Another IL vent thread

[ajk912]

My FIL is driving me crazy. They come to visit us for the holidays which is great, but for some reason my FIL thinks this is his house. We keep the house at 66. It's my house, I can set the thermostat on whatever I want. I don't like being hot, I move around constantly (as do the rest of us) and I don't want a huge heating bill. Before they came to visit, my DH told me that I will have to keep the house at 70 to keep FIL happy. NO FREAKING WAY. So I have been fighting with FIL all week to keep the thermostat at 66. I told him that I pay the bills, it's MY house, I don't go into your house and adjust the thermostat, but he doesn't care. It's SOOOOOO rude and disrespectful. My DH just says, well, he is on cumadin and he gets cold. Well, cover up then. If we want to play the medical card I have a heart condition and get overheated easily. A house at 66 in the winter time is NOT overly cold! Advice? Am I wrong? Help! I need a way to keep the peace here.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Well.....yes, I think you are wrong. Part of being a good hostess is making sure your guests are comfortable. 66 would be way too chilly for many if not most people, particularly the elderly.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

I am with you. My house, my thermostat.... I Have plenty of blankets,sweaters and sweatshirts that people are welcome to borrow if they are chilly.

Luckily nobody in my family hassles me about it.

 

[clarabelle]

Honestly -I think you are.
He is old and as your FIL I think you owe him a little respect.
Before I argued with him about it I think I would just give in.

It would bother me to have someone adjust my thermostat -so I understand your frustration.
What about a compromise? 68? Is there a room he stays in more? Can you put a space heater in there?

 

[PlaneJoy1]

Well.....yes, I think you are wrong. Part of being a good hostess is making sure your guests are comfortable. 66 would be way too chilly for many if not most people, particularly the elderly.

I agree. They are your guests and should help them be comfortable.

 

[daisyduck123]

I'm sorry, but I side with your DH and FIL.

66 is WAYYYY too cold IMO.

We keep the house at 74degrees.
I don't care how much our heating bill is...I have a job to make money & live comfortably.

 

[Traveliz]

Sounds like your DH expected this struggle and warned you in advance -- but I agree -- sometimes you have to bend and I think you should have bent in the favor of your FIL.

Liz

 

[ajk912]

Really? I can see for an afternoon, but I think I need to add they are here for a week. My FIL is the only one who minds the temperature- my MIL actually thinks it is hot but she doesn't fight the battle because she fights the battle with FIL at her own house. My DH doesn't want to get involved. I am just amazed, really. I would never dream of going over someone's house and expecting them to accomodate me with the temperature. And I certainly wouldn't argue with them about the temperature, and go behind their back and do whatever the heck I please (considering I am not the one paying the bills!) Is it a generation thing, maybe?

 

[ajk912]

Before they came down I offered to buy FIL an electric blanket- maybe I should buy a space heater but I am afraid the kids will get burnt. My MIL just said he didn't need an electric blanket, and actually suggested I put a lockbox on the thermostat. Good idea, but I think DH would HATE me if I did that.

Honestly -I think you are.
He is old and as your FIL I think you owe him a little respect.
Before I argued with him about it I think I would just give in.

It would bother me to have someone adjust my thermostat -so I understand your frustration.
What about a compromise? 68? Is there a room he stays in more? Can you put a space heater in there?

 

[DVCLiz]

Really? I can see for an afternoon, but I think I need to add they are here for a week. My FIL is the only one who minds the temperature- my MIL actually thinks it is hot but she doesn't fight the battle because she fights the battle with FIL at her own house. My DH doesn't want to get involved. I am just amazed, really. I would never dream of going over someone's house and expecting them to accomodate me with the temperature. And I certainly wouldn't argue with them about the temperature, and go behind their back and do whatever the heck I please (considering I am not the one paying the bills!) Is it a generation thing, maybe?

