Anyone Charge For Their Welcome Party/Rehearsal Dinner?

[DVC Bride 2011]

I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but you really need to pay for your guests or not invite them at all. Even though others may have done it, that doesn't make it appropriate. It would be different if you were inviting all early 20 somethings, but I can guarantee you that anyone over the age of 25 would be offended at having to pay to go to an invited event. If they aren't offended they will at the very least think you're being tacky. That's not the way you want to start off your fabulous weekend.

Our guests are completely supportive of our decision to do this - and our guests range in age from 5 to 80. Again, we are basically telling them "Hey! We're making group reservations at ABC Restaurant, if you'd like to join us to kick off the weekend, great! If not, that's great too!" I don't think it's tacky at all - if we were making it a mandatory wedding event then of course it would be incredible rude and inconsiderate. Like I said, it's optional and totally up to the guest if they want to come or not.

We are not having a typical wedding, so we are not following typical ettiquette rules...no one in our family expects us to! I think weddings have gotten too sucked into "you have to do this" or "you really need to do that" - it's our wedding! We have a certain amount of money we can spend and we are putting it all into the actual wedding day. If any of my guests thought I was "tacky" for inviting them to join us for an optional dinner or brunch, then they are not the type of people I want at my wedding anyway!

I think your advice might be appropriate to some familys/weddings, but not all. I think it really varies based on the type of guests you are inviting. If your guests don't have a problem with this type of "welcome dinner" or "farewell brunch" then there should be no reason why you can't do it.

 

[lpizzuro123]

While I understand both I think these are also different types of events. If you are doing a private hosted event I do not think I would ask people to pay. If you are all meeting at a restaurant and spliting the bill - that is something else.

I would go with the small private event. Not sure where you or most of your guests are staying but we were married on a Monday in November 2008. Most everyone was there by Saturday. We love POFQ and this is where most of our guests were staying. They have a really nice lounge/bar there called the Scat Cat Club. There is a performer there Wednesday to Saturday nights (9:00pm to midnight). We love him and always go listen to him when we are down in WDW whether we are staying in that resort or not. We told everyone we would be there 9:00pm the Saturday before the wedding if they wanted to meet us there. Quite a few people showed up. It was nice because they could just stop by after visiting the park or eating dinner. The food court is right next door so anyone that wanted a snack could get it and of course the bar was there. It was very casual and lots of fun. It was a great place for anyone that did not know everyone attending the wedding to meet others.

I would definately think about one of the lounges/bars in the different resorts.

Linda

 

[daisygirl902]

Do what works best for you and your budget - regardless of what anyone else thinks!

I'm speaking from experience - I got badly flamed on here a while back about having an "optional dinner" the night of our wedding at HDDR and having my guest pay for their own tickets....keep in mind it was my family who suggested it - and the majority of my guests are my family. 27 people in all are coming (that's 7 more than are coming to the actual wedding!!) and were happy to do so!

Yes, they are paying to come to Disney - but I am paying for lots of other great events for the wedding day, including Brunch and a Dessert Party - I simply can't do it all! And they were totally understanding of that! I debated just not having dinner - but really when it comes down to it we all wanted to do HDDR! And not one of my guests chose not to attend or to look down on us for the choice that we made - in fact people travelling with our guests that aren't even coming to the wedding are coming to dinner!!

It's not like a Disney Wedding is traditional anyways - go with your gut and do what you think is right!

I will say however - organizing the whole thing can be a daunting task when going this route!

 

[Bridie1996]

Really what it comes down to is what you're comfortable with, what you think your guests will be comfortable with and what your budget allows.

That being said, I would NEVER charge my guests to come to a private event.


I would find another way, like others have suggested, such as telling everyone "hey, we're going to be at Jellyrolls starting at 9, feel free to stop by and say hello!" or the group ADR at a restaurant- maybe one of the ones with characters for the kids? and make it clear that it is casual and people will be expected to pay their own way. I've seen other brides organize it through newsletters and it looked like it worked well.

