Anybody never getting married????

[LeCras]

Its the open opportunity that is things aren't going right I can just leave and thats is that.

What a cynical view...

For what it's worth, my aunt has been "shacked up" for about 35 years, they have three children and are very happy together. I doubt that they decided not to get married so that they could "just leave and that is that"...

Charlotte

 

[Jeafl]

My sister and her significant other have been together 23 years, have been engaged for about 12 years, but just "haven't gotten around to getting married". They want to someday, but haven't had the chance.

They don't have children though and don't plan on it. If I remember correctly though, the house and cars are in both of their names.

 

[Poohgirl]

I don't have plans to ever get remarried. I fell for it once. It is tough when you go into it believing and trusting in "forever" but if your spouse doen't fully believe those same vows, what are you supposed to do? It is very difficult picking up the pieces and rebuilding your life, (starting with 1/2 of what you had) and to get to a point where it was before. Especially for single Moms. Now that I'm there, and not having anymore kiddo's, I will share what I have with my boyfriend forever, but I will never put it at risk again. Ya, ya ,ya that's what pre-nups are for right?

 

[ckay87]

I too don't see the point in sharing everything and not getting married, but again, to each his own.

What I don't think anyone talked about is if you don't find anyone you WANT ot marry. I have a friend who is 37 and never really found anyone she wanted to marry. But she's starting to feel like she *should* get married. I think society really pressures us into either marrying or at least living together. Like if you're not in some kind of relationship like that, there's something wrong with you. I am the only person she knows who stresses that she should absolutely not get married if she hasn't found someone with whom she wants to share e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. Like when she has serious complaints about a boyfriend, I'm the first to stress to her that it will only get worse if she marries the guy.

So I think there is nothing wrong with staying single and dating, but I think a lot of people do. I'd venture to say that those who staying marriage-free (like living-alone-single) is questioned more - way more - than those who choose to stay child-free. What do you think?

 

[ashlynn_j_m]

These posts are called a get out of jail free. Blah, blah we've been together for blah, blah years etc.. Its the open opportunity that is things aren't going right I can just leave and thats is that. There is no legal committment that way! Shacking up is shacking up however you wanna try to spin it.

When you live together for years, have property, children, bank accounts, ect...you can not just up and leave, you would have to go through the same things a married couple that is getting divorced. So you can't say that is why people don't get married. People can have a commitment without getting married.

 

[tworkit]

When you live together for years, have property, children, bank accounts, ect...you can not just up and leave, you would have to go through the same things a married couple that is getting divorced. So you can't say that is why people don't get married. People can have a commitment without getting married.

No sorry don't buy the argument. If your not married, you leave sell the property and split the cash. Don't go to court or attorney, don't wait the waiting period.

 

[ashlynn_j_m]

No sorry don't buy the argument. If your not married, you leave sell the property and split the cash. Don't go to court or attorney, don't wait the waiting period.

you common law married, you have to go to courts, i've seen it done, you just can't walk away....

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I'm married, but if anything ever happened to my marriage, I would SERIOUSLY consider never getting married again.

I love the judgmental folks on this thread. We are all free to lead the life we wish. Nothing wrong with having a child and not being married.

And as far as healtcare issues go, all one has to do is designate his or her SO as his or her healthcare surrogate. This is advice for EVERYONE: there are three documents you SHOULD have...a will, a living will and a designation of healthcare surrogate.

As far as common law marriages go, not every state recongnizes them. The State of Florida does not have common law marriage.

 

[tworkit]

I'm married, but if anything ever happened to my marriage, I would SERIOUSLY consider never getting married again.

I love the judgmental folks on this thread. We are all free to lead the life we wish. Nothing wrong with having a child and not being married.

And as far as healtcare issues go, all one has to do is designate his or her SO as his or her healthcare surrogate. This is advice for EVERYONE: there are three documents you SHOULD have...a will, a living will and a designation of healthcare surrogate.

As far as common law marriages go, not every state recongnizes them. The State of Florida does not have common law marriage.

Judemental no, you ask a question on a board and don't get the response you want and everyone is judgemental. Remember the old saying if you might not like the answer, don't ask the question!

 

[mickeyboat]

First, you can protect yourself legally through wills, beneficiaries, living wills and health care powers of attorney to have almost all the same benefits as married couples in the case of death or incapacitation.

Second, I also don't understand why someone would be in a long-term, committed relationship, especially if they consider themselves "engaged," and not get married. But I don't need to understand it, as long as it works for the couple. I believe people without the paper can be as committed as people with the paper. It's the committment, not the paper that is important.

Third, you can't just up and leave. Most states have a common law marriage statute (but not all), so if you are together under the mandated conditions for the mandated amount of time, you are considered married, and the break-up process can be as complex as for people who took the vows. This is especially true when there are children involved, as there are issues of child support to consider.

Denae

 

[Poohgirl]

No sorry don't buy the argument. If your not married, you leave sell the property and split the cash. Don't go to court or attorney, don't wait the waiting period.

