Anyone else with a "young" kindergartner?

[TiggerStac]

I am on the other end and my DS missed the cut of 5 by 8/31 by 8 days. Luckily, his daycare also offers a private school k program. It is accredited by the state, etc. So, he will have 2 years of K, one where his preschool is and the other in public school. It works out great for us!! His school does not have the same strict 8/31 cut as the town does. And they see no problem in him doing K there. There are 2 other children that are in the same exact boat, born w/in 1 week of him and they are doing the same thing.

 

[CEDmom]

My DD has a late August b'day so she is the youngest in her class. She'll be starting 2nd grade in a few weeks. Our situation for kindergarten was a little different since she stayed at her daycare for that and only had 8 kids in her class. However, last year she went to public school for 1st grade and I was concerned about her.

It was a little rough in the beginning because not only is she the youngest but she's also the smallest. He issues revolved more around social and emotional development than academic. Luckily she had a really caring teacher and for the most part kind classmates.

This year she'll be starting a brand new school because we moved.

In your situation I'd try to schedule a conference with your DS's teacher. Explain his concerns and ask her advice. If she knows what's going on she'll be able to boost his confidence in class. Outside of class just play up what your DS is good at and keep explaining that everyone learns things differently. Point out how he does X, Y & Z better than other kindergarteners.

Given time they'll all pretty much level out with one another.

 

[popeyeohoh]

All my children are youngish for their class. May June July. MY boys now 18 & 15 think they would have better off staying back a year. SPORTS. Myoldest was 5 feet tall and 100 lbs his freshman year (now 6feet 165lbs).Not an issue so much with second, but he is the one that would have wanted to be held back. He is mature, 3.8 gpa and 6 feet tall 155 lbs. But he feels he would have been a bigger credit to his Football team if he were held back. Their preschool teacher held back both of her boys for this very reason. It worked out well for them they were great football players. I think for some kids, being smaller than their classmates is a big deal. I felt it they were mature enough and smart enough send them. My oldest would not have liked his classmates as much as he liked his graduating class.

 

[sjams]

JMHO here...My son turned 5 mid May. He attended PreK where he will attend Kinder. His class is really young so I am not worried. Most have bdays in June and July. That being said if I would have had him in July or August and his class was more spread out age wise then I would have held him back. Being a teacher I think that kids with late summer bdays tend to do better starting later. My bro was end of July baby and my mom still to this day says she wishes she would have kept him out another year. He is a well adjusted doctor now, but I can see where he should have stayed home because of maturity level. The maturity card is a big one. Boys mature very differently and much later than girls. I would just judge the maturity of your son to make the choice. Also maybe you can find out the majority of the bdays in his class to see where he falls.
Good luck!

 

[KerriMc]

I live in Ontario, Canada, and I teach Kdgn. Our kdgn is different in that we have Junior Kdgn and Senior Kdgn. Most times we have a combined class of Jrs and Srs, although this year I will have just a Jr. class as we are lower on the Sr. enrollment. Jr. Kdgn is not a requirement, but most children do attend now.

For us a child has to turn five by December 31st to enter Sr. Kdgn. For a Jr. Kdgn they have to be four by December 31st. This makes for a lot of young kinders. Plus if I have a combined class, some of my kids won't turn four until December and then I have Srs that turn six by January! So sometimes almost a whole two years age difference.

I have to say thought that I have NEVER had an issue with the kids noticing who is younger and who isn't. At this age, most of them don't recognize that sort of thing. If any actually do, they seem to be the oldest ones and they enjoy being somewhat of a mentor or helper for the little ones.

I think he just needs some time to adjust. A child's birthdate isn't always an indication of maturity. Some kids are just naturally more mature than others. My worst behaved and pretty immature child this past year was a Senior Kdgn who had a January 6th birthday!! So he was by far the oldest, but REALLY far from being mature in any sense of the word So give him some time. He will be fine!!

We never used to have Jr. Kdgn, just the regular kind, and I was an August baby so I was technically "late", but I was five when school started in Septemeber. I was bigger than most as my mom remembers other moms asking if I was a January baby ... "no, just tall for her age" ... I went to school with an itty bitty girl, who is teeny tiny to this day, and she was six months older than me! So it is a matter of learning that size does not indicate anything ... we are all different and that is one of the biggest things we learn in Kdgn!! We are like Jellybeans ... all the same, but may look a teeny bit different

Good luck ... He will be fine ... oh and trust YOUR instincts ... moms always know best (most of us teachers learn that after we become moms!!)

