Any other SAHMs with only school age children?

[Familyof6]

How did this thread get so far off track? The topic of the thread is SAHM's w/ all their children in school. It was never meant to be a debate of which is better, who works harder and who loves their kids more...SAHM's or Career moms.
It's sad when you can't ask for help or opinions from your peers without being belittled or attacked for your decision. If the topic of the thread doesn't pertain to your situation, move on to another thread or start you own thread discussing your values or situation about which you would like help or advice.

Each family dynamic is different and decisions must be made on a case by case basis. What my dh "thought" was going to happen or what I "thought" was going to happen down the road, may or may not be what becomes reality. Changes are constant. Flexibility in a relationship is a must. It doesn't doom a marriage to divorce.

I fully understood what Obsessed was saying and when she discussed it with dh he understood too. It's not for us to debate and rude for anyone to imply that her marriage is doomed to fail. No one knows their situation and commitment except those two people.

It would be nice if we could just be civil and let peers discuss a topic without becoming defensive of ones decisions if they differ.

Ok, I'll get off my soapbox now...(it's just sad.... )

Familyof6

 

[Suzanne74]

It makes me sad. So many posters seem to think the only way to contribute to a marriage is by working outside the home. My kids are all in school full time, I stay home and I don't apologize for it. I've always been very active in our PTA and this year I'll be the president. I am involved in a marketing project for our diocese and I keep a very clean home and cook home cooked dinners almost every night. This is a choice DH and I made and we are very happy with it. I don't need to work a 9-5 job to feel fulfilled and I resent posters who feel there is only one way to contribute to a marriage.

Also DH and I figured out what it would cost for after school and summer care plus all the expenses that go with working full time and figure that financially it's not even worth it to us. DH also likes to come home to an organized house with the kids taken care of by their mom and not day care. Everyone makes their own choices that are best for them, it just seems that SAHM do get very little respect.

Wow - that is EXACTLY how my husband and I feel. He works very hard outside the home and I work very hard inside the home. His job is to run OUR company and my job is to run OUR home. When I was working FT and even PT, there was always so much catching up to do for both of us on the weekends or weeknights with cooking, cleaning, yard work etc... It was always "Did you do this, no wait - was I?" We both came home wanting to relax but knowing there was dinner to be cooked, laundry to be done, etc.. There was never any down time to just have fun family time. It was a constant struggle to stay afloat - not financially but mentally and the guilt of pushing off playing with our daughter for chores was tough. We decided we rather struggle financially then mentally. It turned out to be a much better choice for us. Now I shop, cook, clean, garden, volunteer at the school, do laundry and the finances during my "work hours" which leaves weeknights and weekdays for family time. I might not be wearing designer clothes any more and my daughter might not be going to a 25K/yr school but I love being an invloved stay at home mom. I don't excuse it to anyone and I wouldn't trade it for the world!! Same for my husband. If he had to start picking up take-out again instead of cooked meals, doing the finances, and coming home to a chaotic house after a chaotic day - he would cry.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

I am totally shocked at the nasty feedback on this thread and the amount of women attacking other women. This is supposed to be a supportive board to help each other not hurt each other.

 

[Familyof6]

Another angle on SAHM's. It's not only the younger kids that "need" someone at home. The teenagers may not say it, but they appreciate it when there is someone at home for them. (it could be mom or dad...)

I was offerend a full time job teaching at a school at which I had been subbing. It would have mainly been hours when my kids were in school but I would have needed to stay until about 4pm or 4:30pm. My ds (16) mentioned to me that he didn't really like it when both parents work. He wasn't being chauvanistic (sp). What he was saying without coming right out and saying it is...Mom, I need you to be there for me when I get home. That settled any dilemma with which I may have been wrestling. He won't be around for much longer. Soon it'll be off to college and a life of his own. He needs me now. (as do my other kids...but he basically "said" it, in his own way) I think that's why he decided to come to the After School Program at the elementary school after he got out. He wanted to be with his family no matter where they are. (and it all worked out because he gets paid to be there.)

My younger kids love seeing me at their school during lunch or recess...whenever I'm around. Their school would be in big trouble if the SAHM's all went out and got jobs. We make it possible for many things in the school and for tuition to stay fairly reasonable. If it weren't for volunteers, there would be NO lunch program in our school. There is only one person who is paid on the lunch staff...all others are dedicated volunteers. (some SAHM's and some working moms who give up their only day off or whatever)
As a matter of fact, we are having trouble BECAUSE so many moms are going out and getting jobs as soon as their last child gets into school. Most of the volunteering falls to a small group of us SAHM's. (and the group continues to get smaller each year)

Anyway, I just wanted to shed a little light about how the older kids need you there too. They just don't tell you they do. That's not cool.

Familyof6

 

[mumom95]

It makes me sad. So many posters seem to think the only way to contribute to a marriage is by working outside the home. My kids are all in school full time, I stay home and I don't apologize for it. I've always been very active in our PTA and this year I'll be the president. I am involved in a marketing project for our diocese and I keep a very clean home and cook home cooked dinners almost every night. This is a choice DH and I made and we are very happy with it. I don't need to work a 9-5 job to feel fulfilled and I resent posters who feel there is only one way to contribute to a marriage.

