Anyone else watch Dr. Phil today?

[Hannahsmom]

I have never started a thread before, but I have got to talk about this. Today on Dr. Phil's show he had the heated debate between SAHM and WM. I got the feeling he was leaning towards the WM and not staying impartial. I thought Leah's (SAHM) comments were a bit over-the-top, but I was offended by the WM (can't remember her name) saying that SAHM's use TV as a babysitter and use there time during the day to get their nails done. I can't remember the last time I had my nails done! She also couldn't understand why we would educate girls to JUST stay home to babysit. I say - Walk a mile in my shoes honey!!

 

[Disney Enthusiast]

Between the family business accounting work and running after a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old (as of today), I feel lucky when I can get a shower. Today my son got up at 5:30 AM and I've been running ever since. They finally both went down for their naps (yes, I am that lucky.... he still takes a nap, and I coordinated their napping schedules so they take them together), and I have to now clean up all the toys, start getting food together for them and my DH, and finish up the rest of my acctg work. And by the time that is all done, they'll be up from their naps, and it starts all over again. Haven't seemed to get my nails done yet today because they are always in diapers so why bother. Being a SAHM is a full time job, with little appreciation, and no pay. And by the way..... I have 2 college degrees both of which I will continue to use to raise my kids. And my careers were not as hard and not nearly as much fun and rewarding as raising my own children. Uh oh, gotta go. Baby girl is up.

 

[Disney01]

I tend to lean toward the WM-because we do all the things for our house and children that the SAHM above just mentioned in addition to using our college education and maintaining an independent adult identity-something that seems to slip away when women stay home.

 

[tonyswife]

Originally posted by Disney01
I tend to lean toward the WM-because we do all the things for our house and children that the SAHM above just mentioned in addition to using our college education and maintaining an indepdent adult identity-something that seems to slip away when women stay home.

Do you realize how insulting it is for you to say SAHMoms don't have an independant adult identity? Really, There are plenty of scenarios in which a family is better off with a stay at home parent, financially and otherwise.

No one should judge another family based on how they choose to parent their kids. Both SAHM and WM have pros and cons.

I'm glad you are happy with your choice, I'm just as happy with mine.

 

[poohtown]

i started to watch but turned it off. Frankly I don't believe there is a right or wrong answer to that - it totally depends on the mother. If she is the kind of woman who stays home, keeps busy, plays and educates the children, goes places with them, etc - then she should stay home. If she is resentful, ignores the children, does sit them in front of tv all the time, and doesn't do anything - then she should go to work for the sake of both herself and her family. If she's able to stay home then bless her heart. If she can't afford too that doesn't make her a bad mother.


Obviously I've done both. With my first daughter I couldn't stay home. We were living paycheck to paycheck. Luckily my job had an on-site daycare that was discounted compared to other places. I could go visit her and have lunch together. Seven years later with my other daughter, we were secure and I was able to quit my job. Both experiences were what was best for me at the time (of course I wish I could have stayed home with my first, but that was just because I missed her not because I was worried about her safety or emotional being).

 

[Disney01]

Yes, your correct on both counts. It is a choice and one that everyone has a right to make. And, it is somewhat insulting. However, it is also my opinion. Most of my female friends and relatives who have chosen to stay at home do seem to lose some of the qualities that made them independent, interesting, fun females. They just become "Moms"-and very boring ones at that. For example, most of them state how they have to rise at 5:30 or 6:00 am to get up with the kids and don't have time to even take a shower! Well, I get up at 3:45 a.m. every morning so I have time to not only take a shower, but also fit in a long work out, before getting my son off to school. Most independent, intelligent adults can figure out how to carve 10-15 minutes to maintain basic hygiene...If they can't, then they need to take a parenting class as well as a time management class.

 

[MouseClubMom]

My situation is pretty unique I guess. I feel I have the best of both worlds!! I work from home most of the time and also travel about a week a month with the band. Sometimes I feel like I am leading a "double life", but it is nice to be able to take my turn helping out in DD's class at school and driving carpool without it being an issue "at work".

I have done both the traditional SAHM and WM with a regular office job. Both are HARD JOBS and have their own sets of benefits and challenges. I have intense respect for ANY Mom. Parenting is a hard job, period.

