Anyone else have a workaholic husband?

[mookie]

Hi Girls,

Here's how I live with it... #1 I love him with all my heart & soul, married almost 22 years. #2 I admire him for his strong work ethic. Cause face it ladies, there are way too many women out there who just about have to kick their huubies in the rear to go to work, or just get a job altogether. So we are luckier and more blessed then most!!

My hubby and I agree strongly that although we hate it when we're apart, we make the most of it when we're together and do our best to make sweet memories to share and remember when we are old and bored and can't go anymore.

This is a great point. Thanks for making us see the bright side of it!!

 

[mookie]

It is very lonely, and you can not complain to anyone(except us of course). It is really hard now the compitition for positions is really intense, and then you have to keep it up to keep the job. Post anytime...we will listen.

Hmmm... maybe we should have a DIS support group? Wives of Workaholics! We could call it WWA: Wives of Workaholics Anonymous!!

 

[JoyG]

I'm in the club too, unfortunately.

DH owns his own business and he's a workaholic. He leaves at around 9am works until 7pm. He comes home from 7-9pm and then goes back to the office until after I go to bed. He set up his office right around the corner from our house, so it's convenient to his long hours. He sometimes stays home to work, but even then he'll stay up until the wee hours of the morning on the computer.

He had a business trip in California this year, I went with him and convinced him to go a day early so we could do Disneyland. He could hardly enjoy it b/c he was trying to have a conference call on his cell phone in the middle of the park.

It's the biggest source of stress in our family. I guess I just want him to allot time for the family where he is unavailable to his business partners. It doesn't seem unreasonable to ask. Can't Sundays and evenings be off limits?

We don't need the money. Although he does need to feel content in his own career. I'm a teacher and we lived off my salary alone for almost 5 years while he was trying to turn a profit in his business.

Nobody ever died saying, "I wish I spent more time at the office." DH and I just don't see eye to eye on this.

 

[canwegosoon]

Hmmm... maybe we should have a DIS support group? Wives of Workaholics! We could call it WWA: Wives of Workaholics Anonymous!!

We could have our own seperate thread...and have issues and how we cope with them or get advice. Sounds good to me. I think we have a great Charter member group. And I bet there are a lot of us out there. I think our issues are a little different than the working moms.

 

[pearlieq]

Count me in. I knew it when I married him and so far we've been dealing with it, but it is one of the things that makes me leery about having kids.

His hours run seasonal, so there are times when I won't see him for weeks, then there's times like now where he's home no later than 7pm most nights.

The biggest thing for me is that's it's murder to get him to take time off of work! I can usually get a vacation out of him, but just taking a day off to help around the house or be together--no way! Half the time he won't keep medical appointments. He's going to lose over 2 weeks of vacation this year because he just WON'T take it! It frustrates me to no end.

There's lots of socializing and glad-handling too. I don't mind it so much now, but I could see being pretty ticked at having the kids while he gets to go off and golf, go to a convention, or haul off to Morton's for another "business dinner". That would definitely need to be worked out before kids are a possibility.

 

[WIcruizer]

With all due respect, I find this rather amusing..or annoying...not sure which at this point. This board is filled with SAHMs who want it all. SAH, yet have enough money for WDW trips, nice house, designer clothes for themselves and the kids, all the latest and greatest "toys," etc.

You can't have it both ways. In this world, if you want it all your husband must give 100%. There is no such thing as 90% in the corporate world. Now before anyone stands up and declares "Not me, Not me!!! I'm different" that may be. Some of you may be happy with a smaller house, older cars, and less frequent trips to WDW. But from reading this board for years, I know that's not the norm. So think about it before you reply. Do you want (or even expect) to have all these things? Be honest. If the answer is yes, that comes at a price. And if that's the case, be thankful rather than resentful that your husband cares enough to work that hard for your family.

 

[Crankyshank]

Dh and I are DINKs and he is definitely a workaholic. He works 65hrs a week on average and often more. As much as I enjoy the things his OT buys us I would much rather have a less stressed out husband.

 

[ahutton]

I have a DH who is a borderline workaholic. I am not a SAHM - I work too. I understand corporate pressure to perform and we deal with both sets of demands. For us the bottom line is you have to decide what your priorities are, and then live like those are your priorities. If your family is the most important thing in the world to you, then you live like it is. And that means if the family needs time away for a vacation you take it. For us, it has meant I do some things to gatekeep how much DH works. He drives our kids to school every day. He can only take them so early, and he can only pick them up so late. By having a set time of when he must leave the office I find that we are able to strike a balance of work and family. We eat dinner together each night. Most weekends we have activities that we participate in as a family. But we make our choices as a family, and that has worked for us so far. Our 10th anniversary is in December, we have 3 wonderful kids, life is pretty darn good. But again, that is what works for us, and I know it isn't what will work for everyone!

 

[corie161]

My DH works in construction, so when he's not working at his "job" (he's self-employed in a partnership) then there is usually some friend or relative out there needing his expertise. He has no problem taking a week off for vacation, as long as I tell him when it is. I don't think he'd ever plan it for himself. I do have difficulty getting him to take off for a school event that might happen during the day.

