Another job/budget, WWYD question

[eliza61]

My coworker/good friend just ask my opinion.

Here's the scenerio.

She's 54. 2 kids, 1 in college, 1 a Jr in H.S. married. dh makes a good living.
She is 2 levels above me and makes anywhere between 85K and 115K a year. Job is ridiculously stressful. Before, she got a lot of support from the company and a lot of help. now due to the recession, like every where else our budget has been cut so not so much support or help from upper management.

she's thinking about quitting.

I can see both sides of the coin. It is effecting her health (mainly lack of sleep and weight loss) but she's just so stressed.

I told her I would stick it out. Here are my reasons.

1) at 54 my entire concentration is on retiring. I did not start saving when I was in my 20's, so now my goal is to save as much as I can.
2) She makes a darn good salary. I haven't been out in the job market but I feel so much for those I hear having employment problems.
3) I'm not sure how much she's done outside of work to reduce her stress levels. hobbies, exercises, yoga are all wonderful stress reducers.

What's your take? I feel bad because I feel like I'm chosing money over happiness? yuck.

 

[bas71873]

Is there anything you can do to help her at work (and maybe get yourself brownie/promotion points at the same time)?

Have you asked her what de-stressing activities she's doing? And if she says none, offer to do some with her. Can you guys walk at lunch time? Can you take a yoga class together?

Can she go to her superior and let them know she's drowning?

 

[2disneyboys]

My coworker/good friend just ask my opinion.

Here's the scenerio.

She's 54. 2 kids, 1 in college, 1 a Jr in H.S. married. dh makes a good living.
She is 2 levels above me and makes anywhere between 85K and 115K a year. Job is ridiculously stressful. Before, she got a lot of support from the company and a lot of help. now due to the recession, like every where else our budget has been cut so not so much support or help from upper management.

she's thinking about quitting.

I can see both sides of the coin. It is effecting her health (mainly lack of sleep and weight loss) but she's just so stressed.

I told her I would stick it out. Here are my reasons.

1) at 54 my entire concentration is on retiring. I did not start saving when I was in my 20's, so now my goal is to save as much as I can.
2) She makes a darn good salary. I haven't been out in the job market but I feel so much for those I hear having employment problems.
3) I'm not sure how much she's done outside of work to reduce her stress levels. hobbies, exercises, yoga are all wonderful stress reducers.

What's your take? I feel bad because I feel like I'm chosing money over happiness? yuck.

its all about the circumstances. & its not fair to "project" your circumstances onto other people's decesion making choices... As an example, by the time I am 54, I will have been saving for retirement/college with a well paid job (assuming I still have this job then!) since I was in my 20's. so college/retirement $ to me @ 54 would have been being worked on over 30 years... so your reasonings #1 and #2 would not really apply to me and this might be the case for her family... KWIM? Sounds like stress is the main factor (is it stress from home or just work or both?) I can tell you no amount of $ in the world is enough to work somewhere you don't enjoy and it's been shown (scientfilly) that stress DOES affect your health! I mean.. if you HAVE to work to take care of the basic needs of your family, that's one thing, you'll put up with alot just to have the job. if your don't HAVE to work to take care of your familes basic needs, then while the $$ is nice it begains to weigh less into the equation.

I would follow the PP's suggestions.. talk to her about stress relieving activities and maybe suggest to do some with her. Unless your super close with her I wouldn't get into the financials talks... as close as I am with a few people I work with (1 for over 15 years) , I'd be speechless if they asked about my finances!

Its really kind of you to be concerned for her future and it's a great friend who does what they can to help destress a situation for thier friends...

 

[indimom]

If a friend asked my advice in a similar situaton, I would ask her one question in return.

Can you afford to quit?

If they can afford it, why not? No amount of money is worth stressing yourself to death.

If they can't, then I'd recommend she look for a new job before quitting the old one.

I'd stay out of the fine details.

 

[collegejunkie]

i'm a human development major and i'm in a health psychology class right now, which is basically about how stress affects you physically. one example we always talk about is work stress. being stressed can add years to your life and wear you out far faster. there's no point in having savings for retirement if you're destroying yourself so quickly, because then you won't have that time to enjoy your retirement. if she is able to live off only her husband's income comfortably, then she should either start looking for a new job or quit. i would see if she can work part time or find another job instead. i know it's not as easy as it sounds, as this is my mother's same issue, but if there is another available for her, then she should look into that.

 

[wide awake]

She is being paid the entire time she is working so...don't stress. If she can afford to quit, she can afford to be fired. Every paycheck adds to retirement. Tell her to take a chill pill and do the best she can. If she gets fired, oh well. By the way...I've heard this speech from tons of coworkers...they usually quit and then REALLY wish they hadn't. Every job I've ever had is stressful. That is one of the reasons they call it work.

 

[redandblue]

I agree with the pp about being fired. I have a pretty stressful job as well. But I am only 34 and am a long way from retirement.

If I was 54 and slightly needed the money but could quit if I had to I would not take on as much work. I would talk to my superiors and say you have to get me some help I can't do it all. Having to ability and resources to quit your job if you have to is a major stress reliever.

Stress is being a the only parent bringing in money to feed your family and knowing you are living paycheck to paycheck and can't afford to quit or get fired.

 

[tink'smom2B]

IMO I wouldn't quit a job unless I didn't need one. My DH lost his job at 52 and if you want to talk about stress......

 

[eliza61]

See this is why I post here. You guys are some smart cookies. Thanks a million.

