Another friend with facebook/marriage issues

[Mermaid02]

I've had 2 friends now tell me that their husband and a high school girlfriend have reconnected on facebook and now are calling each other secretly. One's H says nothing is going on just talking and the other one has not decided if/when to confront her H. What is wrong with people? Cell phones make it easy to make "secret" phone calls, but it doesn't mean you SHOULD do it.

It's so easy in the computer age to do these things.

 

[alexandria674]

Hmm, if there is nothing going on then the H has nothing to worry about.

 

[krcit]

Facebook will be the demise of many marriages. It is very easy to get caught up in the past, especially if things aren't really great at home.

 

[ccgirl]

There is this "little" thing called trust that spouses should have for one another. My DH is "friends" with an old GF on FB and I am "friends" with an old BF as well. Doesn't mean anything is going to happen. If your friends knows about the calls then how can they be secret?

 

[SC Minnie]

This happened to a friend of mine too. My friend's H and the exGF ended up having an affair. He broke it off after a couple of months and he and my friend went into counseling etc. He then started an affair about 6 months later with someone else on FB and left my friend for this women he had never met in person. Strange, just strange. He got fired from his job then begged to come back to my friend. And she took him back.

 

[melisandes]

I have an ex boyfriend who contacts me on facebook sometimes. I try to discourage him but he does not get the hint. I guess he thinks he is too handsome, studly, and other stuff for me to not be in love with him LOL.

It may just be innocent. It could be a problem though. There was a study that said that around 50% of people who hook up with exes online become involved again with those exes.

 

[Mermaid02]

There is this "little" thing called trust that spouses should have for one another. My DH is "friends" with an old GF on FB and I am "friends" with an old BF as well. Doesn't mean anything is going to happen. If your friends knows about the calls then how can they be secret?

Because she caught him in a lie- so now she knows about the calls. I'm not paranoid in the least about my dh having old girlfriends as friends on FB- but maybe we all should be a little more cautious....

 

[dislaney]

I know of a couple of people who reconnected with people from their past, via facebook, divorced their spouses and are now dating. I think if you are already unhappy- facebook definitely makes it easier to start a new relationship. I just wish more people would end their current relationship before starting a new one.

 

[ccgirl]

I had no idea this was such a big thing. Like some PP stated, if the marriage is in trouble already FB might just be a catalyst to end it? No idea but it is definitely troubling.

 

[ilovejack02]

If someone is unhappy enough to cheat , then facebook or not they are going to find away to do it.

 

[Mermaid02]

If someone is unhappy enough to cheat , then facebook or not they are going to find away to do it.

I don't disagree, but FB makes it easy to reconnect with old flames... people you would never in a million years think of tracking down and calling.

 

[krcit]

If someone is unhappy enough to cheat , then facebook or not they are going to find away to do it.

Maybe but I'm sure FB helps them along. I'm not anti-facebook at all, in fact I love it. I've reconnected with a lot of old friends and have had quite a few reunions all because of it. However, if you have someone in a shaky marriage who has no intentions of divorce or cheating but then say maybe an old boyfriend gets in touch....it can be trouble.

 

[shortbun]

I know this is an unpopular opinion here but I believe Facebook is frequented by many immature adults. Thus, when you find someone you knew in your youth-neither of you has progressed very far. I spend maybe 20 minutes a day on the internet. I check my email twice and post on a few threads here maybe four days a week. I don't understand how married people have the time to spend on connecting with old loves when their spouse is/should be their primary concern.

 

[ilovejack02]

I don't disagree, but FB makes it easy to reconnect with old flames... people you would never in a million years think of tracking down and calling.

This is true. It is so funny to me that people think they can relieve their youth by hooking up with the highschool ex.

Usually they are exs for a reason and when the honeymoon phase is over you are back to remembering why they were an ex, or when the honeymoon phase is over you figure out they have grown up ( hopefully ) and they aren't the person you remember them to be.

