Another IL vent thread

[LindaG4458]

Sorry, but I agree with you. My house, my rules. I would offer a space heater, sweater and or blanket.

I have to agree with this and I will tell you why. My FIL (and MIL to a certain degree) had major control issues. They were invited to stay at our vacation home for the month of July each year. (They wanted to stay for the entire summer but I put my foot down.) They would walk in and totally take over everything. Their clothes and suitcases went into the guest room. He wanted to use his ham radio and it would come in best in our loft, so he took over that room for his radio. They would do no cleaning or laundry and expected us to do it when we were there for a weekend. We would go food shopping and buy stuff for the weekend and during the week for our home. They expected us to furnish all food for them and made us feel guilty if we took home the things we had purchased for that reason. They invited people to stay at our house without consulting us, including in our bed (when we weren't there) without changing the sheets (we found an old bandaid in the bed). He was always cold so had our electric heat turned up to 80 in August (and forgot to turn it down when he left. We found it several weeks later when we next were there). The never contributed a cent to the expenses while they were there. He was heard to say that they would come north from Florida for the summer to "mooch off the relatives."

They thought, because they were old, they should be allowed to do whatever they wanted and everyone else should just bow down to them. NOT!!! DH and I had many a battle over the situation. They are now gone. Do I miss them? No.

When I am a guest in someone's home I try to go by the house rules and procedures. It is not my house; I have nothing to say about what is going on. I expect the same from my guests.

 

[disykat]

I think this thread is divided by two groups - those who have loved ones whose body themostats have been affected by age/medication and those who don't. What some people aren't getting is the HEALTH ISSUE. That sets this apart from someone just being demanding.

My parents didn't get cold until recently, but now there is a MARKED difference in their ability to stay warm. As someone else said, touch their hands and then try telling them to put on a sweater. (they probably already have two sweaters on anyway!) I've watched it happen as they age and their heath deteriorates - they just can't take the cold.

I hate hate hate to be hot. That is one of the reasons we stay in a hotel when we visit them. That doesn't keep me from bumping up the thermostat a few degrees for my elderly parents when they visit my home.

Someone whining because they refuse to put on a sweater would be different - but an elderly parent with health issues?

Dad has always been cold and carried sweaters whenever visiting anyone's home. However, now it's different. A sweater and extra socks just doesn't do the trick.

Earlier this fall I spent a very uncomfortable couple of days in an overheated hospital room with my dad. I would have sat with him in a sauna if it would have made him more comfortable. We went through two weeks of horror with him and thought at times he wouldn't make it - but what does he remember from those weeks? Not the pain, not the uncertaintly, he just remembers being COLD! Even my mom, whose kidneys are failing and is also always cold, was hot.

Medication and health issues change things. Period.

 

[FSUGrad97]

Ding!!! Ding!!! Ding!!! We have a winner!

The next post will be "my inlaws don't like me".

You forgot "and I don't know why."

Seriously, by the time the OP buys an electric blanket and a spaceheater, it would have been cheaper to just move up the thermostat.

 

[FSUGrad97]

wow, some people have some major control issues.

That, and lacking courtesy for their houseguests. It's a wonder anyone wants to visit.

 

[Jpgirl]

I agree about the health issue. He's OLD as we age our skin gets thin-probably not enough body fat to help warm him and his veins are thinner-they lose heat faster and he's on a blood thinner. He can't help be cold. I know my Dad who always LOVED it cold not keeps the heat at 82 in the winter and keeps the house warm in the summer. Just suck it up-it's only one week and it won't kill the bill-you can make up for it after he leaves and turn it to 62. And that advice comes from the Hot Flash Queen who hasn't turned the heat on yet-it's 57 in my house right now-quite comfy. Poor dh is freezing though

 

[ajk912]

Ummmmmm, no, I don't have control issues. My FIL has total control of the tv remote when he is here, I tell the kids they have to watch tv upstairs when he is here so grandpa can watch tv. I also don't say a word when he blares the tv so he can hear it better, I just go in the other room instead. I am looking out for him, trying to keep him entertained- I got him the newspaper everyday, too! I think it's kind of hard to visualize when you aren't there- we aren't talking about an 80 year old frail 80 lb man here. This guy is 65/68, 190 lbs probably, 5'7', walks two miles everyday for exercise kind of guy. Oh, and to get back at me for my thermostat issues, he decides (when I was gone for a few hours) to program the thermostat to 70 degrees so I couldn't adjust it back to 66. I was mad. About the health issues..that could be why I am possessive with the temp- I have cardiomyopathy and I get overheated easily and it makes me dizzy. Not trying to use that as an excuse, that is why it took me to page 5 to bring it up. But keep making me the bad guy. Whatever. I am sure he doesn't truly hate me over 4 degrees, just like I don't hate him. My MIL just plays the thermostat game with him all day long..which is what I am going to do next time. BTW, if it makes anyone feel any better, our fireplace will be cleaned on Dec 17, so we'll be burning a fire for when they come visit for Christmas, so he won't be cold then.

