Anybody never getting married????

[ashlynn_j_m]

I've been with my DBF for 13 years, we have 1 DD(7), we own a home together, have cars together, but we never plan on getting married....People always ask the question "when are you two getting married, you've been together forever" We are perfectly happy with the way we are....So is anyone else in the same situation?

 

[beckmrk04]

I understand that- and I'm certainly not trying to sway you- but do you have a plan for what would happen if one of you was seriously injured/comatose?

I can't help thinking that at the very least marriage offers that protection. Not that you can't be happy without being married- I know that's possible. You don't have to have the paper to love each other and be commited. But I always worry about the what'if's... How do you deal in those circumstances? Just curious.

 

[ashlynn_j_m]

Everything we own, we own together, both names are on EVERYTHING....home, cars, insurance policys, bank accounts, so if something happened to one of us, the other still has access to everything.

 

[beckmrk04]

Everything we own, we own together, both names are on EVERYTHING....home, cars, insurance policys, bank accounts, so if something happened to one of us, the other still has access to everything.

Ok, but take the Terri Shiavo case. If one of you were to end up in a coma, the other has no legal rights... Right?

I know that somehow that could be accounted for, I'm sure....

I'm a big proponent of gay and lesbian marriage for this very reason. I read a very sad thread- a news story about a man whose partner of over 30 years died and that dead man's family took everything away from him that they could. Not that your families would do this. I don't know. Am I making any sense anymore?

Geez, I'm tired! Sorry if it sounds like incoherent rambling. But, I worried even before my husband and I got married that if something were to happen to him I wouldn't be allowed to make decisions.

 

[anewvance]

I used to have friends that were like that. They were friends of my ex boyfriend from 10 years ago so I haven't talked to them in a long time. But I hear they are still together, have been together for 16 years. They had absolutely no plan to get married, ever. They own a house, cars, ect together. To each his own, I totally see where you are coming from.

 

[Pugdog007]

I don't plan to marry. We've been together for 8 years and built a house together. Everything else is separate. We each own a car and do not share money or any accounts. Bills are split down the middle and he gives me a check for his share every month and I pay them.

I wouldn't have it any other way... have to have my own money, my own things, my own identity.

 

[ktpool]

I wouldn't have it any other way... have to have my own money, my own things, my own identity.

Just for your FYI...I am married, but have my own money, my own things and my own identity. Plus I have my husband (and I am proud to be his wife) and my children, who have as much security as I can give them.

And I have been on the other side...living with my then-boyfriend, saying "marriage doesn't matter, everything is exactly the same as marriage, a married man can still walk away, etc." All relationships have their ups and downs, ...but making that commitment does make a difference. Otherwise, no one would ever get married!

 

[disneychrista]

I do not see marriage in my future. But, in my case, I am single, no boyfriend, not dating, no interest.

 

[bettyann29]

Me and DF have been together 6 years this June.. We moved in together 6 years ago this Halloween.. I was married before for 7 years and he was married before for almost 20.. We both went thru a few rough years after our marriages ended but we found each other.. I honestly didnt think I ever wanted to be married again but he has renewed my faith.. Our wedding is set for April 28th next year.. and I couldnt be happier.. I realize now that the things that happened in my life happened for a reason and without those experiences I wouldnt have met him and I wouldnt be the person I am today.. I have met the love of my life

 

[bunnyfoo]

I had not planned on getting married but it was something that my fiance really wanted to do. I've been with him for just over 10 years. I never saw what the big deal was about getting married, but part of my reason for finally agreeing was to *try* and set a good example for my wild child sister (although I don't know that it will make a difference). I guess now he'll just have to convince me on the wedding because I really want to use the money towards a new house. Of course if it was a Disney wedding ... *lol*

 

[MoniqueU]

Flame away at me if you must. But I think once you bring children into the world you owe it to them to provide a loving stable enviornment and marriage.
The whole, My babys Daddy thing just sets me on edge. I can't believe the morals f society have sunk so low.

