An Inconvenient Truth: happyhaunt Style! (New... pg. 113!)

[MyTalula]

Please don't ever let me read about Weiner salad at 6:00am ever again. Before breakfast. Very descriptive though. Thanks.

 

[MommyPoppins]

That was great. I was so involved with reading your last installment that I somehow missed my 19 month old getting down from the table, stealing his brothers half eaten plum and sitting himself on the couch, with sad plum and his bib still on, FULL of breakfast. I better go.

 

[AshClan]

A three-fer since the last time I checked! Thanks!!!!

Let's not mention that weiner salad ever again, k??

Z, congrats on your Emmy.

Sher, you are right, Mel's dress trumps your belt-skirt. But did you dance in yours?? (Actually, I'll bet you did!!)

The General, the weiners, the DUCKS, and even the obsure WW reference. All of 'em. Got me. DED. Again.

Better hurry up and finish. Cause Z will be back from his fake-out tropical storm trip in no time. And then you'll have to spend too much time deprecating his writing skills. So you have 2 weeks and a day. TFI.

 

[sheridac]

Sher, you are right, Mel's dress trumps your belt-skirt. But did you dance in yours?? (Actually, I'll bet you did!!)

There may have been some dancing. Maybe. A little. Perhaps.

 

[jakenjess]

I think I have a real problem here. I'm reading this latest installment at work, before 9 A.M., and the weiner salad actually sounds good. We'll be at the Biergarten in Feb., enjoying those fabulous, very large, beers , dancing to the oom-pah band, so I'll just have to try that weiner salad!

 

[LaLa]

Ash, you misspelled deprecating.

TFI.

Melly, I have been to Biergarten numerous times. We love the place. The LaLas tear up the dance floor just like the HHs. Well, except we do the Chicken Dance and not the Beat Your Brother To The Ground While Your Mom/Dad Snaps a Picture of it To Put in A Trip Report That Has Absolutely Nothing to do With The Crimson Tide Or a Velveteen Rabbit For That Matter.

Anywho. I sad all that to say this.

I have never had the weiner salad. Ever. Cold weiner salad just does not appeal to me. And here's another question. What exactly is a schnitzel? I've had it just never understood it. Is that anything like fo shizzle my nizzle?

Anywho. I sad all that to say this.

Loved the latest. The pictures are amazingly in focus and add so much to the story in my opinion. And even though Sher and Disfan are obviously infended by your wardrobe selection, I personally thought the ensemble was very cute.

Keep em comin MellyMyMelly.



Layla

 

[GeorgiaAristocat]

Melly ~
wonderful as always. Really. Especially the pictures.

I can't believe you didn't get a picture of the ducks, tho'

Vettechic(k) takes pictures of the ducks.

And the weiner salad would gag a maggot, I think. Especially before breakfast.

Z ~ I can't believe that you pump-faked the entire vacationing population in a lame attempt to win that battle with Disney. Did you think you would really have the place to yourself, laughing all the way? Enjoy yourself my man.

 

[ncseric]

In case you're wondering, schnitzel is a pork scallop, generally breaded. Wienerschnitzel is a veal scallop. The Wiener means in the style of Wien, which is the German name of the city of Vienna.

Here's a recipe for both:

http://experts.about.com/q/German-Cuisine-757/Schnitzel.htm

 

[ncseric]

And you sad my skirt was a belt???!!!!

There does seem to be a correlation between blood alcohol level and the length of the dresses. She could get a tattoo up the back of her leg with the BAC amounts at each point, sort of like one of those graduated cylinders from chemistry class.

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Where were we?

Oh yes. We had just finished with dinner, dancing and drinking. At The Biergarten. And wandered outside to watch Illuminations.

Which we did.

It was fantastic as usual. And had I not been still a little plowed... I'd have appreciated it much more. Perhaps teared up. Hugged the kids. And held my husband's hand. Against his will. As usual.

Heh heh.

But instead... I was three-sheets-to-the-wind. I was blotto. I was wrecked. I was soused. I was legless. I was juiced. I was soused. I was snockered. I was carp-faced.

I was Bukowski.

But with large, perfectly straight, blindingly white teeth.

And... I'm a girl.

I rarely fight.

I'm not German.

Nor do I have a bleeding ulcer.

However... like Bukowski... I appreciate poetry along with... getting drunk-as-a-lord. Heh heh. And... I try to live by his motto. His gravestone reads, "Don't try." He meant "Don't try. Just do." As least that's what I think. He meant.

