Any ideas to calm my fears on layovers?

[kellyg403]

I would bore you with the whole story but I am a bit PO'd at my ex at the moment. He moved last year to another state. The closest major airport to him is a 3 hour drive and I also have to drive 3 hours to the airport. That is one way. Last year went fine. This year, when visitation came up and plans were made and after asking twice for flight information I finally got the email. He decided to save himself the drive and have the kids come into an airport closer to him. I was a bit peeved if the truth be known that he finds it acceptable for me to drive 6 hours for my part but oh well. As I am going through the information I see not only has he saved himself the drive my kids have layovers. My 17 year old dd had a layover in Charlotte by herself on the way home. She has to come home earlier than her brothers because of marching band camp. My sons, 13 and 15 had a two hour layover in the Atlanta airport by themselves. Now, I know that overreacted at first. I called him and was in freak out mode that he was so selfish he made the kids life more difficult and that I didn't think it was right that the kids have to sit around in layovers since he didn't want to drive to the airport. At this point my 17 yo was upset because I stated without a doubt I do not like that she will be ALONE in a major airport she has never been in ALONE doing a layover, which she has never done before. And btw, she turned 17 on Monday but according to her she is merely minutes away from 18. Anyway, at this point he will drive the boys and stay with them in the Atlanta airport. They will fly down the three of them with a layover in Charlotte. On the way back dd will fly alone to Charlotte where my sis in law who is 10 minutes away will come over and visit with her during the layover. I know it is not the perfect solution, since honestly I want no layover at all. But, at this point dd is not speaking to me (and actually if the truth be known I was done with the drama so I am not unhappy with that much) and her and her dad have formed an 'unholy' alliance as it were. Daily I have to listen to the she is almost 18, she is responsible. I get all that but it is not her I am worred about...its the crazies out there. We live in a small town and she doesn't use public transportation at all. She has never been alone on a flight nor has she ever had a layover so she will have to figure all that out. I envision her putting her iPOD on, and not paying attention to the world around her. I think it is perfectly acceptable for her to do this within a controlled enviornment so next time she will know what to expect. I am almost to the point of relenting because I am literally being harrassed by a 17 year old girl but my mommy radar can not calmed down. Its not that I think SHE is irresponsible. I am quite certain that she will be fine with her part of the deal but I just am not comfortable with the whole thing. If she had been to this airport before maybe. If she had had a layover before maybe. If she traveled alone before maybe. The one hump I can not seem to get over is she will be alone and there is safety in numbers in my mind.

So should I call my sis in law and tell her she doesn't have to go 'babysit' as dd calls it and let her have the experience no matter my comfort level or should I stick to my ground and keep with the thought it is more about me feeling comfortable with the situation and this is pretty much how it is going to be.

I could seriously kill their dad. He knew this when he did it I wouldn't be happy with it. I am pretty sure it took several times for me to get the flight info. I am thinking he pretty much was hoping that sending it a couple days before the kids got on the plane I couldn't do anything about it. It would be one thing if we COMMUNICATED. Still I don't think I am interested in the kids sitting in a major airport. The once consolation prize is he is going to drive the boys to Atlanta and stay with them until they get on the plane and he changed dd from Atlanta to Charlotte since I insisted it had to be smaller airport.

Am I foolish in thinking I have compromised enough, dd needs to understand that the being alone in the airport is the issue and she needs to do it a few times before I feel comfortable letting her do it alone and don't get me started on the other weak link. Is the Charlotte airport big? Any input greatly appreciated.

Kelly

 

[sue1013]

Your DD is 17 I think you are overreacting. Doesn't seem that your DD has a problem with the layover. Has she given you a reason to feel she can't handle getting off one plane finding the gate for the next flight? I think for a 17 yr old this is a pretty simple task.

 

[kellyg403]

Nope, she doesn't have a problem. I honestly think she is responsible enough and mature enough to handle the finding her gate and all that entails. That part isn't really the issue for me. I guess I just don't want her to be alone in a major airport for 2 hours waiting for another plane. At 9 at night.

