Any other DISers trying to concieve? Reread OP for the QOTD!

[AllyandJack]

Thank you for the hugs, everyone. I'm angry. Very, very angry. She thinks I miscarried one and that was the cramping/bleeding. The sac is shrunk, so it appears it was independent and tried to grow, but then just gave up. If I didn't have the 2nd embryo in there, I probably wouldn't have had any bleeding or cramping and I would have gotten the surprise of an empty sac at my first u/s. It was all shriveled like a raisin. I guess this is better than being excited with a positive beta and then finding out at the u/s. My beta is actually pretty high - over 1,000, which indicates a multiple pregnancy at this early stage. The sac just didn't look viable and the beta dropped over 200 points from the morning to the evening.

I'm just not looking forward to the next tests. Major surgery and another week out of work doesn't really appeal to me. I had a lap before, but it was an emergency lap and it wasn't the full test, it was just a pop in to check on 1 thing. I just hope they can do it all at once - I want a lap, a hysteroscope, and an endometrial biopsy....plus, I want the auto-immune testing done. Even typing it makes me tired.

But, the other option is giving up and I can't do that yet. I'm only 30. I'm not willing to call it quits, but I'm not sure how much more I can take. Then again, once you've hit rock bottom, there really isn't any lower you can go, right? What's another BFN?

I saw a discussion on ice cream down below....you have to try the new Hood ice creams. The New England Creamery. Holy crap it's SO GOOD. Oh, and the Breyer's Cyclone Cookies and Cream. Heaven!

 

[mickeyboat]

Carla - you are going down such a long, tough road, and can still talk about ice cream!

I googled the "empty sac" term, and the site I found an article that says it is believed to be caused by an embryo which has genetic abnormalities (which I guess is the believed cause of many miscarriages). So maybe it isn't something wrong with your body at all.

Have you and your DH had any genetic counseling or testing?

I had a hysteroscopy after my D & C and they found some scar tissue in my uterus. It could have been the cause of my embryos not being able to implant properly. They actually did not do a lap with that surgery, they went through my ******. They wanted to do a lap at the same time, but didn't get consent before they put me to sleep, and couldn't find my DH in time to get his consent.

You are definitely too young, too ready, and too educated in the process to give up. You sound like you have a wonderful RE, who can guide and support you. And there are all of us here! I can't imagine what you are going through, but I do understand the VERY strong desire to have a chld of your own, and the lengths you would go to in order to hold your own child in your arms.

I am still here all wrapped up in a pretzel, with fingers, toes, arms, legs and eyes all crossed for you.

Denae

 

[Tasha+Scott]

Carla, there really are no words to say how sorry I am! It really doesn't seem fair. You are such a strong person though. A lot of people would be throwing in the towel but I am glad you aren't ready to do that at this point. I hope (and believe) that this will happen for you. It is just taking longer than expected. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[cats7494]

Well..I have a success story to share if that is ok?
Dh and I were unable to conceive for a long time and tried fertility medicine and I got pregnant and had a beautiful baby girl...she is in my siggie below. She is now 5 months old and is a joy. It was a hard road but well worth it.

AllyandJack - My thoughts and prayers with you all as you work through this!

 

[AllyandJack]

Denae, DH and I were tested for all of the usual suspects, but that can't prevent a mutation. My best friend m/c at 8w and they found the baby had Down's Syndrome. It was just a fluke. Can't be prevented, I guess. So, it's possible that the embryo just wasn't right for some random reason. It's the cramping that concerns me. It's so strange. Everytime I peed, I got a spasm of cramping. I was in bed for 2 weeks and on medication and it didn't prevent it. Something has to be causing it. It's good to know they can do the scope and lap at the same time. What kind of anesthesia was it? I love anesthesia, but I haven't had a surgery with intubation since 1999 (for retrieval, it's twilight sleep and no intubation) and the thought of waking up with that tube down my throat freaks me out!

Tasha and cats, thank you for the good thoughts. I love to hear success stories. DH tells me that I've made it a quest. I'm just angry enough not to give up.

Did we get some new people? This is such a fast moving thread! But, we're a good group....people helping each other mixed in with success stories so as not to scare away any potential new members.

 

[FlyingBelle]

Hi girls...

First, Carla, let me add my to you too... I think it's ok to be mad, for a while. You know we're all here to help pick you back up and encourage you going forward.