2disneyboys. I never thought about that. It's hard not to project one's situation on answers unfortunately. Often our opinions are based on our lifes experience.

I can't really help her. We have been working together for 17 years. We both started out as scientist but she went into business and marketing a few years ago while I stayed research & development.

Definitely don't talk about personal finances except in a general sense. ex college tuition, cost of cars.
I did ask her could she afford to quit. Basically they would not starve but it definitely would effect them and she couldn't stay unemployed for the long term.

thanks everyone. I appreciate it.

 

[KigerKat]

If she doesn't want to quit or lose some of her benefits where she works now, would she or your employer consider transferring her to another position within the company? She would probably have to take a pay cut, but if they value her as an employee (which they might, since they haven't cut her position or laid her off yet), then they might not want to lose her either.

I don't really know her money situation, but if she has been putting up with the stress this long, then she might need the money. I can't imagine anyone putting themselves through that because they loved their job or just wanted to work. Perhaps a salary cut (and cut in responsibilities) would be doable.

I think if she quit, she might have a hard time finding another job. And then explaining why she left her old position might make a potential employer think she's a quitter or can't handle when times get tough. Even though that may not be the case, you don't know how it will appear to someone who wants to hire you.

Just my thoughts. I hope it all works out for her and her family!

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I'm 34 and make around $50K a year. I do not enjoy my job and it usually leaves me in tears most days. I work in insurance but I deal with people committing fraud, really bad people. I sometimes fear for my safety. I get no support from my company. I spend most of my day getting told I'm stupid by customers and I have the workload of at least 2 or 3 people. If I was in a position to quit, I would.

If I were to quit, my DH & I would no longer be able to afford most of our necessities since I am the primary breadwinner. I can't put my mental health above our collective well being. So I stay.

 

[RitaE]

I'd tell her to set a date in the future - her countdown date. 3 months, 6 months - whatever she decides is appropriate.

That is her date that if she just can't take it anymore, she walks.

Then from now until that date she practices living without her paycheck. Her goal is for every cent she makes from her check goes into a savings account.

Then when she gets to her countdown date she'll have a savings account to get her through unemployment or a savings account she can blow on a really nice vacation. And she'll know just how important her paycheck really is to her standard of living.

Sometimes just knowing you have options makes life much more bearable.

 

[SunnieRN]

If a friend asked my advice in a similar situaton, I would ask her one question in return.

Can you afford to quit?

If they can afford it, why not? No amount of money is worth stressing yourself to death.

If they can't, then I'd recommend she look for a new job before quitting the old one.

I'd stay out of the fine details.

Great advice, to look for a new job before quitting her current job!! It is MUCH easier to get a job, when you already have one, than it is to be looking for employment when you are unemployed!!

I'm 34 and make around $50K a year. I do not enjoy my job and it usually leaves me in tears most days. I work in insurance but I deal with people committing fraud, really bad people. I sometimes fear for my safety. I get no support from my company. I spend most of my day getting told I'm stupid by customers and I have the workload of at least 2 or 3 people. If I was in a position to quit, I would.

If I were to quit, my DH & I would no longer be able to afford most of our necessities since I am the primary breadwinner. I can't put my mental health above our collective well being. So I stay.

((((((Hugs))))))) What a horrible situation you are in! I am so sorry that you have the stress! I can not believe that you have fears for your safety. I would think that your company should have to help you at least feel safe! Is there any way you can look for another position within the same field, but may be a better and SAFER company to work for?

I'd tell her to set a date in the future - her countdown date. 3 months, 6 months - whatever she decides is appropriate.

That is her date that if she just can't take it anymore, she walks.

Then from now until that date she practices living without her paycheck. Her goal is for every cent she makes from her check goes into a savings account.

Then when she gets to her countdown date she'll have a savings account to get her through unemployment or a savings account she can blow on a really nice vacation. And she'll know just how important her paycheck really is to her standard of living.

Sometimes just knowing you have options makes life much more bearable.

What a scathingly brilliant plan! They may actually find that without her work expenses, clothing, transportation, meals, that they can still be comfortable!! Even if she only takes those expenses from her check, the remainder would tell her if it was possible to stop working!

I am an RN and between nursing school, where I worked in health care, and my career, I have been at this for 19 years. I have worked in many different areas. This includes OR Management. I made a GREAT salary, LOTS of OT, above 100K yearly, but I was miserable.

I was so stressed and on call 24/7, that I realized I hated to be in middle management. You get stressors from your superiors (Hospital director), and you get problems, complaints, issues in general, from your employees. It sucked!! Big time!! After 4 years, I said thanks, but no thanks.

At this time I am a med surg nurse, night shift, with a lot of stress, but stress that I leave behind when I walk out the doors. I am NEVER on call, can enjoy my days off and my vacations! I don't deal with 'suits' and I usually know more than most of my charge nurses, making my job fairly secure. They keep asking me to 'charge', I keep saying 'no'. Just let me be a worker bee!!

Now, my income is just over $70K, instead of around $110K, but I am MUCH happier and can still pay the bills. Some people say I am 'stupid' to give up the money and the 'power', I say 'life is way too short for that much stress'!!

Bottom line, if you can not separate yourself, from the stress in your job, if it is overwhelming and/or affecting your health, run, don't walk, to a newspaper, agency or network with people you know, to find an alternative!! Sorry for the $.02, since I went on so long, but stress KILLS!! Heart attacks, strokes, mental illness, etc. etc. etc. They are also finding that it may effect CA susceptibility. Not so good, for the prospect of the almighty dollar.