Anyone else dislike where they live? How to make the best of it?

[jodifla]

Me me me!!! Pick me!!!

I can't stand it here. I have no friends. No one wants to make friends because this is a really small town filled with "lifers" who have been freinds since they were in diapers. No rooom for outsiders. People still refer to us as the "new family" even though we've been here four years.

Luckily, "home" is only a two hour drive away, and I make the best of it by looking forward to going back once a month or so. We moved here after the plant my husband worked for closed. We are fortunate he was offered a job in the same state, and like I said, its only two hours from where we want to be. We just bought a house here (we rented for 3.5 years thinking we'd be able to get a job somewhere else) and since then, its a little better. I hated renting, and its nice to have a place that is ours with our paint colors, pictures on the walls, etc.

I posted on another thread that I saw a grief counselor when my father died, and I was telling her how isolated I felt in Michigan. I expected her to say the usual: Join clubs, invite people over, etc.

Instead, she told me this: "I hear this all the time in my practice from people who move to Michigan. In fact, I even experienced it myself in moving from one part of Michigan to another!"

It made me fell better, and then worse! No I'm not alone, and oh boy I'm doomed.

 

[DisneyWorldbuff]

I grew up an Army "brat", and had a great childhood even though we moved 12 times. But... I am happy to say that I live in a beautiful place full of "transplants" from all over the country. I feel sorry for all of you and I can relate. I hope your situations change for the better. Until then... hang in there

 

[Scampi]

Good Luck

 

[MinnieVanMom]

Your child should be able to join the boy scouts there. My DH is one of the boy scout leaders here and even though he's the leader through church, the actual program is through the Boy Scouts. He said they have one boy in their troop right now who isn't LDS. He comes with a friend.

I sure do wish it was that way here but it is not allowed. We are talking hard core LDS and unless you are an active member in the church, your child is not allowed in Boy Scouts. The church controls the scouts here and being we are not, he is not allowed. I have asked, written to the higher council and our son is not allowed.

So is it not because I didn't try to find a way to connect with those in our community? No, we have tried but with religion there is another entire aspect other than just not fitting in. Again, we have friends who are LDS but not from this area, and they are wonderful people and the best friends. It is just the rest of the community that shuns us.

Again, I am so lucky that I have clean air, ice cold water, horses in my back 40, heck I have a back 40, my eggs come from my chickens. I have high mountains and few neighbors. I do get sick of the -30 for two weeks in a row, plowing the entire 1 acre drive for 4 months out of the year. A 61 day growing season. At times I just want good food, different flavorful food and that is not available anywhere near here.

I also am just home from the best vacation ever, the kind that changes how you think and who you are. So I have been told in about 3 months I will be ok again. I just don't know and hope it happens soon.

Until then, I agree, home is where your heart is, so we do need to come to peace with the situations we are in, try hard each day to find something good about where we are. Then make a plan to change what we can.

 

[dormouse72]

Not to sound Pollyanna-ish about it...but there's always a reason to be glad about where you live. If you live in a small, clique-ish town...be glad for the internet and the low cost of living which allows you to be able to afford to travel. If you live in an area where you feel socially isolated, be glad for the chance to really focus on your family rather than being distracted by so many competing demands on your time or attention. If you live in Texas, be glad about being able to shout out "The stars at night are big and bright..." and have people sing back like in PeeWee's Big Adventure. (I actually did this in a mall once).

I've lived in places that I hated - that I couldn't wait to see fading behind me in the rearveiw mirror as I left. But there was always something that I could find that made it seem tolerable, at least until I could move on to the next place.

 

[Peanut Giggleface]

Yeah, I can relate too. When my husband got out of the Air Force he wanted to move back to his home town. So we did. The only problem is I was raised in Arizona and he's from the northwest, land of perpetual rain. Man I hated it here for the first couple of years. I was so depressed and I missed the lifestyle we had back home. But over the years I found fun things to do here that you just can't do in Arizona. That helped a lot. Getting involved got my mind off of it and that helped too. So it's been 19 years now and my husband wants to move now. He's tired of the rain....go figure. So he now wants to move but with the kids, their friends, and the economy. I think we're here for a while longer. Good luck to you, it's not easy.

 

[earthfaries]

I know this thread is for people not happy with where they live, but I'm posting here because that was us last year. We were very unhappy with where we lived so we finally followed our dreams and packed up and moved 10 miles from Disney World! We have NEVER EVER been happier and I can't imagine if we hadn't acted upon our unhappiness and sought out our happiness.


I know not everyone can just up and move ~ but if you want to and you can, it is possible. If it's not possible now, maybe as a goal in the future

I just wanted for this to be a positive post that you can make your dreams come true ~ and good luck!!!

​

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I know this thread is for people not happy with where they live, but I'm posting here because that was us last year. We were very unhappy with where we lived so we finally followed our dreams and packed up and moved 10 miles from Disney World! We have NEVER EVER been happier and I can't imagine if we hadn't acted upon our unhappiness and sought out our happiness.


