Another specrtum/HFA question...is this typical?

[Hasil72]

I'm just throwing this out there to see if I'm losing my mind. It's been a tough week for DS at school this week and then I read yet another article from an actor about how our children are lazy, stupid and being raised by ill mannered parents. So anything is possible. Here goes...

Yesterday, DS started to meltdown and was inconsolable so his para called the guidance counselor. While trying to console/calm him she was asking what had upset him so. He started with writers workshop; he didn't know what to write about. Evolved into an explaination about the 2 neighbor boys and how one is nice and the other is not, how he wanted to play, and how they were playing internet tricks on him. OK, nothing out of the ordinary about that. Counselor helped pull him together and all was well during the after school program.

Here's the thing. First, the teacher said they weren't even doing writer's workshop at the time; he had already completed a fabulous story that morning. And the boys, well they haven't played in months, the one he said was nice is no longer nice and vice versa with the mean brother. The "internet trick" was well over a year ago where one boy was trying to cause trouble and typed DS's name as the sender. I find that often when under stress or in the midst of a meltdown, DS has difficulty accessing his short term memory for the current isssue and reverts back to events that happened forever ago as far back as when he was 2.

I've been trying to explain it to people like this...DS files every bit of information he hears, reads, sees, and experiences away in his brain. Unfortunately, he's not always able to access it when he wants so the topic may be the same but the timeframe of the story is off. In realtion to yesterday, DS wanted to play with one of the boys this past weekend but they weren't home and I know that has been eating at him so the information he conveyed was a different situation and timeframe but same people involved.

Am I making sense? Is this typical?

The pediatrician looked at me like I was crazy.

 

[bookwormde]

I guess the first thing I would say is that the para and counselor need to reread HFA/Aspergers 101. When a serious meltdown is occurring you need to just let the child decompress in a safe and as non-disruptive way as possible. You never ask what happened or for explanations until the child is completely decompressed and a reasonable amount of time has passed. He gave a perfectly logical answer to the question of what had upset him, just not focusing on the event/time frame that the para/councilor were interested in. If they wanted to know what the contemporaneous trigger was they needed to do a social/environmental autopsy of what was happening before the meltdown. It is clear that all the events which he came out with were all issues, which were not “properly” delt with at the time and for which skills were not identified and included in his curriculum so that the anxiety they engendered, could be reduced.

Yes you are correct that memory is non linear (by time or other structural organizational basis) and perception of time is quite different from neurotypicals.

bookwormde

 

[1stluvispooh]

Your DS sounds exactly like my DD. She too had a big meltdown at school this week because someone was "staring" at her. Well the were doing handwriting at the time and the teacher couldn't figure out why DD got upset, and well unfortunately went over and hit the kid. The teacher has in the past worked with other kids on the spectrum but for some reason she thinks DD is just soooo different from them. I can't tell you how many times I have told them since kindergarten if you want to get her to calm down quickly and diffuse the situation give her some gum. Yes we all know that schools are anti gum but I am telling you what works and then they are asking for help in to how to calm her down.

As for your pediatrician he will always look at you like your crazy. The don't deal with our kids. Try and find a developmental pediatrician or a DAN! Dr. They will understand much better.

 

[BeckyScott]

Oh, last year my HFA son totally lied to us, big time. We were shocked, as that isn't really typical with autism, and man he told a whopper.

When I picked him up from school, he had a red mark on his nose. The teacher didn't say anything, I didn't notice it until we got home. Big red mark. I asked him about it.

He told me an elaborate detailed story about this one kid in his class, hitting him, him going to the nurse and getting an ice-pack and while he was in there the kid went into the principal's office and his mom got called and she was there too. And it all seemed very reasonable (the nurse's office is right next to the principals, the child in question has a SAHM who lives very close to the school) I was steamed. I took pictures of him and had him re-tell the story so I could write it down. We were horrified the school didn't say anything.

DH went up there the next day to raise some heck, and the office people looked at him like he was from Mars. Nobody knew what he was talking about. And the school nurse, we've known for 20 years, she was right there saying he hadn't been to see her. Nothing.

We had no idea what to think. It was an incredibly detailed story, including some facts that we don't know how he knew. We're not even sure why he told us, it wasn't like he was in trouble. Although he does not get along with the child in question. I was really taken off-guard, as I *thought* (silly me) that being honest (to a fault) was a more typical autism characteristic. But now I wonder if something similar didn't happen to him, that he combined a bunch of other occurrances from the past.

 

[Hasil72]

Thanks everyone!

For some reason it has been a rough couple of days for DS. We're all trying to figure out if something has set DS off. No changes at home, and they report nothing different at school. The only thing out of the ordinary is that on 10/13 he received 2 shots. Mandated by the wonderful state. Do you think that as the chemicals work through DS system that they could be triggering the behavior? We have had not one single incident so far this year until now.

bookwormde,
Thank you as always for giving me perspective. I feel much better. In the para's defense, I think she was trying to do that by taking him to the guidance office as is the normal practice if DS melts down. As for the questionning, I don't know who prompted it. I think it may have been the guidance counselor who typically can ease DS's anxiety.

1stluvispooh,
Your point about the gum is interesting. My neighbor's daughter was just diagnosed w/ADHD and the doctor recommended she chew gum to settle down. He actually wrote a note to school to allow it.

BeckyScott,
I wouldn't rule that out. Especially since your DS has never lied before and if he's like mine, it's just not in his nature. I find that if DS is overwhelmed for any reason he will fragment the story and as bookwormde said, it will generally stem from a series if incidents that were never "resolved" in DS's mind or if there is a situation that has had no closure. For example, this week DS is perseverating on the fact that a promise made by a family member over the summer was never fulfilled. Hasn't mentioned it in five months but now it's an issue.

Thanks again!

 

[1stluvispooh]

Thanks for the idea to get her Dr. to write a RX for the gum!!! I think I will add this too the list of things that I am bringing into her IEP meeting this year. I keep getting the feeling that I might have to have a new one sooner than later. We also have had a rough couple of weeks.

 

[bec_oakley]

Identifying emotions is also tough for them, as is the whole cause-and-effect thing. So oftentimes they might not be able to pinpoint exactly what it is they're feeling, or what's caused it. But they do remember that the last time they felt like that was when that kid stared at them or when they didn't know what to write.

It's also probably a literal response to a question like "what's upset you?" ... I know that DS can still be upset about things that happened several years ago and if I asked him that question, those are the things he would talk about rather than whatever just happened to him today.

As a side note, this "I didn't know what to write" thing is HUGE with DS as well! It's becoming even more of an issue as he gets older. It doesn't matter if someone tells him exactly what to write, he still sits there, frozen. Until he inevitably ends up in tears saying "I didn't know what to write ..."