Anyone else struggling with secondary infertility

[Hemlock]

Anyone else out there struggling with secondary infertility?

 

[Jey12]

I am sorry you are going through this. I cannot speak from the side of secondary infertility as I was never able to carry past 10-12 weeks. I would imagine that secondary infertility hurts as much as primary and I just wanted to say I'm sorry. All I can suggest is try and look to the positive of what you have been blessed with and enjoy every minute you can. DH and I decided to become parents through adoption and every day is a blessing. I honestly believe that sometimes you don't get what you thought you wanted, you receive what you needed. I could have never imagined loving a child more or having a child that is so amazing like our DD!

 

[SaraJayne]

I did, yes. With my second child, we tried to get pregnant for 2 and a half years. My first pregnancy was a surprise and unplanned.

I know how difficult and frustrating it can be.

 

[tinytreasures]

here is the TTC thread we have a great support group there

 

[zachnsamsmommy]

I did with my second child...it was a horrible roller coaster of emotions.

First DS was a BC accident...we weren't ready to have kids. so when he was 18 mos old, we were ready to try for #2...and assumed it would be easy since we conceived on bc.

We tried for 2 yrs before we saw a fertility specialist. We had lots of tests run...I had a blocked tube and endometreosis, DH had a slightly low sperm count. We did 6 rounds of clomid...nada. One IUI...didn't work. got pg once on our own during that time...had a m/c. We gave up on our dream when DS started kindergarten...and decided to go to WDW and build a new house. Once we gave up...we found out we were pg with DS2...they are 6 yrs and 6 wks apart in age.

It was such a difficult time...especially being asked when we would have another, while we ourselves knew that we were trying everything.

OP...I am so sorry you are having to go thru this!

 

[KiKi Mouse]

You are not alone.

I've been there and it was a horrible two years stolen out of my life.

*hugs* to you and I hope things work out.

 

[PigletsMommy]

Not secondary infertility, but infertilty in general.

It took 2 years to get our daughter, and success finally came thru IVF. She'll be in November. The 2 years that we spent trying & going thru fertility treatments were the longest most painful 2 years of my life... the 2 years since she's been here, the fastest & happiest.

I had hoped to be pregant with our second one by now. I don't know why... I guess just holding out hope that it would happen naturally.

We are trying to get the savings up so that we can do another round of IVF within the next year. We have 4 embies frozen right now.

I don't know about anyone else, but I find it difficult to join any of the regular TTC groups or sites... most of the women that go there get pregnant within a few months & it gets increasingly difficult to watch.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Been there, done that. I don't think I'd have gotten pregnant again, or have carried past a few weeks if my Reproductive Endocrinologist hadn't done a laparoscopy/hysterscopy. Apparently, I had endometriosis that I didn't know about, polyps I didn't know about, and my uterus was "pinned up" by scar tissue from my previous c-section! Yikes, right?

I hope you are able to get some answers, and hopefully conceive again. *hugs*

 

[tinker-belle]

Been there too. It was awful. While Clomid helped me get pregnant with my second DS, I really wanted one more child. I was told that when a certain dosage works in the past, you often need a higher dose for it to work again. While a higher dose did work, I miscarried. I ended up moving on to IUS and IVFs. Thankfully after 4 and a half years I had my 3rd DS, who is now 2.

Good luck to you. I know how emotional and difficult a road it is.

 

[EeyoreEma]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've dealt with infertility and it stinks. I've 2 wonderful children, and have had 3 miscarriages. Since our last 2 losses were after our 2nd child, we've decided to be happy with the 2 wonderful blessings we have.

 

[Kim♥DISNEY]

I totally understand.

We we first started to try and have children, it took 5 months. The second time (when my first son was 6 months old) we decided to start trying again since it took so long ... and bingo ... I was pregnant on the first try. Since our children were so close together (and we were a little overwhelmed) we decided to wait 2 years to try again. Well ... we tried and tried and tried. We had all the tests done and EVERYTHING came back fine. It was very frustrating.

So, 2 1/2 years after we started to try, we called it quits. We were in the process of finding a surgeon to have a vasectomy done on my husband (I know ... too much information) .............. and surprise, I was prego! Maybe just the stress of trying to get pregnant was holding us back??? Who knows? I always wanted 4 children, but after #3 my DH said "nope, they out number us!"

Anyway, I feel blessed. And, I am sending may good thoughts your way .. that the same surprise we got, heads your way!