.

This is exactly how my dh and I feel. We have a much better marriage because I'm a SAHM. And I don't understand why people assume a one income family is struggling financially. Most of my SAHM friends are financially fine. We can't jet set around the world every month, but we have more money than we probably need to live on.

 

[Dazer22]

This thread deserves a bump- especially during this time of year.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

Both my kids are in school - one elementary and one middle school.

I work 3 hours on Monday, Wednesday and Friday for DH's part-time internet business (packing and shipping orders) out of our house and the rest of the time is spent volunteering at school, running errands, cleaning house, doing laundry, taking care of our cat, dog and fish and occasionally doing something fun for me.

This winter I probably won't have time for anything fun for me since I'll be cleaning out our attic. I can't wait to see what kind of junk I pull out of there.

I've also started selling stuff on Craigs List so I can clean out this house. It's scary how much stuff we accumulated over the years.

I'm busier now than when I worked full time. The only difference is I don't have as much interaction with other adults - not such a bad thing when I think of the spoiled, whiny people I worked with. LOL

 

[kimgof]

Wow this thread got heated fast! Why do moms always attack each other on this issue? We all love our kids but just as we don't do many things the same , we don't parent the same. It's just about respecting each others decisions. I have many friends who work out of the home and many who are SAHM. It always seems to me like they are defending themselves against the other group. Do moms who work outside the home think that SAHM do nothing all day? I really doubt that. And do SAHM think that moms who work outside the home love their kids any less than they do? I'm sure that's not true. We have come to a time where a woman can have a real career. Unlike when most of us were younger, this really wasn't the case. Woman today have choices. We should embrace those who choices may be different but know that we all want the same end result.... happy, save and well balanced families.

 

[dzorn]

First of all, my husband would NEVER want to stay home. Period. The kids drive him crazy and he can't handle it. So, I won't even "theorize" with you on that one.

Second, yes, I will stay home regardless of what he says. It's THAT important to me.

I've known that since I had my daughter. I've always known that I wasn't going to get a job the minute the youngest is in school, BUT my husband thinks differently. I'm not even touching the subject right now with him because I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Why cause turmoil when it's so far away?

I'm not disrespecting him or underappreciating him. I love him very much and appreciate everyday what he has given me...the opportunity he has given me...We're an awesome team and I couldn't live one day of my life without him by my side.

Working or not working is a difference of opinion. From the sounds of the replies I got, I guess no one else has ever had that in their marriage. I must be the only one that doesn't blindly go "Yes, dear...whatever you say"

This will be my only reply on this subject and it directed at no one in particular though I quoted because sometimes further in a thread discussions change to other subjects. With that said I am a SAHM but I fully understand it is with mutual understanding and by the hard work of my DH that I can. SAHM has a financial responsibility to provide for their children not just the emotional support of the children. By mutual agreement DH and I have decided that at this point in time it is better to have me at home. DH makes more than I would working full time, but if I had a job that made more (when I was working) it could just as easily been him at home. Being a stay at home parent is a an extremely important job but so is providing food, shelter and other essential. One job should not be valued more than the other and the work should be split with mutual respect and understanding. DH and I agree at this point that I do the home front he handles the financing. At some point in time this may change because life causes changes. I would never tell DH I will not work unless he has that same ability. If DH wanted me to work or I wanted to work we would discuss it involving why and how we could make our whole arrangement work, difficulties it may cause pros and cons. Then decide together. DH and I are partners. We make decisions together.

For one parent to not fully accept all the needed things for raising a child emotionally and financially is unacceptable. Both need to agree how the work will be divided.

Denise in MI

 

[mumom95]

14 more days until I'm in the same situation. My ds will be a second grader and my dd will be a first grader. I've been a SAHM for the past 8 years, and it is finally time to have a little time for me. I want to get caught up on my scrapbooks, start an exercise program, maybe take a cooking class. Plus, I'm going to go through each room of the house, one room a day, and completely clean it, from top to bottom, closets, under the beds, dressers and all. Plus, I still want to volunteer in their classes, I'm on the PTC and a girl scout leader, so I'll have time to plan for that. And I'll finally be able to go to the hairdresser, doctor, dentist and all those other type of appts by myself.

I have also applied for my substitute teaching license (and received it), so I would also like to sub at my kids school or within the district. In Ohio, you have to have at least a bachelors degree and a background check to be a substitute. I was a teacher before I had my son, but I don't think I'll go back to teaching full time, but you never know.

I know it sounds like I'm excited to get rid of my kids (and I won't lie, some days I am ) but I'm sad to see this part of their life end. Up until now I have been their whole world to them, and now they are entering a world where I'm not their everything. At the same time, I am so excited for them.

I just read what I wrote a year ago, about all the things that I would get done now that my kids were starting school.

Well, it's a year later and my scrapbooks still aren't caught up, that exercise program lasted about a month and all those closets I cleaned out are a mess again So much for the best laid plans idea.

