Anyone else have this little problem?

[The Sweetness]

My DD 12 has recently developed some fairly strong opinions about certain behaviors and other choices made by others people we see in public places. The things that make her the most likely to say something inappropriate are~

1~ A small child on a leash (the velcro kind) or any child getting spanked or smacked (DD once told someone as we walked by them "Leashes are for dogs, not people"

2~ Young ladies in places other than the pool or beach wearing shorts that let part of ther *cheeks* hang out, or tank/ bikini tops so small and or tight that they may as well be topless. A couple of times, Ive heard her whisper to me / DH skut, or slut, or hooch.

I HAVE TOLD DD THAT SHE MUST NOT JUDGE THESE OTHERS BY THEIR CHOICES, AS ITS THEIR RIGHT TO DO WHAT THEY WANT

DOes anyone else get similarly embarrassed by their little *angels*?

(I posted this here, as I am anticipating potential trouble in this area on our next summer vacation)

 

[Mortlives]

When I was in line at the bank, DS, then 12, looked at a lovely punk girl in front of us, and said, loudly enough for her to hear, "What some people wear". I was even more flabbergasted because there was nothing she was wearing that I wouldn't, and haven't.

Once we got outside, I pulled him to the side of the street, and gave him a lecture about manners and judging other people. Concluded with the famous, "I don't ever want to hear..., etc." The most important point I tried to get across was that he wouldn't like it if someone did that to him.

In retrospect, I have to wonder if part of it was some attempt at youthful rebellion against parents who are rebels in their own right.

Maybe if you tried giving her a taste of her own medicine. Perhaps with her friends?

Good luck,
Mort.

 

[dg39]

I tell my dd that what other people think, say, or do is their business and not hers. As long as there is no harm done in what the other people are doing or saying its not her place to pass judgement or any type of remarks. In doing this she may encounter someone passing judgement or saying something back to her. Then what.....

 

[Carrie Ellis]

If someone made a crack at me about the leash thing I would say something back. I have 2 sets of twins. At one time, I had 4 kids 4 and under. This is a classic example of not judging someone until you have walked in their shoes. I have always done what is safest for my children and if I had to use a "leash" to keep my babies safe and close I would. I have 2 leashes that I use only in very crowded situations. For example the circus.

Never say never. Someday she might be in their shoes....leash and clothing.

 

[The Sweetness]

DD12 is the only child and has always been #1, attention wise.

In reminding her that if she doesnt have anything nice to say to just keep her opinion to herself, (At least until we are in private, I dont like discouraging her from speaking her mind), I will explain to her that when one person is looking after more than one tot, who doest know yet, to stay close, that this is sometimes the only safe thing to do, for the tots.

BTW, was leash the wrong word to use? Please correct me, and Ill be sure to use the propper term, I apologize if I offended you, I hadnt intended to

 

[twinsmom&dad]

We have used the "leash" when in crowded areas also. I am always afraid somebody is going to think " i would never do that to my kid". dw wife says it is for her peace of mind and safety for the kids. kids disappear in a flash, so when we did use them it was for safety.

 

[disneyjunkie]

You might what to talk to her about the consequences of saying something to or about others. You have no idea how someone will react.

Some things are "cute" when little kids say them, but at her age she's way pass the cute stage.

Her comments can get her, you, and anyone else with her, into a very ugly situation.


My son is 12, he'll be 13 in October, he's also an only child. He will comment on the things he see, but never loud enough for anyone other than me to hear him.

 

[airhead]

to the wrong person. That may be the day she starts taking your advice to "keep it to herself"!

 

[MommyBoo!]

I just went through this with ds9. He saw a child on a leash/harness? and mentioned how he thought that was. The ironic thing was that, although I never used one with him or dd7, I was looking at the child thinking that I will probably need one for dd5mo (honestly, I would not be at all surprised to see her stand up and walk tomorrow, this girl has just gotta move). I explained to him how it was actually protecting the child and not to be surprised to see his sister in one someday. I don't think he realized how loud he was though, he never does. His problem is he speaks before he thinks. When I explained it to him, he thought it was a good idea.

 

[pygmymom]

As far as the "leash" goes, tell your DD there is nothing worse than losing your child somewhere....when my first daughter was 3, she got away from me in a large mall. One second she was there, the next she wasn't. We were in a bathroom with a very heavy door, so she couldn't have opened it herself. My heart dropped right to the floor. Fortunately, thank God, a sales clerk found her within 10 minutes. She said she was "bored" waiting for me to get done changing her baby sister's diaper and when another adult opened the door, she also went out.

I immediately went out and bought her a "leash". And I could certainly see the need for one in a place like Disney. Maybe that story will help your DD understand a little.

As for the skimpy shorts, I'm with her...although not out loud. I feel your pain--all my girls are teens now and like to voice their opinion without benefit of discretion sometimes.

 

[aimee11621]

I used a leash on my 2 years old dd . She gets away from me soo fast I can't keep up with her.

People point and laugh and I laugh tooo but I know where she is and nothing is wrong with it .