I had my IUI this morning, everything looks good so far. Good Lord, I'm cramping like crazy! But the RE nurse says that's expected (I don't remember this last month).

DH is really making me nuts though. He can't seem to remember that I need to stay calm and un-aggrevated right now. Don't get me wrong, I love him to death, but please.... did he have to lose the car keys at the dr office? We had everyone there looking for them (while I'm laying on the table with my legs up ) only to discover he had put them in my purse for "safekeeping".

 

[7beasley]

Lots of news since I last checked the thread yesterday afternoon.

Carla I am so so sorry for you. You are in my thoughts. I am not sure there is anything anyone can say right now to make you feel any better but just know that alot of people - especially the wonderful women on this board that you will probably never ever even meet - are sending you every positive thought we can and we support you and feel your pain and just know that somehow someway everything is going to work out for you! Don't give up.

LisaB Hugs and good thoughts are being sent to you...as someone else said - every new cycle brings new optimism and hope. I know how crushing it must be to go through this though...stay positive. My thoughts are with you! It is wonderful that we have this little group to boost each other back up during this sometimes lengthy journey!

Becky Get that husband of yours into the fridge with some bleach!! As yucky and hard as morning sickness must be...I am sure you know how many of us would gladly switch places with you...we need you to be our trailblazer and report back to us so we all now the future joys we are in for! I am so happy for you.

Shifihippie Hi - thanks for your post. I have heard somethings about accupunture and thought it might be worth looking into...if you can point me in that direction I would appreciate it. As far as my FSH levels - I had the test taken on June 12th (that was the 10th day of my "cycle" as my "period" had started on June 2nd.) The doctor told me that since it looked like I was not ovulating - it would not matter what day I had the FSH level drawn. I understand it is supposed to be on the 3rd day of the cycle however. In any event, the weird thing for me is that while my periods are all over the place (sometimes 19 or 21 days sometimes 28 or 30 days and sometimes 41 or 42 days...on average - I have a period every 30 days and I have a period every month!!) The POF stuff I have read suggests that women with this go months without a period...anyway - the doctors keep telling me my bleeding is not a true period.

Anyway - sorry for the tangent - where was I...ohh - my FSH level on day 10 was 35 -- I guess it is supposed to be less than 10 and menopausal women are defined by 16-100. My estrodril (or whatever that is called) level was "low" - doctor did not tell me the number. I guess with a high FSH the estrodril is also supposed to be high. Mine was high FSH and low estrogren.
I had the FSH repeated on Sat June 24 (22nd cycle day) and they told me to repeat it again on the third day of bleeding.

*********

In other news...I talked to the egg donor coordinator today at the Reproductive Science Center where I am treating and she gave me every reason to be positive. She thought that once I picked the donor - there was a good chance I could go through retreival and the first implantation try before the end of 2005!! She also told me that the chance of pregnancy was 68% - so that is hopeful! My current insurance has a max of $15,000 (and I have used less than $1000 of it now) so that should pay for the retreival/implanation this year. In January I switch to Tufts and that will cover everything except meds with no lifetime max and no cycle cap - so all that is good news.

The egg donor coordinator told me that the agency fees, medical tests on the donor and egg donor compensation will cost about $12,000! It's a lot of money but we are planning to take an equity loan out on our house. Hopefully the donor will give us enough eggs (which will fertilize and survive thawing) that we will get 3 or 4 implanation trys out of everything. The egg donor coordinator was optimistic that given my age (32) and the fact that I am fairly healthy (except for the stupid POF) it would not take too many tries to get pregnant.

So for now - my husband and I have to interview donor agencies and find us an egg donor (i.e.: a wonderful unselfish woman who will make all our dreams come true even if she is just doing this for $ to get through school!!) and I need to lose weight so I am joining Weight Watchers. I am about 40 lbs overweight - which is not the cause of the POF but I figure that the less I weight and the better shape I am in the better it will be when I get pregnant and the healthier enviornment I can provide to our little one.

This was the kick in the butt I needed to drop some weight! Like Carla, I too am an attorney and I am so worried about missing alot of time from my job - the work piles up and I have to do my billable hours -- but I have decided not to care... I will do what I have to do and will get my work done and will leave when necessary for appointments...etc...there really is no other choice.

Our egg donor quest starts soon (as soon as we find some agencieis to work with - the clinic is giving me names)...fingers crossed for success - both mine and all of yours!

Talk to everyone soon.

