An Engagement/Wedding question....

[momrek06]

I was at an engagement party this weekend. The bride and groom received TONS of gifts from their gift registry...I mean TONS OF GIFTS. Wedding date is MAY 2008. The couple just bought a home.

My question is does the couple OPEN all these gifts and start using them...or do they store them away until after they are married?? They did not open anything while we were at the party.

What is the proper etiquette for this?

Thanks!

 

[jel0511]

When I had my engagement party (13 years ago), I kept everything in boxes and DIDN'T open anything until we were married, even towels and more practical items didn't get used until we got home from our honeymoon, and we lived together.

 

[NMAmy]

You know, I've never really thought about it seeing as how I've never had an engagement party OR a gift registry. But I would think the gifts were engagement gifts not wedding gifts so I'd think they could use them now.

Granted, I'm not Emily Post so I might be wrong but it makes sense to me.

 

[lovemygoofy]

The etiquette way is to wait until after married but I'm guessing since these people you keep talking about aren't shouting etiquette at me there was tons of paper all over the floor by late lastnight

 

[mickeyboat]

Wow, I had no idea that engagement presents needed to be held until after the wedding. I am certain I would not have been able to wait until then to open something as I was engaged for over two years. I would have assumed the gifts were in celebration of the engagement, and not wedding gifts in disguise.

Also, if I gave an engagement gift, I would probably expect some sort of thank you note long before the wedding.

Hmmmm, learn something new every day.

 

[Linzybrooke]

We kept all of our shower presents (didn't have an engagement party) in boxes until after our wedding.

 

[momrek06]

The etiquette way is to wait until after married but I'm guessing since these people you keep talking about aren't shouting etiquette at me there was tons of paper all over the floor by late lastnight

..... , TINA, you are too funny!! And I took my Yankee Candle but was so surprised at all the gifts. SHEESH, it looked like a Crate and Barrel Showroom with all the C&B wrapped gifts. I was VERY HAPPY with my gift.

AND I might add there were just as many people that came with the more typical engagement gifts = wine, small picture frame etc. I did speak to some other friends at the party who were SHOCKED with the number of gift registry gifts. NOPE, very happy with my gift (thanks to asking all my DIS friends).

 

[dg39]

I got married years ago, so things I'm sure have changed.

For our engagement party, we received only cash/check gifts. We put all the money we received in the bank . I did receive gifts/presents for my bridal shower. Being we both lived at home until we were married, we didn't use anything until after the wedding.

 

[horseshowmom]

I think I like living way out here in the country. We don't do engagement parties (where you bring gifts a year before the wedding). We have a shower a month or two before the wedding, and they aren't expensive "affairs". They're done at church or a friend's home. We also don't carry gifts to the wedding unless you maybe missed the shower.

I know that everybody does things differently (and as long as it works for them, that's fine), but I'm glad we're much simpler. You do hear about the more elaborate showers/teas/receptions/weddings from time to time, but not for the most part. If my daughter came in wanting a $25,000 wedding, she would be out of luck (that would pay for a car or a down payment on a house).

To each their own, of course...

 

[mickeyfan2]

The gift should be opened and acknowledged but not used until after the wedding. If the wedding does not occur the gift should be returned.

 

[kpm76]

I don't know what you are "supposed" to do but we saved most of ours until after we were married and settled into our condo. My parents hosted an engagement party because DH's family is from out of state and nobody had met so we wanted the families to get to know each other. We did NOT want it to be a gift giving event since we knew there would be a shower and a wedding. Three gifts for the same occasion seemed excessive to us. However, DH's step-mother hounded us and insisted that we register at at least one place because her family wanted to get us things we wanted/needed. We argued and finally gave in because it was a battle not worth fighting. In the end, we got some lovely gifts, but most were not from our registry but rather meaningful things like a framed picture from my parents of the RI State House, where DH proposed and we had both worked. Sometimes these parties get out of control and the true meaning is lost.....JMHO

 

[JikoMarie]

I can't see why it would matter either way or why any gift giver would care. Personally, though, I think that holding on to the gifts until after the wedding to make sure that the bride and groom go through with it is a tad bit pessimistic to me.

 

[momrek06]

I was at an engagement party this weekend. The bride and groom received TONS of gifts from their gift registry...I mean TONS OF GIFTS. Wedding date is MAY 2008. The couple just bought a home.

My question is does the couple OPEN all these gifts and start using them...or do they store them away until after they are married?? They did not open anything while we were at the party.

What is the proper etiquette for this?

Thanks!

I can't see why it would matter either way or why any gift giver would care. Personally, though, I think that holding on to the gifts until after the wedding to make sure that the bride and groom go through with it is a tad bit pessimistic to me.

It just boggles my mind when people post on threads without reading the original post... For the record the original post is above....




I do NOT care either way.....I would like to know (as I asked) what is the PROPER ETIQUETTE.