I know not everyone can just up and move ~ but if you want to and you can, it is possible. If it's not possible now, maybe as a goal in the future

I just wanted for this to be a positive post that you can make your dreams come true ~ and good luck!!!

​

I'm jealous!! However, you are so right. If I thought that I would have to live here forever, I would be upset. I know that our days here are numbered so that keeps me going.

 

[polkadotsuitcase]

Sounds like some of us should do a house swap!

I wouldn't say I dislike where I live, but it's very vanilla. Nothing really unique...no beautiful land forms, fairly bland/standard shopping, only occasional cultural events...and yet the area is growing and growing and people are flocking here in droves. Maybe I'm missing something?

But that's why I try to travel as much as possible! At least I always know what I'm coming home to...

 

[jodifla]

Okay it seems that almost everyone on this thread is in the same boat and not adding any real advise. While I do feel for you, I was in the same boat back in 1984. Enough with the pitty party. It is not getting you anywhere. The original poster asked for advice on how to make things better. So lets start there. If you go into it with the attitude that you don't want to be there or that you won't fit in. That is exactly what you will get. It is what most refer to as the glass being hall full. Home really is where the heart is or should be. So it is what you make it. Reach out to someone at church or some other group. You will be astounded.When I was in high school we moved 6 hours away. We left NY and moved to the Boston area. My mother and I commented many times about the Townie element. I felt like an outsider for many years because I was not a townie. 10 years after high school my husband was working with someone who grew up in the same town I had lived in. He was younger then me but I was in his sisters graduating class. She had some wonderful things to say about me. I have run into similar situations since. Come to find out I was considered one of them. Start a cookie exchange in your neighborhood or maybe with the parents your childs sporting team. Ask for advice on something from someone who seems be part of it all. I suggest doing it while others are around. You might find yourself in the center of a conversation. I speak from experience. I have lived here since 1984. I still don't think of myself as being from NH. Still haveing difficulty with that live free or die attitude. The tend to take it to extremes around here. I don't think of myself as being from NY either. I in my mind I am from MA. The ironic part is that I lived there the least amount of time. It really is what you make it , but if you still continue to have the attitude that you want to be somewhere else you will never be happy. Life can change things in a flash so hold onto what you have and live life. Decide to be happy. I really hope this helps.

I understand what you are saying...but sometimes the efforts just don't work. We've had parties, invited folks over for dinner, volunteered with groups, etc. etc. And still almost no one reciprocates.

In Florida, most every weekend was filled with multiple invitations. In Michigan.....our social calendar is pretty open. I talked to another person from elsewhere who moved to Michigan six years ago, and she has exactly the same story.

We are making the best of it, of course. But I'm not spending the rest of my life like this.

 

[dmoore718]

I have some advice that helped me. My husband is a firefighter in Philly so we MUST live in the city. I grew up in the burbs, about 45 min. from where we live now. I decided to focus on all the positives about where I live. I got a job that I love about 6 yrs ago, that also requires we live in the city, I made some great friends at work and actually do more things with them then my friends from where I grew up. They are a great support system. We chose a neighborhood that looks very suburban, not urban. Also, because we are in a large city we have lots of shopping, restaurants, etc. nearby. The schools suck, but we are working to get our kids into a great charter school (free!). It's a shift in thinking from "I hate it" to, what do I like about it. Good luck!

 

[Crystal824]

Hey "miserable in Pittsburgh neighbor".

PM me. I'd be happy to be your friend.. I live here too and even though I was born and raised here, I detest it. We can be friends and be miserable together. LOL

Hey guys, I'm also a little unhappy in Pittsburgh too. I moved here for my husband who is from here (outside of Pittsburgh). I'm from N.C. Although I have lived here for almost 5 years, I am still pretty much friendless. Wondering if there is room for one more in your Pittsburgh club.

 

[Squirrel!!!]

I am a Midwesterner transplanted to the westcoast. I like green and growing and I am surrounded by concrete and dry and spikey. I hated it here for years, am now resigned, but it is not home.

My DH likes concrete and dry and spikey, and finds the midwest to have an alien landscape.

I lose.

So, for vacations, other than DL ( season pass holder, thank you very much) and WDW, we always do things that are nature intense. I need my green and open space fix. I leave the city behind and refresh my soul.

Ugh...not a city fan...and boy am I in the middle of a city.

 

[twooley2]

I moved to my husband's town after we got married in 2009. I don't like it...at.all. It's a very, small rural town where everyone that lives there was born there, raised there and married someone that was born & raised there. The other parents treat me like I'm an outcast and I feel like I'm back in high school and not a part of the "in" crowd. It's ridiculous. They all stick together; I try to strike up conversations but they look at me like I have 2 heads. The only thing that helps me is that my daughter LOVES it. She is 12 and is thriving! The teachers have less students, so more one-on-one time. They have room for everyone on the sports teams, so you're automatically on the team if you choose to play. It really is a great place to raise a family. I just hope my daughter grows up to realize that there is more out there than our area code. Try to focus on the fact that your kids are happy. If they weren't happy, then that would be miserable.

This sounds like me and I live in Texas too. I always blame it on being a TX thing...