Yes, really - I would raise the temperature and move on. It may be a generation thing, or it may be just a crusty old man -either way, your husband asked you to make an accomodation for his father, and it seems petty to be arguing over it. One week of a 4 degree temperature difference in this mild weather (and I am in NC, so I know you are not shivering with blizzard temps) will not impact your bill that much. I would rather be respectful and know that in the future I might possiibly want someone in the family to make an accomodation for me.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

WOW I am surprised at the responses. My 80+ year old mother is one of our guests over Christmas and she would NEVER complain about the temp whether she was hot or cold. Our thermostat stays at 66-67 all winter long and the four of us are very comfortable with that. If we turned it up to 70 WE would be very uncomfortable. I have one sister that will say "Geez it's cold in here!" only after she checks the thermostat. She then proceeds into our master closet and chooses a sweatshirt. I think she just wants to steal my clothes!

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I'm kind of the opinion to pick your battles, and see this as an opportunity to do something nice for your FIL instead of having a power struggle. Yes, it's a week, but a week really isn't that long when you look at the big picture.

Do something nice for him now -- maybe he'll be more apt to do something nice for you later on down the road.

 

[mylilnikita]

First off, no one touches my stuff in my house, I don't care who it is, if you don't pay for it ,you no touchy touchy. And you offered an electric blanket. I think he just likes to be in control.







My mother and i live together and now that is colder it is called the jackup the heat game,.She will walk around the house with shorts and tshirt and whine that it is cold for her and jack up the heat, so i got a box that she can't mess with, she would put it on 80 if she could. I tell her I will get her flannel things or to put on longer clothes and she refuses, sorry but life is too short for silliness like that.

 

[Vivianne]

Since it's only a short visit, I would compromise to set it to 68.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I would go up to at least 68 also.

Sorry, 66 is really low. I think you would have a point if your house was within normal levels and he wanted it up to 78 or something drastic --

but 66 is really low. I wouldn't want my guests huddled shivering in their chairs for a week and I wouldn't expect an elderly gentleman to just get up and keep moving in order to stay warm.

 

[ajk912]

Yes, absolutely. We are used to 66 so even putting it on 68 can be uncomfortable. I know he is used to 70- but I don't know, I just can't get it out of my head that since it isn't his house, he can't make the rules. I have PLENTY of blankets and sweatshirts for those who want one. And I am already compromising- heck, I would keep the house on 62 if it was me, and then just put on sweatshirts like we did when I was growing up! You use heat to just take the chill out of the air- you don't heat the house to tee shirt and shorts weather, for Pete's sake! But, 66 is DH's and my usual compromise, so that's what it is! The comment about DH asking me to make allowances for his father aren't exactly accurate..I had asked DH to please talk to his dad about leaving the thermostat alone, and he said he would but of course, didn't get around to it. He would really rather not get involved, even though in private he agrees with me- it is definitely rude to go to someone's house and expect them to follow your own house rules! Even so, at 66 I am wearing a tee shirt and shorts around the house, I can only take so much off. LOL!

WOW I am surprised at the responses. My 80+ year old mother is one of our guests over Christmas and she would NEVER complain about the temp whether she was hot or cold. Our thermostat stays at 66-67 all winter long and the four of us are very comfortable with that. If we turned it up to 70 WE would be very uncomfortable. I have one sister that will say "Geez it's cold in here!" only after she checks the thermostat. She then proceeds into our master closet and chooses a sweatshirt. I think she just wants to steal my clothes!

 

[Nancyg56]

I would bump the thermometer up. I want my guests to be comfortable even if I am not. I can't stand to be too warm either but we bump the temp up whenever we have guests who like it warmer. I also want my guests to feel that my home is theirs for the length if their stay. Raise the temperature, raid the fridge, whatever they want.

 

[KirstenB]

He's being a jerk. Next time you go to his house, have dh constantly move the thermometer to suit y'all's preferences! I can't imagine my parents or in-laws being this brassy in someone else's home.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

For those of you who feel it is ok to freeze out FIL: Would you feel the same if it were your grandmother or grandfather who were cold? Would you say, "Sorry, gram. I'm not going to be warm for you?"

Is it really unreasonable to raise the temp a massive 4 degrees to make your elder happy?

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'd bump it up for him. I'd cut him some slack. (66 degrees is cold to me!)