Anyone else have to buy kids' gifts? **update pg 5

[vettechick99]

I don't mean your own. I mean the kids at your child's daycare/school.

DD3 goes to a half-day enrichment school. There are 12 kids in her class, all 3 years old, and 2 teachers. Then for the rest of the day she goes to a home sitter. There are about 5 3-year olds and after school ends, 6 or 7 older kids show for a little bit. So there are another 12 or so kids there (plus 3 adults).

I have to buy gifts for all these kids. At her school I can get away with buying a small goody bag with random toys/candy. But usually once you buy bags and fillers, you've spent $30. Plus something for the teachers.

At the sitter, they go all out. Santa shows up and the sitter has several toys for each child and the kids exchange with one another. Last year I gave a 3-pack of Play-doh (decent gift I thought ) and I think I was the cheapie of the bunch. DD left with Barbies, dolls, elaborate hairbows, etc. I just don't think I can spend $5-10 for each child!

Its looking like $200 just for this group - not including my own gift expense at home.

So I have to find inexpensive, but substantial gifts for the sitter group. I was thinking of buying them all a board game. Target has them on BF for $4 each. But I don't really want to do BF. Plus Target is 70 mins away from me.

This is really stressing me out!

Any ideas? When will they let us knoww online BF deals?

 

[fakereadhed]

That is insane! I bet all the other parents are feeling the same way. Why are the kids getting gifts? Shouldn't they be learning the spirit of giving and giving or making a gift just for the teachers???

 

[ilovejack02]

Oh hell no lol. I would see if you could talk to the other parents , I can't imagine everyone is excited about this. I just wouldn't participate, my tiny would miss that day at the sitters. I hate to be a scrooge, but that is silly and I spend at least 1000 on Christmas gifts , food, decorations, activities, donations etc. No way I would add a cpl of hundred extra on children I am not close to.

One hint , I always buy small treat bags and goodies for DS8 classroom , after Christmas on clearance and tuck away for next year. Cuts the spending down a bit.

 

[Marionnette]

I don't mean your own. I mean the kids at your child's daycare/school.

DD3 goes to a half-day enrichment school. There are 12 kids in her class, all 3 years old, and 2 teachers. Then for the rest of the day she goes to a home sitter. There are about 5 3-year olds and after school ends, 6 or 7 older kids show for a little bit. So there are another 12 or so kids there (plus 3 adults).

I have to buy gifts for all these kids. At her school I can get away with buying a small goody bag with random toys/candy. But usually once you buy bags and fillers, you've spent $30. Plus something for the teachers.

At the sitter, they go all out. Santa shows up and the sitter has several toys for each child and the kids exchange with one another. Last year I gave a 3-pack of Play-doh (decent gift I thought ) and I think I was the cheapie of the bunch. DD left with Barbies, dolls, elaborate hairbows, etc. I just don't think I can spend $5-10 for each child!

Its looking like $200 just for this group - not including my own gift expense at home.

So I have to find inexpensive, but substantial gifts for the sitter group. I was thinking of buying them all a board game. Target has them on BF for $4 each. But I don't really want to do BF. Plus Target is 70 mins away from me.

This is really stressing me out!

Any ideas? When will they let us knoww online BF deals?

Wow, oh wow! I cant imagine spending that much on "stuff" for daycare classmates. I agree that it might be time to find out if other parents feel the same way. Maybe suggest doing a pollyanna at the sitter group instead of totally doing away with the gifting? It really seems over the top when you consider the state of the economy.

 

[vettechick99]

I'm glad someone agrees with me. I think it's ridiculous too. But I get the impression I'm the only one. In fact, everyone did treat bags at Halloween - at both places! We had more candy without going ToT that we could have stopped there and had plenty (BTW, I saved the candy and it's about to be re-gifted in a few weeks. ). Anyway, I was the "bad mom" because DD didn't bring anything to the sitter and something very small to her class.

I can't not do it. I live in a small town and I know most of the moms. I just think it's silly to spend so much, and to get so much.