Dh and I both have ex's on our page, only one has tried to play the remember the good old days with me more than once ... It is so funny, the times he has brought it up I remind him, they weren't that good of times hence the reason I dumped his butt!! I now have him blocked on my private messaging so he can't IM me. I didnt bother blocking him from my page, he doesnt send me messages otherwise so I left it alone.

 

[MushyMushy]

I know this is an unpopular opinion here but I believe Facebook is frequented by many immature adults. Thus, when you find someone you knew in your youth-neither of you has progressed very far. I spend maybe 20 minutes a day on the internet. I check my email twice and post on a few threads here maybe four days a week. I don't understand how married people have the time to spend on connecting with old loves when their spouse is/should be their primary concern.

So you're saying you're more mature than people who frequent FB because you only spend 20 minutes online a day?



Thanks for that laugh!

 

[ilovejack02]

I know this is an unpopular opinion here but I believe Facebook is frequented by many immature adults. Thus, when you find someone you knew in your youth-neither of you has progressed very far. I spend maybe 20 minutes a day on the internet. I check my email twice and post on a few threads here maybe four days a week. I don't understand how married people have the time to spend on connecting with old loves when their spouse is/should be their primary concern.

I think you are right about immature adults, It amazes me what some people post as status updates and crazy night out pictures.

I do love that I have caught back up with some wonderful girlfriends from college and my Dis girls on the Nola thread and I all plan our private get togethers etc and post pics on there from our outings together. A bit more private space for us to do that than on here lol.

 

[shortbun]

So you're saying you're more mature than people who frequent FB because you only spend 20 minutes online a day?



Thanks for that laugh!

No, I'm saying I'm more mature because I'm not on Facebook tracking down old boyfriends. I doubt you are on there flirting with old flames...am I right?

 

[pyrxtc]

nothing wrong with checking on old BF's or old GF's on Facebook. I think it's great to see how each others lives turned out and really get to know each other again. Not all exes are bad and neither are all old break-ups. Some of my exes and I broke up over the stupidest of things and with one of mine, I finally had the chance to explain what really happened and why it happened. He said that it cleared some things up that he had always wondered about and it makes him see peoples reactions to stuff in a different light.

I love being able to talk to old friends that I lost touch with and am now re-connecting with. Introducing them to my DH and our kids playing together is a great thing. I have a very stable marriage and the time I spend on the internet is not time I spend ignoring my DH. I actually talk to him more when I am online via chat that I get to at night when he gets home.

 

[Robinrs]

I know this is an unpopular opinion here but I believe Facebook is frequented by many immature adults. Thus, when you find someone you knew in your youth-neither of you has progressed very far. I spend maybe 20 minutes a day on the internet. I check my email twice and post on a few threads here maybe four days a week. I don't understand how married people have the time to spend on connecting with old loves when their spouse is/should be their primary concern.

My son set me up on FB. I have a very intense job and an Ebay business that has me on the internet 10 to 12 hours a day. I get emails from people who found ME! I also was found by 3 ex boyfriends, said hello, how nice you're alive and goodbye.

I was also found by long lost college buddies, relatives I haven't spoken to in YEARs and we set up a memoriam to my parents. You will never find me chatting about the party I went to last night or how cute the guy is next to me.

Not everyone who is on the net is a immature child and the quantity of time on it is not a measure but the quality of time you spend on it.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

i have ONE of my ex's on facebook, and we barely even talk to eachother on there. and he and i only dated for a month in high school. he's now engaged and i'm married, so there's nothing really going on.

my other ex's are ON facebook, but we're not friends.

i don't get why you would want to be friends with someone you no longer speak with, anyway. the only reason i even accepted the friend request from my one ex, is because we were friends before we dated, and it never really got that far between us in that month we dated, anyway.

my DH refuses to get a facebook, which i guess in his case is a good thing. because he uses the excuse of "well if someon wanted to friend me, i'd feel BAD for saying no" (which i have no prolem with doing, myself) so it works out lol