Where was I? Again.

Oh. I was busy NOT hugging my family while we watched Illuminations.

I was otherwise occupied.

Harassing my poor husband. Which is one of my favourite sports. To engage in.

I started by poking him as we watched. In the side. Then I lightly brushed his arm with mine. Just hard enough to cause him to have to move away and scratch it. It tickled. TFI. Then I stared at the side of his face. And meowed. Winked at him. Scratched and sniffed him...

All the while he was doing his best to ignore. Me. Trying not to look at me out of the corner of his eye.

Trying not to smile. Because he knows that the moment he smiles... it's over. And I win.

Heh heh.

This game started on our honeymoon. Driving back from B.C. through the prairies. Of eternal sameness. Nothing to look at.

But him.

My "husband". Which, in itself, made me giggle. I thought I sounded stupid saying it. Out loud. Just as stupid as he was. For marrying Me(l). Heh heh. Anywho... I started this thing. Where I turn and stare at him like he's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. At some point during the stare... I drop my jaw and then my mouth is wide open. Catchin' flies. The stare can go on for a long time. Until he finally breaks into a smile and turns to look at me. And tells me I'm an idiot.

Anywho... I must have played this "game" for at least two hours... on our ride through Saskatchewan in 1993... until he finally pulled over in front of a drugstore in one of the small towns we passed through. And bought me a book.

Heh heh.

I love him. He married. Me. After all.

Finally... after I whispered, "Psssst... Gary! PSSST, GAR! Mr. Sinise... my love! Hey... CAPCOM... my husband's out of town!"

He started to laugh. And looked over.

I win.

Except for the wet-willy. He gave me.

Yuk.

OUR POOR KIDS! They can't take us... anywhere!

We finished fooling around like five-year olds and walked back through World Showcase. Out the gates of Epcot and towards The Boardwalk.

It was beautiful outside. Warm instead of hot, quietish during the walk from Epcot, the air smelled of Disney and the lights from... well... everywhere around were so pretty.

It was too nice to go up to our room. And go to bed.

We wandered the Boardwalk for a few minutes. Seeing what was up. What performers were around. Beth asked me if she could get her hair wrapped. I said, "It'll cost about $50. For one piece as long as yours. Do you think that's a great deal?"

No. She didn't.

Good girl. She is a thrifty happyhaunt. After all. But who knew? Looking at her bathing suit and shoe collection.

Oops. What am I saying? Bathing suits and shoes don't count. Ever.

And... they're FREE. Always. Ssssssh. Don't tell DH. Anything other than that.

Mellyman wandered off to get himself a beer to drink while we looked around. He took Tommy along to use the bathroom. At the same time.

Calvin started making faces and poses in the mirror. The wacky curvy mirrors. Which make you look ridiculous just standing still in them. Without making funny faces and silly poses. That just ramps up the wackiness. So... it was all good.

That's when I decided to DO IT! Yes. I decided to do something really really really stupid. And foolhardy. (Or is that the same thing? Who knows? No matter, tho.)

I decide to "drink and dial". Yes. I grabbed my phone and walked over to the railing for some quiet and dialed. The GENERAL. Again.

Ring.

The G: Hello.
Me: Put the cat on.
The G: It would be nice if you had some manners, Mel. You're a pretty girl. It's too bad you have the manners and mouth of a truckdriver. And... it would be nice if you said hello first. At least you could start a phone conversation properly. For once!
Me: Yes. Sir. Hello Mommy! Would you please put the lovely lady on? The phone. I'd like to say "hello". To MY CAT.
The G: Alright. Hold on.

(calls the cat)

The G: She's not coming. She's sitting by the fridge. I don't think she wants to talk with you. Where are you? Is everyone alright?
Me: Fine. Fine. We're on the Boardwalk. Just hold the phone up and I'll call her.
The G: Fine. Go ahead.

I trill sweetly and then make this VERY LOUD NOISE. Which, at home, makes the cat come over IMMEDIATELY. From wherever she is and whatever she's doing. I am a cat-whisperer. Don'tchaknow?