 

[gillenkl]

I've never heard of such - there's no way I'd buy gifts for all these kids - that's just crazy. Speak up and stop the madness!

 

[kirstenb1]

I don't even understand this. I always bought gift cards for the teachers and aides, but not for other kids at the daycare.

 

[luvmy3]

I'm confused, is someome at the school and baby sitter telling you you have to buy gifts, or is this something you assume you have to do? I have never heard of anything like this, I have had 3 kids in pre-school, and know a few people who run home daycare services and they don't do anything like this. If the teacher/sitter want to play Santa and give the kids a little something thats one thing, but no way can they tellall the parents they have to send in a gift for every kid. I am amazed that you have 2 seperate places doing it, thats crazy. I'd be telling the teacher that its not appropriate, some parents truly can't afford to do that so they shouldn't be made to.

 

[vettechick99]

The first year DD went we gave the sitter some $$ and she gave DD some gifts. But a few other kids gave her something (she was only about 7 months - I didnt' know kids were exchanging).

So the next year I gave everyone an inexpensive book, and last year Play-Doh. But last year was the year when the other mom's doled out big gifts. These same kids are there this year so I need to be prepared. It's like DD is going to get gifts whether I participate or not. So I kind of have to.

 

[Deon.Newmankgyxc]

i have not understood yet

 

[Marionnette]

I'm glad someone agrees with me. I think it's ridiculous too. But I get the impression I'm the only one. In fact, everyone did treat bags at Halloween - at both places! We had more candy without going ToT that we could have stopped there and had plenty (BTW, I saved the candy and it's about to be re-gifted in a few weeks. ). Anyway, I was the "bad mom" because DD didn't bring anything to the sitter and something very small to her class.

I can't not do it. I live in a small town and I know most of the moms. I just think it's silly to spend so much, and to get so much.

The first year DD went we gave the sitter some $$ and she gave DD some gifts. But a few other kids gave her something (she was only about 7 months - I didnt' know kids were exchanging).

So the next year I gave everyone an inexpensive book, and last year Play-Doh. But last year was the year when the other mom's doled out big gifts. These same kids are there this year so I need to be prepared. It's like DD is going to get gifts whether I participate or not. So I kind of have to.

Is there a reason that you cant talk to the other moms? I guess Im missing something here. This all seems to be about keeping up appearances and not in keeping with the spirit of giving at all. I think that I would print up cards for all the kids stating that a donation has been given to a local charity in the name of the class if I met with any resistence to changing this practice. How could any parent get upset with a donation to make a wish or the childrens section of the public library?

 

[tinkercat]

I think Toys R Us is still doing the board game deal. If you buy like $35 in board games, you get a gift card back ($10 I think) and then they are on sale anyways and you can get a mail in rebate.

They had Candyland and a few others that ended up being like $1 a game after the rebate and then with the gift card thing, it was like they were free.

I'd check into that, because its a good deal and a board game is a decent gift. They had Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, all the cootie type games...all for cheap after the MIR and all qualified for the gift card thing too.

 

[luvmy3]

The first year DD went we gave the sitter some $$ and she gave DD some gifts. But a few other kids gave her something (she was only about 7 months - I didnt' know kids were exchanging).

So the next year I gave everyone an inexpensive book, and last year Play-Doh. But last year was the year when the other mom's doled out big gifts. These same kids are there this year so I need to be prepared. It's like DD is going to get gifts whether I participate or not. So I kind of have to.

I gotcha, I thought that the teacher and sitter was telling the parents that they have to do this. I understand the postition you are in now, I wouldn't want to be the only parent not giving either.
Do you know how the teacher/sitter feel about this? Maybe they could make an announcement that gift exchanges between the kids is not going to happen this year in class. I can't believe it hasn't been discouraged through the years.

 

[vettechick99]

tinkercat, thanks for the suggestion. I would totally do that except I don't have a TRU anywhere near me. I'd have to drive 3 hours to Atlanta.

luvmy3, I think the sitter encourages it. She is a very giving, selfless person and enjoys watching the kids open gifts from Santa. Last year, all the gifts were put into a pile and Santa gave them out. I think DD went up to Santa a dozen times for toys.

