Another friend with facebook/marriage issues

[Nancyg56]

This is true. It is so funny to me that people think they can relieve their youth by hooking up with the highschool ex.

Two people I know have done this adn I just do not get it. WHy jeopardize a marraige and your family becasue you are bored or unhappy. The Ex is not the answer. FIgure out what is wrong and fix it. A sneaky relationship with someone from your past may be exciting for a while but I cannot understand hurting your family. GIf you want to get out of your relationship do it then start another.

So you're saying you're more mature than people who frequent FB because you only spend 20 minutes online a day?



Thanks for that laugh!

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

I know this is an unpopular opinion here but I believe Facebook is frequented by many immature adults. Thus, when you find someone you knew in your youth-neither of you has progressed very far. I spend maybe 20 minutes a day on the internet. I check my email twice and post on a few threads here maybe four days a week. I don't understand how married people have the time to spend on connecting with old loves when their spouse is/should be their primary concern.

can't wait to tell my parents who are in their 50's and all of their friends who are also on facebook, and in their 50's/60's that it's a site for immature adults!!!

 

[dzorn]

DH is working a lot maybe I need to join facebook!

Oh BTW DH was my high school sweetie!

Denise in MI

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

nothing wrong with checking on old BF's or old GF's on Facebook...

Wrong.

 

[MushyMushy]

No, I'm saying I'm more mature because I'm not on Facebook tracking down old boyfriends. I doubt you are on there flirting with old flames...am I right?

Maybe I am and maybe I'm not.

More like not, but I am on FB a LOT. My status updates and posts back and forth with old friends (male and female) are lighthearted and comedic. We are having a blast joking around and getting reacquainted, but most of us are far from immature.

I've certainly seen my share of FB flings since I joined, but they are the people who would have started those flings elsewhere (gym, church, bar, etc).

 

[Hillbeans]

I've reconnected with a lot of old friends and have had quite a few reunions all because of it. However, if you have someone in a shaky marriage who has no intentions of divorce or cheating but then say maybe an old boyfriend gets in touch....it can be trouble.

I completely agree...it starts off innocent - i'm sure no one wants to start an affair but these things can sometimes have a tendency to grow legs, thinking about the good old days. I think FB will be the catalyst for many divorces to come, sadly.

 

[MushyMushy]

Wrong.

What's wrong with it? I like to think that some of us have enough restraint to not fall into their arms just by looking them up and seeing how they're doing.

 

[cheermom1]

well I will tell you that I don;pt think it is for immature people at all..I have one and me and mom talk a lot on there as well as most of my family from other states that we wouldn't be able to other wise...

I have one ex as a friend but we were only 14 when we 'went out' and we have stayed friends all these years, we were at each others weddings..Heck I was even at his bachelors party LOL ..I think it has a lot to do with a little thing called SELF CONTROL!!!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

What's wrong with it? I like to think that some of us have enough restraint to not fall into their arms just by looking them up and seeing how they're doing.

Sorry, I just don't believe in that sort of thing. It is one thing to have maintained a relationship throughout your life - it is another to reach out years later - especially through a medium like the internet, where your spouse would/could be completely unaware.

If you think that you would never cheat, you would be just like so many millions of others who thought the same thing - until they did.

 

[luvmy3]

If someone is unhappy enough to cheat , then facebook or not they are going to find away to do it.

I know someone who didn't realize they were unhappy enough to cheat until they started connecting with an old flame on FB. They were both ready to leave their spouses to get together, luckily one of them came to their senses, confessed and asked forgiveness.
I also know someone who met an old friend (not boyfriend) through FB and is now divorced and dating him. I know she probably would have cheated anyway but I don't believe for one minute the other person would have if there was no such thing as FB.

 

[krcit]

Sorry, I just don't believe in that sort of thing. It is one thing to have maintained a relationship throughout your life - it is another to reach out years later - especially through a medium like the internet, where your spouse would/could be completely unaware.

If you think that you would never cheat, you would be just like so many millions of others who thought the same thing - until they did.

I really think it depends on the past relationship. I have a couple of old boyfriends from high school that I am friends with on FB. They are still friends with soem of the group I used to hang with. Nothing inappropriate about it at all. I loved seeing pics of their kids and spouses and enjoyed seeing how they are doing in life. Now on the other hand, I had an old boyfriend find me on FB and.....'DANGER, DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!" He was my first true love and he broke my heart so when he found me on FB and proceeded to tell me that the biggest regret of his life was dumping me and that I was as beautiful as 20 years ago..................... I will admit to being flattered for a few minutes and then I came to my senses and sent him a message saying 'thanks but no thanks' and deleted him.

 

[Aisling]

I have an ex boyfriend who contacts me on facebook sometimes. I try to discourage him but he does not get the hint. I guess he thinks he is too handsome, studly, and other stuff for me to not be in love with him LOL.

