Ambushed by family RE: our move

[bekkiz]

Ahhh, I'm so annoyed. My dad and sister invited me (not DH and I, just me) out to dinner last night at a local place that I really enjoy. This is not out of the ordinary.

However, about 7 minutes after sitting down at the table, they both launched into a full assult about how dumb we are for wanting to move out of CA (to WA) and how it seems that we're trying to escape things. (Yeah, like ludicrous housing prices)

It is a hard choice to move. Both of our whole families are here. We've lived here our whole lives. My sister tried to throw that in my face "You don't know anyone up there, wouldn't it be easier to raise kids with you family around?" Yeah, but not if I don't have the option of being a stay at home mom (which I could in WA) and she insinuated I wouldn't make friends up there. And my dad thinks I'm exagerating about the housing prices. Umm, have you read the newspaper lately, the median price was just on the front page--$750,000. And even if I did work full time, there's no way we could even afford that! Let alone the downpayment.

I just wish they could understand that I am not going to beg, borrow and steal to buy here. (Nor am I going to pay 3 grand a month in rent to rent a decent house).

Anyway, this just reminds me how nice it will be to move away from family!

 

[HayGan]

The decision to move away from family can be one of the hardest decisions you ever make in life. It really sounds like you have given this lots of thought and are doing what is best for you and your family! Sure you are all going to miss one another but you have to do what you think is best.

 

[Chicago526]

Well, they did step over the line. But just remember, they only did it because they love you and will miss you when you're gone.

Just smile and say "Wow, I'll miss you guys too! Thanks for your concern, but we've really thought it all out and this is the best thing for us."

 

[mookie]

OMG, I could have written your post. I posted this last week:

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1011802

We are still considering our move to Colorado, but both families are making it VERY difficult. My SIL (who I am practically best friends with) won't even talk to us about it, and says that if we leave, don't plan on her being very friendly towards us. We have also been called "selfish." HELLO!?!?!?! Don't you think our family is being selfish for not letting us move and be happy?!?!!?!

Anyway, I wish I had some advice, but you do have my support. We are right there with you...I just wanted you to know your not alone!! Good luck, and remember: it's your life. You have to live it the best you can!

 

[ChristmasElf]

Do what YOU need to do. They will eventually come around. We moved away from family 24 years ago and never looked back. They come visit a couple times a year----it's those visits that remind us of WHY we moved away!

 

[malibuconlee]

DO what you need to do for YOU. As for friends, you will make some. I've found the key is to get involved. Join a softball team, or bowling, or a group at church. Whatever you enjoy. You'll meet people with similiar interests.

We've met friends at dance class (in Texas learning to two-step). And in South Dakota playing softball and bowling. I still go back for a girls' weekend every year.

Good luck and keep your chin up.

 

[caitycaity]

However, about 7 minutes after sitting down at the table, they both launched into a full assult about how dumb we are for wanting to move out of CA (to WA) and how it seems that we're trying to escape things. (Yeah, like ludicrous housing prices)

i can relate. dh's whole family lives in ca. they have lived there their wole lives and dh is the only one to leave. the first time any of them had been out of state was for our wedding!

they always have this attitude like "california is so awesome. anyone who chooses not to live here is stupid!"

the bottom line is you need to do what is right for your immediate family - not your extended family. good luck with the move!

 

[pixiemomma]

I wish you and your family the best!

 

[Sandy V.]

Do what's best for your immediate family and don't allow yourself to be bullied.

It seems to me like you Dad and sister, while not saying it out loud, are more concerned about how the move will affect THEM rather than how it will impact you and your DH.

 

[kmebee]

I know where you're comin' from, my friend. My now-ex-dh was military and so we were stationed in Alaska when we first got married. Moving so far away was hard at first, but we adjusted. My family had a VERY hard time with the fact that we wouldn't be living anywhere near them for quite some time. They visited and so how well things were going for us. Then we were stationed in Nebraska. Being that much closer to home made things better (although everything else fell apart at this point). When we divorced, I stayed in NE for a couple of years and eventually moved back here where all of my family is (he still lives in NE). Now, after 5 years, I find myself wanting to move, wondering if I should move, and for many of the same reasons you give. Being near family is great but there are times they just don't "get it", don't want to "get it" or can just be a royal pain. If it wasn't for my mother who is getting a bit older, I would leave too.
My opinion/suggestion is to go with what is best for you and your family. I'm sure the rest will get over their hang up of you not being so close when they see how well you adjust to your new life.