The best thing we ever did was buy our camper. In the summer months we try and go as often as possible. It allows him to escape the want/need to help others, and give us time as a family. It also lets me escape the chores around the house.

 

[pearlieq]

With all due respect, I find this rather amusing..or annoying...not sure which at this point. This board is filled with SAHMs who want it all. SAH, yet have enough money for WDW trips, nice house, designer clothes for themselves and the kids, all the latest and greatest "toys," etc.

How insulting! As if women are petulant children who can't understand that a job takes time and dedication? As if women are only interested in their husbands for the things he provides? As if women are being done a favor by being "allowed" to raise children due to their husband's generosity?

This makes me ill. For all the folks who reminice about the good old days--here it is. Women as silly, demanding property.

 

[Nancyg56]

Here's how I live with it... #1 I love him with all my heart & soul, married almost 22 years. #2 I admire him for his strong work ethic. Cause face it ladies, there are way too many women out there who just about have to kick their huubies in the rear to go to work, or just get a job altogether. So we are luckier and more blessed then most!!

Good advice, Winnie! My DH is a workaholic truck driver/farmer. Summertime is hard, because he is a lowbed driver for a construction company: starts very early, ends late, and then off to the farm. I have learned to spend as much time with him as I can, and learned to respect the man who wants the best for his family. I know too many women who are responsible for supporting their children along with the husband.

 

[WIcruizer]

How insulting! As if women are petulant children who can't understand that a job takes time and dedication? As if women are only interested in their husbands for the things he provides? As if women are being done a favor by being "allowed" to raise children due to their husband's generosity?

This makes me ill. For all the folks who reminice about the good old days--here it is. Women as silly, demanding property.

Well, you've been on this board long enough to understand that is exactly how many women here feel. They want all the material trappings, then whine that their husband works too much. And I don't think anything I said equates to believing women are silly, demanding property. YOU made that leap. And I'm sorry if you look at yourself that way.

 

[RUDisney]

My DH is not happy unless he's working. It's really become an issue within the past year.

I am not a SAHM. I work full time and my longest shift was about 22 - 23 hours with 2 hours of sleep and then back to the office. (SQL server crashed and we had to process in a business recovery mode while trying to bring SQL back online.) I will do what I have to do for my job, but I want the quality of life that I want and the kids need to have us around, too. DH doesn't see it that way.

If he can't be busy working, he'd prefer to stay in bed. As someone else said, he gets depressed when he's not working.

This morning, I walked over to him to hug him and he said that he didn't have time for a hug because he had to get ready for work. It was 6:10 a.m. and he's a lender. I told him that there's always time for a hug and my DH yelled from his room, "she's right, Dad."

So, DH is usually out the door by 6:45 a.m. and he gets home at 5:30 p.m. and heads to the gym for an hour every night. He wolfs down dinner and then will either go to his brother's office to work on his books, or he'll go to his best friend's car lot to help with his books. Now that the summer is coming, he'll do yard work in betweeen since it is also work.

On Saturday's, he will work at his brother's office in the morning, go to the gym and take calls from his customers. In the afternoon, since the season started, he will go to a golf course his uncle just opened to help his cousin who is running it. On Sunday's, he'll take our DS to the golf course again for both of them to work. DS will help by washing the carts and by returning them for the golfers who are finished. DS gets tips and $20 from his cousin. He has a ball doing this. They get home after dark.

DH does not do this for the money. He gets no OT from the bank, as he is salaried, although he gets a bonus at year end. His brother pays for his truck as compensation for his time. His friend does favors for him in return for his efforts. He receives nothing for his time at the golf course.

When we went to Universal last month, we have many pictures of him with his cell to one ear and his hand over the other. In the past, he's taken calls from customers early in the morning, before the parks and then when we return in the afternoon. He's never used his phone for business in the parks until this year. The business he did on this vacation could have been handled by his secretary.

I spoke with his Mom about this on Sunday. I think it has gotten to the point that he needs some professional help to get him back on track. He truly has no life with us other than working. He becomes agitated when we suggest that he spend some time with us. His Mom agrees and is advocating with me to get him to reverse this trend in his life. So far, he disagrees with me and his Mom, but it's only been 2 days since Easter.

We used to have a better balance in our lives. I know I married a driven man. I admire his ambition. He supports us very well, financially, but the emotional support is lacking and that is far more important in the long run than how padded your bank account is.

BTW, his role model has always been his uncle, who works from 4:30 a.m. until 5:30 p.m. each weekday and from 4:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. on Saturdays and runs around checking on his businesses in his off time. He's in bed by 7:30 most nights. I think, more than anything, it's this uncle that my DH is trying to impress.

 

[T. Lynn]

Is there a sign up fee for this club...I really hope it's free.

