as he gets older, not so much. He's at a preschool level, but he's 8, and we have a really hard time finding a place where he blends in. I am still struggling with this, I keep searching, we keep trying, but it's very frustrating.

 

[eh24fan]

My 7 yr old DS is kind of the "worst one on the team." He plays Little League baseball and has since he was 4, almost 5. He's not the best, he's not the worst but he doesn't have that natural ability. He loves playing though! Last year was his first year in Pee Wee, which is where they hit off the pitching machine during games. The poor kid struck out every time he got up to bat, except for 3 times when he got hits. He never got discouraged, he never got mad, he didn't cry, etc. He just took it as it was and went on with the game. I've always been so proud of him for that! This year he hit the ball 2 times the first game, 1 time the 2nd game, his 3rd and 4th games? Nothing. He is the kind of kid that just rolls with it. He has fun playing and that's all that matters. He's does ok in the field. Right now they have him playing in left field because he does have an arm and can get it in there once he has the ball.

Our strategy is just to encourage him and as long as he has fun, he'll keep playing. I won't make him continue if it turns out he's not having fun anymore. Will he ever be the STAR player? I doubt it.