Anonymous "Dear Neighbor" letter

[ShanPooh]

You must live in my neighborhood. Most of the moms are SAHMs (nothing against that) so they have lots of time to pay special attention to each weed in their garden.

I'm a SAHM with 2 SN kiddos. I certainly don't have time for worrying about my weeds let alone anyone elses

We got one of those letters from the original owners of our house. We moved into a 50 year old house that was vacant for a year. We got totally new electric (the place was a fire box ready to go), put in new windows, a new garage door, and redid the main bathroom almost right when we moved in. I had just given birth to our son days after signing the papers for the house. They had the audacity to send us a note about how we weren't keeping the yard up as nice as the rest of the neighborhood and they were afraid we were letting things go!
If I was as nervy as I am now, I would have sent them a letter back inviting them to see the $20,000 of work we just did on the INSIDE of the house and how hard we were working to make the parts of the house that we spent time in LIVABLE. Instead we tore out all the bushes, pulled up all the flowers, and cut down all but two trees - can't complain about it if it ain't there.
BTW- DH and the kids planted a lovely vegetable garden this year. It won't be pretty, but it will save $$$ on produce!

Originally Posted by musicdude View Post
I would copy the letter and type up a nice response, thanking them for their concern and that there have been health and financial concerns over the last several months but you will do your best to keep up the clean image of the neighborhood. Explain you have given this to each home in your area because you do not know who the concerned party is, sign it and drop off a copy at each house on your block. Kill them with kindness, because their is no better revenge than "GUILT". Not only will it be calling out the bad neighbor, your other neighbors who haven't had the chance to get to know you, will now have a window to stop by an say "nice to meet you, can I give you a hand?"
Good luck with all that is going on in your life, and here is to hoping that your busy body neighbor finds something new to get their britches bunched up over. But if not I have a slightly used sign you can have.(lol)

Musicdude is right on the money about writing a kill-them-with-kindness letter - hey perhaps in your local paper even! Sure beats the "Hey 'anonymous', thanks for asking about my husband's health" sign that I would think about putting up in my front yard.

Hope your husband is feeling better!!!

 

[eeyoregon]

OP: Just remember that while your life is VERY busy, there are folks out there that simply have NO LIFE other than annoying other people on this earth.

To help you gauge my maturity level: I would let your grass grow a little taller and then fill a spray bottle with ROUND-UP and spray/write the phrase BITE ME in the grass with the round-up!

 

[sunnyday123]

OP: Just remember that while your life is VERY busy, there are folks out there that simply have NO LIFE other than annoying other people on this earth.

To help you gauge my maturity level: I would let your grass grow a little taller and then fill a spray bottle with ROUND-UP and spray/write the phrase BITE ME in the grass with the round-up!

LOL!!!

however, vinegar will kill it INSTANTLY. Roundup may take a day or two.

 

[surfgirl]

OP, sorry for the stress....

In defense of HOA's, it isn't the HOA sending the letters, it is the nasty person across the street. HOA's are designed to maintain property levels at a certain point -- so that you don't have boats in driveways, car on blocks in the front yard, etc. They vary in levels of restrictiveness, so make sure you are okay with what they say before you buy a house in a neighborhood (if an HOA).

We just bought a new house and looked at teardowns in the area... we decided against it, because you have less of a 'neighborhood' consistent property value than in a sub. Yes, it is a pain waiting for my HOA to get approval for my play structure to go in, but it is a very nice neighborhood and we all have a vested interest in keeping it that way.

However, buying a house does mean being able to maintain it. If you can't afford to buy a lawn-mower, or hire it out, then don't buy. I'm not talking about those unusual lifetime circumstances, I'm talking about it on an on-going basis.

 

[Crazy Mother of Two]

Wow! 10 pages of comments already!! This kind of stuff really ruffles feathers!

I really like some of the suggestions (esp. the 'bite me' in the weeds!! )

Clearly, you can see that you should ignore that person (who won't even come forward and stand behind his/her words!) who wrote the letter.

Yes, we all like to see nicely manicured homes. BUT it isn't always possible because as we all know... life happens! And situations change day to day.

Ignore the D-bag and take care of your family!

(I also liked the 'kill-em-with-kindness' letter! Perfect!! )

 

[Crazy Mother of Two]

However, buying a house does mean being able to maintain it. If you can't afford to buy a lawn-mower, or hire it out, then don't buy.

Wow...a bit harsh huh?