But I did get to have lunch often with my dh, volunteer in the kids rooms a lot, plan the most wonderful disney vacation. So I guess it wasn't completely wasted.

I have a whole new list of things I want to accomplish once the kids go back to school next week (the scrapbooks and closets are on the list again), we'll have to see if I do any better than I did last year

 

[kinntj]

I do like the idea of having lunch with DH. Maybe I can squeeze that in for a 1pm lunch time once a month or so to get use to it being us without getting someone to watch the kids. Great idea! Thanks!

I have a list also that I want to get done when the kids are in school. I will have 7 1/2 hours without both kids a week. I plan on doing stuff I can't do when the kids are around, like clean their rooms (of unused or broken toys) , mop the floors (without them running around on it), and a walk around the neighborhood with the dogs and take in nature instead of the kids yelling that they are going to get home first.

Not a huge list, but with only a couple of hours a day, there's not much to squeeze in there. I'm being realistic.

Once both kids are in school full time we'll figure out what I'll do at that time. I'm also a caregiver to my ill mom, so the kids are the least of my worries.

I just read what I wrote a year ago, about all the things that I would get done now that my kids were starting school.

Well, it's a year later and my scrapbooks still aren't caught up, that exercise program lasted about a month and all those closets I cleaned out are a mess again So much for the best laid plans idea.

But I did get to have lunch often with my dh, volunteer in the kids rooms a lot, plan the most wonderful disney vacation. So I guess it wasn't completely wasted.

I have a whole new list of things I want to accomplish once the kids go back to school next week (the scrapbooks and closets are on the list again), we'll have to see if I do any better than I did last year

 

[mumom95]

I do like the idea of having lunch with DH. Maybe I can squeeze that in for a 1pm lunch time once a month or so to get use to it being us without getting someone to watch the kids. Great idea! Thanks!

.

No problem. We even saw a couple of matinees throughout the year. It was a nice time to reconnect.

 

[Snowysmom]

When my kids were in school, I worked for a temporary agency part time. They knew ahead of time that I took off holidays, vacations, and summers. If the kids were sick, I was home. I worked 4 hours a day when the kids were in school. I even got a permanent job from one of the temp jobs and they honored my schedule and hired a temp during the summers. It worked out well for me and my family.

 

[sk!mom]

OK - I struggled whether or not to post, but a nerve has been hit. My wife and I decided before we even got engaged that if we ever got to this point, she would stay home with the children till the youngest started school and then go back to working outside of the home. It is important to BOTH of us that she be home with them and be there for whatever they need. We're still a couple years away from making the final decision, but we (again, as a couple) have talked and decided that she may not go back full time. She's a teacher as well (and worked to keep her credentials current the whole time she's been off), but she shudders at the thought of subbing (she knows what kids do to subs). That's beside my point...

The real point I want to make is I hear (well, read) all of you making plans to do this and do that and get time to yourself. Don't you think we husbands would love to have that too? Do you think we like the stresses associated with being the sole provider? I completely get the fact that being a SAHM is more than a full time job - you rarely get any time off. I also am aware, however, that you get the pleasure of seeing their first steps, hearing their first words, getting all of the extra hugs and kisses. You get to hear the diaper swish and giggles as they try their hardest to stay hidden (really just holding a pillow over their face) during hide-n-seek. You get to take the kids to the pool and story times and play dates. You even get to be the one they come to long after they're 'too cool' to hug the parental units, but don't feel well and need a hug just to feel better. What I'm saying is that being a SAHM is a privelage. One that we working dads work very hard to make happen, and we realize that every one of those great things you get to see / do is a great thing that we miss.

My wife is AMAZING. She thanks me daily (and during this 'back to school' time of year, several times a day) that she gets to stay home with the kids. I remind her it was a joint decision, and I'm thankful they have such a great mom to stay home with them. What we have works for us - because we respect each others' position. Please don't take being a SAHM for granted, and please don't take those working hard to make it happen for granted either.

I completely agree!

 

[Suzanne74]

I do like the idea of having lunch with DH. Maybe I can squeeze that in for a 1pm lunch time once a month or so to get use to it being us without getting someone to watch the kids. Great idea! Thanks!

My husband and I do this as well. It is so nice. He owns a company and works very long hours but has flexibility so we try and do a lunch at least once every 2 weeks. We try and pick the not so kid friendly cafes and places we went to when we were young and childless. It refreshes our marriage for sure. Since his office is only 10 minutes away sometimes we have "lunch" at home

Oh and to the post quoted above, I completely agree. I am very thankful that I get to stay at home (I tell him often) and my husband is thankful how smooth the house is run so he can relax when he isn't at the office (and he tells me often!)

 

[triplet_mom_2001]

I have been a SAHM for the last 4 years. My kids are starting 1st grade so I am actively seeking part time employment. I am applying to be a substitute since this gives me the flexibility to work while I am seeking employment in my field. Unfortunately there are limited part time jobs for professionals. My kids haven't been in day care so I am wanting to work hours that will allow me to pick them up in the afternoons.

Lisa

 

[PaulaSue]

I will be in a few days.

I will be bored after a few weeks and was thinking the same thing as OP.