Anyone else dislike where they live? How to make the best of it?

[mrsr2ro]

Is there still room to hop on this boat?!! I can't say I dislike where I live now, actually it has started to grow on me after 4 years; it's that I dislike that we are moving to Dallas next year. DH has landed his dream job with the feds and that's where he is assigned...after he finishes 7 months on training in another state 13 hours from home!! He keeps saying that after 3 years he can request a transfer, but at this point, I'm really trying to figure out how DS and I can stay here and he can be in Dallas for those 3 years I know it's totally unrealistic, but I can dream right???

Moving to Dallas makes us about 14 hours away from our family- not cool, especially since his family is here in our town now and my family is only 1.5 hours away. DS is so used to spending the weekends with my parents, and as the only grandchild, I'm not sure what either set of grandparents is going to do!

Any advice from readers in Texas?

We moved from Illinois to Austin, TX almost 11 years ago and for the most part I love it! Dallas is pretty good too - just much bigger and flatter than Austin. The summers are a killer but I treat the summer here like the winter in Chicago - I just don't go out much for 4 months of the year! The other 8 months are great

We don't have any family here but I do have one brother in Dallas. The rest of my family is in Chicago/midwest. We moved here before having kids and now that we have them, it IS very hard. That is the one thing I don't like about living here. My parents visit often and we go up there once or twice a year (getting harder with our growing family). We often think about moving back but we have it so good here -- the cost of living is so much higher back home and jobs in my field are slim to none there. Here we can afford a big beautiful house on a big piece of land on one salary.

Texas really is a "whole other country". Really, it's something... but it's grown on us. If you are successful it's great - no state income tax, etc. But I think it ranks pretty low for healthcare and other social programs. Schools vary dramatically from really good to really bad. So if you are well off and live in a good district/neighborhood it's fine, but again - in the lower class areas... bad news.

If you have ever seen the show King of the Hill or Friday Night Lights -- it is all true People here take football WAY too seriously.

I love the diversity, food, and friendly people - there IS something to say about southern hospitality.

 

[zus888]

I'm currently in Pittsburgh, and although I can't say I HATE it here, I certainly don't like it. We moved from the Philly area about 3 years ago, and I still am, for the most part, friendless. DH's family is here, so it's nice to not have to travel to see them. The place is AWESOME for the kids because there's so much to do between the museums, zoo, meetup groups, and mom's club. But, for me, not so much. I just suck it up and remember that this is a perfect place for the family, even if it isn't for me.

I do miss the Philly area - even if we were in the middle of nowhere out there. I miss seeing farms and livestock. I miss having friends. I miss being close enough to the beach to make a day trip there. I miss being close to Baltimore, Philly, DC, and NYC (even though I never really went there). I miss the hiking and biking.

I just try to think of the museums and zoo, and how easy it is for us to go to them from where we live now. Also, Halloween, which is awesome in our neighborhood. I try to ignore the weather, the feeling of being in an industrial setting, and the gray-ness. Not an easy task.

 

[princessmorgan]

I moved back to the area where I grew up and loved growing up here. However it has changed so much and gotten so big, I'm kind of starting to want to move. Housing is so expensive and I would love to have the house of my dreams somewhere else. After reading this thread though, I'm wondering if I'd like to live anywhere My saving grace is that we live close to family, so it's really nice to have my kids play with their cousins. Also my parents live in our neighborhood, so we always have free babysitters. I guess I need to focus on what's good, rather than what's bad.

To all you Utahans who live there, I feel bad for you! I am LDS and I would not want to live there. Keep looking for people who are like you, you'll find them. There are a lot of LDS people who practice the religion, but who are a little more laid back and like to have friends of other faiths.If you want, I can give you the numbers of my friends there I will say I do miss the mountains, skiing, and Cafe Rio.

 

[MinnieVanMom]

To all you Utahans who live there, I feel bad for you! I am LDS and I would not want to live there. Keep looking for people who are like you, you'll find them. There are a lot of LDS people who practice the religion, but who are a little more laid back and like to have friends of other faiths.If you want, I can give you the numbers of my friends there I will say I do miss the mountains, skiing, and Cafe Rio.