 

[Meriweather]

You know me

We also moved from CA to WA right out of college, both lived in CA all of our lives, all of both families were there.....housing was also the reason.
We're still here almost 29 years later and don't regret the decision at all.
It is a great place to raise a family....and I actually think it worked well NOT having all the extended family around
Go with what is right for you, they will adjust....hopefully.

 

[ImarriedGrumpy]

I moved to CA away from my family in the Midwest when I married DH, and my dad does still make comments from time to time, but I just try to ignore it. he's said things like "If you still lived here we could see you more often" and I just reply that if he really misses us that much he's welcome to come out and visit us sometime. We've been back to the Midwest two or three times a year since I moved to CA, but the only time anyone from my family has been out to see us was when my dad & step-mom came out for our CA wedding reception (the wedding and 1st reception were in WI).

Housing costs are outrageous in CA, and we're thankful DH bought this house 10 years ago before the prices got out of hand. There's no way we could afford to buy a house with today's prices. I think you've made a good decision to move to WA. You are doing what you need to do for yourself and your family. Good for you! Hang in there - allow your family to grieve your move, but don't let them take the joy from your future.

 

[minkydog]

They're just upset and not handling it well. Yes, it probably is easier in some ways to raise the kids with family around. However, it can be done. Lots of people do it. We left our families on the Gulf coast 25yrs ago to move to Atlanta,GA. Our families were plenty upset and we have heard all the arguments, especially the "how could you leave your poor aging parents" one Well, i expect the poor aging parents to do what other parents do--get prepared. I don't accept that I have to give up my life and choices just so they can have theirs

My sister left the Gulf coast and moved to WA, too. She loves it there and has no intention of ever moving back. Kinda like us; we're Georgian through and through now. the smartest thing we ever did was move away and stand on our own two feet. Not only can family not meddle, we can't get mad and "run home" because it's too far away. Gotta stay and duke it out In the long run it has made us far more independent AND dependent on one another.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

However, about 7 minutes after sitting down at the table, they both launched into a full assult about how dumb we are for wanting to move out of CA (to WA) and how it seems that we're trying to escape things. (Yeah, like ludicrous housing prices)

Anyway, this just reminds me how nice it will be to move away from family!

I just want to say, I couldn't move FAST ENOUGH!!! That was absolutely disrespectful and really just self centeredness at it's height for these folks.

We moved in April, coming up on a year now. Here is me waking up everyday.

You know taking control of your life is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Mine wanted us to stay so we can "be there" and "help them"...Give me a break. I stayed until my oldest was 14. I "waited" for them to be a part of our lives. Never happened. I wished I would have moved earlier.

 

[ceiligh1]

I am a SAHM in WA. Almost all of my extended family lives in OR, the same for my DH. I miss them and they are upset that they can not see us as often or see our DS grow up but right now it is what is best for us. You have to do what is best for your family (yourself DH and kids) and while your dad and sister are part of your family they are not your primary responsibility. Its a tough decision and break to make. As far as you not knowing anyone. You also know me and there are several groups in the area that get together for SAHM.
CHeck out these links:
http://newintown.meetup.com/38/ (this one is a meet up for those new to seattle area)

http://sahm.meetup.com/groups/?dbCo=us&dbOutsideUsLink=&country=us&zip=98029 (for SAHM moms)

what ever you decide good luck.

 

[minniecarousel]

ahhh...Bek - they're just gonna miss you!! They were probably just trying a drastic tactic to guilt you into reconsidering! I would be sad if one of my boys moved away, so I know where your Dad is coming from. I wonder if they'll ever be able to buy homes in the Bay Area too. You just have to reassure them that this is what's right for the two of you, and that they're welcome to come visit anytime (assuming they'd be welcome )

You have to do what's right for the two of you! Good luck.

 

[bekkiz]

Thank you all so much for the good wishes. I'm feeling somewhat better now. I talked with my mom for a little while and while she's also upset, she totally understands. She also thinks that the big reason that they approached me last night was the my sister is the one who is really upset, and she sort of conned my dad into joining her front

I know that this is going to be the best for us, assuming all of the peices fall into place (house, job etc). And, I actually do have 2 of my closest girlfriends who have moved up there in the last 3 years, and a few other good friends, so we're not walking into a totally unknown area!

Plus, I'll still have the Dis-Buddies I think, like you have all said, that they will get over it. And we'll have a really nice house for them to come visit! Thanks again for the kind thoughts; my dad and sister just are going to miss me, which I understand.