Amy's Journal: Comments Welcome!

[goldcupmom]

Amy, how long will you be in FL? I'm there from the 17 - 29 and my DSis lives not quite an hour outside orlando. Maybe I can pop up & say hi in person!

Congrats on the pound! Every pound is worth losing(even if it's the same on 100 x!)

I hear you about the allergies. We haven't dropped out of the 'very high' range in a month & now have the air problems from a fire in the east mountains. Spring......ugh!!!

Have a great week! Almost WDW, how could you not?!?!?!?

 

[pearlieq]

Hi!

I hope you're doing well and your Claritin has kicked in. Ahh, the joys of spring.

I feel your pain about the snakes. Eww! I'm glad you've got a killer beagle on patrol and a DH and DS who can deal with them. I'm sure they have their place in the circle of life, blah, blah, blah, but the farther they stay away from me, the better!

I think you're doing a lot of important work right now in figuring out what works for you in terms of food and exercise, and trying to sort through what's going on in your time. Time and effort you invest in yourself will never be wasted.

Take care and have a great day today!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Yes, we may have had temporary setbacks in the weight loss department, but now it's time to keep looking forward....We CAN do this! I'm right there with you WISH sis!

Tracy, I know we can do it too, it just gets so darn hard sometimes! But I am in this for the long haul and I know you are too!

I think you are doing awesome, 17.8lbs is a lot of weight! And I think your goal for Aug is realistic, but remember not to get too obsessed about it.

Thanks Amy, I just need to think about what is off, not what used to be off in my weight loss total!

Amy, how long will you be in FL? I'm there from the 17 - 29 and my DSis lives not quite an hour outside orlando. Maybe I can pop up & say hi in person!

Julie, that would be great, we are there from May 22 to June 8th, I would love to see you live and in person!



Pearlieq: Killer beagle indeed, this dog has to sleep in a queen size bed all the time! (Couldn't get the quote thing to work with you no idea why). How is WDW???

 

[Amy&Dan]

Okay, the computer wigged out and suddenly it posted my post before I was done! Oh well.


Sorry I wasn't on WISH this weekend, I have no good excuse except that I was being lazy all weekend. Dh worked almost 70 hours last week and I vowed that this past weekend I would spend time with him and the kids. I didn't do that well with food and I didn't work out all weekend either. In fact, I hadn't worked out since the 30th, I just have been feeling so lousy and finally realized that I was clearly having some problems with that Zrytec I was taking. So I switched to Alavert, after taking a couple of days off with taking nothing. Which was not fun, I was mostly sneezing (thank God I still have bladder control ). Finally yesterday, I began to feel human. Food was so so, nothing awful but could have done better.

Today I woke up early, got ready for the gym and did my one hour of walking. So that was good, I should be fine to make the May challenge but I am sad it took me five days into the month to get on board! Oh well, better late than never.

I saw an old friend today at the rec center. Way back when (like in 95 to about 98) she was my aquasize instructor. She recongnized me, it was nice to see her but got me to thinking about my long, sad struggle with weight loss. During the three years or so I worked out at the gym where she worked, I weighed what I weigh now initially, lost 30 pounds, gained that back plus 20 more. Then joined new gym, lost 33 pounds, gained about half of that back and am still continuing the struggle. Really, really need to get a handle on this. If I waste another 13 years of this yo yo process, I'll be in my mid fifties and still trying to figure out how to lose weight. How depressing! I feel like I have learned a lot more and feel much closer to solving my problem and yet its still a slow go and very frustrating. I couldn't help but think how nice it would be (will be) to run into someone I haven't seen in awhile and have them exclaim, "OMG you look great". Weighing this 13 years ago after just having had a baby was one thing. Weighing this now and being 43 and full of bad joints and no energy is even worse. Its only up to me, I know I can do it, I just need to make it happen.