The G: Oh. Here she is. I'm putting the phone down.
Me: Hi Luscious! Hi my baby girlie! I miss you. Run away! GET AWAY FROM THE OLD LADY!
The G: I heard that.
Me: Heh heh.
The G: Shouldn't you be putting the kids to bed? The are probably DEAD tired. The way you haul them around and the things you make them do. They are just children, after all. You have to remember that.
Me: Mom?
The G: What?
Me: I knew it was Mother's Day this coming weekend. But... going during this time frame just worked out for us. With the kids' school and Melly's work stuff. I know that you'll be alone on Mother's Day and I feel badly. We can celebrate it the weekend after we get home. And, I'm sorry, if you're hurt.
The G: What are you going on and on about? Are you drunk?
Me: Yes.
The G: It figures. You sure can't hold your liquor. You should get some food.
Me: I just wanted to say that. That's all.
The G: Put Beth on. I want to make sure she's ok.
Me: No. Not yet. I just want you to know that I know that you know how much I love you... and I want...

CLICK.

Me: Heh heh.

Typical. Although I was MUCH too mushy. But... that's the point, isn't it? Of "drinking and dialing".

Suddenly Calvin raced over and said, "Let's rent a SURREY BIKE! Please! Please! You SAID we could do it once on this trip. Let's do it NOW!"

Mellyman and I looked at each other. Because LAST TIME we did this... in 2003... we had just eaten A LOT at the Cape May Cafe Buffet. A LOT. And all the kids were too small to help pedal. And we tried to make it around the little lake thingie... three times. In the half hour that we rented the surrey bike for. We made it two and a half times. Until I developed the most wicked full-belly cramp and decided that I had to get off and sit down beside the path for a minute. Or ten. Try to calm my stomach. Or throw up. Chowder. Mussels. Clams. Shrimp. And Oreo Bonbons. And about 1/2 pound of prime rib.

What happened was this: I got back on the bike but couldn't really help Mellyman pedal. So he had to wheel us all back up the last big hill. By himself. He couldn't. Do it. We got off the bike and PUSHED it up and over the bridge and then got on to coast back past Jellyrolls. And back to the CMs who were renting the surrey bikes out.

We were late. By 20 minutes. And got charged for ANOTHER half hour.

Did we want to take it back out for the remaining 10 minutes?

Oh. Sure we DO!

NOT.

Geez.

But... THANKS FOR ASKING! Have a Magical Day!


Back to the future...errr... the present.

What happened was this: We agreed. Even though we had just eaten and drank too much. At The Biergarten. And I was wearing a VERY SHORT dress.

We agreed.

This time, though, Beth could also help pedal.

We rented the surrey bike for a half an hour.

As we were signing the waivers and all that... we looked up and saw a nice family that we had met both at our resort and, again, at The Biergarten. They had two children. And their kids and our kids had been playing around a bit and dancing together. At dinner. I had chatted with the Mom and Dad at the restaurant, too. They were awfully nice. He was a police officer.

We said "Hello!" They were going to rent a surrey bike, too.

And, being a competitive happyhaunt... I can recognize that same look in others' eyes.

The DAD was a competitive DAD. Heh heh. I just KNEW.

"Care to have a little competition? While we're enjoying the lovely evening?" I asked.

"What do you suggest?" He smiled. Back. At me.

"The most laps around here in 1/2 hour wins. You pick the prize." I offer.

"Beer. The losers buy the winners a beer." He responded. He was all in.

"YOU ARE ON! My friend!" I was IN. Like Flynn. So was Mellyman. The other Mom... not so much... it appeared to me. Heh heh. The other Dad looked at me and spoke to me with his eyes. Just his eyes. He said: "Good luck. You're gonna need it. You've got an extra person!" I looked back at the other Dad and answered him with MY EYES. Just my eyes. I said: "EAT MY DIRT... LAW DOG!"

It was ON. Just like...THAT!

We waited for them to get their bike and we all hopped on. Lined up... and it was GO TIME.

Go time. There were CROWDS of people on the Boardwalk that evening. We had to carefully navigate around the old people, the kids and the rest.

I was in charge of ringing the bell. Of course. Just because... I like making noise.

I'm good at it.

I rang the bell once to say "Comin' through!"

I rang the bell twice to say "Thanks for moving! Thank you!"

I rang the bell a third time to say, "WHY? WHY? Why can't you teenagers with your low pants on... HEAR THE BELL???"

We were off. The crowds cleared up quickly once we passed the sports bar. And it was pedal to the medal. We were NOT fooling around.

Except for the ringing of the bell.