Kelly

 

[Uuaww]

Airports are some of the safest places there are due to the massive security screenings and you can't even get to the terminals without a ticket. I fly all the time and have had multiple lay overs, (hell, I have to spend the night in JFK in Sept to get home). Night time isn't a big deal either, its not like airports are well lit. I see kids under 17 flying alone all the time. She will be fine, she will probably get some starbucks, sit and do nothing just like everyone else.

you are def. overreacting.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm 30 years old and my mom still worries about me when I travel. I guess Mom's just don't stop lol.

My first question is how do you think your SIL is going to get into the terminal to visit with your daughter? She won't have a ticket to get through security and your daughter would have to go out and then come back through with her ticket and stuff to go back through security. Doing all this could possibly make her late for her connector.

You've stated over and over that you trust your daughter and she is responsible. I think that at 17 you have to start showing her by letting up some. She has flown before and is smart enough to know stranger danger and all that. Compared to the Atlanta airport Charlotte really isn't that bad. It's pretty low key but has some nice shops. You said she has a layover in the evening? It shouldn't be that crowded and she is smart enough to ask for directions to the next terminal if she needs it.

I know that you will be worried, will your daughter have a cell phone that she can call you to reassure you she is okay? You could get even a simple prepaid one for peace of mind. At 17 it is time to show her some independence and let her try her feet at being "adult." Afterall, she has to get these experiences to learn. I do understand both of your feelings but think the Charlotte airport layover is a nice compromise of starting to spread the wings.

 

[kellyg403]

Yes...she has a cell phone. I know I know, I need to let go. I guess I was just upset over the fact that I got last minute notice. I need time to assimilate information and figure out how to do that.

As a mom, I sometimes resort to worst case scenarios!

Kelly

 

[powellrj]

I am assuming she is going to be a junior or senior in high school which means she will be leaving for college soon. This is the perfect opportunity for her to spread her wings and show you she is ready for the next step.

 

[mfd25wife]

I have a somewhat similar situation, but actually asked for a longer layover. DD, who is also 17, is flying to visit family friends. When we found she would have connecting flights, which worried me a little, I actually wanted her to leave earlier and have a little bit of a longer layover. I wanted to lessen the chances of her not making a connecting flight the last flight of the day and being stuck in the Houston airport by herself. She has flown but it's been awhile so we have to talk to her about what she will have to do. I have a friend who is a flight attendent. She said she would be fine, but could always talk to a airline employee if she got concerned. I'm nervous, but I know it's time for her to start spreading her wings. One thing that helped me is remembering that some of our new soldiers are 17, also. Some have never left home. They fly all over the place for boot camp and have connecting flights at times. If they can do it, DD can. I know their moms are nervous, too. Plus, I was reading a couple of days ago that there is a teen whose mom is on this site about to fly 1000's of miles from home for college. Knowing my 17 yr old was going to spend the never few months that far from home would be worse for me as far as the crazies in the world. Here's a cause I know it's hard. BTW, I have an ex, too. He can drive me up the wall. Please don't take offense, but would you be just nervous vs. mad if he wasn't involved? As for SIL, talk to her. If she's only 10 minutes away, I think I would just make sure she was available to run to the airport at the drop of a hat. Airport security is pretty good, and a passesnger doesn't go far without seeing airport employees everywhere.

 

[kellyg403]

Actually, her initial layover was 32 minutes and I did have him change that when he changed the airport. I felt better about her having a longer layover since it was the first time and she would need to figure out how to get to her next gate etc.

My sil will do whatever I need...or dd needs. I guess what I will do is make sure she has her cell phone number so if there is flight delay or cancellation she can get in touch with her. Sil will be available that evening should she need her.

I, of course, will probably call her a few times.. I guess this mom thing is harder and harder all the time. As for the ex, you know, sometimes I think he just knows that I am the kind of person that likes to prepare myself. So, he does the total opposite and expects me to conform. I do want to compromise with them and I do not want to make the situation worse than it already is. I just worry that she has been sheltered a lot and this is the first time I have to see her as an adult as it were.

