Am I wrong???

[Lesley Mahler]

Let me start from the beginning!! The last 2 years, my Mom and step-Dad have come on vacation with us. Last year on the Disney Cruise and the year before to Sea World!! My Mom is well, SPOILED. She does not do well when told no. Needless to say, she ruined moments for us on both trips!!

My DH, DD and I are going to DW for the first time in June and we are going alone and DH and I are really looking forward to it being just the 3 of us. Our trip has been booked since the 2008 rates came out and our ADR's have been booked since our 180 day mark. My daughter is turning 6 in MK at CRT!!!!!!!!!!!! All of a sudden, my Mom is trying to invite herself and my step-Dad saying that my step-Dad really wants to go I know I sound really selfish, but I don't want any ruined moments on this trip, we are celebrating DD birthday and Father's Day, everything is planned out for the 3 of us. Am I wrong for feeling this way? How do I keep her from coming? Did I mention she does not like to be told no? She was told no on the Disney Cruise in the Bahamas and did not talk to us or my step-Dad the rest of the day, that night and the whole next day!! I just don't want to have to deal with this again on vacation!

Please help!!
TIA

 

[2poohbears]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all! Some people (like me) prefer to go on family vacations with just their kids. I don't see anything wrong with telling her that. If she has a problem with it, she can just get over it. Let her whine and scream and throw a fit at her own house. The 2 of them could go together on a different date if they really want to go.

I think you'll either have to be really honest with her (and deal with the fallout of that), or suck it up and deal with her possibly ruining your good time at WDW. I would opt for the truth. I'm so lucky I don't have to deal with this problem, though.

 

[klj27]

Unless she is footing the bill she is not coming. DO NOT let it happen. We didn't fall in with Disney until we started going with just our family.

 

[GoinToDisney]

We would never share our Disney time with anyone who might jeopardize the fun. Even those who would not only get part of our time. We like some time for just the 3 of us. I think I would tell her that you 3 really need to get away with just the 3 of you. This vacation is already planned for 3 people and if she wants to vacation with you, she should start planning a separate vacation. I would even bring up what happened on the cruise if she won't take no for an answer. Maybe she will learn that she can't get what she wants if she is going to act that way. You are not wrong in any way to want some time apart. You are not saying, "We will never go away with you," you are just saying, "Not this time."

 

[bumbershoot]

If my hubby were saying this about his tantrum-throwing mother, I would say "And....?"

So she doesn't speak to you. So she throws a fit. You can hang up the phone, leave her house, just end the conversation.

DH isn't good at that yet, but even just the knowledge that he doesn't have to let her fits affect him has helped his mental health.

On the other hand, WDW is a whole lot bigger than a cruise ship, and you can hide in totally different places. Convince her that adding hopping to the tickets is an absolute waste of time and she should NEVER get that option (but you guys get it), then each morning walk into a park with her, then run out and off to another park.

 

[nascar-j]

My mom is a spoiled, self centered, PIA, too. We quit doing "family" vacations about a decade ago... That was about the time she ruined a WDW trip for us.

You should enjoy yourself with your family and not have to worry about keeping peace with your mom.

I'd tell her if she wanted to go, then she can book her own trip on the web site, but don't expect you to do everything with her and your step dad.

Sounds like she needs a reality check. It's too late for my mom to get it, but you look young... There might be a chance your mom can grow up.

j

 

[Chris]

Just say NO!! Let her have her temper tantrum and move on! It is your vacation with your husband and daughter and that is what I would tell her!

Good luck!

 

[daisyduck123]

If it were me, I'd tell her that you'd love to go on a WDW trip with her, but not THIS one. Tell her that you'd love to do a trip in July or August with her & step-dad, but that you won't have enough funds to go again so soon.

If she offers to foot the entire bill....I'd take the family & go!! If she doesn't offer to foot the bill, then, well, she doesn't want to go too badly.

 

[mylilnikita]

My DM is like that, except she hates to travel. A couple years ago my DAunt came up and wanted to go to dinner with us. DM didn't want to go, but then changed her mind and invitd family we have nothing really to do with anymore, they have kids and lives, etc. so she changs her mind again because we don't want to go where she wants. Keep in mind the dinner wasn't her idea. So she calls everyone who was supposed to go, and tells them not to bother because SHE won't be there.
I had my birthday a couple weeks ago and I wanted to go out so badly, but I was sick. Well DD, DM and I live together, I told her to make whatever she wanted and I would make something for DD< but I was too sick to go out and couldn't even enjoy the food, she told me I was being selfish. I was like, "ok, then I am the Princess of the day instead of you"

Just tell her H to the E to the LL no. Tell her that with her whining and attitude that you aren't interested in having to raise her because you all ready have a child to raise.
LIfe is too short to have to deal with that let alone have your vacations ruined. This vacation is about your DD, not her. Break DM a piece of just say no pie-lol

 

[livndisney]

Just say NO!!!!

My mother came to FL to celebrate my DD's kindergarden graduation. My DD was SOOO looking forward to sharing "her world" with my Mom. My Mother REFUSED to set foot in a Disney theme park.

