Another would you be offended question

[sunshinehighway]

It shouldn't surprise me this has turned into a north vs. south thing for some. We get it. People from the south is super polite, friendly and lovely. Northerners are uptight, unfriendly, and rude.

 

[eliza61]

It shouldn't surprise me this has turned into a north vs. south thing for some. We get it. People from the south is super polite, friendly and lovely. Northerners are uptight, unfriendly, and rude.

One of my very first college friends was from an area called Stone Mtn Georgia and she always wanted to see times square so at some point I finally got her to nyc. We had an awesome time but she insisted on trying to strike up conversations with folks on the train. I finally told her to knock it off because we were going to get locked up.

the thing was, one term at Pitt we had an unfortunate incident where a couple of football players where intimidating and harrassing the women in the dorms and wowza, georgia peach got fierce. That was the first time I had heard the term
"steel magnolias". Girlfriend turned into a pit bull.

totally ot. just brought back a funny memory

 

[Shmily1]

He is involved so it does involve him as well.




We don't know that.

We also don't know that she did, but the way it is worded makes ME feel that she didn't send money malicously.

 

[Wishing on a star]

That was the first time I had heard the term
"steel magnolias". Girlfriend turned into a pit bull.

totally ot. just brought back a funny memory

Don't you get us Southern Girls riled up!!!!!!

Even sweet, hospitable, poised, southern belle Emily Maynard has her moments!!!!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

It shouldn't surprise me this has turned into a north vs. south thing for some. We get it. People from the south is super polite, friendly and lovely. Northerners are uptight, unfriendly, and rude.

Ohhhh, cmon now...
Those are some strong statements!!!!
I don't think that is exactly what we are saying here.

Yes, I do see some very real differences.

But, I would never, ever, go that far.

 

[declansdad]

How? serious question? It's funny because the first thing I asked was how did dh even find out about it.

The reason given for not going was money was tight and then $300 shows up. Why wouldn't she tell her husband? It wouldn't have arrived if if weren't for the family situation.

If a family member sent money to my wife or I, we would both tell the other.

 

[Arielle22]

One of my very first college friends was from an area called Stone Mtn Georgia and she always wanted to see times square so at some point I finally got her to nyc. We had an awesome time but she insisted on trying to strike up conversations with folks on the train. I finally told her to knock it off because we were going to get locked up.

the thing was, one term at Pitt we had an unfortunate incident where a couple of football players where intimidating and harrassing the women in the dorms and wowza, georgia peach got fierce. That was the first time I had heard the term
"steel magnolias". Girlfriend turned into a pit bull.

totally ot. just brought back a funny memory

A couple of years ago my company brought managers to Boston for a meeting. I took the managers to dinner one night and we walked to the restaurant. A female manager from TX asked me why none of the pedestrians said hello back to her when she greeted them. I told her they think you are crazy and don't want to talk to a crazy person.

 

[eliza61]

The reason given for not going was money was tight and then $300 shows up. Why wouldn't she tell her husband? It wouldn't have arrived if if weren't for the family situation.

If a family member sent money to my wife or I, we would both tell the other.

Cool thanks for answering. I do like hearing about different lives. When my son's were little some relative or another would send me money for them. I never even remotely thought to tell dh, like I said he would have thought I was kookoo if every time his mom sent 100 bucks I told him.

I just sent my 13 yo nieces money for back to school, lol I'm betting my brother doesn't have a clue and my dh never knew who got what for Christmas. I remember one year telling him to send his nephew 100 bucks for making the dean's list, I swear to god the man said " Jrs in school already".

It's not that we hide it it's just so "every day" that it doesn't gather special attention. for example when I was a stay at homer and we were on one salary I cut out the normal stuff I did pre kids like getting my hair and nails done. every so often my sister would send me a couple of hundred bucks to get my hair done, which I would do. dh would come home and say "hey got your hair done"? and i would say yes, mel sent me 200 dollars last week and he would say "looks good". end of conversation. Stuff like that.