There wasn't much more of a commitment for my ex. No lawyer, 15 minutes in court, 90 days after papers (a set of 5 which he did himself) were sent in, thats not so tough. But I am in a 50/50 state. Sadly, things seem to be much easier now-a-days...

 

[dcgrumpy]

Most states don't recognize common law marriage

the ones that do are

Alabama
Colorado
Georgia (if created before 1/1/97)
Idaho (if created before 1/1/96)
Iowa
Kansas
Montana
New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)
Ohio (if created before 10/10/91)
Oklahoma (possibly only if created before 11/1/98. Oklahoma's laws and court decisions may be in conflict about whether common law marriages formed in that state after 11/1/98 will be recognized.)
Pennsylvania (if created before 9/03)
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Texas
Utah

My IL's made believe they were married for almost 20 years. Everyone in the family thought they had eloped. They had to legally get married before they adopted their 2 youngest children.

 

[icebrat001]

Well at this point in time, it is not legal for Dear SO and I to marry one another. We have been together for 4 years in August and have lived together for 3 years. We are currently having a townhouse built, we have joint bank accounts and I am on her health insurance through her employer. We are legal domestic partners in California and there is documentation of that at our hospital, so if something were to happen to me or her we can make legal decisionsl

 

[NMAmy]

I can certainly understand where the OP is coming from. If DH had not been so adamant about getting married, we'd still be living together. Neither one of us is particularly religious so why would vows taken in a church or signing a piece of paper mean more than our private vows to be committed to each other? It is not a first marriage for either of us. It was important to DH, though, so I agreed because, really, it made no difference to me. He thought that I would be more protected if something should happen to him.

It was kind of funny, though--before either of us had met each other's families, both of our mothers were quite vocal that we shouldn't get married. My mom met DH and just fell in love with him herself and started encouraging me to marry him. When we went to visit his mom, the second instance she spent time with me, she turned to DH and asked, "Why haven't you married this girl yet?"

 

[goofygirl]

I'm never getting married. The recent posts on this very board about marriage problems, cheating, etc only reaffirm my decision to never do it.

50% of marriages fail. That's not a good selling point to me.

I've been through breakups with boyfriends and that was painful enough. I am sure divorce from you spouse is even worse. Who needs that kind of pain and hurt?

If I wanted children, I'd be more inclined on getting married because I am traditional that way. I believe in courtship, marriage, house then kids- in that order. That's the way I'd want it for me.

But since I don't want children, I don't have that "my clock is ticking, so I have to find a suitable husband NOW" thing going.

People tell me, "Oh, you never know....Oh, you say that but one day you'll be walking down the aisle.." yeah, whatever. I was even told by my own mother that I may even marry someone someday who has kids if he was the right guy. Yeah, right- I won't even DATE anyone with kids. The "right guy" wouldn't have kids or want any- like me!

People don't get it- that when I stick to a decision, I stick to it with a fierce loyalty and I don't sell out on my principles.

 

[goofygirl]

These posts are called a get out of jail free. Blah, blah we've been together for blah, blah years etc.. Its the open opportunity that is things aren't going right I can just leave and thats is that. There is no legal committment that way! Shacking up is shacking up however you wanna try to spin it.

legal schmegal, lol : married people leave their spouses all the time. Ever watch "Divorce Court" ? lol
If somebody really wants to leave their spouse, they'll do it. A marriage certificate is not a guarantee.

 

[cardaway]

I'm married, but if anything ever happened to my marriage, I would SERIOUSLY consider never getting married again.

I love the judgmental folks on this thread. We are all free to lead the life we wish. Nothing wrong with having a child and not being married.

And as far as healtcare issues go, all one has to do is designate his or her SO as his or her healthcare surrogate. This is advice for EVERYONE: there are three documents you SHOULD have...a will, a living will and a designation of healthcare surrogate.

I agree with you, but I would likely get married again if I met another woman and fell in love. Not because I agree with the judgemental folks who say we would be doing something wrong by shacking up, but because given our current government, it's just makes things easier.

 

[ReneeA]

I have known many, many couples that have stayed together for years without being married. Most were married before, and don't see the benefit in a "piece of paper." They seem to be doing fine.

There were 2 couples I knew that were together for 15+ years before finally getting married. Both marriages crumbled within 2 years and they divorced.

I think if you are in a loving, committed relationship and it WORKS FOR YOU, then it doesn't matter what anyone else in the world thinks.

JMO....

 

[ChrisnSteph]

50% of marriages fail. That's not a good selling point to me.

So many marriages fail because we live in a time where everything is disposable. People just don't take marriage seriously these days, and when the going gets tough, it's easier just to walk out. A marriage needs love, support, tolerance, communication, realistic expectations, caring, nurturing, and a sense of humor to be successful. I also don't understand why anyone would invest so much of their lives to one person, but not believe in getting married, especially if you have children together. But like someone said above, I guess I don't really need to. I suppose if you don't believe in marriage, you really shouldn't be getting married in the first place.

 

[Crankyshank]

Hey whatever works for you. If something happened to DH I probably would not get married again but I live in a common law recognized state. If I didn't I would likely get married simply because of the aggravation involved.