Am I wrong???

[MRYPPNS]

I don't know if you have told her the details of your trip or not but if you haven't yet...DON"T. I read one trip report where the Mother or MIL showed up at the airport and said "Surprise! I booked my vacation myself...and I'm staying at the same resort as you" Can you imagine?
I made it a rule that I won't go to Disney with anyone that I can't tell what to do. So if you see me alone in the parks you know why

 

[jessica52877]

I would try to let it be known that you enjoy their company but would really like this trip to be for just the 3 of you. You have it all planned out and really was hoping for special bonding time with your daughter.

IF this does not work or not sure how long you are going for but could they join you for 3-4 days of your trip, assuming it is around 8-9 days? Make everyone somewhat happy?

We kind of are going through the same thing with my parents. We enjoy their company but my mom can be a bit naggy and annoying over stupid little things. We booked a trip to Disneyland, one that I had no idea they would be interested in as they had planned on going somewhere else the week before and weren't spending much money this year, well the next day they both want to go. I am fine with it IF there is no annoying complaining and they understand that this is OUR vacation and they are along for the ride. I am used to having them at disney world with us for a couple days then leaving us the rest of the week, which is very nice and relaxing after they leave!

 

[Metsoskil]

This comes down to respect. It is rediculous that your mother would think that it is acceptable or normal for you to have her on every family vacation. She needs to respect you as a family enough to leave you alone to make your own decisions. If she is invited, she should feel appreciative that you have chosen to ask her to be included. She seems like a person that defines herself as a mother and grandmother and needs to be in that role controlling everyone around her to feel like she has a purpose in life. It seems like she has an emotional hold on you, and you've got a much larger issue you are dealing with than this Disney trip. There's never a reason for you to feel guilty if you are doing what's best for your kids and your family, imho. If you think what's best for your family is a trip without her, then take it! Any reactions or problems from her end are just that - on her end. Ignore them.

 

[momof3girls6712]

I have dificult mother as well. However, my parents enjoy
watching the children on vaction and outings. Usually we comprise and they book a vaction at the same time as us. We arrange a few meals together and meet up during the vaction a few times. Usually they take the kids for a few hours so we can have alone time as well. That is a huge plus.

 

[itsagirlthing]

Okay, I totally agree with the OP, but I have a question. Do these mom's that cause so much friction, and ruined moments, KNOW that they are doing this? I mean, I have 3 daughters, and I sure hope that when they are all grown up and have families of their own that we will still be close friends. I wonder if I will be doing something that is bothering them and not even know it!?? I sure hope not! If I was and they told me I would change it immediately!

 

[MRYPPNS]

IF this does not work or not sure how long you are going for but could they join you for 3-4 days of your trip, assuming it is around 8-9 days? Make everyone somewhat happy?

I personally think that it's not up to us as adult children to make our parents happy. Respectful yes, but without taking a back seat to our own families. I always feel bad for my friends that have to go from house to house every holiday to please both sets of parents because they can't say no. It's one thing if you don't mind and want to, all the more power to you. But I decided that my family will choose when and with who we spend our time with. That goes for vacations and holidays. No one should ever invite themselves along for a vacation.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Just say NO!! Let her have her temper tantrum and move on! It is your vacation with your husband and daughter and that is what I would tell her!

Good luck!

I agree. I don't see what the problem is. Is she threatening to harm you if you say no? I don't really get why you can't just tell her no and who cares what she has to say about it?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I would try to let it be known that you enjoy their company but would really like this trip to be for just the 3 of you. You have it all planned out and really was hoping for special bonding time with your daughter.