So, I am going to figure out a way to pretend this is absolutely the best thing in the world and suck it up. I will be worried but that is nothing new. I think dd used the word 'neurotic' yesterday!

Kelly

 

[*BTMRR*]

I understand that your Mama heart is worried, but I do think you are overreacting, big-time! I can't imagine a safer public place than an airport. Really, can you? Think about the tightly controlled access, the constantly monitored surveillance, the countless trained employees who are there to help at any instant. Just tell her to be sure not to exit security (sometimes it's a hassle getting back in) and she will be more than fine.

 

[NHdisneylover]

.

My first question is how do you think your SIL is going to get into the terminal to visit with your daughter? She won't have a ticket to get through security and your daughter would have to go out and then come back through with her ticket and stuff to go back through security. Doing all this could possibly make her late for her connector.

.

This was my first htoguht as well. Your SiL cannot go in the secured area to see your DD. Going out security and back in can take a long time and is almost certainly not worth it. HAving SiL "on call" in case of a problem would be a better solution.

I also agree with the PP who said airports are very safe (especially inside security). Has your DD ever been to the grocery store, or mall, movie theatre, etc. alone? All of these carry a much higher risk. I understand you love your daughter and panicked but really I can completely understand why she is angry with you--even though you say you do not trust hte c razies to ehr it must look like you think she cannot handle herself in a pretty basic situation.
When i was 15 I flew from Denver to Madrid with connections in Chicago and New York alone and without probelms. A year later I came home and started teh journey alone on a train from the coast to Madrid and then even spent teh nigth in a hotel in Madrid alone. I was a big girl and could handle it and I am sure your kids can handle a layover as well. It will be harder on you than on thembut you'll get through it.

 

[kellyg403]

Here's a cause I know it's hard. BTW, I have an ex, too. He can drive me up the wall. Please don't take offense, but would you be just nervous vs. mad if he wasn't involved? As for SIL, talk to her. If she's only 10 minutes away, I think I would just make sure she was available to run to the airport at the drop of a hat. Airport security is pretty good, and a passesnger doesn't go far without seeing airport employees everywhere.

I have been clearly torn about whether I am just mad at ex or if I have a legitimate concern with dd. I have waivered back and forth since tues. So, yes, being mad at him did become part of the equation and that was the part I was trying to clearly define. Thanks for pointing it out, I am not offended. This world of ex's and all that goes with it is sometimes difficult to navigate. I am with the kids all the time, he sees them for a few days a year. Sometimes he sees their maturity differently than I do. I see the immature side because I see them all the time so I tend to think about that more than the rest.

So, dd will probably be speaking to me again later today when I tell her I am on board with it. Darn it all to heck. Now, she will terrorize me with 'I told you so" for a few weeks.

Kelly

 

[Lionqueen2]

Worrying goes with the mom job so you're not alone in that. However, I think this is a comfortable time for your daughter to feel her independence. She will be in an airport which has a lot of people around. She will have her cell phone so you can keep in contact and, if something does go wrong, your SIL is 10 minutes away and can come to rescue her. A 17 year old should be able to handle being in an airport alone for 2 hours.

 

[mfd25wife]

It is hard. I've been trying for a couple of years. The crazies of the world worry me, also. I did hear an intersting thing the other day. There is a thought that we don't really have more crazies, we have more exposure to the news about them with 24 hr news, internet, etc. I'm not sure if it is true, but I believe it is possible. One thing we do is give our DD and her friend that travels with us a lot is some freedom on vacation. We go to WDW, but we don't all hang around each other constantly. They have cell phones and can go to whatever park they want, whenever they crawl out of bed as long as we know where they are. The first year almost made me re-think it. DD's friend is diabetic and got sick at MK while we were at Epcot. That was a mad dash to get from one park to another and find the entrance with the ambulance (thank goodness for kind security). Being teens, they were stupid and didn't eat, so she decided not to pump. Not good. It worked out, but that was hard because we felt guilty in giving them the freedom. Her mom & I talked. She said she felt her DD learned her mistake and it was more fun for all if they kept that freedom. We have still allowed them to run around on WDW property. But, yes, I realize there are crazies there too. We just don't like to think about it. It has helped by taking these steps in letting them have some freedom and responsibility.