Utah neighbor here and our only LDS friend is not from here but yet they are a wonderful family. A bit more laid back and they don't judge. I sure wish we could meet more like them.

On the good side we do have snowboarding, clean air, cool mountain water, no crime, good schools, great job for DH and even a 2nd job that pays extremely well. I am grateful but so miss just having something to do, friends, and activities for our child. He can't even join boy scouts because we are not LDS. Urg!

Which leaves me asking this, how do we come to peace with the places we do live in? How do we find the joy in life and our community?

 

[lunalibre]

Is there still room to hop on this boat?!! I can't say I dislike where I live now, actually it has started to grow on me after 4 years; it's that I dislike that we are moving to Dallas next year. DH has landed his dream job with the feds and that's where he is assigned...after he finishes 7 months on training in another state 13 hours from home!! He keeps saying that after 3 years he can request a transfer, but at this point, I'm really trying to figure out how DS and I can stay here and he can be in Dallas for those 3 years I know it's totally unrealistic, but I can dream right???

Moving to Dallas makes us about 14 hours away from our family- not cool, especially since his family is here in our town now and my family is only 1.5 hours away. DS is so used to spending the weekends with my parents, and as the only grandchild, I'm not sure what either set of grandparents is going to do!

Any advice from readers in Texas?

Welcome future Dallasite!!!

Another transplant posted their experiences with Texas, but it was primarily in Austin. Austin may be the nicest place to live in the state, but I've lived in Dallas over 20 years and it's been a great place to raise a family. Start researching the different areas now, before you move and before you buy. There are a number of good school districts in the area, but each of them has their own unique feel.

The Dallas area isn't necessarily a great place to visit, but it's a pretty darn nice place to live. The cost of living is reasonable, you can find good schools, and there's TONS of stuff to do, especially for kids. Name your activity that you enjoy - from sports to book clubs to theater to live music or whatever else - and you can probably find it here.

I can only imagine how hard it's going to be for you to move so far from your family, but we've made great friends here and found plenty of activities to keep our weekends booked. Dallas may never feel like "home" to you, but you should be able to make a life here if you want it.

Feel free to PM me with any questions. Overall, I think you'll find Texans are a pretty friendly lot.

 

[DisneyDizzy]

I moved back to the area where I grew up and loved growing up here. However it has changed so much and gotten so big, I'm kind of starting to want to move. Housing is so expensive and I would love to have the house of my dreams somewhere else. After reading this thread though, I'm wondering if I'd like to live anywhere My saving grace is that we live close to family, so it's really nice to have my kids play with their cousins. Also my parents live in our neighborhood, so we always have free babysitters. I guess I need to focus on what's good, rather than what's bad.

To all you Utahans who live there, I feel bad for you! I am LDS and I would not want to live there. Keep looking for people who are like you, you'll find them. There are a lot of LDS people who practice the religion, but who are a little more laid back and like to have friends of other faiths.If you want, I can give you the numbers of my friends there I will say I do miss the mountains, skiing, and Cafe Rio.

Well, yeah, Cafe Rio! And the Red Iguana! And I actually complained to my husband about too much sunshine the other day! I miss a rainy gray day. Even when it snows the sun is shining by afternoon. It's crazy what you miss when you don't have it. I would love a good gray day to curl up with my kids and some movies.

We're actually up for a transfer and we'll know next week. If it doesn't go through I might be PMing you for those numbers!

 

[powellrj]

We have lived in our town for over 30 years and I hate it now. I loved living here when we first moved here after we got married, but then the economy busted and the whole town has gotten for lack of a better word trashy.

If you watch the show Teen Mom, we live in the same town as Amber if that tells you just how bad it has become. The schools have gotten so bad that 10% of the parents have taken their kids out of the district. We now send our DD to a school in a different county. While she is getting a much better education, she does miss her friends.

I have jumped right into her new school working with boosters and PTO, but like others have said, its clicky and not all that open to new people.