~Nicole

 

[2bemarried]

Carla I'm so sorry that this time didn't work for you. I really hope that the RE is able to do the tests and find out why the embryo's aren't taking.

 

[mickeyboat]

Carla -

I had general anesthesia. My other option was an epidural, but the thought of being awake when they were dong that freaked me out. I don't remember being given the twilight option. I also don't remember waking up with the tube in my throat - I am pretty sure it was gone when I woke up - although I had the scratchiness afterwards.

Did your RE give you any idea about what might have caused the cramping? I was under the impression it was due to the miscarriage, but do you think it was the cause of the miscarriage? Maybe some of the meds you were on could have caused it. Ask your doctor, and report back.

So, the quest continues. You are very determined, and clearly have been for your whole life. I have great confidence that you will succeed - but I really think you need some DIS encouragement, in the form of special socks!

Denae

 

[2bemarried]

Update here: After much toil and trouble I finally reached the pharmacy and my medications and needles will be here tomorrow!! Let's just hope the Fed Ex guy rings the door bell

 

[mickeyboat]

(except for the stupid POF)
~Nicole

Nicole - I must have missed it. What is POF?

Whan I read about your cycles, it sounded a lot like my problem, which was PCOS. I was able to be treated with medication, and have two DD's now.

Denae

 

[j's m]

Carla,

Don't give up, this is just another bump in the road. If you give up now, you'll look back years from now, and say I should have tried again. You're way too young to stop trying.

Do you want another success story? DH and I waited a little too long to start TTC. Ok, so I was 40 and wanted a baby. I needed fibroid surgery first. Back then, IVF wasn't covered by my insurance, so we did pergonal and iuis.
After a year and half, I got pg but no heartbeat at 8 weeks. DH wanted to give up, but I started drugs again without telling him, tried another RE for 3 more cycles until the end of the year (I had paid the max out in insurance and it was basically free) My Christmas present that year was a doubled beta. My DS is almost 12, and was delivered a month before my 44th bd.

My first post on this thread, but a lurker for a few weeks. Good luck to all the rest of you, at my age I'm done I wish I had the support back then that is here now.

 

[KimR]

Oh, Carla, I don't know what to say except that I am so sorry. That's really strange about the cramping. They did genetic testing on the baby when I had my miscarriages and determined that it was due to a chromosomal abnormality both times. Maybe you can request that?

I don't have good news either. No heartbeat was found at my last US and I had a D&C yesterday. Things were looking iffy for quite a while so I was somewhat prepared, but it is still very disappointing. I was so looking forward to a new baby this January. I had said if it didn't work out this time I was through, but I've changed my mind. We're going to try again, so as soon as AF comes, it's back to square one again.

The thing is, I've had NO bleeding since the D&C which is weird. I suppose I need to ask my OB about it, but I'm going to wait a bit and see what happens. The last 2 times the bleeding went on forever; this time....nothing. I'm a little worried that my body hasn't recognized that the pregnancy isn't over which doesn't bode well for getting my hormones back in gear to try again.

 

[mickeyboat]

Oh, Carla, I don't know what to say except that I am so sorry. That's really strange about the cramping. They did genetic testing on the baby when I had my miscarriages and determined that it was due to a chromosomal abnormality both times. Maybe you can request that?

I don't have good news either. No heartbeat was found at my last US and I had a D&C yesterday. Things were looking iffy for quite a while so I was somewhat prepared, but it is still very disappointing. I was so looking forward to a new baby this January. I had said if it didn't work out this time I was through, but I've changed my mind. We're going to try again, so as soon as AF comes, it's back to square one again.

The thing is, I've had NO bleeding since the D&C which is weird. I suppose I need to ask my OB about it, but I'm going to wait a bit and see what happens. The last 2 times the bleeding went on forever; this time....nothing. I'm a little worried that my body hasn't recognized that the pregnancy isn't over which doesn't bode well for getting my hormones back in gear to try again.

I am so sorry KimR! But I am glad that you are willing to try again. Definitely ask your doctor about the bleeding. I suspect that with every woman and every pregnancy, something different coud happen.

Denae

 

[Minnesota!]

Kim ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))) I am so so so so sorry. That freaking sucks.

 

[Princess4Eeyore]

Hi Carla ... Just wanted you to know that I have been thinking of you and praying for you. You are still young! Dont give up, you have come a long way. I am almost 30 (8 days away) We are just about to start ttc and I know its going to be a long road - we are all here to support you!