 

[bellebud]

So your mom's a little difficult at times, huh? I'm sure you love her, and i'm sure she has her good qualities, and most of us have someone like this we have to deal with at times, but during vacation shouldn't be one of those times!

I'd definitely NOT allow them to come. As someone else posted, let her have her tantrum at home, not possibly during your dd's birthday meal at crt! You're not saying you're never doing anything w/ them again, but not this trip (and if she doesn't change, not other trips if you so decide). But you'll deal with all that as you come to it. For THIS trip, i'd stick to my guns and not give in.

What to say to her... you could just go the 'mom, we just want to experience this trip as *us 3*, that's all, nothing against you or step-dad'. OR you could have a 'talk' w/ her and point out her behavior, etc, etc. Only you know if that route would work.

Good luck keeping it just you 3... you absolutely deserve it and you're not a bad person wanting that.

 

[LilGMom]

Don't let her try to guilt you into it!! Tell her that they are more than welcome to go to Orlando as this is a free country but that you will not be doing your vacation with her because it is your family's vacation. Then just don't tell her any of the plans or give her any contact numbers (i.e. resort number, reservations numbers, etc.)

Good luck!!

 

[ISP2MCO]

If it were me, I'd tell her that you'd love to go on a WDW trip with her, but not THIS one. Tell her that you'd love to do a trip in July or August with her & step-dad, but that you won't have enough funds to go again so soon.

If she offers to foot the entire bill....I'd take the family & go!! If she doesn't offer to foot the bill, then, well, she doesn't want to go too badly.

I agree with this Very plain and simple. This is a trip for the 3 of you only. Another trip can always be planned for the 5 of you.

 

[SilverMickey]

We are going through this with my sister. My entire family is going to FL for a wedding and then I am taking my family to Disney. The FL relatives usually spend 1 day with us at what ever park we are going to and then let us be alone. My sis doesn't have kids and her hubby doesn't really like them. She is spoiled and always thinks she is the center of the univers.

We couldn't decide between going before or after the wedding. She decided to go before so we made reservations for after. Bad us.

I told her that on my honeymoon at Disney was magic and she really will love it going with just the person she loves. I also told her it our only time as a family that we are truely alone and that it is our turn to be spoiled and only take care of ourselves instead of making sure everyone else has fun. I told her she wouldn't recognise that side of me.

Ask you mom if she really enjoyed not speaking to you on the last trip and for now you just need to make it magic for you little one!

Good luck!

 

[okeydokey]

I have found that with most "difficult" people, they want to suck you into long conversations and just go on and on about everything. Come up with a short response (This trip is just for the three of us). Say it every time she brings it up. Say it in exactly the same way over and over if you need to, but don't embellish or explain. Short and too the point and no discussions. Good luck, I know it's hard not to feel like you are disappointing people.

 

[KariC]

I have found that with most "difficult" people, they want to suck you into long conversations and just go on and on about everything. Come up with a short response (This trip is just for the three of us). Say it every time she brings it up. Say it in exactly the same way over and over if you need to, but don't embellish or explain. Short and too the point and no discussions. Good luck, I know it's hard not to feel like you are disappointing people.

This is a great idea, and one that we learned from the book "boundaries in conversation." And, bumbershoot is correct, too. You don't have to let another's drama effect you. Besides, will she really keep up a grudge for too long if it means she won't hear about or see her granddaughter? And, if she does, use that time to enjoy the peace!'

Can you tell my MIL is like this?

 

[lunalibre]

Do NOT let her guilt you into letting them tag along! Say over and over again "This trip is just for the three of us", "We need a vacation just for us together"...however you want to say it. My mother also has a ...difficult... personality. She has caused many a scene and ruined many family events. Remember that the drama is HERS and HERS ALONE. I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to put up with her on a vacation paid for with your own hard-earned money -- so DON'T DO IT!!!

We went on exactly ONE vacation with my folks -- a three-day weekend that was a total disaster. Absolutely. Never. The. H*LL. Again.

Now, don't get me wrong -- I love my mother dearly, and I'm sure you love yours too. That doesn't mean you have to vacation with her as an adult.

Good luck -- and stand your ground!

 

[Benducci]

Stand your ground. I wish I had with my mom two years ago - it ended up NOT being the trip I had dreamed about - my girls turned 5 & it was not all about them as it should have been. Just keep telling her that you want to keep it just you three. Recruit your step-dad - does he really want to go? or is she using that as an excuse?

 

[goalie5hole]

My mom is sort of the same way. We would always tell her ahead of time that on certain days we are going to take our children by ourselves so she could plan to do something herself. Recently, her doctor found something irregular on her lung and she has been going for tests to determine what it is. Not knowing how this is going to turn out, at least I can say we have spent some quality time together recently and for the most part had a blast with her grandchildren at WDW.

 

[jazzmine]

If that's how you feel about this trip, definitely stand your ground. We've gone on trips before with family but this is going to be our first trip with just DH, DS, and I. For awhile my DBIL was talking about coming with us (with pushes from DMIL) but it's working out that he won't be able to come. I think that it would be special for us either way - with or without DBIL. But if you'd like to go with just your family, maybe talk with them and make it known that while you love spending time with them, you need some family time - just the three of you.