You could even organize a scavenger hunt around downtown disney. Or, let everyone know you'll be in Epcot and doing a scavenger hunt or playing drinking around the world bingo. The possibilities are endless.

But I absolutly would not ask them to pay to come to a private party.

If I were in your shoes, I'd have the BBQ dinner at the marina for the bridal party and then choose a bar or club and let the other guests know what time-frame you'll be there. But thats just my opinion.

And just because people ask if you're doing something, doesn't mean you have to give it to them. My aunt had my Dad all worked up about having a welcome dinner too, telling him that is the way it is done and why weren't we doing one? I was very honest with him about how we were on a strict budget and a welcome dinner didn't fit into it. We took the BM, MOH and their spouses out for a nice dinner and left it at that.

And you know what? When we got down there no one even noticed the lack of a welcome dinner. Everyone was too busy having fun in the parks.

Good luck!

 

[girli565]

Really what it comes down to is what you're comfortable with, what you think your guests will be comfortable with and what your budget allows.

That being said, I would NEVER charge my guests to come to a private event.


I would find another way, like others have suggested, such as telling everyone "hey, we're going to be at Jellyrolls starting at 9, feel free to stop by and say hello!" or the group ADR at a restaurant- maybe one of the ones with characters for the kids? and make it clear that it is casual and people will be expected to pay their own way. I've seen other brides organize it through newsletters and it looked like it worked well.

You could even organize a scavenger hunt around downtown disney. Or, let everyone know you'll be in Epcot and doing a scavenger hunt or playing drinking around the world bingo. The possibilities are endless.

But I absolutly would not ask them to pay to come to a private party.

If I were in your shoes, I'd have the BBQ dinner at the marina for the bridal party and then choose a bar or club and let the other guests know what time-frame you'll be there. But thats just my opinion.

And just because people ask if you're doing something, doesn't mean you have to give it to them. My aunt had my Dad all worked up about having a welcome dinner too, telling him that is the way it is done and why weren't we doing one? I was very honest with him about how we were on a strict budget and a welcome dinner didn't fit into it. We took the BM, MOH and their spouses out for a nice dinner and left it at that.

And you know what? When we got down there no one even noticed the lack of a welcome dinner. Everyone was too busy having fun in the parks.

Good luck!

I agree with Bridie, if it's a private event I would never ask my guests to pay. But you have to decide what you're comfortable with.

 

[padisneyfour]

we are planning a casual group event , nothing fancy at resort pool for swimming etc and scavenger hunt. I am "treating" the ladies to tea at GF as my guests. We are also doing one casual group dining event for those that want to attend (one of our guests actually thought this would be a fun idea and everyone was made aware ,they can attend if they choose) do what you are comfortable with....good luck

 

[puente0629]

Thanks for your input! what you are saying is the other side of the fight in my head lol..

We are not telling people they have to come... we just were tossing around that it would be nice to offer it to them as an option..that this is what we are having as our rehersal dinner.. so if you would like to join us you can but you have to pay for your meal..if you dont wanna come.. no worries.. i just feel bad asking for money.. but at the same time.. we are really giving them a nice wedding day ($ 270.00 a person as of right now).. and in addition we spent like $10 each on favors and like $25.00 for each rooms welcome bag.. so we really did it up for the guests coming... so with all that we cant afford the whole $ 70.00.. we figured we could cover $ 30.00 of it..and ask for $ 40 from them if they wanna come..

The restaurant idea and them paying their own bill there is a great idea.. but i talked to my fiance and he is really pumped about our barbque dinner at the marina with the fireworks so looks like the marina is a go either way we decide

Thanks!

Sorry I meant to say "Plus you are not obligating your guests to come and everyone has to have dinner, right?" lol

I would try to find a location that they can sit you together and they can choose from the menu or I would try Rainforest Cafe, they have set menus but the prices are really starting at $30.00pp (includes, appetizer, entree, dessert and a drink) and kids meals start at $10.00 and they will section off a side for you.