Kerri

 

[Alex2kMommy]

My DS5 turns 6 in a few days! Last year he switched from an all-day Montessori daycare (that he'd been in since infancy) to public school kindergarten, and the Montessori school director said he would do great in kindergarten, and he did. Scholastically, athletically, socially he was ready. The only problem he has is with fine motor skills, so handwriting is tough on him still.

I brought cupcakes to class early in the year (because his birthday is in summer), and that prompted a talk with the teacher about his young age, so the teacher was always aware of this in working with DS. He is sure DS's handwriting will much improve in 1st grade.

On a side note, my birthday is in early October, and back then the school district was very strict about being 5yo before the first day of school to start kindergarten, so my parents were told I had to wait. So at nearly 6, I was a bit bigger than the other kids when I started, and a few kids constantly reminded me when I did well scholastically that it was only because I was older and that I must have been held back for being too stupid.

I'd say if your child is ready at nearly 5, then go ahead and (push if necessary to) get them registered. If your child would be more successful in kindergarten by waiting a year, then absolutely do what's best for your child without worrying what other people will think (or kids will say.) They're going to say it anyway.

 

[belle&beast]

I chose to go the other route. My DD turned 5 at the end of July and the school cut-off is August 1. She would have been the youngest in her class. DH and I decided that she would be better off with one more year of preschool. She is definitely a follower and lacks in social areas, although is advanced academically. My thought is that she would probably do fine in kindergarten after adjusting, but I was more concerned further down the road like 7th and 8th grade and being the last to turn 16 and be able to drive. I was very young in my class and didn't realize how dramatic it was to my parents until we talked about it when we were trying to make our decision. One piece of advice from a colleague (I'm a speech therapist in the public school preschool program) was that it would probably never hurt towait a year, but sending her too early could be problematic in the future. Just my opinion and how DH and I came to the decision for our DD.

 

[DVC Jen]

Not sure if this has been mentioned yet or not. I am a pre-K teacher and we have a special class can transitional Kindergarten at our school for those kiddos like your son. Most are the youngest and could use the gift of time.

There is nooo shame in repeating because of age. If there are differences now chances are they are only going to become more noticable as the child gets older. S/he will always be the youngest in the class. The last to do everything.. date, drive...

We highly recommend that parents give thier younger students that gift of time..because it really is a gift. It is much easier to be the oldest and the leader than the youngest and always playing catch-up.

 

[stm61]

delete

 

[annegal]

My son was one of the youngest boys in Kindergarten.
It wasn;t until 7th grade, that we held him back, due to maturity issues.

 

[stm61]

QUOTE I have to say thought that I have NEVER had an issue with the kids noticing who is younger and who isn't. At this age, most of them don't recognize that sort of thing. If any actually do, they seem to be the oldest ones and they enjoy being somewhat of a mentor or helper for the little ones. QUOTE



I have to agree with the earlier poster. Ds's birthday is 9/24, cutoff is mid-Oct here. He has no idea who is older or younger then he is. I only know the ages of some of the kid's because I'm friendly with their parents. The only problem ds had was due to our moving the yr he started 5K. The new district was very wealthy and the majority of kid's had attended private preschools where the kids were pushed to excell academically from the time they're 2. Ds went to preschool in another state and the program was not that advanced and the kids weren't pushed as much. He was ready for 5K, he wasn't ready for the group he was with. Just as an example: 3rd day of school, another mom shows up demanding that her child be moved to another class because her child had mentioned that some of the other's weren't reading chapter books yet. Mom felt her child was entitled (her words, not mine) to the best education and that her child was being deprived of this because the teacher had to spend to much time with children of questionable intelligence, since they obviously were not as advanced as her darling. She also felt there should be a seperate class for those who were not dressed appropriately. (those whose parents did not send them in designer label outfits complete with top-of-the-line sneakers and coordinating backpacks) Yes, she really said all this, and there were several other mother's agreeing with her! (I was dragged out of the room by the school nurse before I could open my mouth. She said she was afraid I would start contractions (I was pregnant with triplets) if she left me in there.) Ds's teacher later told me that he was one of the more mature students and one of the few who knew how to share and get along with others There were several who had been held back a yr so that they were the biggest and "smartest", and therefore the "natural leaders". I had to laugh because ds is ADHD and LD. If my extremely hyper with the attention span of a gnat ds was one of the best behaved, it doesn't say much for behavior of the rest of the class!

 

[4greatboys]

Im dont have a young K this year because I held him til he was 6 to start K. He did do MDO at 4 and preschool every day for half the day last year.

My oldest has a Sept 2 bday and the cut off here is Sept 1. Im so glad it worked out that way. He was the oldest in his class and maturity never seemed to be a big issue.

