Angry at exes!!!!

[UKANGEL]

I'm on my soapbox and sounding off here....sorry in advance!

Becky (DD) went back to Southend on Friday for the weekend. She'd arranged to stay with a friend on Friday night then to see her Dad for the rest of the weekend.......

I ahd a call from her yesterday lunch time to tell me she was on her way home as her dad & Step Mum had gone out for the day and she was so upset she was coming home.....

Apparently she waited at her friend's til 3 on Saturday when her Dad eventually picked her up only to be told he'd already been to town (hed promised to take her in for the day with him) so just took her home.

That was bad enough but at 6 he told her that he & his wife were going to Bingo (!!!!!!!! ) and would be back in a little while.................left her on her own again then got back at 10.30! great!

The next morning they got up and said they were going out for the day as it was their Anniversary.............leaving Becky to walk all the way into town to the station on her own, guitar, bags and all, in the rain, crying her eyes out!

I could kill him! She came home, actually cried in Mark's arms (and thats a first too)...and then I noticed she's been cutting herself again. When I spoke to her about it she told me she'd done it at her Dads when he upset her so much......after all the good work we';ve done with her, she's been so much more settled lately and now this.


Im hoping to get her into college today but she's really upset still.

Do you think the courts would consider it a crime of passion if I killed him?

She now says she might as well not bother seeing him anymore....how stupid is he?


sorry guys but Im soooo angry and soooo upset about all this!


__________________

 

[Beth__WDW23/6/02]

I am sorry to hear this, Hope Becky is ok now?
It's cruel of her father to treat her that way.

I really don't know where to start, It's a shame he's done that to her and made her so upset...Children are so special they shouldnt be treated unfairly in any case and Becky should come first over his new partner, etc.

My friend is in the same position, but her ex won't see his little one she is only 5, she's been to court and everything and he never turns up on the days he is supposed to, Jade (5) now is depressed at the age of 5!! its so cruel it affects children so badly.

I hope she is ok, bless her xxxxx

 

[UKANGEL]

thanks Beth, she never made it to college as she's in such a state and I could just throttle him for this!!!

 

[Hilary]

Sending you a .

What a mess! I have to say that, in the long run, I don't think Becky would thank you for killing her dad - crime of passion or not! - although I'm sure she'd understand why you feel that way inclined.

It sounds as though Becky at least acknowledges the reason for cutting herself so, hopefully, it was a one-off and she'll get back into her settled routine with you again very soon.

 

[KayleeUK]

I hope Becky is feeling a little better now, is she coming to the meet?

 

[UKANGEL]

I dont think so Kaylee, but I'll play it by ear as she may not want to go back to Southend that weekend after all this!

 

[kazzie]

Mandy,

I hope for his new childs sake he doesn't make a complete mess of fatherhood as he has first time around

Men seem to think their teenage children can handle stuff and aren't as affected as younger children by a split.I believe it''s complately round the other way and teenagers are more affected not less.

I wonder if there is maybe a tiny degree of 'spite' by his callous and damaging treatment/rejection of Becky?By this I mean by hurting Becky he is hurting you by proxy,well you may be pscholgically strong enough to cope with it but Becky sure as hell isn't

I really hope she makes a decision to loosen the ties with him because when the new baby comes he isn't capable of being aware of how she will be feeling 'pushed out' and making sure this doesn't happen

 

[Miffy2003]

Oh Mandy, poor poor Becky.

What a cruel way to behave. Unfortunately your ex is not alone in this respect but what an appalling way to treat a young person. Well - appalling way to treat anyone - but so many times worse that the person in question is his daughter!

for Becky - and also for you.

Take care,

Karen

 

[UKDEB]

I'm afraid I don't have any wise words, but my heart hurts for Becky and I'm sending her a big

 

[Fantasia Sam]

Arghhh what a silly man - doesn't he realise how he is pushing his own daughter away - I mean if she has the love for him that she trawls all the way up to London crosses over the city to then go back down to Southend you think that he'd at least want to spend the time with her, poor Becky and big hugs to her she's a bundle of fun and I hate to think of her upset and sad again.

Did you speak to him Mandy, I know how it's between Becky and her dad but he still needs to be torn off a strip but I understand if you decided not to.