If your dd told me this I would take it in stride. But I do see your point , needs to be less verbal shall we say ?:MinnieMo

 

[LYNSUE]

When my youngest DS was age 3 we went to WDW. With two children to look after, I did employ the use of the "leash/harness". A big part of it was for my own piece of mind. (very nervous & over protective mom)

When we were boarding the Jungle Cruise an adult CM noticed the harness on my young son and he said " Oh Mame, I see you have your seeing eye child with you today." I was slightly offended. My older son age 6, did not understand why that man said that. I had to explain after the ride.

 

[DisneyFreaks]

Oh my gosh this has to be about my daughter a few years back. She is the most opinionated person on the planet. I won't even mention what she did once to a group of teenage boys who spit on the sidewalk. As for the "leash" thing, she used to make the dog remark too until she grew up and became a teacher in a pre-school. Now she says they are the best invention ever created. She's expecting her own first child in january. She'll probably be thrilled to receive one as a shower gift. LoL The Sweetness, good luck!

 

[montblanc]

I think it is probably best to keep commentary to oneself unless someone steps over the line (swearing in public, hitting, etc.) and affects others directly. If you start making public comments then you invite the same upon yourself and civility begins to break down.

Have you ever gone into a parking lot and the only space free is next to a car that is parked at a wild angle overlapping the adjacent space? You park as best you can then when you come back the other car is gone and you are now the one who looks like a careless fool. I once had a rather nasty note written on my windshield for that reason.

 

[parmtoo]

I have two teenaged DDs, 14 & 16. They are both very opinionated, and I am constanly telling them to keep their voices down....They are, after all, still kids. This is a normal "faze" for teens, and this too shall pass. Maybe just let her know that speaking to loud may put a damper on your family vacation, and or another families. As far as the leash, thats something they most likely wouldn't comment on..........thier brother spent a few years at the end of one...........

 

[GEM]

I'd tell her she really ought to keep it to herself. I know that if a 12 year old kid made a rude comment to me about ANYTHING I was doing with my children, that kid would get a HUGE earful and be pretty embarassed by the time I was through with them. She knows nothing about raising kids or being a parent. I know that to you she's your "opinoinated angel", but to others I'm afraid she would just come off as an obnoxious kid with no manners. I'd tell her she's free to think whatever she wants, but there is no excuse for being rude to others just becasue they don't make the same choices she would and that you won't tolerate that sort of behavior. Yes, you want to encourage her to have an strong spirit and to think for herself, but she is definately old enough to know the difference between "thinking" and "saying". If you don't really discourage this, I'm afraid that she (and you) will end up being very embarassed. This isn't funny or cute. It's something you need to put a stop to. Parents really tend to resent children who tell them how to parent. And, I 've not met a teenage girl yet who would let a 12 year old comment on their attire without having a few things to say as well. Also, this is probably just me, but I HATE the term "slut" and I sure wouldn't let my 12 year old use it to describe ANYBODY - no matter what they were wearing.

 

[Carrie Ellis]

Could not have said it better.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Originally posted by GEM
I'd tell her she really ought to keep it to herself. I know that if a 12 year old kid made a rude comment to me about ANYTHING I was doing with my children, that kid would get a HUGE earful and be pretty embarassed by the time I was through with them. She knows nothing about raising kids or being a parent. I know that to you she's your "opinoinated angel", but to others I'm afraid she would just come off as an obnoxious kid with no manners. I'd tell her she's free to think whatever she wants, but there is no excuse for being rude to others just becasue they don't make the same choices she would and that you won't tolerate that sort of behavior. Yes, you want to encourage her to have an strong spirit and to think for herself, but she is definately old enough to know the difference between "thinking" and "saying". If you don't really discourage this, I'm afraid that she (and you) will end up being very embarassed. Parents really tend to resent children who tell them how to parent. And, I 've not met a teenage girl yet who would let a 12 year old comment on their attire without having a few things to say as well. Also, this is probably just me, but I HATE the term "slut" and I sure wouldn't let my 12 year old use it to describe ANYBODY - no matter what they were wearing.

GEM, you said exactly what I was thinking when I first read this thread.

I know many teenage girls that would be ready to fight if someone called them a slut or any other offensive name.

The problem with being "opionated" is that you have no idea how others may react. Most people my not respond. Then there are those that wouldn't think twice about ripping her or the adult with her, a new one.

 

[Carrie Ellis]

well that and you don't know what that persons life has been like. What if you are making a comment about someones clothes who is in a financial bind, has no mother or role model, has a self esteem problem or anything! I think being opinionated is fine in your own house and thinking before the tongue starts flapping. Saying something to someone you don't know in a rude way is disrespectful not opinionated. Parents have to teach that to their children from the get go. One example I can think of is finger pointing. I had to correct that several times when my kids were 3 and 4 but not anymore. I would not want to start teaching that when they are 10,11 or 12.

It hit a nerve with me about the leash. I was with 4 kids..all under 4 and my husband was deployed. This young girl would have had no idea about me if she had made that comment my direction. I am protecting my children while my husband is out protecting her freedom.

 

[GEM]

That's true. I guess my point was that it doesn't matter WHY someone is doing something - why they have their kid on a leash, why those chose to wear a particular outfit, etc. It doesn't matter if they have one kid or six to deal with or whatever. A 12 year old kid has no business commenting in a rude and snotty way to other people about their choices. Now, a 4 year old who says, "Mommy, why is that girl showing her bottom?" is a different story! 12 old enough to know better.