My 16 yr old has a May b-day did preschool--teacher said he was good to go for K. Did K at 5 teacher said he was good to go for 1st grade. But once he started first grade he had maturity issues. he could do all the work but he had hard time concentrating on task, not talking to friend, etc. School has been more a struggle for him and I do believe the maturity issue was a big part of it.

Based on the way things went for my 2 oldest I decided that ds #3 and #4 would not start K til 6 yrs old.


Annegall--thats one of the reasons we are starting later. I would rather hold them back now and avoid doing it in the future.

 

[momof2inPA]

I don't know, with such a late birthday and him being pre-mature, I would probably pull him out and have him do another year of pre-school. No good will come of making him feel behind the other kids at such a young age. He might label himself as "dumb" when a year would have made all the difference. I'm also not sure that's it fair to the rest of the class if the teacher will have to spend a lot of extra time catching one student up to the others.

Best of luck, whatever you decide. Cute kid.

 

[kmchar1]

My son turned 5 in April and he really hates kindergarten. He is on the "lower" end of maturity when it comes to kids his age (doctor agreed). He's intellectually there, just not emotionally. He cries when I drop him off, when he has to go to other classes (for lunch, art class, music class, etc) and when I pick him up at the end of the day. He's only been in school for 1 week so far and I cry every night because I"m so stressed over this. We even got a note sent home because DS spit on another child when he couldn't have their playdoh. I'm not against disciplining him, but they said after the third event, they will give him detention for 30 minutes after school. This child will truly be traumatized by this. He begs me everday to wait in the parking lot for him and begs me not to leave him.

Is it too late to hold him back and take him out of school? Do you think this is a good idea? This would make him 19 at time of graduation (by 1 month).

 

[Julia M]

Thank you for this post. This is a lot how I feel. I think I made the right decision, but I do sometimes question it.

If you feel you made the right decision, than you just need to continue to be confident in that. Lots of people make the same decision. If the teachers agree and you and dh are on the same page, then you have to do what's right for you.

DS was young. He is 7 now and entering third grade - he won't be 8 until the end of October.

If I had it to do all over again, I can't decide if I would have held him back. We moved to the US from abroad and we didn't realize that some people hold their kids back on purpose (for sports??!!), so not only is he younger than the alleged "average" kid in his year, he's almost 2 years younger than some other kids held back on purpose for no reason although they are the right age for the year ahead. (a whole other thread - should parents be allowed to game the system this way?)

He was fine in kg, but struggled a bit in first grade - reading did not come as easily to him, and he ended up in extra reading classes and extra writing classes to improve his fine motor skills. This made him sad because he was pulled out of regular classroom activities to do these, and he felt like he was missing things. Second grade was a little better, and he cycled out of special reading and math, and into a regular reading group. He is an only child, so he spends lots of time interacting with adults and is very verbal. We have also discovered he is very bright at science and math. His confidence is very good now.

Going into third grade, I think he is in good shape. My colleague's DH is a teacher and he has said they all catch up by third grade, and it seems true in our case. I have worked with him over the summer, to do math sheets and silent reading, so he didn't lose skills, and that seems to have helped too.

Finally, we always make sure teachers know his age - his second grade teacher asked him his age early in the year, and he told her, and she thought he must have some "issue" because he told her he was 6, but she didn't believe he could be 6, and therefore he must not know his own age! She also admitted that she had been thinking he might be delayed, but in the context of his true age, he was fine.

I guess the take away from my ramble is that you have to judge this issue in the context of your own child, and not be afraid to zig and zag to make it work for him or her.

Good luck,

Jane

Well, I'm going to disagree a bit with the concept that kids catch up by third. While I realize that might be true for some kids, that's also when I notice that kids who have "been hanging in there" fall apart. That's when the textbooks become more difficult and concepts are harder.

While I also agree with the concept that the teacher should have an awareness of the child's age (although, believe me, I'm sure they already do), that's not going to change what the expectations are. Tecahers can't say, well this child is young, so we'll adapt standards. Especially with No Child Left Behind, there is much less discretion on the part of teachers. Students need to make certain standards, regardless of age.

As for the concept of kids being held back for no discernable reason........you really have no way of knowing the reasons why people do things. I held my dd back. If you met her now, you would think I was an idiot for doing so.....she participates in a ton of activities, is a top student, is independent, mature, confident.........but at 4, she was extremely shy, passive and both the preschool teacher and incoming K teacher recommended an extra year. In retrospect, did I blow it? Maybe. On the other hand, would she be doing as well as she if she were the youngest? I do know that in dd's class, of all the "young ones" (fall birthdays, there were 5) only one is successful academically. (and she really works very hard for it.....I know the mom) The other 3 struggle, seldom if ever make honor roll, and so on. The 5th had to leave the school, because she struggles academically and socially.

