Anyone else have an "elderly person" funny?

[starrzone]

I'm working for a local election, and an elderly gentleman came in to the advanced poll to vote (2 weeks before election day).

Him: "My younger sister told me that since I'm 94, I'd better come in and vote today because I might not be on this earth in 2 weeks!"

Me: "How old is your sister?"

Him: "92!"

Then he told us to have a good afternoon, and proceeded to WALK home! At he age of 94. Power to him!

 

[dakcp2001]

I'm working for a local election, and an elderly gentleman came in to the advanced poll to vote (2 weeks before election day).

Him: "My younger sister told me that since I'm 94, I'd better come in and vote today because I might not be on this earth in 2 weeks!"

Me: "How old is your sister?"

Him: "92!"

Then he told us to have a good afternoon, and proceeded to WALK home! At he age of 94. Power to him!

Love it!!! I work in healthcare, I love the elderly they have the best stories. One of my patients told me the key to a happy marriage:

Happy Wife= Happy Life!
He said he spent his days making sure she was happy and she in turn made sure everyone else was. lol.

 

[cm8]

Love it!!! I work in healthcare, I love the elderly they have the best stories. One of my patients told me the key to a happy marriage:

Happy Wife= Happy Life!
He said he spent his days making sure she was happy and she in turn made sure everyone else was. lol.

. That is so true. But some people now days don't have the sense God gave them to appreciate anything or anyone that has been there for them. Life is too short and he seemed to know it! The elderly do have the best stories, cause they are all riddled with wisdom and the truth!

 

[tvguy]

Years and years ago, when I was a teen, my mom and I had dinner at Sambos (you really have to be old to remember Sambos).
An elderly gentleman who had just paid his bill, made a big production of walking up to the waitress, and handing her a dime, and saying "this is for you dear". Even back then, a meal probably cost $3, so that was well short of the customary 15% tip.
She thanked him and he left.
My mom looked kind of shocked, and the waitress saw that.
She explained the man was 90, a widower, had no family, and a regular customer, and always did that. He had lived through some very hard times (the depression), and he sincerely felt a dime as a huge tip. She knew he truly appreciated what eveyone had done for him, and she said "sometimes the best gratuities aren't money". Well put.

 

[rodeo65]

Years ago my parents and uncle and his girlfriend used to drive into Toronto to The Second City - the live version of SCTV. One time they decided to take my grandmother. She lived with her then 60 something son and he and "Ma" didn't go out anywhere so this was something completely out of the norm for her.

One particular skit had to do with a guy taking advantage of some girl and then she ended up getting him back in the end. My grandmother was not one of those shrinking violet types and could tell anyone off that she though needed it, BUT at a show or something she would never "interrupt." Well, nana had been drinking that evening (something else she was unaccusomed to) so at the end of the skit when the girl was telling the guy off she jumped out of her seat, ran to the stage and shook her fist at the guy yelling "YOU TELL 'IM HONEY!!!!" They whole theatre including the cast lost it.

 

[kacaju]

My Great Aunt who passed away at the age of 101 used to tell me all the time:

They say only the good die young.....I don't know what I did wrong!!

 

[starrzone]

Years and years ago, when I was a teen, my mom and I had dinner at Sambos (you really have to be old to remember Sambos).
An elderly gentleman who had just paid his bill, made a big production of walking up to the waitress, and handing her a dime, and saying "this is for you dear". Even back then, a meal probably cost $3, so that was well short of the customary 15% tip.
She thanked him and he left.
My mom looked kind of shocked, and the waitress saw that.
She explained the man was 90, a widower, had no family, and a regular customer, and always did that. He had lived through some very hard times (the depression), and he sincerely felt a dime as a huge tip. She knew he truly appreciated what eveyone had done for him, and she said "sometimes the best gratuities aren't money". Well put.

Awwww....this made me tear up! See, if you did that to a waitress today, s/he would probably complain for the rest of the night about the "cheap old man". This waitress had some class and compassion; we need more people like her around.

Years ago my parents and uncle and his girlfriend used to drive into Toronto to The Second City - the live version of SCTV. One time they decided to take my grandmother. She lived with her then 60 something son and he and "Ma" didn't go out anywhere so this was something completely out of the norm for her.

One particular skit had to do with a guy taking advantage of some girl and then she ended up getting him back in the end. My grandmother was not one of those shrinking violet types and could tell anyone off that she though needed it, BUT at a show or something she would never "interrupt." Well, nana had been drinking that evening (something else she was unaccusomed to) so at the end of the skit when the girl was telling the guy off she jumped out of her seat, ran to the stage and shook her fist at the guy yelling "YOU TELL 'IM HONEY!!!!" They whole theatre including the cast lost it.

This made me laugh out loud!!! I would have PAID to have seen this moment!!!

 

[MomofKatie]

When my brother was in Kindergarten, he was obsessed with dinosaurs. He would go on and on about all the different types, their habitats, diet, etc, etc. He went to my Grandma's house to spend the weekend, and started in on the dinosaur facts. After a while, he asked Grandma if she studied dinosaurs when she was in Kindergarten. Her answer? "No, sweety- dinosaurs hadn't been invented when I was a little girl."

 

[christineann]

My grandfather and his neighbor grew tomatoes and had a friendly competition to see who could grow the most and the biggest tomatoes. His neighbor went out of town, and right before the man returned, my grandfather went into the man's yard and hung big red Christmas ball ornaments all over his plants. The man returned and was shocked and excited to see his crop from the driveway, and then he saw my granddaddy standing in the driveway laughing.

 

[Tinkh]

My nana used to call the White House, her Senator and her Rep whenever something (she felt) was distressing. She would sit there at her table on her big old honking rotary phone chatting away with whomever might be the one to get her call.

