Anyone else know someone like this?

[Piglet4Ever]

I have never had a "friend" like that, and I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who acted like that.

 

[focusondisney]

The most obvious reason- I’m a spineless-people-pleaser who is trying to learn to set boundaries.

Yep.

Where is that Tag Fairy when you need her?

 

[focusondisney]

I think she has a mental problem, seriously. Taking stuff out of your refrigerator is bizzare! It's not like she can't go to the grocery store herself! Growing up, was she a spoiled brat? Sounds like she has an entitlement issue.

My first thought was: Of course she's nice. Master manipulators always are.


But on second thought, it does seem like she really has a personality disorder. She seems to have a compulsive need to "have" stuff. Did she have a deprived childhood?

I have a friend who is compulsive about food . She kind of "hoards" it. And no matter where she goes, if there is food served, she must save some of hers & take it home for later. She even marks it in her fridge & wouldn't share with her family. She had a pretty bad childhod. Abandoned by her mother, several kids raised by dad & grandmother & apparently there were times when there wasn't enough food. She is a very good person, hard worker & loves her kids & grands. Just has this quirk about food.

Perhaps your friend had a troublesome childhood & never had her own "things". If it is something like that, knowing about it can make it easier for you to deal with. Guess you'll have to decide if you can overlook this trait, set some boundaries & continue the friendship.

 

[southern_redhead]

I don't think she sounds like a kleptomaniac, I always understood that, for a klepto, the thrill was taking something without being caught. This woman is ASKING. It sounds, to me, like she has entitlement issues. She thinks it's unfair for someone else to have something she wants. If she likes it, clearly they should give it up for her.

I have a friend like this but not anywhere NEAR this degree. If she were doing this then we wouldn't be friends anymore. As it is, I find her whining about people not doing whatever for her to be annoying. I avoid those topics in conversation - if I had to avoid having her in my home for fear of losing my belongings I'd re-think the friendship.

I agree with PP's...go to her home and start shopping for your things. Load them up and never look back. I wouldn't continue the friendship, but if you do, steer clear of your home from now on. And, possibly, the grocery. She seriously got miffed that you gave her a page instead of the notebook? Wow!

 

[dimimi]

Wow, I can't believe she would do this. She is only 25, but she is a mom and I assume married? I wouldn't let her out of my sight. I agree that I would just say you need the item or tell her where to purchase it herself. I am curious (forgive me if it has been answered) about your relationship. Are you significantly older than her and more financially secure? Perhaps she sees you as someone who wants to give her your unwanted things? (I can't explain the grocery bag incident! That was just bazaar! I wouldn't have done that at my mother's house!) Is she in a financial bind?

 

[disykat]

I would ask her before she left if she had any of my belongings and let her know that, sad as it makes me, I would be checking and would file a police report if anything is missing. She would no longer be allowed in my home. whether you caught her or not is really not the point, she was stealing.

I hope your friend gets the help she needs. Meanwhile, you should probably be careful about spending time with her. I wouldn't want you to be dubbed guilty by association if she does this with others or things turn up missing when you are both around.

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

Sure. They're known as "thieves"...and I wouldn't have one as a friend if you paid me. She had zero intention of asking the day in your kitchen if you hadn't caught her red-handed...she's a thief.

I haven't read the rest of the thread, so maybe I'm behind now, lol....

She kind of sounds like a kleptomaniac to me-- the way she just grabbed a bag and started putting food into it is beyond strange.

I would ask her before she left if she had any of my belongings and let her know that, sad as it makes me, I would be checking and would file a police report if anything is missing. She would no longer be allowed in my home. whether you caught her or not is really not the point, she was stealing.

I hope your friend gets the help she needs. Meanwhile, you should probably be careful about spending time with her. I wouldn't want you to be dubbed guilty by association if she does this with others or things turn up missing when you are both around.

She always asks. Even with the food, she was going to ask me. She was just preparing it, so I wouldn't have to dig out what she wanted. She was doing me a favor
Seriously though, she'd never steal purposely.

But on second thought, it does seem like she really has a personality disorder. She seems to have a compulsive need to "have" stuff. Did she have a deprived childhood?

She came from an abusive home- physical, emotional, and neglect, but she was also a spoiled brat. Her parents made up for the abuse and lack of attention by buying/getting her whatever she wanted. (and she would complain/whine etc if they didn't)

Wow, I can't believe she would do this. She is only 25, but she is a mom and I assume married? ?

No, she is not married.

I am curious (forgive me if it has been answered) about your relationship. Are you significantly older than her and more financially secure? Perhaps she sees you as someone who wants to give her your unwanted things? (I can't explain the grocery bag incident! That was just bazaar! I wouldn't have done that at my mother's house!)

Actually, I am not older than her and am not financially more secure. My situation is a little strange. In a nutshell- I just moved back home with my parents to take care of my dad full time.
So, no extra money. lol

Is she in a financial bind?

Yes and no. When she gets her paycheck she has plenty, but by the end of the first week, she's struggling. (She knows nothing about saving/prioritizing money)

If you have never read 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan then that might help .

Thanks for reminding me about this book. I was going to read it a while ago (not for my friend, though that might be a good idea ) and I forgot the name of it.

 

[focusondisney]

She always asks. Even with the food, she was going to ask me. She was just preparing it, so I wouldn't have to dig out what she wanted. She was doing me a favor
Seriously though, she'd never steal purposely.


She came from an abusive home- physical, emotional, and neglect, but she was also a spoiled brat. Her parents made up for the abuse and lack of attention by buying/getting her whatever she wanted. (and she would complain/whine etc if they didn't)

I think this explains alot. She equates people giving her stuff with love / caring. Poor thing. She probably needs a lot of counseling. Probably doesn't know how to have a caring/ loving relationship without "things", just with emotions.

 

[FredinFL]

I'd stop having her come in my house. That's just creepy.

 

[disykat]

Seriously though, she'd never steal purposely.

Huh? She was packing your stuff into bags to take home. How is that not purposeful? Whether SHE defines it as stealing or not, that's what it is.

Somehow she has you believing that because she tells you or asks your permission to take it, it's not stealing.

I'm a stranger, would it be okay if I came into your home and started taking things and then asked if it was okay? No, of course not! How is it different because you know her?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Huh? She was packing your stuff into bags to take home. How is that not purposeful? Whether SHE defines it as stealing or not, that's what it is.

Somehow she has you believing that because she tells you or asks your permission to take it, it's not stealing.

I'm a stranger, would it be okay if I came into your home and started taking things and then asked if it was okay? No, of course not! How is it different because you know her?

I agree with this. The gal is stealing and using tactics to have the OP believe she is not stealing.

Now she does sound mentally off which is what is probably the root cause of her behavior.

However OP is not doing her any favors by allowing her to continue behaving this way.

You will find out the true extent of her when you start saying "no" and when you stand up to her. That will be who she really is.