AND JIKO, where in MY post do I mention anything at all about holding on to gifts until the couple goes through with the wedding....??

 

[mking624]

"Proper etiquette" is very relative to each person. What might be considered proper etiquette to some might be considered rude to others.

DH & I were thrown a surprise engagement party and we received gifts. It was expected by everyone there to open the gifts at the party. It would have been rude to do otherwise when we kept being told "come on, open them already!" Some of those gifts were a few home decor items, which weren't used until after we were married (of course, the first day we lived together was the first day we were married, so not using the gifts was very easy). But some of the gifts were actually helpful for our engagement...such as a book that not only chronicled our relationship, but also our engagement, wedding, and about a year after that. There were other gifts that were more useful during our engagement and would have sort of lost its purpose if we waited to open it until after we were married.

So it really just goes to show you that it all depends on each person. Proper etiquette is not defined by a book or a self appointed expert, but rather the individuals involved. It would have been improper etiquette in my situation to leave the gifts unopened...and to leave some of those gifts unused since they were intended to be used right away and during the course of the engagement.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

AND JIKO, where in MY post do I mention anything at all about holding on to gifts until the couple goes through with the wedding....??

I *think* Jiko was commenting on the post by mickeyfan2:

The gift should be opened and acknowledged but not used until after the wedding. If the wedding does not occur the gift should be returned.

 

[DISUNC]

The etiquette way is to wait until after married but I'm guessing since these people you keep talking about aren't shouting etiquette at me there was tons of paper all over the floor by late lastnight

sORRY ot!

Gotta say you have been on a HOT STREAK lately!
Hysterically funny posts...KEEP THEM UP!

 

[momrek06]

"Proper etiquette" is very relative to each person. What might be considered proper etiquette to some might be considered rude to others.

DH & I were thrown a surprise engagement party and we received gifts. It was expected by everyone there to open the gifts at the party. It would have been rude to do otherwise when we kept being told "come on, open them already!" Some of those gifts were a few home decor items, which weren't used until after we were married (of course, the first day we lived together was the first day we were married, so not using the gifts was very easy). But some of the gifts were actually helpful for our engagement...such as a book that not only chronicled our relationship, but also our engagement, wedding, and about a year after that. There were other gifts that were more useful during our engagement and would have sort of lost its purpose if we waited to open it until after we were married.

So it really just goes to show you that it all depends on each person. Proper etiquette is not defined by a book or a self appointed expert, but rather the individuals involved. It would have been improper etiquette in my situation to leave the gifts unopened...and to leave some of those gifts unused since they were intended to be used right away and during the course of the engagement.

See this is what was so confusing...I was hoping the couple would have opened the gifts.

#1) I think it would have been so fun to see the happy couple opening the gifts together and showing everyone what they received. While family took their pictures for an album.

#2) Believe it or not, it would have brought all the guests together. (At this party anyway). I NEVER EVER met the groom until I asked for my coat to leave (4 hours later).

#3) Opening the gifts would have SHUT THE TV off in the den where the groom spent alllll this timeee with his buddies drinking.

#4) Opening the gifts would have brought the TWO families of the bride and the groom interacting. The bride's parents ran around serving food and getting drinks for the guests all night long. The groom's family sat at a table with their relatives talking to each other the entire party.

 

[momrek06]

I *think* Jiko was commenting on the post by mickeyfan2:

Many thanks, FAN, I thought because she had not quoted anyone it was directed to the OP!!!

 

[JikoMarie]

It just boggles my mind when people post on threads without reading the original post... For the record the original post is above....

I do NOT care either way.....I would like to know (as I asked) what is the PROPER ETIQUETTE.

AND JIKO, where in MY post do I mention anything at all about holding on to gifts until the couple goes through with the wedding....??

I do apologize profusely. My post really wasn't intended to be a personal attack whatsoever. I'm new here and haven't quite figured out all these quoting features and whatnot. For the record, a big pet peeve of mine is people who don't read the entire thread before posting so I can assure you that I read the original post but thanks for the re-post all the same.

I was responding to mickeyfan2 as fan_of_small_world pointed out. (Thank you, btw.) It was this post in fact:

The gift should be opened and acknowledged but not used until after the wedding. If the wedding does not occur the gift should be returned.

Again, I'm very sorry.

 

[momrek06]

I do apologize profusely. My post really wasn't intended to be a personal attack whatsoever. I'm new here and haven't quite figured out all these quoting features and whatnot. For the record, a big pet peeve of mine is people who don't read the entire thread before posting so I can assure you that I read the original post but thanks for the re-post all the same.

I was responding to mickeyfan2 as fan_of_small_world pointed out. (Thank you, btw.) It was this post in fact:



Again, I'm very sorry.

Ahhh...no problems, Marie!!! Thanks for coming back and posting again!!!

So you are new, Marie, well then....