That, and lacking courtesy for their houseguests. It's a wonder anyone wants to visit.

 

[ajk912]

Thank you. Your ILs sound like a real trip. While I can say I love my ILs and they are great people- I love my ILs and except for the thermostat issues I really don't have any problems with them. My MIL is a dream, I couldn't ask for a better MIL. My FIL gets on my nerves sometimes, but whatever, life goes on. I guess it is hard for people to get a clear picture without being there. On another note, someone mentioned my DH's wishes and my DH just doesn't want play the thermostat game with my FIL. He doesn't mind 66, it's what we are used to. My DH does agree with me. My MIL agrees with me. BTW, it was unseasonably warm this week, so for the most part except for a few evenings we ended up having the windows open because it was in the 70s outside. .

I have to agree with this and I will tell you

They thought, because they were old, they should be allowed to do whatever they wanted and everyone else should just bow down to them. NOT!!! DH and I had many a battle over the situation. They are now gone. Do I miss them? No.

When I am a guest in someone's home I try to go by the house rules and procedures. It is not my house; I have nothing to say about what is going on. I expect the same from my guests.

 

[3jsmommy]

Open a window!

 

[ajk912]

Yup, I will definitely do that once we get that fireplace going. It's going to get mighty toasty in here!

Open a window!

 

[autumnbaby9]

So in your mind as long as you let him watch TV then making him freeze (I weigh more then him and i would freeze at 66 degrees) is no big deal .

I'm glad I don't ever have to visit you, you obviously have no idea what being a good hostess entails.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Ummmmmm, no, I don't have control issues. My FIL has total control of the tv remote when he is here, I tell the kids they have to watch tv upstairs when he is here so grandpa can watch tv. I also don't say a word when he blares the tv so he can hear it better, I just go in the other room instead. I am looking out for him, trying to keep him entertained- I got him the newspaper everyday, too! I think it's kind of hard to visualize when you aren't there- we aren't talking about an 80 year old frail 80 lb man here. This guy is 65/68, 190 lbs probably, 5'7', walks two miles everyday for exercise kind of guy. Oh, and to get back at me for my thermostat issues, he decides (when I was gone for a few hours) to program the thermostat to 70 degrees so I couldn't adjust it back to 66. I was mad. About the health issues..that could be why I am possessive with the temp- I have cardiomyopathy and I get overheated easily and it makes me dizzy. Not trying to use that as an excuse, that is why it took me to page 5 to bring it up. But keep making me the bad guy. Whatever. I am sure he doesn't truly hate me over 4 degrees, just like I don't hate him. My MIL just plays the thermostat game with him all day long..which is what I am going to do next time. BTW, if it makes anyone feel any better, our fireplace will be cleaned on Dec 17, so we'll be burning a fire for when they come visit for Christmas, so he won't be cold then.

I bet if your FIL had to decide between freezing his behind off and having rights to the TV, he'd opt out of the TV.

 

[PaulaSue]

My FIL is driving me crazy. They come to visit us for the holidays which is great, but for some reason my FIL thinks this is his house. We keep the house at 66. It's my house, I can set the thermostat on whatever I want. I don't like being hot, I move around constantly (as do the rest of us) and I don't want a huge heating bill. Before they came to visit, my DH told me that I will have to keep the house at 70 to keep FIL happy. NO FREAKING WAY. So I have been fighting with FIL all week to keep the thermostat at 66. I told him that I pay the bills, it's MY house, I don't go into your house and adjust the thermostat, but he doesn't care. It's SOOOOOO rude and disrespectful. My DH just says, well, he is on cumadin and he gets cold. Well, cover up then. If we want to play the medical card I have a heart condition and get overheated easily. A house at 66 in the winter time is NOT overly cold! Advice? Am I wrong? Help! I need a way to keep the peace here.

Burr...

 

[KirstenB]

I still don't understand why he thinks it's okay to change someone's thermostat without even having the courtesy to run it by the hosts. My mom has always kept her house around 62-64 degrees. Our house is kept around 70. When we go to Mom's we know to throw on an extra sweater etc. I would rather die than change someone else's thermostat.