I also felt really bad today, stepdad called and wanted to take the kids on a road trip around Colorado this summer. I sort of had to think fast I was shocked and I didn't want to hurt his feelings but in the end, I don't think at age 83, with being completely blind in one eye and very hard of hearing I want him driving my kids all over the state and in the mountains in particular. It made me sad, I was really touched but in the end, I don't think its a good idea. I suggested he invite his grandson that is 16 who can help him with the driving. I hope he isn't hurt but I have to do what I think is right. He also suggested I come along but I really have a lot going on this summer and Dan can't take off more time to do another trip. Getting old is hell for the person who is aging and the people around him/her. He seemed okay, I said maybe next summer Dan can plan his vacation ahead of time to inlcude something like that for the five of us. He seemed excited at that prospect. I wonder if his son will even want him to take the 16 year old, that will probably really hurt if he gets turned down again. I think sometimes he forgets that he is old. I have noticed he is starting to get confused a lot and again, I just don't think him driving over mountain passes is wise. But I didn't say that, its not my place anymore. Let his sons handle that one.

Okay, off to catch up with all of you!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Well yesterday turned out not as good as I would have liked on the food front. I did fine all day, did my walk, drank my water and then budgeted points for a hot dog from Sam's Club for dinner. Dd and I had planned to go to Sams while ds was at a cooking class at the rec center, we both love their hotdogs. So I had mine and then we went to the rec center to pick up ds. Only two of the six kids showed up for his class so they had a ton of leftover food and him and the other kid invited thier families to come in and have dinner. So I had a second dinner. I just sampled a bit of everything but I know it put me over, way over. It was Middle Eastern food, and I did have two of these almond paste phyllo dough cookies. It was fun, I was really getting a kick out ds and this other kid and how they had prepared this big Middle Eastern feast.

Also, yesterday I got a call yesterday from this man that works for the financial advising company where dh and I have the kids college funds. I guess my advisor gave him my name, they have a part time position opening up and he wanted to talk to me about it. It would be five, six hour days per week. Its a commute of about 30 minutes (if there's no traffic). The hours are fine with picking up and dropping off but it would leave the kids home alone most of the day during school breaks. Its also in a large office setting (around 40 people total) and I am not sure I want that type of environment. The money is twice what I would make working at something like Barnes and Noble or being a teacher's aide. But I know I would enjoy those jobs a lot more and they are both close to home. I really wanted to wait until fall before going back to work. I have a lot to think about obviously. In some ways, I don't even know if I want to go back to work. I feel confused about what society wants me to do vs. what Dan and I want for our life as a family.

I haven't worked in 14 years. I have gotten used to having the "oh you are so lucky", "oh, don't you get bored" responses I get from so many people. In the end, there are a ton of people out there (women in particular which really mystifies me) that have no respect for the good old stay at home mom. They say, they do everything I do, but they also work 40 hours a week. They are right in theory but of course, like all things, you have to do something to really understand and appreicate it. So I am not in any hurry to broadcast to some of my naysayer friends that I have this dilemma. My one friend in particular is often one of the ones that makes me feel like a loser for not working. Of course I am the first one she calls when one of her kids needs a ride or she has a daycare issue. Last summer, I got a call at 8:00 p.m. on a Sunday night, could I keep her 10 year old all day for the final two weeks of her summer break? I did, it was fine, but I had to stifle the urge to say "are ya lovin me now for being a stay at home mom?"

This all came up out of the blue, as I said, I really wanted to spend the summer home with the kids, they have some classes they want to take at the rec center and we have this two week trip planned. At 11 and 13, they are old enough to fend for themselves all day, but I am not sure I feel comfortable with that. If we had a neighborhood pool or something they could walk to that might be different. But they'd be home, inside in front of the tv. And they've never had that sort of thing before. I had thought that if I worked two or three days in the fall, that they would have fall, Christmas and spring breaks, on their own a few days a week before next summer hit for three solid months of that. This job possibility is immediate.

I just don't know! Dh says I need to do what is best for me. He and I both know his job has zero flexiibilty and that he won't be able to pitch in with picking up kids or staying home when they are sick. So I have to find something to work around that.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Ahhh, as luck would have it, my main opponent to my stay at home status called me. She is such a good friend but I have to say, she and I are on such different wave lengths on this issue. I brought it up and I'll probably regret it. I find it much easier to discuss this sort of thing with all of you as opposed to my local friends. Does that make me weird? In any case, she sounded pretty much like I need to give this one some serious thought.