Also, like our reception ends at 4:00pm, the next morning we planned a day that we call "Ed & Annie's Magic Kingdom Tour" and for dinner we are eating at the Crystal Palace...it's again a "come if you want" deal.

 

[connorlevismom]

Thanks for your input! what you are saying is the other side of the fight in my head lol..

We are not telling people they have to come... we just were tossing around that it would be nice to offer it to them as an option..that this is what we are having as our rehersal dinner.. so if you would like to join us you can but you have to pay for your meal..if you dont wanna come.. no worries.. i just feel bad asking for money.. but at the same time.. we are really giving them a nice wedding day ($ 270.00 a person as of right now).. and in addition we spent like $10 each on favors and like $25.00 for each rooms welcome bag.. so we really did it up for the guests coming... so with all that we cant afford the whole $ 70.00.. we figured we could cover $ 30.00 of it..and ask for $ 40 from them if they wanna come..

The restaurant idea and them paying their own bill there is a great idea.. but i talked to my fiance and he is really pumped about our barbque dinner at the marina with the fireworks so looks like the marina is a go either way we decide

Thanks!

I have to chime in here. I am not trying to be rude or anything, but you keep saying you are doing it up for your guests. $270.00 per guest is nothing when you consider they are probably paying more than that per person just for their airline tickets. Add that with hotel, meals that your not providing.....what you are spending on them is not that much. And you may think that favors and welcome bags are "doing it up" but you have to remember that you would be paying for favors if you had a wedding at home.

You are asking people to come to your Disney wedding, you need to pay for any event you have. If you cannot pay for everyone to attend a welcome party, don't have one. I would be completely offended if I flew to FL for a wedding and they told me I had to then pay my own way for a dinner they are throwing. I understand that they have the option to not come, but it is still extremely rude to even suggest it.


Sorry to be so blunt. I am just very passionate about this. These are your guests, you need to treat them as such. The wedding ceremony should be about you, anything else involving your wedding should be about the guests.

Kristine

 

[Boardwalk_bride]

I had a welcome "cocktail" style party the night before my wedding, and it was $28 pp. We had started to run out of room in our budget as well, so we just choose a smaller menu that we knew people would like, and offered just a soda options instead of offering alcohol to keep costs down. The food was really good, and my guests really enjoyed it. I'm normally not in favour of cash bars, but if you are offering alcohol at another event, I don't really see the problem with having a cash one at a welcome party.

If you are interested, I can post my menu on here!

 

[kcampbell]

I have to agree with Bridie1996...I would never ask my guests to pay to come to a private event. We did host a number of private events and fortunately we had the budget to do so. Our welcome cocktail hour was "come if you want", but we still paid for drinks and appetizers. There are many ways to even make something like that reasonable as the other girls have said. We did have an "open invitation" to Jellyrolls for anyone who wanted to wander down there from the Attic and included in the welcome letter that it was $10/pp to get in. About 1/2 our guests joined us which was fine since even I bailed early to get some beauty sleep before the big day.

I think if you are set on having an event at the marina you should just include your bridal party and get together with everyone else somewhere else either before or after. I personally think etiquette-wise that is the proper thing to do.


Oh, and my DH and I had our Bachelor/ette party while in WDW--- the girls had a limo so one of the places we went was the ice bar on I-drive and a salsa club (samba's I think) on Sand Lake Road. The guys went to Jellyrolls. Other fun places on property are: Kimono's (at S&D) for karaoke, Rix Lounge @ CS, drinking around the world at Epcot, the Wave has a relaxed lounge @ the CR. It just kinda depends on what you want!

 

[kcampbell]

You are asking people to come to your Disney wedding, you need to pay for any event you have. If you cannot pay for everyone to attend a welcome party, don't have one. I would be completely offended if I flew to FL for a wedding and they told me I had to then pay my own way for a dinner they are throwing. I understand that they have the option to not come, but it is still extremely rude to even suggest it.