 

[SoonipiLady]

OP, sorry for the stress....


However, buying a house does mean being able to maintain it. If you can't afford to buy a lawn-mower, or hire it out, then don't buy. I'm not talking about those unusual lifetime circumstances, I'm talking about it on an on-going basis.

I have to say, most people NEVER find out if there are unusual lifetime circumstances before passing judgement. In our circumstance, I know that that is true. We bought a 300 year old apatment building which was WELL within our budget. Of course when we bought it 5 years ago, oil was .99/gallon. We use 5000 gallons! Now withthe pre-buy at $4.25 guess what will suffer. The little extras. There will be no weeding, minimal trimming and certainly no flowers. We are now working 7 days/week just to maintain the "on-going basics."

We managed to paint the entire building and 2 story barn last year. Our neighbors comment....."When are you going to replace the roof? Now that the place is painted, the roof really is an eyesore!!"

Guess where we're spending our money this year? In the BACK yard where WE benefit from it! Our neighbors can send all the letters they want. If it doesn't have a return address, it goes right in the circular file.

Karen

 

[Tosha]

Ok. My take.....

It was EXTREMELY rude of how the neighbor handled this. However...

I am one of those who loves to beautify my yard. Luckily the neighbors around me does the same. BUT if I had a neighbor who's yard wasn't well taken care of ( not saying yours isn't...because that's a matter of personal preference anyway) I would offer to help get it right. THEN if they refused my offer, I would have to say something. If your neighbors yard isn't well kept, no matter how hard you work on yours,your hard work will not count as all people will see is the non kept yard...TRUST me.

I would help free of charge and hopefully then they would see how nice the yard looks and keep it up. BTW the neighbor to our left is a elderly lady who has lawn service come. Sometimes they don't, and when they don't, we do it for her I think she's in love with dh anyway, so she definately appreciates it LOL

AGAIN...this coming from me, who LOVES her yard neat. Dh mows twice a week. We get stranger ringing our bell just to tell us how nice it is and get tips on what we use.

 

[benseven]

How sad that we all have someone like this ("anonymous") either in our own neighborhoods or in a friend's. For us, the couple is directly across the street, feels free to give criticism without information, and completely disregards town zoning laws themselves. The only thing that is "better" than the OP situation is they give their advice in person. Of all the responses I've read, the best is to focus on your family and not spend another moment on this ridiculousness. I applaud you having the strength to get through your recent circumstances. Nothing reminds you of the truly important things in life - your family, your relationships, your health - like illness and hard times.
Remember to feel pity for that family or person that is so unhappy in their life, they must sit in judgment of others rather than examine their own. To actually get so bunched up about a lawn to take the time to write a letter??!
Sad, Sad, SAD!

PS - IF you have a HOA, it's their responsibility to "audit", not the neighbors.
PSS - Surfgirl, you seem to be way off base. I hope you never have your life
knocked off track by bad times. You'll want compassion then, and you don't seem to have any to give.

 

[surfgirl]

PSS - Surfgirl, you seem to be way off base. I hope you never have your life
knocked off track by bad times. You'll want compassion then, and you don't seem to have any to give.

go back and read my post.

benseven, you owe me an apology. out of line. If I'm so rude, why was my first sentence, I'm sorry for the stress. ???

I said if you buy a house you should be able to maintain it. Do you buy a house without affording gas, electricity, insurance, taxes ?

I said, I'm not talking about unusual life circumstances. In those situations, a little compassion and help is needed. Not an anonymous letter. I agree, we can't all plan for those circumstances. If we are lucky, we have enough cushion to weather them. If we don't, we pick ourselves up and go on.

did I ever condone the original anonymous letter ? I didn't think so.

 

[ncmtnmom]

I just wish people would respect other peoples property rights! We live in a very rural area. We own 3 1/2 acres of land that is part of over 21 acres that has been family owned for about 60 years. One aunt decided to sell off her home to people outside the family and now all h@#$ has broken loose. This guy wants to tell everyone what to do on their own property! There are no HOA's here, no deed restrictions etc. He knew all this upon buying his house. Part of our land adjoins his lot. We were having it cleared to put our horses up there. He came out and told the guys doing the work that they couldn't cut any trees within 30 feet of the property line. Said that it was deeded to him that we would leave 30 ft of trees on our property to shade his house!!! That is ridiculous. We proved him wrong but now the people that were doing this work don't want to come back because they don't want to have to deal with him! He told us he didn't want to look out his window and see a horse standing there. Then he should have bought in town or bought enough land somewhere that his house could be in the middle of his property where he couldn't see anything!!