My DH has worked on cars since he was 15 and it's his passion. Last year he was laid off and everyone was calling him to do side work. It kept us ahead but then I never saw him. He'd leave at 7:00 and wouldn't return till around 11:00 or later. The money kept our heads above water so I tried to be more thankful than mad. He never complained once and I know I'm lucky to have someone like that.

Now he's an Assistant Manager at a body shop so he doesn't get the pleasure of being hands on and dirty. I was so excited that he had a better job and better hours.

Over the winter some man actually came through my door every day around 6:00. I almost paniced but then DD called him "daddy" and I came to realize that I was actually married and that man was my DH...guess I forgot for a while there! Had to break out the wedding pictures for verification.

Since the weather broke and it's nice, he's down at the garage working on his car plus a couple of side jobs after he's done his regular job. I try not to get upset since the side jobs help pay to get his car done. It's extra money that's not coming out of our savings. Also, he hasn't gotten to work on his own car in years since he was always helping others, and would never say "no".

I think we'll be having one of those "can you at least come home early twice a week and every other weekend" talks.

 

[Belle2667]

Can I join too? RUDisney, I hear everything you're saying!

My DH and I met when we were in technical school, right after high school. After graduating, we got full-time jobs and got married. That was when he started night school to work towards his BS. (Note that none of the credits from the tech school transferred in.) He did this for 10 years before graduating.

Between his job and his school work, I was essentially, a single working mom. He didn't go to family gatherings other than Christmas or Easter. Family stopped asking where he was or expecting him to show because they knew he was too busy for them. He attended none of the kids' sporting events. I was responsible for all of the housework and all the everyday things that need to be taken care of with three kids. The kids could see it and were hurt by his lack of attention.

In my eyes, he CHOSE work & school over family. His argument was that he was doing it for the "good of the family". We were not in financial trouble. We both worked full-time and made decent money. I left him for 4 months, hoping to reset his priority list. That was 4 years ago.

Now he's again working long hours and when he's not in the office, he's working at home for work. (Gotta love the computer age!) He's back in school, this time for his Masters.

My boys are older now and I am finding that I am so lonely. I do have some outside interests, but if one of them interferes with the few hours of spare time I may get with him in a month, I hear how I never have time for him.

I often argue with him that the money is not important. He tells me it is. I know from his family history, that money was very tight when he was young and I'm sure this is an effort on his part to make sure that the same doesn't happen to us. I just don't know how else to make him understand that you can't take it with you and that even if we were dirt poor, we'd still have each other and that THAT is the important part. Right now, I don't feel that we even have each other.

I try to keep it in perspective and be thankful that he works so hard to take care of us. I just keep coming back to the thinking that it's my life too, I'm unhappy and I don't want to waste it sitting around for the moments he has time to spend with me.

He talks about retiring and how he's going to relax (in like 20 more years!). I don't think he'll ever retire, and if he does, we'll have nothing left in common.

Where's the "fun" in dysfunctional??

 

[Stitchfans]

Sad to say I was married to one. Divorced him. He also was/is a control freak, and was hot tempered. He has mellowed out a lot with age. But I am much happier with DH.

 

[NMAmy]

Well, I used to think DH was a workaholic but reading all your posts has made me reconsider.

I'm not a SAHM so that's not an issue. DH simply enjoys working. He leaves the house each day at 5:30 but he does usually come home between 4 and 6 each evening. He'll spend an hour or so answering email each evening after dinner. For the last couple of months, he's been working weekends, as well, which has been the pits--that's usually our family time. He works for the state doing computer stuff and he has to schedule outages for days when the least amount of people are working. Last weekend was the last one he needs to work for awhile so I'm pretty happy about that!

My biggest concern with him working so much is his health. I think he's too tired and not taking good enough care of himself. He used to work even more before we started dating so he looks at it as he's been cutting down. He realizes that family time is important and does clear his schedule for vacations--and when we're on vacation, he's truly on vacation.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

My dbf works a lot. He's a self-employed web designer, working 7 days/week. Honestly, I don't really mind it...I just want him to do whatever keeps him happy.

Of course, if we were living together or had a family together, I might change my tune.

 

[siouxi31]

Lucky you. I want to divorce my husband because he's the exact opposite! No drive, no goals whatsoever. Just keep that in mind too.
I somehow fell into the workaholic routine. It's very easy to do that when there's alot of work to do. However, I had no idea how unbalanced my life was when it came to work/family. Last November I switched positions at my company and now do not work in the evenings nor weekends (which I used to do with my personal time). Sometimes travel is involved but I enjoy that.
To have a happy family, he will need to find a way to balance work and family. Dad needs to play a role in just as much as mom. You may want to let him know this so that there will be no problems in the future.
Good luck to you.

 

[Darth Cupcake]

Honestly, I don't really mind it...I just want him to do whatever keeps him happy.

My DH often says, "I can't believe I get paid to solve these puzzles! I would do this for free." He loves his work and that is why he works the hours he does. He does NOT work to buy me stuff as has been insinuated by a pp. I don't know why SAHMs are always targeted as whiney and selfish. I have absolutely no desire to have any THING more than having time with my husband.