I just talked it over with DH. We had decided to only spend $500 for xmas because 1. we always overspend and 2. we want to pay off my car instead. So I started adding the # of gifts I think we'll need to buy: 12 kids at school, 12-ish kids at sitters, 2 teachers, 3 sitters, 5 co-worker gifts, 4 grandparents, 2 cousins...I'm sure I left someone out. That just about uses up our $500 if I go cheap. Nothing left for our own kids, forget each other. I've had to buy gifts for people I don't care about and nothing left for those I do. And who can afford a Christmas tree????

Christmas has gotten out of hand and every year I become Grinchier.

I'm going to email one of the other moms and see what she suggests. I can't be the only one feeling this way.

 

[4HppyCamprs]

walmart had games on sale for 3.00 like dont break the ice and ant in your pants and such...

 

[taximomfor4]

Honestly, I just wouldn't participate. We don't believe in major gift-giving anyway, so I would use that as my starting point. I'd contact the person in charge at each place, and ask them if this can become a craft thing (the kids, while at daycare, draw a name and make a Holiday card for that kid). Something like that.

Some religions don't do the holidays that we do, or don't do them in the way that we do them.

Since my household doesn't believe in the total commercialism, we don't do a lot of actual gift-giving...we hand-me-down for Christmas, etc. So I'd be able to approach it from that angle, that we don't believe in buying gifts very much so we'd like to opt out. Then, if it was going to continue, I'd make other arrangements for my child that day making sure to get a memo out to the parents that due to our own family's beliefs, we'll opt out of the gifting for the holidays -- and that while we appreciate their thoughtfulness in wanting to send gifts for our children, we ask them to obey our wishes.

TBH, I'd not have my kids in school/daycare that were that inconsiderate of cultural/religious differences if they insisted the big Gift Thing continue.

I know I am rambling, but wanted to add that yes, our family has been the non-participants in gifting situations.

 

[twinsmom]

How about a homemade gift? Either little hot plates/trivets painted with your children. Knit gloves at knit hats at target are $1 each. My kids love them! Wrap them cute and there you go.

 

[RangerPooh]

I ahve never heard of this either. At our daycare they ahve a Fall Festival where parents are asked to donate items on a list for the party, but nothing is required. During the rest of the year if I see something that would be cute but inexpensive to give the class, I might buy it but I'm not spending $$$ on a gift exchange of sorts.

I agree with the PP, go to TRU online and purchase Candyland, Chuttes and Ladders, and any Memory as they are all $3 on sale and $1 after the mail in rebate. true you'd ahve to pay for shipping (unless you spend over $100), but it would still be a great price and a nice gift.

I'm cheap, so if that idea isn't working for you and you feel that Play-dou is too cheap then I' start hitting the clearance isle for toys and art supplies. You can always create art bags for the kids from dollar store finds. Just an idea.

 

[vettechick99]

TBH, I'd not have my kids in school/daycare that were that inconsiderate of cultural/religious differences if they insisted the big Gift Thing continue.

I get what you are saying, but we are all Christian. We all gift give. Wish I could play "I"m a Johovah's Witness" card. I just don't want to spend to be spending. And DD doesn't need all those gifts anyway. She plays with them once. I'd actually be better off keeping them in the packages and giving them to a needy family.

I think the adults get off on seeing the kids excited. At the most, I think it's breeding selfishness and at the very least it's overkill.

RangerPooh, where is the TRU ad for BF-online (only saw store ad)?

Thanks for all the comments!

 

[krcit]

I bet there are other parents who feel the same as you but are afraid to speak up. I would really try to put an end to it now or it will only get worse. feel for you, it's a crappy position to be in but I think I would just make a stand this year and every year will get easier....who knows? You may start a trend. i think a cute grab bag is fun for the kids but there is no reason for them to receive dozens of gifts. It's excessive and kind of yucky I think when some kids don't get any gifts.