The wedding ceremony should be about you, anything else involving your wedding should be about the guests.

I agree Kristine...I hope that doesn't offend anyone either, but it's a matter of courtesy to your guests.

 

[puente0629]

Chiming in again and adding my opinion...again lol

I think if you have the means to pay for every event then great do so but some of us (like me, lol) are on a tight budget and would love a chance for family and friends to meet before the wedding day. As long as your not obligating someone to come, I absolutely think it's okay to have them pay their own way. Think about it...your guests are going to have dinner on their own anyways so why not with family and friends. I clearly stated on my newsletter and website the prices for the "Meet n' Greet Welcome Dinner" and how the checks will be split into. Trust me, if I had the money to pay for everyone I would definitely do it but unfortunately I can't. Also, I don't think my family and friends expect to be catered to, they are just happy being there for us and celebrating our day. And yes they are paying for the flight and hotel but again no one obligated them to come to our wedding and this should be taken as a chance to have a great family vacation.

 

[NYPrincess422]

We're gonna host a Welcome Dinner at DTD. We choose to have it at Bongos, which is a fun rest. with music and awesome food. For each person, taxes included (appetizer, entree, sodas/coffee/tea and dessert) is 40 pp. Maybe look into other places at DTD that are a bit more affordable.

HTH

 

[connorlevismom]

Chiming in again and adding my opinion...again lol

I think if you have the means to pay for every event then great do so but some of us (like me, lol) are on a tight budget and would love a chance for family and friends to meet before the wedding day. As long as your not obligating someone to come, I absolutely think it's okay to have them pay their own way. Think about it...your guests are going to have dinner on their own anyways so why not with family and friends. I clearly stated on my newsletter and website the prices for the "Meet n' Greet Welcome Dinner" and how the checks will be split into. Trust me, if I had the money to pay for everyone I would definitely do it but unfortunately I can't. Also, I don't think my family and friends expect to be catered to, they are just happy being there for us and celebrating our day. And yes they are paying for the flight and hotel but again no one obligated them to come to our wedding and this should be taken as a chance to have a great family vacation.

Yes, they will have to have dinner anyway, but I would bet that they would not be choosing one that is $70 per person. If you are hosting an event, you need to pay for it. Period. If you are just talking about all going out to dinner somewhere, that is different. She is planning an event at the Marina (and expensive one at that) and then asking people to pay for it. If you were having your wedding at home would you host a rehearsal dinner and ask people to pay for it?


And saying they have the option to attend so they should not be mad is besides the point. I think that way to many brides are taking for grated the effort and cost that people shell out to come to their weddings. I for one apprecaite every one who is taking their time and money out to come to my vow renewal, I don't expect them to me because I am doing it at Disney. That is my choice, and I understand how much effort it takes for them to come, and I appreciate it.

Kristine

 

[Bridie1996]

Puente... you are not the only one on a tight budget! DH and I both worked 2 jobs each, giving up our evenings and weekends so we could afford our Disney wedding and we didn't charge any of our guests to come to any of our events.

We did what we could, and if there was something we wanted but couldn't fit into our budget we chose something that WAS affordable for us. It never even entered into our thought process to ask our guests to pay for any of our parties while down there.


The point I was trying to get across, and apparently didn't do it well, was that there is a difference between a private event and a meal in a restaurant or an evening in a lounge. If I remember correctly, your welcome event is a dinner in a restaurant and you've been clear about how the checks will be split. No problem.

But a private event? To me, that is an entirely different deal.

And not "obligating" them to come is not an excuse to make them pay to get into your private party. They aren't obligated anyway. They are your GUESTS. Your obligation is to them. The only ones who hold any sort of obligation to the Bride and Groom are the bridal party.

I'm not trying to offend anyone or start anything but I just had to say something.

Okay, getting off my soapbox now.

 

[connorlevismom]

Puente... you are not the only one on a tight budget! DH and I both worked 2 jobs each, giving up our evenings and weekends so we could afford our Disney wedding and we didn't charge any of our guests to come to any of our events.