 

[budmonster]

Up til last year I worked as a 911 dispatcher will toward my last couple of weeks on the job I anwsered a 911 call that went something like this.

Me. 911 what is the location of your emergency?

Elderly caller: what?

Me: Ma'm what is the location of your emergency?

Elderely caller: 1234 Main street.

Me: Ma'm what is the nature of your emergency?

Elderely caller: What?

Me: What is the nature of your emergency?

Elderely caller: We have some donuts left over from bruch today and want to give them to the officers!

Me: desperately trying not to giggle. Ma'm I'm sorry you can't call 911 to offer us donuts though I'm sure our officers would love some. I send someone right over.

 

[barkley]

My nana used to call the White House, her Senator and her Rep whenever something (she felt) was distressing. She would sit there at her table on her big old honking rotary phone chatting away with whomever might be the one to get her call.

i had an elderly family member who always had the phone book next to him when he read the newspaper. this was because if he read a letter to the editor he particularly agreed or disagreed with he would look the letter writer's number up to either congratulate or engage in a verbal debate

 

[Maryr1]

Totally true story. My mother and her lady friends were over for dinner one night. All are in their 80's and widows. They start asking each other "Would you ever get married again?????" One says-not for a million dollars and then turns and asks my husband (who is a physician) Does that Viagra really work? He says his patients tell him it works just fine and she turns back to the ladies and says--------Make that 6 million dollars!!!!!!!!!!!!! I about fell off my chair-I was laughing so hard I was crying-as was my husband, my sister, her husband...........OMG!

 

[mackeysmom]

My grandfather had a difficult time understanding the difference between sitcoms/dramas and news/real life programming on television.

A long time ago, there was an afterschool special (I'm showing my age with that one ) starring Kim Fields - Tootie from The Facts of Life - as a gymnast. For years after that, whenever my grandfather saw Kim Fields on anything - he say: "That Tootie, she's a damn good gymnast in real life!"

 

[mackeysmom]

Duplicate post - sorry.

 

[Miz Diz]

Totally true story. My mother and her lady friends were over for dinner one night. All are in their 80's and widows. They start asking each other "Would you ever get married again?????" One says-not for a million dollars and then turns and asks my husband (who is a physician) Does that Viagra really work? He says his patients tell him it works just fine and she turns back to the ladies and says--------Make that 6 million dollars!!!!!!!!!!!!! I about fell off my chair-I was laughing so hard I was crying-as was my husband, my sister, her husband...........OMG!

Above and the 911 call really cracked me up!

I was in Target and this elderly man was wearing a tshirt that said, "That's not a bald spot on my head. It's a solar panel that powers this sex machine."

 

[EMom]

This was back in the days before you got a zillion channels, had satellite, etc. My friend's dad and his good buddy were both addicted to Wheel of Fortune on NBC, as many of a certain age seemed to be. "Dad" realized that a nearby city had started offering its own NBC station in addition to the NBC station that everyone knew about and had watched for years. If you had your antenna set just right and reception was good, you could get THAT station in addition to the regular NBC station.

The thing is, the newest NBC station somehow broadcast a few seconds ahead of the old one. Dad and his buddy had developed a habit over the years of "watching" Wheel together by chatting on the phone while it was showing and trying to see which of them could solve the puzzle first. They had quite a competition going and it was fair until Dad started tuning into the new NBC station which was a few seconds ahead of the old one. He'd keep the sound down and frustrate his friend by constantly beating him. While the friend watched the delayed version, Dad would "solve" a puzzle with only one letter showing......Heck, sometimes with NO letters showing. He bragged shamelessly on his superior Wheel skills. Dad was beyond gleeful, lording it over his buddy. It was like watching two 8 y.o.s.

 

[SandrA9810]

This was back in the days before you got a zillion channels, had satellite, etc. My friend's dad and his good buddy were both addicted to Wheel of Fortune on NBC, as many of a certain age seemed to be. "Dad" realized that a nearby city had started offering its own NBC station in addition to the NBC station that everyone knew about and had watched for years. If you had your antenna set just right and reception was good, you could get THAT station in addition to the regular NBC station.

The thing is, the newest NBC station somehow broadcast a few seconds ahead of the old one. Dad and his buddy had developed a habit over the years of "watching" Wheel together by chatting on the phone while it was showing and trying to see which of them could solve the puzzle first. They had quite a competition going and it was fair until Dad started tuning into the new NBC station which was a few seconds ahead of the old one. He'd keep the sound down and frustrate his friend by constantly beating him. While the friend watched the delayed version, Dad would "solve" a puzzle with only one letter showing......Heck, sometimes with NO letters showing. He bragged shamelessly on his superior Wheel skills. Dad was beyond gleeful, lording it over his buddy. It was like watching two 8 y.o.s.

LOL. I grew up with a family of Wheel and Jeopardy watchers.
When I was living in Orlando, the two were switched from what I was used to in Miami. Wheel would come on at 7pm, Jeopardy at 7:30 in Miami. After moving to Orlando though... I'd know all the answers to Jeopardy and my mom would know all the answers to Wheel. And I've talked to people on the phone while my show was a few seconds ahead of the other person.

Did you know that no two stations are allowed to broadcast these shows at the same time?? Well within the same city. No one is allowed to "compete" for viewers by playing the Wheel while another station plays Jeopardy.

 

[Uuaww]

My two favorite.
Someone interviewing a 100 year old man asked him what he was going to do now that he was 100 years old. His answer: "Stop buying green bananas".

The second one was dealing with World War 1 veterans. Claude Choules was interviewed about how long he wanted to live. He answered, I don't care, just as long as I beat the other two.

He was referring to the other two Combat vets of World War 1, one has since died. It is now down to just him and Frank Buckles of the US.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Love these stories