Anyone else live in a "No cheating zone"?

[Mickey's Minion]

I don't understand the need for a brag thread like this when I have recently read so much heartache on the DIS lately. It really makes me think "Good for you! Do you want a cookie?" Honestly, it's people like Minnesota! who have experienced setbacks and made their relationship work anyway that I admire the most. Not lucky schlubs like us who are in easier relationships.

Why the need for such a sanctimonious thread?

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Very early in our marriage, my wife once wrote one of my English papers for me while I was working nights in a video store.

It was risky, because it was for a very strict professor. I don't think the professor knew, though. But my wife's paper got an A and mine got an A-.

 

[Acklander]

If it were to happen, I would deal with it then. I am not naive enough to think it could never happen....but I don't fret about it, and I know it wouldn't destroy me/my marriage. If DH decided to permanently end our marriage to be with someone else...so be it. His choice. I am of the mindset that every step in life is what is supposed to happen. It all leads to our destiny..

this.

Besides those who make the choice to have an open marriage, I don't think anyone goes into it with the intentions of cheating or accepting being cheated on - yet studies show that about half of all marriages have had at least one partner who has cheated - things happen - sometimes it breaks a marriage, sometimes the couple is able to work through it. I'd never start off a relationship by insisting that it would be a deal breaker, because if it happened I'd have to look at the circumstances that surround it. If it was just a one night stand, I could see us working through it - if he fell in love with someone else, I could see me moving on. I've got over 25 years invested in this relationship, so no - I can't think of anything that would cause me to blindly throw away my marriage without looking at all aspects of it.
While cheating isn't nice, and not something that I'd want to have to deal with, I don't consider it the be all, end all, worst thing that could happen in a marriage.

 

[MIGrandma]

DH and I knew each other 2 months before we were engaged, and 4 months later we were married, in 1975 so it will be 35 years for us in September and neither of us has cheated, or has even had the desire to do so.

I don't understand people who cheat in their relationships/marriages, and do it over and over and over. Do they really think the grass is greener on the other side of the pasture?

 

[Arielle22]

I don't understand the need for a brag thread like this when I have recently read so much heartache on the DIS lately. It really makes me think "Good for you! Do you want a cookie?" Honestly, it's people like Minnesota! who have experienced setbacks and made their relationship work anyway that I admire the most. Not lucky schlubs like us who are in easier relationships.

Most posters are not saying their marriage is easy, just that no cheating has occurred. Why is it bragging to state the facts of your marriage?

Now to my story. DH and I have been together 27 years and married 25 in Nov. I was 19 (married 2 days before my 20th birthday) and he was 22.

We have had many challenges in our marriage. I made it clear at the beginning that I would be faithful to him and that if he cheated, she better be good because it would never be me again. DH felt the same way so we are in sync. He tells me no other woman could ever be good enough to give up our life together.

I have 7 siblings and 6 are married. Our marriages range from 27 years to 11 years. My siblings and their spouses all feel the same way DH and I do. There was been no cheating in our relationships(I am very close to my 4 sisters and 1 of my sister in laws so I would have heard if it occurred).

DH and I may knock heads but the good times outweigh the bad times. He tells me that I am beautiful (and I ask if he wants me to schedule his eye exam) and the best thing that happened to him. I tell him that he is funny and a great dad. Since his dad was sorely lacking he finds this the ultimate compliment.

 

[thebigkahuna]

I mean a thread about laughing until I cried with my DH in bed watching "The Soup", sitting on the lawn with my DH's head in my lap talking about where we'll live when we retire and sitting quietly on the back swing with Mojito cracking up because my DH is a great storyteller isn't exactly going to pull in the high thread count numbers is it?

Actually, I'd love to hear more stories like this (about everyones Husbands/Wives/Boyfriends/Girlfriends) - I find it heartwarming. I enjoyed a thread a few days ago about wives who were home alone because their husbands are deployed, and they found little post-it notes or something else sweet that reminded them of their love.
It's moments like these that you (collective you) will look back on in the golden years and cherish.

but maybe I'm just a romantic.

 

[~disneydiva~]

Actually, I'd love to hear more stories like this (about everyones Husbands/Wives/Boyfriends/Girlfriends) - I find it heartwarming. I enjoyed a thread a few days ago about wives who were home alone because their husbands are deployed, and they found little post-it notes or something else sweet that reminded them of their love.
It's moments like these that you (collective you) will look back on in the golden years and cherish.

but maybe I'm just a romantic.

I love hearing these stories too!

 

[Acklander]

I have 7 siblings and 6 are married. Our marriages range from 27 years to 11 years. My siblings and their spouses all feel the same way DH and I do. There was been no cheating in our relationships(I am very close to my 4 sisters and 1 of my sister in laws so I would have heard if it occurred).

.

yeah, but the only one you can answer for is yourself. You may not suspect any of the others (or your spouse) of cheating, but you won't ever know for sure that they don't.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard "I can't believe it happened to me" and "I trusted him/her completely"

 

[Arielle22]

yeah, but the only one you can answer for is yourself. You may not suspect any of the others (or your spouse) of cheating, but you won't ever know for sure that they don't.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard "I can't believe it happened to me" and "I trusted him/her completely"

DH has worked with my brother for all of our marriage. I also worked there 7.5 years. He is a homebody. So he leaves for work at 655am, drops me off at the train station then picks me up at 605pm. On weekends he stays home, puttering around the house where I am home or our daughters are home.