In the back of my mind however, I can't help but think back to the night her 13 year old daughter called me. My friend was working late and the poor kid needed to talk to somebody, she was having a bad day. Its rare for my friend to be working late and she is a great mom. But I have to say, I would be heart broken if my daughter had to call on someone else because I was working late. Naturally I didn't tell my friend that, but in the end, there is always more than one side to every story. She'll have a nice big fat 401K in 20 years and I won't. I guess there is no right answer, I hope she will remember that when I see her this weekend!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Well, its me again. If anybody has read through all of this let me tell you my latest thinking.

That job is no way going to work for me. I mean, if I am going to leave the house five days a week, commute that far in, I might as well work full time. Heck, when he said no benefits, I was only thinking of health insurance (which dh has). What about a 401K, vacations, sick time etc? I wouldn't get any of that because I am part time. I would be putting forth almost full time effort for a big decrease in what an extra two hours a day could buy me at a different job.

In the end, dh and I decided a long time ago I would never work full time. I always knew I'd stay home until the kids were older, then get something part time. I realize its okay for me to work a lower paying job, I am not looking to reinvent my wheel of life, I just want some additional income to insure our future is secure. And to get me out more with people. Virtually all of my friends who I have known for years, through all our lives as stay at home moms, are back at work now. I go virtually all week without seeing a soul. I don't feel lonely or deprived, probably because as I come to terms with the loss of my mom, I need this alone time. But its probably getting to the point that I will start to feel a bit isolated and alone. So going to work will help with that.

If I have friends or family members who think I should work at something more challenging and well paying than what I will probably end up doing, who cares? I am okay with that. I mean, as long as Dan and I are okay with our income, our life, what do I care what others think? We all make our own decisions. I think I also learned you can't have everything. Its okay to give up some things for other things. I also want to really explore working in our school district. Same schedule, summers off for most of the jobs, and in that job, I could get some money going into the pension fund that Colorado teachers have. So that would be nice. Its one of the few part time opportunities I can think of where I would actually have something for retirement in my name! I love kids, I have done that sort of thing before and it might work out. Although many of those jobs are five days a week (usually 5-6 hours a day). I really want 2-3 8 hour days a week. That way I can still have a couple of days to be at home. Its been 14 years, I may need to start off slowly as far as how many days I am out of the house. As I said, most days, I literally don't talk to one soul between the time I drop off and pick up the kids.

And as the kids get older, things change, and I might want to work at a different job, more of a career. Maybe even go back and get my degree, who knows? I just realize that the job that guy called me about, is more than what I need or want right now. He started off describing it as "taking care of 30 prima donna financial planners and their clients" Is it just me or does that sound like just the kind of thing I am probably not up for.

So I want to stick with my plan of a 2-3 day a week job beginning this fall. I don't think my kids are old enough to be home alone all day all summer. They would be home bound, I have one friend who could take them places but only through June. In July she'll start teaching full time again. In fact, she had asked me recently if her dd (same age as mine, 11) could stay with me in July and part of August some of the time since she'll be out of school still (this woman will be teaching in a year round school, her dd is in a 9 month school) but her mom won't.

I guess when I got that call today I was just shocked. Suddenly, I started thinking about that maybe I could earn a pretty decent salary and have something really challenging. But in the end, I don't really even want that. At least not yet. I guess I thought if my financial planner/friend thought I could and should do this, that meant more than what I think I should and could do. I need to tell her to give me a a heads up next time and not have some guy call me out of the blue. Hell, I never even asked her to help me find a job, she just thinks in terms of dollars and cents and is aghast I haven't worked so long. Which I understand. She sees too many women that stay home, then their husbands leave them and they are left with no retirement savings and with no resume other than PTO fundraisers.

So I am going to email the guy back and tell him that as I have thought about it, I need something closer to home with a more flexible schedule. If its working at Target, well that discount will come in really handy! I can even put aside all the 12 slim size pants for dd before somebody else gets to them!

 

[Goofydiane]

If its working at Target, well that discount will come in really handy! I can even put aside all the 12 slim size pants for dd before somebody else gets to them!

Hi Amy - I can vouch that it is a great company to work for and if you get the right store with the right leadership it can be such a fun time.

I'm glad you took the time to think about and weigh all the options with the other offer. I live in a neighborhood with a lot of stay at home mom's and they all make it work. It is a decision of each family and what is best for them. You sound very grounded and I knew you would make the decision that is best for your situation.