IF this does not work or not sure how long you are going for but could they join you for 3-4 days of your trip, assuming it is around 8-9 days? Make everyone somewhat happy?
We kind of are going through the same thing with my parents. We enjoy their company but my mom can be a bit naggy and annoying over stupid little things. We booked a trip to Disneyland, one that I had no idea they would be interested in as they had planned on going somewhere else the week before and weren't spending much money this year, well the next day they both want to go. I am fine with it IF there is no annoying complaining and they understand that this is OUR vacation and they are along for the ride. I am used to having them at disney world with us for a couple days then leaving us the rest of the week, which is very nice and relaxing after they leave!

I don't get this! How can it not work? Just say NO!!!! Why does the OP's happiness not count? It is not all about her Mom and as a Mom she should understand that.

 

[mom2cinderella]

Do these mom's that cause so much friction, and ruined moments, KNOW that they are doing this?

My cynical side says that yes, these kinds of people know EXACTLY what they are doing, and will do it to whoever is willing to put up with their crap. Doesn't matter if they are a mother, mother-in-law, brother, whatever.

The fact that you worry about being that kind of person means you aren't that kind of person.

Michele

 

[disykat]

I think the kind of person that just invites themselves on a someone else's vacation doesn't CARE if they are bothering the other people. It would never occur to them to think about that.

 

[bigbabyblues]

This is why we never tell certain family about our trips until a week or so before.

 

[Lesley Mahler]

Okay, I totally agree with the OP, but I have a question. Do these mom's that cause so much friction, and ruined moments, KNOW that they are doing this? I mean, I have 3 daughters, and I sure hope that when they are all grown up and have families of their own that we will still be close friends. I wonder if I will be doing something that is bothering them and not even know it!?? I sure hope not! If I was and they told me I would change it immediately!

I love my Mom very much and we are very close, that is why it is so hard for me to be able to tell her how I feel! I have no idea how mad she is going to get and how long it will be before she speaks to me again!!

When we got back from the cruise, about a month later, she was wanting to book another one with us!! I asked why she would want to do that b/c of what she did. I also told her how much she missed out on the time she didn't speak to us on the cruise and she got upset!

Then for New Year's Eve(her birthday) she got really upset with me b/c we were on a camping trip instead of at the family New Year's Eve party. Then my cousin told me the next week that my Mom made a big scene with my step-Dad b/c she didn't get her way!! Glad I wasn't there!!

I have told her about her attitude, her sisters have tried to tell her, but she listens to no one b/c she thinks she is always right!!! But everyone around her sees through her and is miserable when she acts the way she acts!!!

We can't win for losing!! But thankfully, I think I have found a way for them not to come!! She called me at work and asked it I could call and try to get her booked in everything we are booked in. I had to tell her NO I couldn't b/c I had taken off of work to schedule everything to make sure we got the ADR's we wanted (we have one scheduled for everyday for DD and CRT for her birthday)!! I told her I would give her the numbers and she could call and see what was available. Well that was the end of that!! She didn't want to have to call and go out of her way to make her reservations and book the trip. So they are not coming!!!

 

[Lesley Mahler]

This comes down to respect. It is rediculous that your mother would think that it is acceptable or normal for you to have her on every family vacation. She needs to respect you as a family enough to leave you alone to make your own decisions. If she is invited, she should feel appreciative that you have chosen to ask her to be included. She seems like a person that defines herself as a mother and grandmother and needs to be in that role controlling everyone around her to feel like she has a purpose in life. It seems like she has an emotional hold on you, and you've got a much larger issue you are dealing with than this Disney trip. There's never a reason for you to feel guilty if you are doing what's best for your kids and your family, imho. If you think what's best for your family is a trip without her, then take it! Any reactions or problems from her end are just that - on her end. Ignore them.

You are so right about a bigger issue than just this Disney tirip. My whole family has to deal with it on a daily basis, that is why I don't want to have to deal with it on my Disney trip. I just hate to upset anyone, especially her b/c no one every knows what she is going to do!! I am just one of those people who always tries to keep the peace with everyone and make everyone happy!! But for once in my life, I want to make me and my family happy!! I guess I just wanted to know I wasn't a bad person for feeling this way!!!