I can't comment on holding kids back for the sports issue, as I have never heard of anyone doing that. I'm sure it has happened, and will happen, but I wouldn't assume that most parents would make a decision for that reason.

Obviously, not all young to start kids have issues. One of my friends daughters is a fall birthday, and a preemie to boot, and is as bright as they come...in AP classes in high school and so on.

Just some differing opinions.

Julia

 

[4greatboys]

My son turned 5 in April and he really hates kindergarten. He is on the "lower" end of maturity when it comes to kids his age (doctor agreed). He's intellectually there, just not emotionally. He cries when I drop him off, when he has to go to other classes (for lunch, art class, music class, etc) and when I pick him up at the end of the day. He's only been in school for 1 week so far and I cry every night because I"m so stressed over this. We even got a note sent home because DS spit on another child when he couldn't have their playdoh. I'm not against disciplining him, but they said after the third event, they will give him detention for 30 minutes after school. This child will truly be traumatized by this. He begs me everday to wait in the parking lot for him and begs me not to leave him.

Is it too late to hold him back and take him out of school? Do you think this is a good idea? This would make him 19 at time of graduation (by 1 month).

I dont think its to late to take him out. Why not enroll him in a preschool instead?
I dont see a problem he will be 19 when he graduates. Maybe that will help him more his college freshman year?

 

[Mickey Fliers]

I guess I think everyone should worry about what is best for their child and not worry about what everyone else is doing. Each child is different!

I just can't imagine having a child with a May birthday and keeping them out of school b/c I want them to be the oldest. Now, if the child has other issues, then fine, do what is best. But come on, Kindergarten if for 5 year olds, and if your child turns 5 several months before school starts, I can't imagine keeping them back so they will be older or be better at sports .

The sports thing never made sense for me, either. I played HS sports, as did my DH (he even played in college), and my two oldest boys love sports. But lets be realistic, the odds are against them that they will be professional athletes or that they will get a full scholarship to a Div. 1 college. If they do have that much athletic ability, keep them out of school for an extra year isn't going to make any difference.

Sometimes I think we get so caught up with trying to give our children every advantage in the world, we forget to teach them how to overcome those challenges themselves. We just take care of it for them. It seems to be getting out of hand.

When all of this "academic red-shirting" started, it was parents holding back a child with a Oct/Sept birthday. But then, parents with kids who had an Aug birthday, didn't want their kids to be the youngest, so they started holding them back. Then the kids with June/July birthdays start getting held back so they wouldn't be at a disadvantage. Where does it end? Someone's kid has to be the youngest or we are just going to end up with a bunch of kids about to turn 20 before they finish HS. Some parents (not saying everyone here ) are assuming their child with a summer birthday will fail before they have even given them a chance.

At the end of the day, all of these kids will become productive members of society, no worries.

I certainly don't mean to offend, I just needed to get that off of my chest.

Mom to a Nov. bday son (youngest in his class), a July bday son (close to the youngest) and a Sept bday son (who will probably be held back). See, each case is different.

 

[PaulaSue]

I know a lot of people who held their child back when they birthday was in May and after, especially boys. You have to do what is best per child.

IMO, if you are worried I think it might be best to hold back K a year and do better the next year than to struggle more that year. Talk to your child's preschool teacher and see what they suggest.

Good Luck to everyone's DC. My middle DD is starting K to this year too.

 

[triplefigs]

My triplets were 12 weeks premature and should have been born mid- September. (ETA: the school cut off here is 9/1.) Well they were born at the end of June. We decided to hold them back, and they just started Kindergarten last week. They were not ready socially, academically, or medically last year. This year is a completely different scenario. They are loving it, want to go, and school is fun. I'm glad we held them back and for us it was absolutely the right choice. It is a personal decision for each family.

My mom is a 30+ year Kindergarten teacher, and she said she has never had a parent regret holding their child out a year (for the young ones), but has had countless parents wish they had.

Good luck to you and your son.

 

[Pigeon]

I agree, somebody's kid is going to be the youngest, and I think all this holding kids back is silly, unless they really need the extra time.

My dd was in K last year. She was the youngest in her class. She also is on the small side and there were other kids in there who were a good head taller than she is.

At the end of the year parent-teacher conference, her teacher told me she is reading more than a full grade level ahead, and she was one of the top readers in her class.

She had no trouble making friends and did just fine with kindergarten in general. I have no regrets about sending her on time.