KimR - Sorry about your situation too! I am happy that you are going to try again.

Everyone else, this group is phenomenal and you ladies are so awesome! I hope the rest of the week is much better - Hugs to all!

 

[ImarriedGrumpy]

Whew! Finally caught up - DH and I went to England for 10 days and there were 20 pages to read on this thread to get caught up!

Congrats, Becky! Such great news! My best friend is pregnant, due in December, and she said the first time she really "felt" pregnant was when her DH came home and smelled of garlic - she went to kiss him and puked! She made him take a shower, brush his teeth, gargle with mouthwash - and she could still smell the garlic on him. It was so bad, they slept in separate rooms for a couple nights until it faded off of him. She told him he could either stop eating garlic for 9 months or get used to sleeping on the futon in her office. He picked giving up garlic.

Carla & LisaB, I'm so sorry! Hang in there - I've been saying a prayer for each of you as I read through the thread.

I know I'm forgetting others of you, but I really was praying for everyone and laughing and crying with you all as I read through my 20 pages to get caught up!

As for me, well, we'd talked about trying to "bring home a souviner" from England, but AF showed up on 2nd morning of our trip - just as we were getting over jet lag and starting to have some energy. DH still has some hesitations and cold feet over TTC anyway, so we're in a holding pattern for now.

We had a brief "discussion" about it in a drug store ("chemists") in London - we use the sponge for BC, and it's very difficult to find in the states so I usually order it from Canada. Well, we found it in the UK, and it would be cheaper than my ordering it online and paying for shipping, so I asked DH if I should buy some there and pack it home. He said "well, how many do we have left at home?" I said that I thought we had about a dozen. Then he said "and you really think we're ready to have a baby?" and of course I said yes to that. And all DH said after that was "well, it seems like it would just take up space in the suitcase if we bought them here. It doesn't seem like it's worth the savings." Not sure what that was, but we didn't buy any BC in England...

Tonight we're keeping the baby I nanny for overnight, so she'll be at our house from 8am this morning until 5:15 pm tomorrow evening. This is DH's idea of "practicing" for having our own baby. It's a good thing Gracie is an easy baby - this child was sleeping through the night at 5 weeks, and she still sleeps from 7:30 pm to 7:00am. Hopefully DH will feel more confident about being ready for a baby after having Grace around tonight. I'm still going to make him change her diaper and feed her at least once, although I admit that I can make it look easy to him since I watch her all the time and know all her tricks and quirks. I love watching her, but sometimes it makes my heart ache when I get to snuggle her and I think "I want one of my own!"

 

[FlyingBelle]

I'm still going to make him change her diaper

Welcome back!

Hee-hee My DH has 8 neices and nephews and has yet to change a diaper. We took the almost 3 year old nephew to the zoo on Sunday. He's almost potty-trained, but DH nearly passed out when he discovered the little guy under the table - asked was he was doing and got "pooping!" as his response. Needless to say, yet another diaper I had to change.

Good luck with yours!

 

[7beasley]

Hi Mickeyboat - POF stands for "Premature Ovarian Failure" - it is diagnosed by an elevated/high FSH level.

Basically, as I understand it from the doctor - my ovaries are failing and I have little or no egg production left --- it is akin to early menopause but is not really menopause in the true sense of the word.

The doctor told me that since I have little to no eggs left (and the ovaries are failing so they can't really kick out any eggs) - my best chance is an egg donor. So that is where we are heading.

I desperately want to beleive that the POF diagnosis is wrong...especially because it is such a RARE condition (only affects 2-3% of woman) but all signs seem to indicate that is what it is...

Anyway - that is the abbreviation.

They thought I had PCOS at first but then they tested the FSH and the doctor said it was this rare POF thing.

SUCKS SO MUCH!!! trying to look at the bright side options (i.e.: I could still carry a baby) and trying to get my head around the fact that even though I will not be genetically releated to the baby - I will still be the biological mother (which is I guess defined as carrying the baby) -- my dad keeps telling me that since it is my blood and body feeding and nurturing the baby during the pregnancy it will take on some of me...I guess I just have to believe that is true...

Good thoughts to everyone!

~Nicole

 

[FlyingBelle]

my dad keeps telling me that since it is my blood and body feeding and nurturing the baby during the pregnancy it will take on some of me...

I think that's a GREAT way to approach it!