 

[*BTMRR*]

Not me, but a dear friend. She confided in me that it was horribly difficult when people would say things to the effect of, "Well, at least you already have two children--be grateful for that." Of course she was grateful! That didn't take away the pain. Eventually after several cycles of Clomid she was blessed with a beautiful third child.

 

[EMom]

I dealt with IF for years. Did surgeries, IUI, IVFs, had miscarriages, you name it. Finally adopted. Upon adopting DD, my DH asked if I wanted to go back into treatment and try for a second child or adopt a second or what. There was no way I was miraculously cured of IF, and I was not about to spend time in a clinic when I could be playing with my new baby, so treatment was out. Adoption didn't work out for us. Clearly, good old-fashioned luck didn't smile on us either. But by then, I was so incredibly grateful to have ONE child that I decided to concentrate on what I did have and forget about what I didn't have......Because there was nothing I could do to change that.

I had a role model. Years before, my SIL went 10 years in between child #1 and #2. For most of that 10 years, they were trying for #2. Lots of dr. visits, but no real answer as to why they didn't conceive. Just a lot of frustration and pain. Near the end of the 10 year gap, she and I were at the hospital one day, visiting someone. (my mom, I think...) We passed a severely disabled little girl in the lobby. My SIL teared up and said something along the lines of, "What is wrong with me? I have been dwelling on the baby I don't have and what I'm missing when what I should have been doing is thanking God for (insert her DD's name.) She's healthy. That mother (of the disabled little girl) would probably give anything if she could make her little girl healthy like my DD. I ought to just be grateful. From now on, I'm going to concentrate on DD and what I have and not worry about what I don't have. If I get pregnant, I do. If I don't, I don't. I've wasted too much time and energy on that."

She was as good as her word. It was like a load lifted off her. I hate to add to the "she finally got pregnant" stories, but she did.....probably within a year. She had a second DD. My brother was thrilled with both DDs, but had wanted a son as well. Not wanting to take that ride again, they adopted the third child. He came along faster than she could have conceived and delivered, so he was much easier than DD#2.

I don't tell you this to minimize your pain, because it is real. Wanting a second or third baby and not being able to have one hurts. But I promise you, it is emotionally healthier to keep what you have been blessed foremost in your thoughts. That doesn't mean you have to give up trying for another baby. Trust me, I am not a "glass half full" person by nature. But talking to many other women who have gone through IF, I have found it is a common thread that while they grieve what they long for and do not have, if they keep their focus on the positives in their life (in this case, your 2 children) it keeps them from going into the dark abyss.

 

[Piglets Mommy]

Yes....we got pregnant with our DS after almost 2 years of marriage. We started trying for # 2 when he was 18 months old. over a 2.5 year period I had a hard time concieving, and had 2 miscarriages. Finally got pregnant with DD on Clomid and Progesterone. It was frustrating, because they wouldn't do any tests or anything at first since we never had any problems conceiving/carrying DS. Once we found my current Dr, she was great and worked with us to find a solution. Come to find out, while there were no complications, and it was relatively "easy" to concieve DS (we weren't trying, but I hadn't been on any birth control) that should have been a sign...almost 2 years with no "prevention", but not concieving. I had very irregular cycles, which didn't help.

Op, I know how hard it can be,

 

[minkydog]

Not me, but a dear friend. She confided in me that it was horribly difficult when people would say things to the effect of, "Well, at least you already have two children--be grateful for that." Of course she was grateful! That didn't take away the pain. Eventually after several cycles of Clomid she was blessed with a beautiful third child.

*nods* People sometimes say the most hurtful things imaginable, though they think they are being "comforting." I suffered both primary and secondary infertility. I had DS#1 at age 30. Then nothing. I never used birth control. We did all the Clomid, temp charting, artificial insemination. Just couldn't get pregnant.And all the while, I had to hear,"You should be grateful! you have a child! Some people never have any!" blahblahblah. Which of course, did NOTHING to make me feel better. Of course we're grateful~! But unless someone has walked that road they have no idea how inadequate you can feel because you can't seem to get pregnant again.

In my case, I did get pregnant after 4 years. Got to 15 wks and the baby died. The ultrasound tech looked at the screen and said....you know what she said. "YOu're young, you can have another baby". I was frigging 35 years old~How many more chances am I going to get? Eventually I did get pregnant again and deliverd two more healthy babies(@ age 38 & 40). My fertility problems were never solved and I have no idea how I managed to get pregnant and stay pregnant.