As soon as I get back from WDW I'll come and cheer Becky up

 

[Night-train]

As a father myself I can't understand how any man could let his relationship with his daughter deteriorate to such a low point! You have my sympathy and I hope Becky can find something in her life to focus on and gain strength from. Dads are important, but if they don't want to know about their kids then they're not worthy of the name in my book!

 

[Beth__WDW23/6/02]

Originally posted by UKANGEL
thanks Beth, she never made it to college as she's in such a state and I could just throttle him for this!!!

Aw I am sorry to hear that
Sending Becky a HUGE HUG!!

 

[Mrs Dazzle]

Originally posted by UKANGEL
Do you think the courts would consider it a crime of passion if I killed him?

Don't the American's have some nice description like "justifiable homicide".

All joking aside, Mandy, we've been through much the same with DH's sister's children. Her ex just no longer interested, they don't fit in with his "new life" any more. The oldest (now 22) has taken it absolutely fine - in his words, "it's his loss, not mine", but the youngest (now 17, but 13 when it all happened) get himself in a right old state even now. They are sposed to meet up on a Weds, but the BEEP BEEP BEEP (ex-father as he's called in our house) 9 times out of 10 lets him down. Now you'd think by now that nephew would be used to it, but it so upsets him. But his mum says he's old enough now not to be told any more of how useless his father is . . . . . don't you just want to punch the bloke or something

It's a hard old world out there, not fair on Becky - or you and Mark.

But how nice that Becky has turned to Mark What an amazing feeling that must have been for you both. Perhaps something good has come out of this (always try to look on the bright side, me).

 

[Madjock]

Some people just aren’t fit to be called parents! I’m so sorry for Becky and I hope she gets to feeling better soon

Annmarie

 

[shellbell]

I'm really sorry to hear that I hope becky is feeling a bit better now Give her a big

Michelle

 

[UKANGEL]

aw thanks so much everyone.....your hugs have helped us all

You're right he isnt really fit to be called her Father!

Sam, I sent him an email as I didnt want to dissolve into tears on the phone to him but he called me and started having a 'go' as he says I dont understand how hard it is for him and Sue (his wife), as they're expecting this new baby etc etc...yeah RIGHT!

Ive just got off the phone with him again this morning and he's promised to try harder with her and he's going to call her tonight to apologise...I really dont know whats best but she still loves him so much its up to her I guess, at 16 to decided if she wants to see him still.

We'll just be here to pick up the pieces......

Sam, we'll hold you to that, coming to cheer Becky up I mean!

 

[KathAnn]

UKAngel

Your ex sounds just like my Dad. Thought he could play Proud Papa when it suited him. When he and my Mum divorced (centuries ago now!), he wanted custody of my brother - and only my brother. When he realised it was "all 4 or none" he remarked that at least he wouldn't get disturbed nights by the girls crying. Little did he know that his son wept for him just as much as his daughters did. Like I say, it was a long time ago, and my Mum remarried. John's a truly wonderful man who's been a Father to us 4 in all ways. It takes more than biology to make a parent - and by heavens, he's been there for us.

I hope your daughter gets over this insult and realises that her father's just being selfish. If she's cutting herself then her distress at his behaviour is great, and obvious, and he should be made aware of it. She's now of an age where she can decide whether or not she still wants to see him - and in what form these visits will take. Her natural reaction is to hold on, but it could be better for her physical and mental health if she left longer breaks between visits.

PS: You get enough like-minded folk on the Jury and you'll walk out of Court a free woman!

:thewave:

 

[Astrid]

I'm so sorry to hear this Mandy and hope that Becky is doing ok now. Her Dad has obviously no idea of the hurt he is causing his daughter but how lovely for Becky that she has you and Mark there for her and love her to bits.

A good friend of mine separated from her husband at the beginning of the year, is going through one hell of a divorce and her soon to be ex is being so bloody minded about the kids it's untrue, he just won't see them and when I saw my friend the other day he rang up one of his daughters and she was in tears on the phone because he was upsetting her so much - it broke my heart to see her. There are some really dreadful parents out there.

Keep smiling my friend.

Astrid xx (sorry it's taken me so long to reply - only just looked at the board for the first time in a while)

 

[UKANGEL]

thanks Astrid
what a *** your friends ex is too....there do seem to be so many selfish, thoughtless parents out there dont there? (and I know its not just men!)

Becky's managed to get back to college yesterday anyway, so thats a step forward......

 

[Fantasia Sam]

Good to hear Becky went back to college - you can count on it that I will be down soon after I get back.

Love to all