 

[jennyf917]

My baby's daddy and I have been together for 5 years. Our son is almost 4. We have absolutely no plans to marry, for several reasons. They are, obviously, intensely personal and involve mainly MY experiences and impressions of marriage. I would never marry a man solely because I was pregnant. (I would also never refer to him as my "baby's daddy")My mom did that when she was pregnant with me and they were divorced before I was 2. He was abusive (thankfully he changed his ways and has been married and in no way ever abusive to my stepmother for 17 or more years). That all being said, SO is my power of attorney of my living will and is executor of my estate of my will, and I of his. We have discussed our feelings on those issues at length with each other and our families, and our families agree with us. We never thought of that until Terri Schiavo, I hear that's common. We have a great relationship and love each other very much, and thankfully he is very understanding of my wariness regarding marriage. Even though we're not married, we provide a loving, stable 2-parent home to our son, whose hair closely resembles this smilie .

 

[VSL]

I have every intention of getting married. I think that doing it for the legal rights alone is more than worth it (and I'm talking about illness, etc. - not material possessions).

I don't understand why getting married would cause me to lose my money, posessions and identity though!
The money and possessions would be mostly shared, but my identity would still be mine!

If anything, I'll be gaining more money, possessions and an extra piece of identity

 

[Montana Minnies]

Isn't it considered common law marriage when 2 people live together for a certain period of time?

There is no signifcant other in my life, so no marriage plans for me at the present, but who knows what the future may hold. I've learned," never to say never".

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I wouldn't have it any other way... have to have my own money, my own things, my own identity.

I find this comment offensive. I have been married for 2 years and I have my own money, my own things, and my own identity. I didn't turn all of them in when I got married. Come on now.

 

[minkydog]

Personally, I don't see the point of being "together" for umpteen years with kids and not getting married, but different strokes for different folks. I suppose that as long as you both have legal wills stipulating that your children,money, and possessions go to the partner you've got it covered. Don't assume that because you own things together that after death it will all go to you when teh partner dies--your partner's family can contest it, since they would legally be next of kin if there is no will. Absolutely determine guardianship for the kids, especially if one or more is not the natural child of your live-in. Be sure you make a Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare and one for Financial matters, so that if you become incapacitated your partner will have the legal right to discuss your stuff with the bank, credit cards, and healthcare team. Otherwise, you're out in the cold--they won't talk to you without that important piece of paper.

 

[Christine]

I'm married but I can go either way on it.

I guess what I don't understand is, if you're together for a long time, have children, own property, etc., what exactly is the hang up about marriage. What do you think happens when the paper is signed? I mean I'm not trying to be critical here, just trying to get the thought process. Because I certainly do understand that I piece of paper means very little--it's what is in the heart that counts.

 

[LeCras]

I guess what I don't understand is, if you're together for a long time, have children, own property, etc., what exactly is the hang up about marriage.

I am married myself so I'm not speaking from experience, but I would imagine that if you have been together for a long time, have children, own property etc and you are happy...then why exactly would you want to get married? What would it change/accomplish that a will and testament can't?

Like I said, I am married but a lot of people choose not to go down that route. Doesn't bother me at all, we all make different choices.

Charlotte

 

[Pugsley]

I have every intention of getting married. I think that doing it for the legal rights alone is more than worth it (and I'm talking about illness, etc. - not material possessions).

I don't understand why getting married would cause me to lose my money, posessions and identity though!
The money and possessions would be mostly shared, but my identity would still be mine!

If anything, I'll be gaining more money, possessions and and extra piece of identity

ITA!!! Money and possessions have nothing to do with your identity. Heck, now that I'm married I feel like I have nothing material of my own because we share everything. And that doesn't bother me a bit.

To each his own regarding getting married or not. It's nobody's business but yours. I was single for a long, long time and perfectly happy. But I have to tell you that the minute I fell in love with my now DH I knew I wanted him to be part of my family (and vice versa) in every way, including legally.

 

[tworkit]

These posts are called a get out of jail free. Blah, blah we've been together for blah, blah years etc.. Its the open opportunity that is things aren't going right I can just leave and thats is that. There is no legal committment that way! Shacking up is shacking up however you wanna try to spin it.