I got involved in politics last year because I feel you can't complain unless you are part of the solution, so while I am trying to make a difference, its hard sometimes.

I am just holding out until we can retire and then head for someplace warmer. We wanted out kids to grow-up with grandparents is why we originally stayed in the area but once they are gone, our kids will be gone and there is nothing for us to stay for.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I'm currently in Pittsburgh, and although I can't say I HATE it here, I certainly don't like it. We moved from the Philly area about 3 years ago, and I still am, for the most part, friendless. DH's family is here, so it's nice to not have to travel to see them. The place is AWESOME for the kids because there's so much to do between the museums, zoo, meetup groups, and mom's club. But, for me, not so much. I just suck it up and remember that this is a perfect place for the family, even if it isn't for me.

I do miss the Philly area - even if we were in the middle of nowhere out there. I miss seeing farms and livestock. I miss having friends. I miss being close enough to the beach to make a day trip there. I miss being close to Baltimore, Philly, DC, and NYC (even though I never really went there). I miss the hiking and biking.

I just try to think of the museums and zoo, and how easy it is for us to go to them from where we live now. Also, Halloween, which is awesome in our neighborhood. I try to ignore the weather, the feeling of being in an industrial setting, and the gray-ness. Not an easy task.

Hey "miserable in Pittsburgh neighbor".

PM me. I'd be happy to be your friend.. I live here too and even though I was born and raised here, I detest it. We can be friends and be miserable together. LOL

 

[pookybean]

i moved to philly from boston 11 yrs ago now and i still hate it. i still feel like i cant make many friends. i moved here to be with my dh who is now my ex dh and now im stuck. this is where my kids have grown up, they have their friends and are in activities etc. i said i will start looking to move when my ds graduates high school (2013) to be ready when my dd graduates 8th gr in 2014. ill either go back to boston, or give fl a shot. i figure im here alone, i can be there alone....at least ill be close to the mouse!

i could go on and on about why i cant stand it here LOL the only people who get it are the others who have come here from somewhere else!

sorry to the posters who miss it here!

 

[DisneyDizzy]

I also wanted to say, I hated it when we lived in Indiana. Thought it wasn't good enough. Boring and blah. And now, I'd give anything to go back! I want to be closer to my family, to actually see trees, and be closer to the things we like to do and people we can fit in with. It took leaving to realize how much I actually liked it there.

I think it is funny how we can all hate some place that others would LOVE to be! I'd love to be in Pittsburgh! My whole family is from Morgantown and Pitt would be an amazing location for us.

 

[Mickeyfollowers]

I am also jumping on this boat. I am a FL native and moved to NC when I was 22 back in 1994 to get away from the small town where everyone knew everyone and was always in your buisness. The only good thing that came out of the move is that I met my DH. I lived in Fayetteville, NC it was ok but not home. Then once my DH graduated from College and got a job in the middle of no where a town smaller than where I grew up. I did not like it. Family was two hrs away I had a hard time connecting with people and making friends, they where all into hunting and drinking. That is the very reason I left my little redneck town, LOL. We ended up moving to outside of Greenville, NC so we could be near a bigger city and better schools. What sucks is that my DH works an hour away, doesn't get home till 7, sometimes has to work 6 days a week. Once again I have not been able to find a friend that I can consider being a close friend that I can vent to when I need to and do things with since I live in a house with all boys. My Mom past away in Oct 2009 and she was my best friend the one I could talk to. I miss having the female friends and being able to go out and do things close to home rather drive an hour or two. I am just glad to know that is not just me that is going through this.

 

[luckylady131]

Is there still room to hop on this boat?!! I can't say I dislike where I live now, actually it has started to grow on me after 4 years; it's that I dislike that we are moving to Dallas next year. DH has landed his dream job with the feds and that's where he is assigned...after he finishes 7 months on training in another state 13 hours from home!! He keeps saying that after 3 years he can request a transfer, but at this point, I'm really trying to figure out how DS and I can stay here and he can be in Dallas for those 3 years I know it's totally unrealistic, but I can dream right???

