Another Look at RSVP...

[PatsGirl]

No, I didn't think everyone would RSVP to the birthday party just to let us know they'd be there but I did think that being invited to a 13 year old's sleepover several towns away at her Dad's house warranted at least a phone call

Here's the short of it: DD had her party last night. We sent out invites two weeks ago to 10 of her friends. Basically, they would be dropped at TGIF for dinner which I supervised and then DD's dad would be picking them up there and taking them to his house several towns away for a sleepover. I warned DD that some of the kids most likely would not be able to go because they didn't know her Dad but I thought other parents might call and get the info they needed to make a decision either way.

Well, exactly one parent called and relayed that they were a bit uncomfortable but in the end I assured them all was good and they allowed the girl to come. ONE PARENT??? All 9 girls were dropped off outside the restaurant, never came into contact with 7 of the girls' parents. Two of the mothers I know from other school/social events and they came in to say hi

In the middle of the night it occurred to me that neither myself nor DD's dad had emergency numbers for any of these girls and while all the girls have cell phones they most likely do not include the parents' numbers. I'm happy for DD that all the girls could attend but what is with these parents?

FWIW, DD would NEVER attend a sleepover without my speaking to the parents first, whether I know them or not I always touch base and get the "scoop"

 

[bgirl29]

Well I would have been calling you if my DD was invited and I would have come into the restaraunt to say hello. I do tend to think that cell phones give parents a false sense of security, but thats just my opinion. I think that around 13 parents are trying to give their kids more freedom, which I do too, but I would definately at least want to meet a parent before letting them take my daughter somewhere.

 

[PatsGirl]

I agree with giving kids this age a bit more freedom and showing our trust but these parents don't know me and certainly don't know DD's father. I try not to say "no" to DD when she is invited to social events but I take the time to get all the info I can and let the persons supervising know how/when/where to reach me in an emergency.

 

[cepmom]

I would have probably called you, or at the very least gone in to the restaurant when I dropped DD off, but I'm curious why you say that the girls' cell phones most likely would not have their parents' contact numbers My DD's phones have our numbers in the contacts. I would assume most kids have their parent's numbers in their phones

 

[PixieTopaz]

wow

I cant believe that parents would even allow this without at least TALKING to you

 

[PatsGirl]

I guess what I meant is that for example DD's phone would have friend #1 in it but not her parents' numbers. DD doesn't have her friends parents' contact in her phone, of course she has mine though...and I guess I'm old-fashioned in that I want a home phone number/address/parents' name.

 

[Stacerita]

I wouldn't have dropped my DD off without getting the "scoop" either. Just seems odd that they would drop the child off at TGIF without even checking to make sure you guys were there. But as far as the kids not having the parents number, I am sure they all would. My DD14 has my number, both her grandparents, and her uncle all listed as that in case I can't be reached. I know for a fact that her friends also have their parents info stored in their cells.

 

[cepmom]

oh right...DD would not have her friend's parent's numbers, but each girl would have their own parent's number in their cell phones (at least I would hope so). Regardless, I do think parents should have at least made some kind of contact with either you or your DD's dad about this.

 

[golfgal]

This is why I was always very clear on invites about calling or not. I still think most people think that RSVP is only for calling if you can't make it. In your situation I would have put something about please let me know if your DD is attending or not so we can reserve the right size table. It is then clear that you want to know either way. If I received an invite like that for 7th grader I would have had DD tell her friend in school if she was coming or not though. I probably would not have called. I would have also just dropped DD off if I knew the family well and had her text me when she met up with the party and I would have then driven off.

Our kids have our phone numbers in their phones so if need be, someone could have checked under their contact list for "Mom' and "Dad".

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, dd13 has yet to be invited to a sleepover for a girl that I don't know the parents, but she's been to many home parties where I have never spoken to the parents. She hasn't sent out or received written invitations in years - everything is done via text. I haven't had a parent RSVP by callling me since she's been 11 or so - she just lets me know how many are coming. She has a couple of friends who's parents I have never spoken with.

She hangs with a large possy of girls, and most of them I've known since kindergarten - it's the new girls she's met in JH that I'm not familiar with.