We did what we could, and if there was something we wanted but couldn't fit into our budget we chose something that WAS affordable for us. It never even entered into our thought process to ask our guests to pay for any of our parties while down there.


The point I was trying to get across, and apparently didn't do it well, was that there is a difference between a private event and a meal in a restaurant or an evening in a lounge. If I remember correctly, your welcome event is a dinner in a restaurant and you've been clear about how the checks will be split. No problem.

But a private event? To me, that is an entirely different deal.

And not "obligating" them to come is not an excuse to make them pay to get into your private party. They aren't obligated anyway. They are your GUESTS. Your obligation is to them. The only ones who hold any sort of obligation to the Bride and Groom are the bridal party.

I'm not trying to offend anyone or start anything but I just had to say something.

Okay, getting off my soapbox now.

Absolutely. People need to really understand the word guests and understand how it works. Your event, with the exception of you ceremony should be catered towards your guests, not you. I just cannot believe how many people think that people coming to FL for their wedding is no big deal.

Kristine

 

[kcampbell]

there is a difference between a private event and a meal in a restaurant or an evening in a lounge.

But a private event? To me, that is an entirely different deal.

Precisely what I was thinking. OP- if the welcome party at the GF Marina is that important to you, have you considered cutting from your wedding day budget so you have enough to pay for the private event? IDK if "$270/pp" is just F&B costs or everything divided by your guest count, but you could always make cuts to give your guests 2 events. Just a thought.

 

[Kimmers127]

Personally, I keep getting stuck on the fact that you CAN afford $30 pp, and that's completely doable if you change your venue. You could have a dinner somewhere like 'Ohana's and cover the bill without anyone having to chip in. I don't know, I don't want to offend anyone either but I really feel strongly that brides need to plan what they can afford. A welcome dinner is totally optional - if it's going to break the bank, just keep it for the bridal party like you originally planned. Although the wedding is about you and your groom, it's still nice to be considerate of guests and try to show them a nice time, particularly when they have traveled to share in your joy.

 

[puente0629]

Yes, they will have to have dinner anyway, but I would bet that they would not be choosing one that is $70 per person. If you are hosting an event, you need to pay for it. Period. If you are just talking about all going out to dinner somewhere, that is different. She is planning an event at the Marina (and expensive one at that) and then asking people to pay for it. If you were having your wedding at home would you host a rehearsal dinner and ask people to pay for it?


And saying they have the option to attend so they should not be mad is besides the point. I think that way to many brides are taking for grated the effort and cost that people shell out to come to their weddings. I for one apprecaite every one who is taking their time and money out to come to my vow renewal, I don't expect them to me because I am doing it at Disney. That is my choice, and I understand how much effort it takes for them to come, and I appreciate it.

Kristine

As long as she lets them know the price, then who ever wants to pay for it can and who ever doesn't, doesn't...I do agree $70pp is over top for a Dinner (unless lobster and filet mignon is being served, lol). I mentioned before that she can have it at the Rainforest Cafe which is only $30pp and someone else mentioned Bongo's which is $40pp. My guests have the option to show up or not, like I said, they get to choose from the menu so it's up to them how much they want to pay at the end. I still think if you are reserving a place to have dinner and its $40 or less per person, you have the option of having your family and friends pay for their meal.

For example, my sister had a Welcome Dinner, she let us know before hand it's a come if you want basis and everyone pays their own way...everyone ended up showing and no one cared. We all knew my sister wasn't in a situation to be paying everyone's meal and with the economy how it is, no one should. I've told family and friends, if they can't make it to the wedding because of money issues then no worries we can always celebrate at home after.

 

[dakcp2001]

I think it is super tacky to ask people to pay for a private event. Especially since they are FLYING to Fl and paying for hotel etc. They are already paying a ton to come support you and attend your wedding, if you cannot afford the 70 per person, dont have it, or find something you can afford. Just being honest!

Think of how much they are paying already to come see you!