When our daughters were young, we worked opposite shifts so each of us watched our daughters. Also at various points in our marriage, my brother, my sister, my mom and his mom have lived with us. If DH has cheated on me he is Houdini.

Yes you can say I don't know but then again you don't know either. Since it is very difficult to disprove a negative, I think I will have faith in my DH.

As for my sisters, brothers and their spouses I also don't know positively. But then again, we are all homebodies who are each others best friends. So I will again believe the best in people until proven otherwise.

 

[NMAmy]

Well, hey, good luck with that. Up until my 21st year of marriage, I probably would have written the same thing. Then, I found out that my now ex was cheating. AND when confronted, he chose her over his family.

No marriage is immune. We were the "poster child" couple at our church, with two great sons, and I was the cliche wife -- I knew nothing until I absolutely found it underneath my nose.

So, like I said, good luck
Edie

I have a very similar story myself and it taught me a valuable lesson. Never say never about things that you personally can't control. I am quite certain that I would never have an affair but as much as I love and trust DH, I would never go around crowing that he'd never cheat because I learned the hard way that those you love can surprise you by acting completely out of character.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

I'm sorry, but just because some people have been cheated on does not make all men cheaters.

 

[robinb]

I'm sorry, but just because some people have been cheated on does not make all men cheaters.

I think that some people are simply saying "never say never". People change, relationships change and even "deal-breakers" change.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

I think that some people are simply saying "never say never". People change, relationships change and even "deal-breakers" change.

True, but I think most people can honestly say "never". Everything else is confirmation bias.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I don't understand the need for a brag thread like this when I have recently read so much heartache on the DIS lately. It really makes me think "Good for you! Do you want a cookie?" Honestly, it's people like Minnesota! who have experienced setbacks and made their relationship work anyway that I admire the most. Not lucky schlubs like us who are in easier relationships.

Same here. I'm not ready to flush my best friend down the toilet because he had a momentary lapse or something else was going on that created the situation where he had sex with another woman.

I find it a bit of a paradox that the people who whine the most about how others get divorced so quickly, how others should seek counselling and work on their marriage, how others should think of their children - these are typically the posters who speak of cheating being a deal-breaker and how fast they'd "Lawyer-up" and throw the scumbucket out if they ever found out that he was cheating.

 

[DisTeach1]

Okay, I understand the intent of this new thread, but now it's just turning into the same debate as the other one. Repetitive.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

Same here. I'm not ready to flush my best friend down the toilet because he had a momentary lapse or something else was going on that created the situation where he had sex with another woman.

I find it a bit of a paradox that the people who whine the most about how others get divorced so quickly, how others should seek counselling and work on their marriage, how others should think of their children - these are typically the posters who speak of cheating being a deal-breaker and how fast they'd "Lawyer-up" and throw the scumbucket out if they ever found out that he was cheating.

Because to most people, putting your genitals in a body that isn't your wife's is a deal breaker. Would be for me.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I'm not ready to flush my best friend down the toilet because he had a momentary lapse or something else was going on that created the situation where he had sex with another woman.

What if he refused to give the woman up and still wanted to be married to you?

 

[ksumn1]

DH and I have been together for 13 years, married for 12 years this August. And while I would never say never, I trust DH and he trusts me and cheating is a deal breaker for us. It would possibly be the end of our marriage but that's hard to say because we have so much invested already that it would be hard to just throw it all away but at the same time cheating is such a violation of trust that I don't know if the marriage would survive anyway.

But I think OP's intent was not to be sanctimonius or judgemental but to say how nice it is to read about happy marraiges for a change. Because here lately, there have been quite a few depreeing threads about broken marraiges. It's enjoyable to hear about the good ones every now and then. Of course, people tend to take the goood times for granted and only post when life is bad and need a little sympathy and hand holding. I loooove hearing about the good times, too.

Here's mine. Dd broke her wrist last summer, we had a house fire last July and the same Dd broke her leg in 3 places this June. So our Wdw trip was moved then cancelled twice, the upcoming one may be a well due to all the medical bills for Dd's leg. Money has been so tight, but in all honesty, our marriage has never been better. Sure we fight and fuss but all this adversity has brought us closer together. We really both realize what's most important. I love DH.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Because to most people, putting your genitals in a body that isn't your wife's is a deal breaker. Would be for me.

Actually, considering that the rest of the world isn't as puritanical about sex as the US is, I'd have to say that you are wrong.

Anyway, I wouldn't just up and throw out my best friend for a momentary lapse in judgment. I won't even joke about that. I value our friendship, our partnership and our love way too much for that. YMMV, though.

 

[disykat]

I refuse to have "dealbreakers" in my marriage. No way.

DH and I have always been monogomous and always plan to be. It's not a question mark for us. While I know that things happen that sometimes destroy marriages and we're no more immune than anyone else, I'm not going to plan ahead conditions for the demise of my marriage anymore than I would plan ahead things that would make me no longer love my child. I never understand that.