Moving to Dallas makes us about 14 hours away from our family- not cool, especially since his family is here in our town now and my family is only 1.5 hours away. DS is so used to spending the weekends with my parents, and as the only grandchild, I'm not sure what either set of grandparents is going to do!

Any advice from readers in Texas?

Welcome future Dallasite!!!

Another transplant posted their experiences with Texas, but it was primarily in Austin. Austin may be the nicest place to live in the state, but I've lived in Dallas over 20 years and it's been a great place to raise a family. Start researching the different areas now, before you move and before you buy. There are a number of good school districts in the area, but each of them has their own unique feel.

The Dallas area isn't necessarily a great place to visit, but it's a pretty darn nice place to live. The cost of living is reasonable, you can find good schools, and there's TONS of stuff to do, especially for kids. Name your activity that you enjoy - from sports to book clubs to theater to live music or whatever else - and you can probably find it here.

I can only imagine how hard it's going to be for you to move so far from your family, but we've made great friends here and found plenty of activities to keep our weekends booked. Dallas may never feel like "home" to you, but you should be able to make a life here if you want it.

Feel free to PM me with any questions. Overall, I think you'll find Texans are a pretty friendly lot.

Welcome to Texas!!!

Born and raised here. And I have lived in all the major cities here. Grew up in the DFW area (more Ft. Worth than Dallas, and all my family still lives there). Have lived in Austin, San Antonio, and currently Houston.

You were given good advice about Dallas. It's a nice place to live. One thing about Texas that you will need to get used to - it's a HUGE state. People don't realize just how long it takes to get around here. But I love Texas, and can't dream of living in another state (unless it's Colorado!). The summers in Dallas will be HOT, but compared to Houston - they are drier summers with less humidity. The winters can get cold - last year there was record snow. But there are years where it never snows. It's not much of a 4 seasons state though. The weather gets cooler, but the whole leaves changing colors thing like they have up in the NE - doesn't really happen here.

Being so far from family - just be sure to try to get involved in your community. That will help.

 

[coneygoil]

I don't have that problem with where I live now. I've been in Mississippi for 13 years, but I'm originally born and raised in New Orleans. People rave about N.O. and how great it is. Well, it's not great at all. It's scary and dirty and corrupt. I lived in a better area where it wasn't bad, but outside of the little comfort zone was just unnerving sometimes. I hated it there. So glad we moved to MS when I was 15. I wish we would have come here sooner since it's a small (but growing town) and everyone is practically related here. But the good thing is, you're totally excepted. When I married my husband, tons of people in our church came up to me welcoming me into the family since everyone there is related somehow down the line. I'm happy to be here and not in N.O. still.

 

[arjones31]

Hello, everyone. My name is Amy, and I hate where I live, too. We sound like a support group, right? My husband and I have lived in rural Alabama for four years now after living in Atlanta. Talk about a lifestyle change! Like some other posters stated, we are at least an hour from the nearest shopping and restaurants (and those are nothing compared to what we were accustomed to). Also, our people also wear blinders. As long as one is IN church, you're good! But if you are different in any way at all, you are looked down upon. I am actively applying for teaching jobs elsewhere, but the reality is that the real estate market here is lousy in a good year, so I know the chances of us selling our house are minimal.

Sending best wishes and group hugs to you all!

 

[mickey&minniealways]