I rang it for fun.

I rang it to warn people... just before we nearly took them out.

I rang it to make noise.

I rang it to make more noise.

I rang it to be annoying.

I rang it for ZZUB.

And... I rang it because ZZUB is annoying. Too.

We carreened around the little lake loop... past the Beach Club. Past the Yacht Club. Over and across the bridge. And back to The Boardwalk.

Four times.

In a half an hour!

BABY!

Mellyman, Beth and I were DRIPPING with sweat. Panting with the effort. My skirt hiked up around my waist. I think.

Well... practically. I was WORKIN' hard! BAYBEEEEE!

Guess what?

We WON! They other family made it around three times. And STILL came in after us.

I loved the look on the competitive Dad's face when we lapped them.

SWEET!!!!


I said, with my eyes, "LOOKY! LOOKY! WE'RE LAPPING YOU!"

He said, with his eyes, "Bite Me!"

I think.

It was a lil sumpin' sumpin' like that. Anyhow.




To be continued. Up next: The next day. Oh. And rating our Biergarten meal on the PeptoB Scale. 'Cause I wanted to wait to the next day. To rate it. Just to be sure. Heh heh.

 

[pongoperdigirl]

IMISSEDYOU... PONGO!

So... you actually got married?! To Andy?


WoW!

Made props for you!!!!!


Congrats!

Cheers, Mel.

I actually did get married. To Andy.
Thanks
It was perfect. Completely.
I have stories. For you.
And pictures.

Great writing. BTW.

 

[GeorgiaAristocat]

Silly police officer.

Thinking he could get the best of MEL? and the HAPPYHAUNTS?

The most famous blunder is to never get in a land war in Asia. But only slightly less known is, never get into a competition with a Happyhaunt when BEER is on the line!!!!!


Ha!


Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!

 

[samc]

Until then, Roll Tide, Melly.

12 National Championships TFI

Ditto

 

[sheridac]

Mellyman, Beth and I were DRIPPING with sweat. Panting with the effort. My skirt hiked up around my waist. I think.

Melly~

There's a little typo. In that there line.

Here.

I'll fix it. For you.

Mellyman, Beth and I were DRIPPING with sweat. Panting with the effort. My belt hiked up around my waist. I think.

There you go.

 

[offwegotoneverland]

Silly police officer.

Thinking he could get the best of MEL? and the HAPPYHAUNTS?

The most famous blunder is to never get in a land war in Asia. But only slightly less known is, never get into a competition with a Happyhaunt when BEER is on the line!!!!!


Ha!


Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!

neat princess bride twist

Mel I had no idea you could get that inspired by a bike ride.

Nor of course did I think you could ride a bike in that dress/belt/beer combo.

The general sounds almost like my mother too...except my general wants us all to fly on different planes you know just in case.

 

[ncseric]

But instead... I was three-sheets-to-the-wind. I was blotto. I was wrecked. I was soused. I was legless. I was juiced. I was soused. I was snockered. I was carp-faced.

I'm confused. What are you trying to say here?

 

[LaLa]

I started by poking him as we watched. In the side. Then I lightly brushed his arm with mine. Just hard enough to cause him to have to move away and scratch it. It tickled. TFI. Then I stared at the side of his face. And meowed. Winked at him. Scratched and sniffed him...

This killed me. DED. TFI.

The whole installment was FNOFF. I loved the conversation with the General. The next time I call my mom, I'll have to start with "Put the cat on". She doesn't have a cat but I'm all for shaking things up.


And this...

It was a lil sumpin' sumpin' like that.

...is much better.

Great job on this one Melly. You crack me up, you crazy, sweet canuck.

 

[tinker*dust]

OMG, Mel, this is one of the funniest installments yet!

I love your TR. No matter what ZZUB says.

 

[ZZUB]

You ring the bell once to say, "Move it people, we're insane and we have wheels!"

You ring it a second time to say, "If you're not staying at the Boardwalk, get off our Boardwalk! The rules are clear, no pool or boardwalk hopping."

You ring it again, three dings in a row, to say, "We're obsessed with ringing the bell, but we're drunk so you can look past that. Unlike when ZZUB did it stone cold sober. What's his excuse?"

One final ring to say, "This is Katie Couric for CBS "News.""

 

[jamal]

Mel,

Did the booze, the competition, or the enhanced memory this chapter make it one of your best?

May I remind you that's a high bar????????