 

[kellyg403]

It is hard. I've been trying for a couple of years. The crazies of the world worry me, also. I did hear an intersting thing the other day. There is a thought that we don't really have more crazies, we have more exposure to the news about them with 24 hr news, internet, etc. I'm not sure if it is true, but I believe it is possible. One thing we do is give our DD and her friend that travels with us a lot is some freedom on vacation. We go to WDW, but we don't all hang around each other constantly. They have cell phones and can go to whatever park they want, whenever they crawl out of bed as long as we know where they are. The first year almost made me re-think it. DD's friend is diabetic and got sick at MK while we were at Epcot. That was a mad dash to get from one park to another and find the entrance with the ambulance (thank goodness for kind security). Being teens, they were stupid and didn't eat, so she decided not to pump. Not good. It worked out, but that was hard because we felt guilty in giving them the freedom. Her mom & I talked. She said she felt her DD learned her mistake and it was more fun for all if they kept that freedom. We have still allowed them to run around on WDW property. But, yes, I realize there are crazies there too. We just don't like to think about it. It has helped by taking these steps in letting them have some freedom and responsibility.

Yes, we always let the teens freedom at disney. As a matter of fact she has gone with marching band twice. They rode buses. I guess the part that was bothering me the most was the 'controlled' environment. I know that last year when they came home, their flight was delayed in the air because there was no place to land. At the last minute their flight gate was changed and I had to run to the other end of the Raleigh airport. I will admit, them flying in general leaves me a certain amount of anxiety. I didn't balk at all about the flight down with the three of them together, because, well..they would be together. It just didn't even make a blip on the radar. So, I was having difficulty deciding it it was her being alone, the crazies in the world, was po'd at the ex. It just was this big thing that turned into stress and fighting with dd about her being a grown up and I need to get used to it! The boys were much easier, ex couldn't change the flight from Atlanta and that just wasn't happening. DD, on the other hand, thought her layover was the greatest thing...she would have her laptop didn't I know and its not like she doesn't know how to order a starbucks coffee. And yes, she knew to ask for directions if there was an issue etc. I think ex siced her on me a little bit to because he knew right now we are waging the battle of mom letting go and dd wanting to spread her wings.

Pray for me..I did this to myself and dd will never let me live it down.


Kelly

 

[aprilgail2]

At 17 many kids are away at college already, I wouldn't have an issue over a few hours layover. I am with your daughter on this one.

 

[NMAmy]

My ex is also across the country from me and dd has been flying back and forth by herself with a layover since she was about 15. Does your dd have a cell phone? I know when dd was younger, she liked to call me from the layover airport and we would chat while she waited.

You can also go online and pull maps of the layover airport. You won't know what gates she's arriving at and departing from until the date of the flight but it might be handy for you to have for any panicked phone calls and would make your dd feel more confident if she could look over the map beforehand.

She'll be fine, really.

 

[onelilspark]

Fyi: there's something called a gate pass...it allows people who don't have boarding passes through security, but not on planes. That's how the SIL would be allowed through security.

Personally, I'd just take a deep breath and let go. While I disagree that Airports are some of the safest places (really, if someone is sinister, they'll figure out a way.) You've got to let her spread her wings a bit. This is her opportunity. I think it'll help that your SIL is right there, if she should miss her flight, have her immediately go up to the gate agent. She'll get priority because she IS a minor! Then call her aunt.

Let her grow up

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My older dd has done layovers by herself, starting at 16.

I think you are mad at your ex for his plans of getting the kids to him and transferring that emotion onto your 17yodd situation.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think a 17 should be able to handle this situation. I had a little mommy meltdown last week when dd12 got off the plane in OH, by herself, and SIL was running late, and wasn't there. However, I just told her to stay were she was, and that SIL would get there eventually (I was not happy - the airport is 20 minutes from their home, and just because she would've been there in time if the plane didn't get in early didn't make me less angry). However, at 17, this should not be a problem. I'd be more nervous if my 17 year old didn't feel capable of this.