I LOVE the travel I do with my job most of the time but I miss my girls when I am away from them. Some people think I am selfish to have the job that I do with young kids at home BUT if I add up the hours that I am gone from my kids and the hours that I am home then I figured out that I am actually HOME with my kids more hours then when I had the 9 to 5 office job!

Do what is BEST for YOUR family and your situation. Dr Phil can shove it where the sun don't shine!!! When he has been a SAHM and a WM himself THEN let him have an opinion!!

Just my .02!
Kelley

 

[MinnieYC]

I don't think Dr. Phil knows how to be impartial, no matter what the situation, and no matter how much he may claim he is.

WM or SAHM, it's an idividual choice, and what's perfect for one family may not be for another. There are plenty of reasons for either choice. I do feel a need to add that plenty of families could afford to have a parent stay at home, but the best choice for the children and parents is to have both parents work.

Oh yeah, SAHD are great, too!

 

[tonyswife]

Originally posted by Disney01
Yes, your correct on both counts. It is a choice and one that everyone has a right to make. And, it is somewhat insulting. However, it is also my opinion. Most of my female friends and relatives who have chosen to stay at home do seem to lose some of the qualities that made them independent, interesting, fun females. They just become "Moms"-and very boring ones at that. For example, most of them state how they have to rise at 5:30 or 6:00 am to get up with the kids and don't have time to even take a shower! Well, I get up at 3:45 a.m. every morning so I have time to not only take a shower, but also fit in a long work out, before getting my son off to school. Most independent, intelligent adults can figure out how to carve 10-15 minutes to maintain basic hygiene...If they can't, then they need to take a parenting class as well as a time management class.

I'm sorry you have such a narrow group of friends and family then. I know plenty of mothers, both stay at home and work out of home that are fun, interesting and independant. They are all good mothers. Broad, sweeping genralizatins ony serve to polarize the groups even more than they already are.

I've heard stay at home militants say things like, "I don't send my kids to be raised by someone else" I just as whole heartedly defend you against that kind of attack as I defend SAHMs when they are attacked with the kind of insulting comments you made.

Really, I cannot understand why mothers feel the need to attack another family's choice in order to make themselves feel better about their own choice.

 

[decker96]

Originally posted by Disney01
Most of my female friends and relatives who have chosen to stay at home do seem to lose some of the qualities that made them independent, interesting, fun females. They just become "Moms"-and very boring ones at that. For example, most of them state how they have to rise at 5:30 or 6:00 am to get up with the kids and don't have time to even take a shower! Well, I get up at 3:45 a.m. every morning so I have time to not only take a shower, but also fit in a long work out, before getting my son off to school. Most independent, intelligent adults can figure out how to carve 10-15 minutes to maintain basic hygiene...If they can't, then they need to take a parenting class as well as a time management class.

First off, I'm sorry that you know so many "boring Moms" as you put it. I'm a SAHM and have been for 7 years now. When I get together with friends (both SAHM and WM) we find many things to talk about. Do we talk about our kids? Sure, but we also talk about politics, current events, books we've read, movies we've seen and life in general. I've never been called boring and I haven't found any of my other SAHM friends to be either.

As for you getting up at 3:45, perhaps you are a person that doesn't need much sleep or it doesn't bother you that you're not rested every day. Some of us need more sleep than that. By the way, no SAHM I know can't find time to take a shower at some point during the day. Sometimes I think people say that just to illustrate how busy they are.

I'm glad that you have found a life that works for you. But, you really can't judge anyone else until you've actually lived their life. Making the generalization that SAHM lose their adult identity and are boring is just plain rude and condescending. I'm sure there are some SAHM's that are like that, but you know what, there are plenty of WM's that are too.

Everyone should be happy with the choice they've made and others should accept that. Why does it always have to be a debate? Some women want to work, some prefer to stay home. Why does it matter to everyone else so much? Personally, I think WM that rip on SAHM really wish they could stay home and SAHM that rip on WM really want to work. If you're happy with your choice you don't care. But's that's just my opinion.

 

[decker96]

Originally posted by tonyswife
Really, I cannot understand why mothers feel the need to attack another family's choice in order to make themselves feel better about their own choice.