Way to go on the exercise and getting that in!

 

[toystoryduo]

Amy,

Sweetie, I so know where you are coming from! I have had so many of the same thoughts about being a SAHM myself. I am so proud of you for thinking the whole thing out and for making a decision that is right for you and Dan and for your family. Everyone's situation is different and you made the one that fits your family best at this time in your lives. Way to go, Amy!

Great job on getting the exercise in! Keep up the good work!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Diane, I have a nice new Target near me and I know of several women who have worked their part time and really enjoyed it.

Tracy: I know you and I have travelled down this road for a few years here on WISH haven't we??

I feel like I wasted a whole day on this one. I find lately I am uncertain of myself and the bigger decsions of life. I have no idea why, I was able to take control with my mom's overall care and I think I did fine. Since that, I feel like I can't make up my mind about anything. I find lately I really over analyze and worry over every little detail. I have become my worst nightmare, some nervous nellie that has to spend way too much time on way too many things. I used to hate people like me: "should I do this, should I do that". Geez, its not like I have been living in a bubble all these years. Or have I? And I wonder why I don't pick up the phone and call one of about five friends who I could run this by. I think that stems from the whole issue of my mom's last years. I got so sick of getting these conflicting sometimes judgemental remarks: "Put her in a nursing home" or "I would never put my mom in assisted living". It taught me that when you tell people your life, they tell you what they think. Fine sometimes, others well not so good! My Wish friends, just listen, never judge. Why can't real life people be that way? When I told my friend today I could see that train wreck of a conversation happening and wondering why I was saying a word. She called later and I didn't pick up. I plan to just tell her that I am putting that on hold until the fall. And not saying another thing until I have this job, whatever it may be in the bag!

I ended up posting this whole little deal on the Community Board, it gets a lot of traffic and I was really interested in what people had to say. I got a lot of interesting responses. I also started reading other community board threads and posted on a few, something I never do. The Community Board is not always friendly territory. So a wasted day in a sense. I did look into some job websites and talked with a friend who does HR and recruiting about maybe having her help me put together a resume. It can't hurt to have one.

Food was fine, I didn't work out. I still hope my financial planner isn't going to give out my name to anymore people without either checking first or asking me first. I don't like surprises. And the way this guy talked, you would have thought I was out there actively seeking a job, which is not the case.

 

[toystoryduo]

Tracy: I know you and I have travelled down this road for a few years here on WISH haven't we??

We sure have haven't we, Amy? Thanks for being there for me WISH sis!

I don't think that you wasted today at all! You needed to make an informed decision and informed decisions take time and lots of thought. I think you did a great job today!

Have a great evening, Amy!

 

[MIdanceMom]

Amy,

I think you made the right decision. That job sounded like a nightmare. If you are going to work like that, they need to add benefits. You said that you thought that being a ta might work for you. Our school has quite a few people that job shere. Employers like it because you can cover each others vacations, and you are part time, so no benefits. If you know anyone who is also looking for that type of work, maybe you could suggest that option with them.

I would love to be able to be a SAHM. I did it for a couple of years, and it was really rewarding, but damn, it is tough. I personally look up to anyone who takes advantage of that opportuntity.

Take care,
Beth

 

[goldcupmom]

Amy, I SO UNDERSTAND the dilemma you have!

I've been a SAHM since my DS18 was 1.5. I taught before that, then quit teaching & opened my own store where I had my boys with me. Then sold it & moved to AZ for DH job.

I'm actually having the same dilemma at the moment. I need people, but even though they're older, I still feel I need to be with the kids. I was a Dept. Chair/teacher at a Prep School where the kids had everything money could buy, but parents who were there for them. And this was HS! I became the surrogate mommy. They would call me all hours day & night just to chat! Had 1 whose mom called her from across the house to wake her for school....she got a new rolls for her 16th bday & at almost 18 asked me for advice on the 1st half of her 'inheritance' which she would get at 18....10 MILLION!!! Bottom line, kids need parents no matter how old! But, it's a tough financial decision in this world. I'm planning to get serious on it after the summer as well...... especially since my DH isn't wanting to take better care, I need backup. And, we have kids, not savings for retirement! But, I'm a firm believer that God will provide, even though it sometimes seems impossible, and that even w/ DS21, I don't think I would trade my time with him for a paycheck, and IRA, or a nice portfolio (though I may be a WalMart greeter til I die!!)