Or like the family reunion, even if money was tight we'd be going LOL. I would have simply said, hey hon they want to have our family reunion in London next year and he would have said wow, is everyone going to be able to afford it and I would have said, Uncle Ruddy is paying for everyone's air fare so all we have to do is cover our hotel and spending money. and once again he would have probably just said "Cool, how many people are going?"

 

[sunshinehighway]

Ohhhh, cmon now...
Those are some strong statements!!!!
I don't think that is exactly what we are saying here.

Yes, I do see some very real differences.

But, I would never, ever, go that far.

You went close enough.

Its just typical here. It doesn't matter how many posters from the North say they wouldn't be offended and it's not a Northern thing, never mind that the whole situation happened in the North, you still have people making comments about that's how Northerners are.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Why wouldn't she tell her husband...

Yes, she should possibly mention it to her husband...
A marriage should be open and honest...

SO, my question would be... Why would she feel that she had to keep something between herself and her sister, or friend, or whomever so private.
WHICH I MOST DEFINITELY WOULD IN THE FUTURE, AFTER SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

Maybe it is because her husband expects to know about and control everything?????
His reaction and the fact that he was offended seems to show that he is not the type of man, like some have mentioned... Hey, no biggie... doesn't have to be my business....

Any insinuation of any expectation that she just must tell him everything like this, that is her own personal business, and be granted his approval... Wow... huge red flags.

I still am sitting here not seeing any way, at all, that her husband should be offended because of this

There are no further straws to grab at here.
There are just no justifications, unless, of course, there is more background to this story.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

The reason given for not going was money was tight and then $300 shows up. Why wouldn't she tell her husband? It wouldn't have arrived if if weren't for the family situation.

If a family member sent money to my wife or I, we would both tell the other.

I think for me it would have to come up - "tell me again why we decided to go to the shore at the last minute"

 

[JanaDee]

How? serious question? It's funny because the first thing I asked was how did dh even find out about it.

the reason I say that is because 300 bucks is not even some thing I would have even told my dh about. Pretty much that's not a crazy amount of money, now dh and I had separate as well as joint checking accounts so we both had "mad" money. so generally if I went up to NY to see my sister and we end up shopping or eating out (easy 300 bucks in NYC) I never came home and told him how much I spent. really the conversation would go, "how's the fam? do any thing fun?" yada yada yada.

For me, it's no difference than when dh would go to a Philies games with my sons and or with friends. He always ended up dropping a couple of hundred bucks so if his brother gave sent him 200 bucks to go to an eagle game, I won't even know about it. and if the man came home actually told me about how much he spent at a ball game or where he got the money from, I'd look at him like he was drunk or some thing. I probably end up saying some thing like

"Ok babe, what's up? why are you stressing over a lousy 300 bucks"

Now if I rolled up in the drive way with a new BMW, he'd be a tad bit concerned. LOL

And before anyone ask, no I do not know her full financial background. I do know her pay grade but there are very few people in this company that make less than 60K a year.

Remember guys: this was a very casual lunch time conversation.

If we had $300 show up unexpectedly in the mail, you bet I'd be mentioning it to DH.

 

[Wishing on a star]

But if the money was for something nice for the sister and her kids... so that they could come visit at the shore, then there would be no implication that the guy is a deadbeat who can't feed or take care of his family.

If this money was a nice gift... which was intended and used to go visit... then I am having an even harder time seeing anything to warrant this husband being so offended.

 

[Wishing on a star]

If we had $300 show up unexpectedly in the mail, you bet I'd be mentioning it to DH.

I would too!!!!
That is because he would be...

Not getting all offended.

 

[JanaDee]

I wonder how different this thread would be if it was the husband that got $300 from his family instead of the wife?

I think we all know exactly how it would go...

 

[JanaDee]

I would too!!!!
That is because he would be...

Not getting all offended.

Ri-ight.

 

[Wendy31]

Have to, again, very strongly disagree with this.

If my husband were offended because a sister that I am close to wanted to do something nice for me... I would tell him he has major issues.

He does not 'control' me, or my family members.

Of course, we have NO idea what other underlying backstory or issues could be there. But, based on what we know... In no way does anyone, even my husband, or especially my husband, have a right to be 'offended' because a sister or close friend were to do something like this.