Now we started putting up a fence along a dirt road that runs down the middle of our property and has a right of way for him to use as a 2nd driveway to his house. He moved in and moved the road over by about 15 feet by installing ditches etc. He claims that we have to leave him even more than the 20 ft right of way because the ditches he installed don't count in the right of way measurements. Bull!! He wants the fence posts removed! He stopped and talked to my DH as he was installing these and never said a word. He waited til the posts were all in and concreted in to say anything. This guy is driving me crazy!! I have never said a word to him about his dump truck coming in at all hours or about the fact that his truck has torn up the end of the road which is paved! I don't enjoy seeing his fat butt in his yard in his too short shorts and no shirt ,but as long as he's not naked it's none of my business!!

I say that as long as there's no restrictions that will make you pay a fine or wind up in court then do what you can and what you feel you are able to do. If you want to grow marsh grass in your yard then more power to ya!! It is, after all, YOURS!!!

 

[lntsmom]

Ya know, I'd send a letter right back.

"Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for taking the time to care about the condition of my lawn. You might not be aware, but my husband had hip surgery recently, and my time is fully occupied taking care of him and our four children.

However, we do not want our problems to become your problems. As the appearance of our lawn seems be a burden on you, we would like to invite you to feel free to mow, weed, and edge our lawn as often as you need to in order for it to be pleasing to your eye. If you would like to do the backyard, too, just let us know.

Thank you for your concern!

Sincerely,
Your neighbor."


I'm not kidding!

I lived in a duplex for 13 years. For 3 years my neighbor was a very nice quiet man who was also an alcoholic and the laziest person on the planet. He also had OCD tendancies. When he started voicing concerns about my front lawn (I used a reel mower for a variety of reasons. He was bothered by the fact that my grass was left longer than his...he cut his down to less than 2"...and that mine didn't have a "neat" trim.) I made him just that offer. He counter-offered...he'd do the front if I'd do the back. Whatever. It shut him up and it was worth it!

 

[julm26]

Now, i'm wondering what our neighbors think of us - I don't think we have ever "edged" our lawn - and sometimes it used to take my husband more than a week to mow the lawn, and we kinda like dandelions, and
if i ever got a letter like that - I'd put BIG BIG PINK FLAMINGOS IN MY FRONT YARD.

My mom passed away 3 months ago tomorrow - Life is much too short to worry about mowing lawns and whose lawn looks best.

I want to remember, sitting on the porch with my mom and my kid rolling down the grass....

 

[Abbigator]

julm26----I'm sorry about your mom. My mom passed away in 1996 from liver cancer when I was 25. They said when they did the biopsy that it was likely metastasized from her pancreas. The surgeon told us it was "academic", meaning that it really didn't matter where it came from because it was not treatable, but that was where it most likely came from. She was diagnosed in June and passed away the same August. She never got to see my brother get married or get to know her grandchildren, (the first came a year and a half later). So you are right, there are much more important things than a perfectly edged lawn. I would love to get my yard looking perfect but I don't need anyone else telling me when and how I should do it. And I enjoy my backyard more than the front yard because my kids can play out there within the locked fence and I don't have to worry about them running out in the street and getting hit by one of the speeding neighbors with the perfect lawns

 

[MrMarv]

Abbigator--- I agree with everybody else; that gutless coward who doesn't have the nerve to identify himself/herself should just be ignored.

Your idea about copying this thread and posting it near the mailbox is brilliant!!!!

 

[Took]

I wonder if your anonymous letter writer isn't the same person who has the landscaping business. $150/month is outrageous! QUOTEI

I really believe this is the source of the problem. I'm willing to bet many others got this anonymous note, too. Try asking around a bit.

Took

 

[Mary2e]

I just wish people would respect other peoples property rights! We live in a very rural area. We own 3 1/2 acres of land ....[snip]..... We were having it cleared to put our horses up there. He came out and told the guys doing the work that they couldn't cut any trees within 30 feet of the property line. Said that it was deeded to him that we would leave 30 ft of trees on our property to shade his house!!!

Please reconsider where you are going to put your horses. You have plenty of land, yet you want to put then at the end of your property and within 30 feet of the property line and not too far from your neighbors home.