PLus there are many other implications....gas money, more money for meals out, stress for you, DH and kids, tax implications, more/different clothes, etc. sometimes it just isn't worth working to only pay the necessities!

Ok, sorry I hijacked your journal .....

Anyway, know that I'm here when you need to talk or think out loud!

Florida sounds like a real possible meet! I have to go to Orlando on Fri 23 to take DD to MCO, and then on Thurs 29 to get on Amtrak. Maybe we could briefly 'meet' then, or another time. I'll PM you my cell number closer to time.

I don't think I'd send my kids with an 80+ either. Maybe there is something/somewhere they could do/go that didn't involve a bunch of driving. Hard to say no, but......

Hope today is better for you & tomorrow is good, too!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

I don't think that you wasted today at all! You needed to make an informed decision and informed decisions take time and lots of thought. I think you did a great job today!

Thanks Tracy, I guess spending some time thinking this thing through wasn't time wasted!

I would love to be able to be a SAHM. I did it for a couple of years, and it was really rewarding, but damn, it is tough. I personally look up to anyone who takes advantage of that opportuntity.

Being a SAHM is tough, but being a working mom is tough. Being a woman is tough. I think Tammie Wynette wrote a famous song about that!

Amy, I SO UNDERSTAND the dilemma you have!

Julie, I know you do. I guess I feel like that next stage of my life creeped up an bit me in the you know what!

I felt really bad about turning stepdad's offer down. I just don't feel comfortable with him making that drive with my kids in the car.




Dd and I were both puny today. I swear we have passed this crud back and forth since we got home. But we both feel better tonight. It was sort of lucky, she didnt' have school today, some optional zoo trip we opted out of (along with a bunch of other kids and parents). I swear in the month of May, they have something weird and non educational, along with several inservice days. Bummer when you are paying for a full month. Oh well, it worked out, she got a sick day when it didn't have to count on her attendance record.

Food was fine since I was ill (thats about what it takes for me to not eat) and I spent another day on the fascinating Community Board. I feel like I am back in college, inside my one and only Philosphy class. Those people ono the CB can TALK. I was on threads about Charles Manson, Beagles, Disneyland, cheating husbands, you name it. I feel drained. Another wasted day. But I must say it was fun. In a weird sort of way. I can see how some people on this board get about 20,000 posts. They are all on the Community Board all day long. I am saying goodbye to that one, its too time consuming!

I also realize, I think I am in some sort of auto pilot mode. Duh, its almost Mother's Day. First year in forever I won't be making my mama a coconutty dessert. Luckily my friend has invited us over so it will be something new and different. Forgot about stepdad in this equation, feel sort of bad. But in the end, I don't think he cares. He's going out to lunch with some friend from church. This guy is 96 and thinks stepdad is a young thing and a fabulous driver!

No exercise today. Tomorrow is another day. Dd seems fine, she should be great to go to school and I plan to go to the rec center first thing.

I will probably catch up with everyone later. Time to help ds finish up the last of his homework.

 

[lovinaz]

Wow, I would definitely have a talk with your financial advisor about giving your info out! I mean, it was nice of her to think of you, but she should have asked you before she gave that guy your info... I think that if it isn't the right job for you, wait for the one that is. Target would be cool, maybe I should work there! I certainly spend enough time there, it would be nice to get paid for it!

Mother's Day will be tough this year. Try to remember all the good times you had with your mom. Maybe you can come up with a new tradition in her memory.

Sorry to hear you aren't feeling well again, that really stinks! And I bet DD will have a more "normal" school schedule next year, since she will be back in public school.

Hang in there, don't get back into the emotional eating trap. You have a lot going on right now, but I know you can deal with it without getting off track. You've come too far this year to get derailed now!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Amy. That's what I say, if I am going to spend so much time at Target, why not get paid to work there? And all I need is a red polo shirt and I am set for work clothes!