Plus, he could always go to a hotel. Our in-laws have a very small house, so rather than squashing everyone, and inconveniencing them, we just stay at a hotel when we visit. Much easier and nicer for everyone involved. OP, next year just book him a room nearby.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I still don't understand why he thinks it's okay to change someone's thermostat without even having the courtesy to run it by the hosts. My mom has always kept her house around 62-64 degrees. Our house is kept around 70. When we go to Mom's we know to throw on an extra sweater etc. I would rather die than change someone else's thermostat.

Plus, he could always go to a hotel. Our in-laws have a very small house, so rather than squashing everyone, and inconveniencing them, we just stay at a hotel when we visit. Much easier and nicer for everyone involved. OP, next year just book him a room nearby.

Maybe the OPs husband told his father it was ok for him to change the thermostat?

 

[sha_lyn]

About the health issues..that could be why I am possessive with the temp- I have cardiomyopathy and I get overheated easily and it makes me dizzy. Not trying to use that as an excuse, that is why it took me to page 5 to bring it up. But keep making me the bad guy. Whatever. I am sure he doesn't truly hate me over 4 degrees, just like I don't hate him. My MIL just plays the thermostat game with him all day long..which is what I am going to do next time. BTW, if it makes anyone feel any better, our fireplace will be cleaned on Dec 17, so we'll be burning a fire for when they come visit for Christmas, so he won't be cold then.

Your health issues are just as much of a concern (if not more) as his are.
He can put on a sweater or cover up with an electric blanket while he's sitting around watching TV. You OTOH really can't run around naked to cool off. If you dropped dead from your heart, now that would be being a bad hostess LOL

 

[northcapemaymom]

Life's short and you have to pick your battles. Although it's not right for him to fiddle with your stuff, the problem can be solved by just turning up the temperature for their visit. The difference in your bill shouldn't be that much. If anything the temporary increase in your bill will buy you peace of mind. Your FIL will appreciate the gesture, and your blood won't boil trying to outwit him over the thermastat. Your inlaws will think you're the "hostess with the mostess" for your gesture of comfort, and your hubby will love you for your flexibility and kindness. 68-69 degrees is a nice temp - and it won't break the bank. Good luck!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Well in all honesty, I'm not that great of a hostess myself. I don't do it easily, and I'm not a naturally gracious person. I like my privacy, I like things my way.

That is why -- when people want to visit me --- I immediately gift them a nice room at the Holiday Inn Express and exclaim that the kids just love going there to use the hot tub and won't it be fun!

That way, when all these little issues pop up, I can let them have their way for a couple of hours and then send them on their way after dinner.

But I wouldn't dream of inviting somebody to stay at my house and then pointing them toward the blankets and space heaters if they were uncomfortable. In my book, that is just really rude.

 

[ajk912]

LOL! I appreciate your support! Too bad 75% of the posters on this thread think you and I are wrong. BTW, I don't get why he can't just cover up with a blanket either. I run around in shorts and a tee to compromise. And to the pp who said maybe it was my DH who said FIL could program the thermostat, nope, DH didn't. But FIL was sure to show DH how to program it "in case he needs to."

Your health issues are just as much of a concern (if not more) as his are.
He can put on a sweater or cover up with an electric blanket while he's sitting around watching TV. You OTOH really can't run around naked to cool off. If you dropped dead from your heart, now that would be being a bad hostess LOL

 

[sha_lyn]

But I wouldn't dream of inviting somebody to stay at my house and then pointing them toward the blankets and space heaters if they were uncomfortable. In my book, that is just really rude

So it's OK for the OP to pass out from over heating due to her heart condition? IMHO it is rude to expect the OP to put her health at risk in order to be a good hostess. Covering up will not hurt the FIL at all, getting over heated will hurt the OP.

 

[Skywalker]

About the health issues..that could be why I am possessive with the temp- I have cardiomyopathy and I get overheated easily and it makes me dizzy. Not trying to use that as an excuse, that is why it took me to page 5 to bring it up.

Actually, no you brought it up right in your first post.

But aside from that, the other things you mention are all things good hosts and hostesses do (getting newspapers, letting the kids watch TV upstairs, whatever), you don't need a medal for that. We are all inconvenienced in some way with houseguests and if you can't handle the "sacrifices" for your guests for one week for your husband's father, I think that is just mean.

It is only 70 degrees, it's not like he's asking for 95 or something, and it is only a week not a lifetime.

I'm sorry I'm just not getting it but I guess you don't get my point of view either so I'll just stop talking now.