My parents have neighbors who did exactly the same. The result - The people who own the horses don't have to deal with the dust and dirt kicked up, much less the smell, and my parents have to look at their horses and deal with a dust cloud of dirt every time it is windy and/or the horses are there. The owners of the horses have 4 acres and they could have put their horses anywhere, but chose to put them where they could bother 4 other families.

They are in the process of taking the neighbors to court for impacting their quality of life and not allowing them to enjoy their own backyard. FWIW - my parents, and their neighbors, were there for at least 6 years before these people bought the house and decided to keep horses.

A little consideration goes a long way.

 

[jenniferma]

OP-- so sorry about your situation! We have a neighbor like that too... I just try to ignore it. When I was just pregnant with DD#3-- I got so sick and depressed the first trimester. We called me "barely functioning".. anyhow-- during this time our neighbor made some snide comment to me about pulling weeds-- I swear-- it was a patch 2 x 2 feet with like 10 weeds! I thought since it was in the flowerbed that landscapes HIS house, it was his.. but I guess he thinks that that property line means I need to pull them, even the 12 inches left in their landscaping!

(I have to admit, I have been very good about weeding ever since-- I was so embarrassed!) They can be kind, but have a tendency to anger a lot of the neighborhood
good luck to you!
jen

 

[ncmtnmom]

The fact is that I can't put them anywhere else because we live in the mountains of NC. The only spots that are not steep are where my house is and up on that piece. We were leasing some land to put them on but the price doubled and we can't afford it anymore. And FYI 3 or 4 acres is actually a small area for horses. They are not like dogs that you can kennel!!There won't be a big cloud of dust!! We will plant pasture grass!! I'm not going to argue the point! It is my RURAL land and I will do with it what I see fit! When we bought that parcel we did so to put our horses up there. Once again, this is rural land!! Why should I change my plans? I guess that means that if I have neighbors move in that don't like the noise of my kids then I should put them up for adoption or keep them inside so they don't bother the neighbors!!! If you don't like animals then make sure you live where there are restrictions against them. If you don't like kids then live where there are restrictions against them!! That's the way I feel! I may get flamed for it but it is what it is.

Please reconsider where you are going to put your horses. You have plenty of land, yet you want to put then at the end of your property and within 30 feet of the property line and not too far from your neighbors home.

My parents have neighbors who did exactly the same. The result - The people who own the horses don't have to deal with the dust and dirt kicked up, much less the smell, and my parents have to look at their horses and deal with a dust cloud of dirt every time it is windy and/or the horses are there. The owners of the horses have 4 acres and they could have put their horses anywhere, but chose to put them where they could bother 4 other families.

They are in the process of taking the neighbors to court for impacting their quality of life and not allowing them to enjoy their own backyard. FWIW - my parents, and their neighbors, were there for at least 6 years before these people bought the house and decided to keep horses.

A little consideration goes a long way.

 

[sunnyday123]

Please reconsider where you are going to put your horses. You have plenty of land, yet you want to put then at the end of your property and within 30 feet of the property line and not too far from your neighbors home.

My parents have neighbors who did exactly the same. The result - The people who own the horses don't have to deal with the dust and dirt kicked up, much less the smell, and my parents have to look at their horses and deal with a dust cloud of dirt every time it is windy and/or the horses are there. The owners of the horses have 4 acres and they could have put their horses anywhere, but chose to put them where they could bother 4 other families.

They are in the process of taking the neighbors to court for impacting their quality of life and not allowing them to enjoy their own backyard. FWIW - my parents, and their neighbors, were there for at least 6 years before these people bought the house and decided to keep horses.

A little consideration goes a long way.

Horses don't typically kick up dust unless obiviously they are standing in dirt. Even then for a dust cloud to waft 30 feet is stretching it. I've never seen a pasture ( and you're right 3-4 acres is small for them ) without grass. And a pasture won't smell! Horses ( at least mine did ) tend to go in one area ( usually the hardest place to get your wheelbarrow! and are not dirty animals. We used to have people just stop and watch them. Horses impacting your quality of life? I really can't imagine how that is possible. No offense, but that sounds like like it's up there with the "I spilled my hot coffee and you're responsible" law suit. If a property is zoned for farm animals, guess what you're going to get. Maybe the owner isn't keeping the barn clean enough or have grass for them ( which is a shame ), and then something should be done ( although I don't beleive that is against the law ) but my motto is, if you don't like it, don't look at it.

I know I'm going to get flamed for this.