Tonyswife -- We were posting at the same time! I wholeheartedly agree!

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Was it a rerun? Because if it is I have seen it before and thought both sides were dumb.

Why can't we, as women, support each other and not tear each other down. Why does one have to be "better" than the other?

Disney01-So what do you do that is so interesting that SAHM's don't do? From WM that I have talk to when they get home their life is about their kids. Practices, activites, school functions, lessons, dinner, bath, bedtime. Is it because SAHM's socialize with other SAHM's and don't get that other type of conversation/adult interaction?

I am a SAHM, so I generally am friends with other SAHM's. Yes, out main topic of conversation is about our kids. Does that make us boring? Less fun? Have we lost ourselves?

I guess I just don't get it.

 

[mom2alix]

Originally posted by Disney01
Yes, your correct on both counts. It is a choice and one that everyone has a right to make. And, it is somewhat insulting. However, it is also my opinion. Most of my female friends and relatives who have chosen to stay at home do seem to lose some of the qualities that made them independent, interesting, fun females. They just become "Moms"-and very boring ones at that. For example, most of them state how they have to rise at 5:30 or 6:00 am to get up with the kids and don't have time to even take a shower! Well, I get up at 3:45 a.m. every morning so I have time to not only take a shower, but also fit in a long work out, before getting my son off to school. Most independent, intelligent adults can figure out how to carve 10-15 minutes to maintain basic hygiene...If they can't, then they need to take a parenting class as well as a time management class.

At least you've made it clear that you INTEND to be insulting. How nice to know that you've maintained your independent, interesting personality.

 

[luvmk]

I honestly couldn't figure out why this is such a debate. I mean, honestly, who cares what another family finds best for them. As long as you are happy with your life and your family, that should be enough. I will say, that some of the comments made here make me realize why people can get riled up. This debate has been going on forever. It seems really sad that we can't get past it.


Rachel

 

[tonyswife]

Originally posted by decker96
Personally, I think WM that rip on SAHM really wish they could stay home and SAHM that rip on WM really want to work. If you're happy with your choice you don't care. But's that's just my opinion.

YES!! I totally agree.

 

[mom2alix]

Rachel -

You are SO right! I would never make insulting comments to someone based on them working That's their choice. I don't know know why my staying at home is such a problem for some people. DH says he even gets comments from women that he works with about having a SAHM. Why is it any of their business? Some people seem to feel they have to insult others in order to justify their decision. I think satying home with me is what is best for DD. If that's not what someone else thinks is best for their child, then good for them for deciding to do what they think IS best.

BTW - The only nails getting painted around here on a regular basis are DD's!

 

[JayBee]

Originally posted by Disney01
\ Well, I get up at 3:45 a.m. every morning so I have time to not only take a shower, but also fit in a long work out, before getting my son off to school. Most independent, intelligent adults can figure out how to carve 10-15 minutes to maintain basic hygiene...If they can't, then they need to take a parenting class as well as a time management class.

3:45 AM????

 

[Beth76]

Originally posted by tonyswife
Really, I cannot understand why mothers feel the need to attack another family's choice in order to make themselves feel better about their own choice.

My sentiments exactly. This thread is only on the first page and already I have no desire to read anymore. I don't need to hear someone call me dull, dependent and unintelligent because I choose to stay at home with my children. I don't think moms who work are any better or worse than I am. Just different. I'm content when everyone is happy with their own situation--whatever that may be.

ETA: Disney01, if every mom worked rather than stay at home, you might be out of a job. Our economy just can't handle everyone working.

 

[luvmk]

The other thing that I find upsetting is the attacks against the moms themselves. The sweeping generalizations are ridiculous! It wasn't so much that we made a bad choice by staying home, it's that we don't have an identity, we aren't enjoyable to be around. I don't defend my decision to stay home to people, but I will defend myself as an individual from uncalled for remarks. I guess I am lucky, many of the people around me have decided to stay home. This issue really nevers comes up. Thank goodness!


Rachel

 

[Pugdog007]

I think the bigger issue for SAHM's is that they aren't prepared to support themselves if their marriage falls apart or something worse happens.

Everyone should be able to support themselves, IMO.