It may just be innocent. It could be a problem though. There was a study that said that around 50% of people who hook up with exes online become involved again with those exes.

It's good that you're WISE about this.

An old high school boyfriend did the same to me, wanting to meet up with me over coffee, which was ok, but when I suggested we bring our spouses, he said he'd rather not. I blocked him completely right that minute. I don't need that kind of temptation or drama in my life.

 

[cheermom1]

I really think it depends on the past relationship. I have a couple of old boyfriends from high school that I am friends with on FB. They are still friends with soem of the group I used to hang with. Nothing inappropriate about it at all. I loved seeing pics of their kids and spouses and enjoyed seeing how they are doing in life. Now on the other hand, I had an old boyfriend find me on FB and.....'DANGER, DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!" He was my first true love and he broke my heart so when he found me on FB and proceeded to tell me that the biggest regret of his life was dumping me and that I was as beautiful as 20 years ago..................... I will admit to being flattered for a few minutes and then I came to my senses and sent him a message saying 'thanks but no thanks' and deleted him.

It's good that you're WISE about this.

An old high school boyfriend did the same to me, wanting to meet up with me over coffee, which was ok, but when I suggested we bring our spouses, he said he'd rather not. I blocked him completely right that minute. I don't need that kind of temptation or drama in my life.

This is what I mean by SELF CONTROL!!!

 

[MouseJunkie]

Okay, I contacted an ex recently on facebook. I don't think that makes me a wierdo or a potential future homewrecker. I just always wondered what happened to him and facebook was the vehicle that allowed me to finally cure my curiousity. Yeah, we took a short trip down memory lane together...just long enough to email each other once or twice, but I was always very respectful of his new wife and told him to tell her she's a very lucky lady.

I have no intentions of chatting with him on a ongoing basis. I just wanted to say hello and see what happened to him. He made a huge impression on me. I'm glad I did locate him because I was happy to see he made his dreams come true. He's now a doctor and he's married to a very pretty lady. Yes, he's still cute as ever, but very taken; and I respect that.

I had an ex do this to me too recently, and frankly I loved it. It's flattering to know you too made an impression on someone enough to wonder whatever happened to you. That too was just a one time email back and forth, as he's married too. I think it's all in keeping things in perspective and having respect for the person you're with. Otherwise, I see no reason not to contact an old flame, especially if completely innocent, no hidden agenda.

 

[LaurenLC]

If contact via Facebook is going to be the demise of a marriage then I would have to guess the marriage wasn't going that well to begin with.

 

[Mermaid02]

If contact via Facebook is going to be the demise of a marriage then I would have to guess the marriage wasn't going that well to begin with.

I think that's pretty obvious- BUT FB makes it so easy to find past relationships, across state lines, people that you would NEVER track down "in real life". Marriage isn't easy. You don't spend 10, 20, 30, 40+ years with a spouse and have every day be a friggin cake walk. You have to work at it, make it a priority, not bring others into it (even as just a sounding board).

 

[Art 1]

Sorry, I just don't believe in that sort of thing. It is one thing to have maintained a relationship throughout your life - it is another to reach out years later - especially through a medium like the internet, where your spouse would/could be completely unaware.

If you think that you would never cheat, you would be just like so many millions of others who thought the same thing - until they did.

I would have to agree with you, not much good can come out of this.

 

[golfgal]

I know this is an unpopular opinion here but I believe Facebook is frequented by many immature adults. Thus, when you find someone you knew in your youth-neither of you has progressed very far. I spend maybe 20 minutes a day on the internet. I check my email twice and post on a few threads here maybe four days a week. I don't understand how married people have the time to spend on connecting with old loves when their spouse is/should be their primary concern.

Um, ok, whatever???

Then there are those of us that use Facebook to keep in contact with friends-current and past. I am pretty sure most of us are mature adults. I don't see it being any different then emails or letters.

 

[LaurenLC]

I think that's pretty obvious- BUT FB makes it so easy to find past relationships, across state lines, people that you would NEVER track down "in real life". Marriage isn't easy. You don't spend 10, 20, 30, 40+ years with a spouse and have every day be a friggin cake walk. You have to work at it, make it a priority, not bring others into it (even as just a sounding board).

If that's pretty obvious then why were you so shocked about your friend's relationship?
Also, there are plenty of ways that you can 'track someone down' besides Facebook. That temptation has been around long before Facebook.
I don't think I ever said marriage was easy, but I do think there are LOTS of married couples go through things without turning to someone that they haven't seen in years.

 

[Mermaid02]

If that's pretty obvious then why were you so shocked about your friend's relationship?
Also, there are plenty of ways that you can 'track someone down' besides Facebook. That temptation has been around long before Facebook.
I don't think I ever said marriage was easy, but I do think there are LOTS of married couples go through things without turning to someone that they haven't seen in years.

I think anyone who thinks their marriage is 100% bullet proof is kidding themselves.

I don't disagree with you- why are you trying to pick a fight?