Thank you all so much for your tips!
I would view the fireworks from the beach at the Poly. It not crowded!
You can view Illuminations from the Boardwalk.
I didn't know that, thank you! I'll look into that for sure.
Is cost a factor? An Illumination cruise would give you lots of breathing room and an amazing view, but it's by no means cheap. Watching from the Boardwalk or even the International Gateway will mean you miss a significant amount of the fireworks since most of it is down low.
For Wishes, I second the Poly beach. From everything I've read about the dessert party, in order to see the fireworks you have to crowd together with everybody else around the railing in order to see. If you watch Wishes from the beach then you've got more money you can put towards an Illuminations cruise.
For general crowd avoidance, what works for us it touring plans, touring plans and touring plans. Have I mentioned touring plans? Seriously, by researching which parks will be least busy on a day by day basis and the best time of day to get to each attraction/part of the park in order to encounter the lowest crowds, you can cut crowds significantly. One caviate is that there are certain areas of the parks that no matter how low the crowds, they will always feel packed because of construction. In MK I couldn't believe just how crowded the new Fantasyland area was as well as the area in front of Pooh. Right now the walkways are significantly narrower than they will be once the Snow White roller coaster is open so everybody has to sqeeze closer together to get by.
The cruise is a bit out of my price range, unfortunately, but I'll look into both the Boardwalk and the International Gateway! I'll ask my mom what she'd prefer.
I followed the dessert party thread and people seemed to indicate that if you book really early and get a front row seat, you may be able to watch seated. Also it seemed from reviews that dessert party-goers are more courteous and less pushy. That said, I don't want to shell out money and then have that not be the case. My biggest fear is panicking and ruining my mom's time.
I've been looking at a lot of touring plans! I've read how hopeful they can be. I know there will be times when I will be jostled and crowded - it's unavoidable. I just want to minimize how often they occur and keep those that do occur as brief as possible. I think touring plans will definitely help with that.
Are you going with other people? If there are several other people with you, you can try to get them to arrange themselves around you as a slight buffer. If there's only one other, there's less you can do in general crowds, but for things like queues you could put them on your outside (so railing, you, other person) and at least get a little extra space.
You'd probably also benefit from looking at one of the touring plans and/or smartphone apps that can give you a sense of where things are busiest or lightest on a given day. If you're willing to skip the parades, the areas of the park without a parade are much less crowded while the parade is happening. I'm not sure if I've ever watched a full WDW parade in-person, but I also don't feel like I have to see them to soak up the magic. Avoiding things like rope drop are also important, and I think it would be very difficult to do "commando" touring with anxiety. If you want to stay for Wishes or late parades or just late in the park, lag behind the crowds. You can sit on a bench and let them get through. If you're using WDW transportation, then waiting out the crowds will also probably get you on a much less crowded bus/monorail/boat. You may want to consider renting a car, if you can, to avoid more of the crowds on the buses.
If you need to take a break while in a park, you can lie down in the First Aid center if needed. There are also spots that tend to be quieter in each park where you can get a break from the crowd.
The other things that I'd really suggest you stay on top of are hydration, rest, heat, and food. If you're tired, thirsty, hot, and hungry (or any combination thereof) it can raise your anxiety level. I tend to find this extra true for me when it comes to food and water. As much as it's nice to have treats on vacation, pretty much anything you drink other than water will give you liquid, but also not hydrate as well (and plenty of things will make you more thirsty including sports drinks, sodas, etc.). I was once taught that at the point that you feel thirsty, you're already dehydrated and an adult should drink something like a pint of water (can't remember specifics). It's worked for me when it comes to keeping myself hydrated. I can't chug the water without it all rushing through, but if I drink it over 15-20 minutes (I tend to go for about a liter), it tends to help.
I'm just going with my mom, and she's quite tiny. That being said, she tends to try and shove herself between me and strangers whenever possible in crowds just out of habit
I'm sure it was a lot more effective when I was a kid and didn't tower over her. I appreciate the effort though
I'm not all that into parades, and neither is my mom, so we'll likely just skip those. It's only really the fireworks we're interested in. Lagging behind crowds is a good idea! I'd never really thought of doing that, believe it or not. With my anxiety I tend to try and rush ahead of the crowd to avoid it, and usually end up caught right in the middle of it, defeating the purpose. Waiting until people have left is definitely the way to go.
I don't really drink anything except water anymore, so not much of a concern for me. I had to cut highly caffeinated beverages out of my diet because they were increasing my anxiety tenfold (plus pop makes me bloated anyway, and nobody wants that!
). You're 100% right about staying hydrated. Not only do I tend to get dizzy when I don't have enough to drink, but it doesn't help my anxiety either.
If you want to stay inside MK I would suggest this area. As you walk towards the castle and get near the hub look way off to the right. You will see a covered area with tables and chairs. it is by the water. This area is never crowded with people.
My DH and I go down there with my
scooter about 45 minutes before fireworks. We sit up along the railling so no one stands in front of me. You may not see the front of the castle but it is very quiet and like I said hardly anyone goes there.
Another great idea! I'll consider that as well.
Thank you all so much. It can be stressful to plan trips with my anxiety, not only because I have to figure out ways to avoid getting suffocated by crowds, but because the act of worrying about
whether or not I'll get stuck in a crowd can make me anxious. All your advice has really calmed me down
Sometimes my emotions just overwhelm me without notice. I'll be taking a full prescription of Clonzapam (sp?) for sure. 
Also buying battery chargers for the phones because getting lost or separated is another big issue for me. Might have to make a rule about meeting at a specific place in case of that. I want my girls to have the time of their lives but part of that is not seeing mommy cry or have a melt down. 