 

[twooley2]

I was thinking of posting this same thing! I live in the tiny, rural town where I grew up. I loved it's closeness growing up but now it is biting us all in the hiney. No one will embrace new businesses or make changes - so our town is dying slowly. First people were laid off then brought back then laid off...now they are just gone. Sooo many out of work parents, it is sad!

My biggest issue is how complacent people here are. No one will make waves, no one will stand up and say "No, this isn't right." They all just say "Well, sigh, that's how it is." No major companies or stores will come here. We once existed on factories but now they are either gone or going. We are the poorest area, therefore have TONS of welfare programs. People from all over are moving here for our food stamps, free housing, etc.... Some of these people are nice and down on their luck, many are drug addicts and what have you I work at the school, I see them when they stumble in with their kids to register them.

People here just have a side-blinders on. They think if you go to church everytime the doors open you are automatically a better person than one that might not always go to church but tries to do right, help others, etc.. The only thing we have for youth is a sports program. Heaven forbid your kid not be an athlete. I have begged and begged my husband to move. He isn't even HERE, he works away 95% of the time. The hang up, I think, is he has an older child (not ours) who lives here and he sees it as abandoning him if we leave. I see it as drowning our 3 if we stay. I would leave in a heartbeat BUT with the economy the way it is selling our home and finding a new one and a new job for me could be difficult. Believe me, though, I am looking LOL

I just wanted to say I sympathize. I deal with it by traveling. A bunch! Every break from school we load up and go to a big city. Usually one DH is working in so we don't have to pay for lodging (his company pays) but sometimes, like this weekend, we all go somewhere else. I figure if I can't get my kids out right now I can at least let them know that there is more to life than Little League and hunting. They will see that other people have other opportunities and that, should they want them, they can one day (if it takes that long!) leave and go to a college somewhere else. I dont' want them to be afraid of "out there" like so many here are. We actually have people PROUD that they have never left our county. Sigh.

I think there are similarities in TX take for instance No Aldis or other discount grocery stores stores only kroger/ HEB no real discounting type grocery stores. Think Wal Mart ran them out. People never seem to want to make waves and if you do they think your nuts. Not what I thought the U.S. would ever be when I was a kid people seemed to stand for things. Now they just say its just the way it is

 

[DawnM]

I struggle with living near Charlotte, NC. We moved here 5 years ago from the Los Angeles area. I went from working to staying at home and moved across the country. It is VERY different here.

I would move back TOMORROW if I could, but it seems that DH and the kids love it here and they don't want to move back!

There are a lot of things to like about living here. It is safe, the air is breathable , we have friends, it is a very family friendly area, my kids are thriving in their activities, and we can afford to live in a nice home and I can stay home for now.

Dawn

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Hey guys, I'm also a little unhappy in Pittsburgh too. I moved here for my husband who is from here (outside of Pittsburgh). I'm from N.C. Although I have lived here for almost 5 years, I am still pretty much friendless. Wondering if there is room for one more in your Pittsburgh club.

I pm'd you!

 

[DisneyDizzy]

Sounds like some of us should do a house swap!

I wouldn't say I dislike where I live, but it's very vanilla. Nothing really unique...no beautiful land forms, fairly bland/standard shopping, only occasional cultural events...and yet the area is growing and growing and people are flocking here in droves. Maybe I'm missing something?

But that's why I try to travel as much as possible! At least I always know what I'm coming home to...

I would kill for Vanilla!!!! I'm so done adventuring!!! I told my husband I don't care about seeing mountains, deserts, or the big cities! I'm ready just for ordinary. An ordinary house in an ordinary suburb in an ordinary state. I'm ready to just settle in and concentrate on raising our family.

We've moved 14 times in 10 years. Thankfully that has allowed us, at this point, to be able to pick where we go. He's moved UP with every change. We have a choice right now between New York and Indianapolis. I'm Indianapolis ALL the way. We lived there briefly a few years ago. Normal!!!! 5 hours from family and not 4 days from everyone. Can't wait! We'll know this week if the transfer happens. It's a long-term permanent position so we can really settle down. I will be SO happy. But I'd still take New York if he gets me the heck out of here!

 

[princessmorgan]

I would kill for Vanilla!!!! I'm so done adventuring!!! I told my husband I don't care about seeing mountains, deserts, or the big cities! I'm ready just for ordinary. An ordinary house in an ordinary suburb in an ordinary state. I'm ready to just settle in and concentrate on raising our family.

We've moved 14 times in 10 years. Thankfully that has allowed us, at this point, to be able to pick where we go. He's moved UP with every change. We have a choice right now between New York and Indianapolis. I'm Indianapolis ALL the way. We lived there briefly a few years ago. Normal!!!! 5 hours from family and not 4 days from everyone. Can't wait! We'll know this week if the transfer happens. It's a long-term permanent position so we can really settle down. I will be SO happy. But I'd still take New York if he gets me the heck out of here!

Good luck on your transfer! PM me if you are stuck in Utah and need some numbers of good friends Until then please eat a pork barbacoa salad at Cafe Rio in my name