Now, if the wife had told her sister... for example... "We would love to come see you at the shore, but lame DH won't do what it takes to make enough money..." Or, for example... the husband had said, no way... enough is enough... I do not want to travel this weekend. And the wife paved the way for her sister to send money so that, YES, they would go to the shore, no matter what her husband might want to do... Then, yes, the husband should be offended.... But NOT at the sister-in-law. He would have a problem with his wife.... inlaw issues are almost ALWAYS marriage issues.

In turn, would you be offended if your mother-in-law suddenly brought over your DH's favorite home-cooked meal one night - under the guise that she wanted to do something nice for her son?

I'm w/ some of the others; receiving a random $300 in the mail from my sister because I had told her we couldn't do whatever due to finances would probably offend both me & my DH.

DH was raised that you don't take handouts.

Now, if my sister said something like, "Oh, don't worry about the money! This trip's on us" or something similar that may be a little different.

 

[eliza61]

I wonder how different this thread would be if it was the husband that got $300 from his family instead of the wife?

I think we all know exactly how it would go...

really?

Like I said, dh and I generally didn't check where every dime each other had came from. Like I said we both had individual accounts and then we had a joint account.

So once again, if his brother gave him 300 bucks to go to a Phillies game, it wouldn't even come up on my radar.

If we had had a tight month and he said he was going to a game (which can easily run a couple of hundred) because Jim gave him a couple of bucks, I can honestly say I would have said "are you taking the boys?" yes? momma's got 4 hours of quiet by herself. LOL

how else would it go? why would I even care? Now of course I don't view things like that as a "handout". lol in my world 300 would be a lousy handout. but I have a big very close family that was always doing stuff for each other. If one kid went to camp, all the kids went to camp type of stuff.

I was on the phone with my mil, complaining about the cost of text books (pretty much the same way I've been here) if next week she sent me a check. no one would be offended. I would make sure I called her and thank her for thinking ofme (she's Jehovah witness so they don't give gifts) and tell her I love her and asked her about the weather. no fuss, no muss, no drama.

 

[JanaDee]

really?

Like I said, dh and I generally didn't check where every dime each other had came from. Like I said we both had individual accounts and then we had a joint account.

So once again, if his brother gave him 300 bucks to go to a Phillies game, it wouldn't even come up on my radar.

If we had had a tight month and he said he was going to a game (which can easily run a couple of hundred) because Jim gave him a couple of bucks, I can honestly say I would have said "are you taking the boys?" yes? momma's got 4 hours of quiet by herself. LOL

how else would it go? why would I even care? Now of course I don't view things like that as a "handout". lol in my world 300 would be a lousy handout. but I have a big very close family that was always doing stuff for each other. If one kid went to camp, all the kids went to camp type of stuff.

Really. How many of those posters that said the DH just needed to get over it would say the same thing if it was the wife that was offended?

Like I said earlier, $300 showing up unexpectedly is certainly something I would mention to DH. I guess we aren't 'lucky' enough to have money handed to us left and right by relatives. If we didn't have the money for something, we didn't do it/buy it, we didn't expect relatives to pay for it.

 

[Wendy31]

Really. How many of those posters that said the DH just needed to get over it would say the same thing if it was the wife that was offended?

Like I said earlier, $300 showing up unexpectedly is certainly something I would mention to DH. I guess we aren't 'lucky' enough to have money handed to us left and right by relatives. If we didn't have the money for something, we didn't do it/buy it, we didn't expect relatives to pay for it.

Right? This is the way it is in our family too.

Our kids attend a Co-Op, & there are fees for each class. My parents offered to pay the fees this year. Before I accepted, I discussed it w/ DH. Not because he's a controlling jerk, but, in our marriage, we talk about & discuss things. And, yeah, if my sister just randomly sent me $300, I'd tell him. LOL!

This is also exactly what I was saying as well about wife's family vs. husband's family. I don't know why it's okay w/ some posters since it's the wife's family, but, if the husband's family had done something similar, the same posters would be all "Red flags!"

If this thread was instead "Would you be offended if your mother-in-law brought over your DH's favorite cheesecake because she found out you couldn't make it?", I'm thinking the responses would be very different.