I empathize with you, OP, because I know what it is to want a baby so badly. It doesn't mean you're not grateful for the one you have. But you want what you want, whether it is one child or twelve. And it's especially painful when you know you *can* get pregnant, but your body isn't cooperative. I remember all those years of trying and failing. I wish you all the blessings in the world.

 

[Hillbeans]

Yes, my boys are almost 5 years apart. We had my oldest son the first month we tried, I was just 30 years old. When DS turned 3 we tried to have another and I had 3 miscarriages within the span of a year, two at the 8 week mark. My OBGYN worked closely with me to monitor what was going on and it seemed to be some sort of clotting issue - I took one baby aspirin while TTC through my 36th week, and progesterone the minute I got the + on the sick through week 12.

I remember feeling so helpless and it was not a good time for DH and I either, in addition my mom was sick and died during the process too which probably wasn't helping since my stress was through the roof.

I wish you the best of luck. Interestingly enough I now work in a RE office, but behind the scenes.

 

[EMom]

I think perhaps one reason secondary IF hits people so hard is this: We're conditioned to expect we'll be able to get pregnant when we want to. If Baby #1 is conceived with not much fuss, then you assume Baby #2 will be the same. When secondary IF hits (and you've always been fertile before) it has the same effect as it had on those of us who suffered from IF with Baby #1.

I'll use myself as an example. All sorts of thoughts go through your head, but the biggies are, why can't I have a baby like everyone else, will I ever be a mother, this isn't fair, what did I do to deserve this, if I only had one baby I'd get down on my knees and thank God, etc. Now for a woman who had Baby #1 with ease, she goes through all that with Baby #2 when secondary IF hits. Why was #1 so easy, but this one is impossible, if I did it before I should be able to do it again, I never wanted just one child....I always dreamed of X number, etc. They go through the same pain people like I did.....They just go through it at a different stage of their lives.

I think it probably was easier for me to accept just having one because I went from the very real possibility of NEVER having even ONE child to the miracle of adopting one. The OP has two, wanted more and THAT was her "starting point," so to speak. She's been whacked upside the head at a different point than I was.

 

[LBAK]

I was also there. We had a beautiful girl after 3 miscarriages and I wanted at least one more child, possibly 2 and nothing happened. After tests, Clomid, a laparoscopy, IUI's nothing happened. We tried for 6 years and it was taking a toll on our marriage. We were sad but we did have a happy, healthy child and we knew we were blessed. It wasn't easy but we decided to just stop and enjoy her. It took a long time to get a "normal" life where I didn't feel sad quite a bit of the time. Don't you you know 3 years after we stopped trying I got pregnant on my own and we now have 2 girls 10 years apart.
Of course I get asked all the time if my youngest if from a second marriage but as far as I'm concerned I have the perfect family.
Hang in there!

 

[cm8]

I was also there. We had a beautiful girl after 3 miscarriages and I wanted at least one more child, possibly 2 and nothing happened. After tests, Clomid, a laparoscopy, IUI's nothing happened. We tried for 6 years and it was taking a toll on our marriage. We were sad but we did have a happy, healthy child and we knew we were blessed. It wasn't easy but we decided to just stop and enjoy her. It took a long time to get a "normal" life where I didn't feel sad quite a bit of the time. Don't you you know 3 years after we stopped trying I got pregnant on my own and we now have 2 girls 10 years apart.
Of course I get asked all the time if my youngest if from a second marriage but as far as I'm concerned I have the perfect family.
Hang in there!

 

[minkydog]

I was also there. We had a beautiful girl after 3 miscarriages and I wanted at least one more child, possibly 2 and nothing happened. After tests, Clomid, a laparoscopy, IUI's nothing happened. We tried for 6 years and it was taking a toll on our marriage. We were sad but we did have a happy, healthy child and we knew we were blessed. It wasn't easy but we decided to just stop and enjoy her. It took a long time to get a "normal" life where I didn't feel sad quite a bit of the time. Don't you you know 3 years after we stopped trying I got pregnant on my own and we now have 2 girls 10 years apart.
Of course I get asked all the time if my youngest if from a second marriage but as far as I'm concerned I have the perfect family.
Hang in there!

You know, that happened to my sister. Her two boys are 14 years apart TO THE DAY~ she was not induced, no c-section. Her boys share a Dec 21 birthdate and now she has one out of college and one in Cub Scouts. People ask her all the time if the oldest one has a different daddy(sheesh!)