Amy is right, I cannot let myself fall into an emotional eating trap. I got up today feeling very determined, I made a grocery list, went to the rec center and then the grocery store and stocked up on good food. I was feeling a bit blue (this was at Sams), they had these big hydrangia plants, my mom's favorite. I couldn't help but think if she was here, that is what I would want to get her. I did almost fall prey to these lovely, little individual size layer cakes they had all over Sams. I thought, I could take one home, pour a big glass of milk and just have a pity party. I bought peaches instead.

I am waiting for the guy from the financial planning place to call me back, I should just call him to say that whatever new positions they have I am not interested in but I don't feel like doing that. I could email him I guess. I got an email from dh's cousin today. She gave me some advice about working retail. Well meant but somewhat annoying. Again, when I need the help people, I'll ask for it. I think some people think that since I haven't worked in 14 years I have the common sense of a 12 year old and need some serious hand holding. My sister was also full of advice recently. I should tell her when she's done talking, I can give her some tips on what kind of man she needs to find since her current list of boyfriends, fiancee's and husbands is so damn pathetic she clearly needs some pointers. Oh my, that would be fun!

My new tradition this year is to go over to my friends house for a nice Mother's Day bbq. I am saving all my flex points for that. Stepdad sent me a very nice card and I told Dan and the kids to buy me a hanging basket but to wait until we get home. Given that we are gone two weeks, no sense having it before that. We could also get more snow, who knows!

Food today (I will go ahead and post dinner too to keep me honest )

Breakfast: Protein shake
Lunch: whole wheat pasta with broccolli and parmesan and olive oil
Snack: Fiber One bar
Snack: Yogurt
Dinner: Chicken breast, rice and asparagus.
Snack: pudding

That brings me in a bit under on points , I am actually starving right now, maybe I'll have a 1/2 tablespoon of peanut butter.

I feel good about things. I was feeling a bit off kilter earlier in the week but feel more focused now. And I really hope dd and I don't get any more stomach woes. Poor kid, between her allergies and her tummy its been a rough couple of weeks. I washed all the bedding and "Ousted" the whole house today and kept all the windows open. Hopefully we are fumigated once and for all!

I will catch up with everyone later (I promise) I need to go pick up kids right now. I am sorry I didn't get to journals last night, the homework I had to help ds with was math. Not pretty. I have to say, dh's new 13 hour day schedule is making ds' math help pretty non existant. I finally sent a note to the teacher saying I was sorry but I am a math moron. Math is normally good for him, I think switching schools is the culprit. He is either so ahead on some concepts, others he is clueless. And since his mother is clueless that doens't help matters!

 

[goldcupmom]

Hope you're having a good day today, Amy! Celebrate your family & the good times! Your mom would want you too!! But, I understand how hard it is. It does get better!

 

[Goofydiane]

Hi Amy -

I'm thinking of you today and hoping you are having a good day. I know it can't be easy and I hope you are remembering the good times you had and that now she is watching over you.

Diane

 

[toystoryduo]

Amy,

How are you doing sweetie? I've been praying for you.... I hope your Mother's Day was filled with love and laughter and good memories of your mom. She was with you in spirit.

I hope you have a good week ahead.

 

[pearlieq]

Hi!

I hope all is well with you! Aren't you leaving any day now? How are the pre-trip plans coming togehter?

So you've had a lot to chew on this past week, eh? It is a big decision, and it belongs only to you and your family. Anyone else who wants to register a judgment can just kiss your grits!

There is nothing wrong with working if you want to, nor is there anything wrong with staying home if you want to. If finances allow and you and Dan are on the same page, that's all that counts.

Even without kids, I've stayed home and I've worked. They both had their pros and cons. It can be very hard to make two careers mesh, especially if they're both demanding. We've found it much easier to function as a family when only one of us was in high-gear at a time. I can only imagine how much more difficult that juggling act would be with kids. It could definitley be worth it, if you were chasing a passion of yours, but it would have to be a pretty sweet deal to justify all the chaos.

I think you did a great job thinking it through and trusting your gut. I think you've grown a lot!

I hope you got through mother's day OK. I suppose it will always be bittersweet. I actually found myself getting verklempt at the grocery store as I was walking past a card display. It's hard. I imagine those moments will come and go forever.

I really hope you're doing well, and that everyone is over all of the various bugs and whatnot.