Okay it seems that almost everyone on this thread is in the same boat and not adding any real advise. While I do feel for you, I was in the same boat back in 1984. Enough with the pitty party. It is not getting you anywhere. The original poster asked for advice on how to make things better. So lets start there. If you go into it with the attitude that you don't want to be there or that you won't fit in. That is exactly what you will get. It is what most refer to as the glass being hall full. Home really is where the heart is or should be. So it is what you make it. Reach out to someone at church or some other group. You will be astounded.When I was in high school we moved 6 hours away. We left NY and moved to the Boston area. My mother and I commented many times about the Townie element. I felt like an outsider for many years because I was not a townie. 10 years after high school my husband was working with someone who grew up in the same town I had lived in. He was younger then me but I was in his sisters graduating class. She had some wonderful things to say about me. I have run into similar situations since. Come to find out I was considered one of them. Start a cookie exchange in your neighborhood or maybe with the parents your childs sporting team. Ask for advice on something from someone who seems be part of it all. I suggest doing it while others are around. You might find yourself in the center of a conversation. I speak from experience. I have lived here since 1984. I still don't think of myself as being from NH. Still haveing difficulty with that live free or die attitude. The tend to take it to extremes around here. I don't think of myself as being from NY either. I in my mind I am from MA. The ironic part is that I lived there the least amount of time. It really is what you make it , but if you still continue to have the attitude that you want to be somewhere else you will never be happy. Life can change things in a flash so hold onto what you have and live life. Decide to be happy. I really hope this helps.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

OK wher are you in Alabama. I live in a very small town in the middle of no where and I grew up right outside of Orlando.

I am in Alexander City.... The armpit of Alabama... Where are you??

 

[princessmorgan]

Utah neighbor here and our only LDS friend is not from here but yet they are a wonderful family. A bit more laid back and they don't judge. I sure wish we could meet more like them.

On the good side we do have snowboarding, clean air, cool mountain water, no crime, good schools, great job for DH and even a 2nd job that pays extremely well. I am grateful but so miss just having something to do, friends, and activities for our child. He can't even join boy scouts because we are not LDS. Urg!

Which leaves me asking this, how do we come to peace with the places we do live in? How do we find the joy in life and our community?

Your child should be able to join the boy scouts there. My DH is one of the boy scout leaders here and even though he's the leader through church, the actual program is through the Boy Scouts. He said they have one boy in their troop right now who isn't LDS. He comes with a friend.

I think the way to find joy in our community is to really get involved in it. It takes effort and I know if I put some more effort in mine, I would be happier. The good friends I have made tend to be the parents of my children's friends. I guess because we have that common interest. Then friendships build there. It's always nice to have a good group of friends wherever you live, because then you feel loved and accepted and that's what makes it feel like home.

 

[marcemc]

Hi y'all! I know how you feel. I was born & raised in the tropics, Costa Rica to be exact.

I met my wonderful DH there and a few months after getting married we decided to come back and live in US. We love adventure & to travel.

It is very different here in the US, we have been blessed & have moved to 4 different states, travel to 3 different countries but still, nothing compares to home! I miss my family, friends & traditions.

How do I make the best out of it? I thank the Lord everyday that I live in a country in which we do not need bars on the windows, in a country where I can leave my car outside my garage without worrying about it, in a country where women can vote and voice their opinions, in a country where my boys have access to good education. I mean, seriously, I could be living any where else in the world so I'm thankful I'm here right now.

After all, home is where your heart is, and my heart is with my DH & DSs.

 

[jodifla]

We've been here 5 years now, and we are already plotting our return to Florida.

But while we are in Michigan, we're enjoying the lake we live on, our friendly street, good schools, cider farms, etc. And especially being near my husband's family -- it's why we moved here. But in 5 years, we've connected with really no one....all our friends are elsewhere, mostly in Florida. Michigan is not very welcoming to newcomers.

There are pluses to everywhere, so we just take advantage of what the area has to offer while we're there.

 

[dunbarfamily]

Me me me!!! Pick me!!!

I can't stand it here. I have no friends. No one wants to make friends because this is a really small town filled with "lifers" who have been freinds since they were in diapers. No rooom for outsiders. People still refer to us as the "new family" even though we've been here four years.

Luckily, "home" is only a two hour drive away, and I make the best of it by looking forward to going back once a month or so. We moved here after the plant my husband worked for closed. We are fortunate he was offered a job in the same state, and like I said, its only two hours from where we want to be. We just bought a house here (we rented for 3.5 years thinking we'd be able to get a job somewhere else) and since then, its a little better. I hated renting, and its nice to have a place that is ours with our paint colors, pictures on the walls, etc.