Am I wrong?

[meandtheguys2]

I think it's fine if you want to take a trip wiht just the new baby. I don't plan my trips around my kids lives !

LOL, I guess it is all about you.

Speaking as a step kid, my first step mom hated us. We must have been pretty rotten kids to hate us at 6 and 4... And my mom was the type who never said a sour word about the witch and my dad. They planned their lives around themselves, and the new baby. We were second class all the way. And my dad was a gutless failure as a father at that point.

Luckily they divorced, and along came stepmom number two. At 13 and 11, I guess we were nicer children because her goal was to heal and reunite. I thank God for her attitude and heart. Between she and my mom and my dad, hearts were healed, and realtionships forged. That is the difference between a good step parent, and Cruella. A stepparent has the ability to do good and make the misery better for stepkids (innocent victims in the mess) or they can be selfish, self-centered all about me and mine and destroy lives.

And, bunny, those lovely stepparents that think theirs are more important, should consider how they would feel were the tables turned. It is called empathy...look it up.

 

[autumnbaby9]

Did you miss the part where I said I went wihtout my A or E ? A really wanted to go but we didn't take her.E was not even invited to that trip. Just my DH and I and our two youngest. So I took two instead of one as the OP wants to do. I think it's allowed. the other tow children will make it harder to get aroudn with a two yr old and complain about taking so long and any downtime for naps or whatever, maybe?! Op didn't say DH couldn't take the other two without this last one.

Nope, she said that the other two were never going back to disney with them. They got their 2 trips and are now done.

 

[bunny]

I never said my stepchildren weren't important. I just said it is more difficult to plan things as a stepfamily due to visitation, school schedules, etc. I guess my husband's ex-wife is different than most and has been extremely difficult to deal with. When we have the opportunity to do things with his children (who are now adults) we do it, but that time may not coincide with our vacation plans. Since we both work, we also have to plan around our vacation schedules. To get all of these things to align is difficult.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I never said my stepchildren weren't important. I just said it is more difficult to plan things as a stepfamily due to visitation, school schedules, etc. I guess my husband's ex-wife is different than most and has been extremely difficult to deal with. When we have the opportunity to do things with his children (who are now adults) we do it, but that time may not coincide with our vacation plans. Since we both work, we also have to plan around our vacation schedules. To get all of these things to align is difficult.

I agree that it is difficult, but not impossible.

 

[grlpwrd]

OP I feel your pain.

I posted something similiar a while back and got jumped on like you are and got a few really out there PM's with threats and were obviously sent by someone with mental health issues.

I have 4 kids, one is mine from my first marriage, one is his from his first marriage and two(B&G) are ours. Not only have we taken trips without his DD (E), we have taken trips without my DD(A). I am on both sides since I am a bio mom and a step mom.

I think it's fine if you want to take a trip wiht just the new baby. I don't plan my trips around my kids lives, I plan for when I want to go and can afford tgo. I am going in January and invited E but her mother won't let her go but I am not changing my plans to go since I know the rest of the family will have fun. We are going in April and so far E is not going again even though it is planned for a school vacation time and she wants to go since her mother will most likely find an excuse. We are going again for a big family (11 at least) thing in December but E will probably not go again due tro the mother issue.

I have no desire to go in the summer heat and will probably never do it. If E doesn't go in April my DD will get to bring a friend. E is dissapointed that she can't go, sure but she knows that she is always welcome. I do everything for her just like I do for my own kids.

She mentioned how I wasn't involved in her school life but I told her I can't be since she lives so far away.(I was talking with someone about how much time I spend just doing things for my kids school or sports or whatever).

She goes on vacation with her mother, her little sister (at moms) wants to know why she can't go on vacation with us.

It's hard to plan vacations for children you don't have custody of. As an adult, you shouldn't have to plan around children and I refuse to. A is missing a school play she really wanted to be in to go to WDW in January.

Oh, and prior marriages are not always started in love and something they wanted. Sometimes it's out of need and something you regretted the moment it happened.

But dont' forget.... This IS Disney and the step-mothers are ALWAYS EVIL !

Come on, now, there are a lot you left out why you were "jumped on." Let's be honest here... your stepdd was ostracized and alienated.

bunny, you are talking about an entirely different situation. The OP has admitted

I can honestly say that I had no intentions of taking the stepkids back to Disney World, regardless of whether DH and I had anymore kids or not.

She deliberately and intentionally wants to exclude them.

 

[Thats_for_Shore]

This isn't a trip to the zoo a half an hour away from your house, this is Disney World! Of course those kids should come, especially since DH already showed signs of wanting them to come.

My hubby has a little brother. He was 17 when his bro was born, and their father died a year later. Now, my hubby is not his father, and they don't live together, but hubby and I include bro in sooooooooo much that we do, even though we don't have to and it's not expected.

We even took him to WDW. We've only been once before, but he went with us, while I left my DS6months at home. He won't be going with us this time, and he has told his mom that he's kind of upset about being left out. He's 15 now, much older than OP's "steppies". The only reason we aren't taking him is because his mother has planned a special surprise 8 day WDW vacation for his birthday, which is less than a month after our vacation. He can't miss that much time for school (it would end up being 11 days), and it was one or the other. He doesn't know about his birthday vacation yet, but on Christmas when his mom surprises him with it, he'll understand why he isn't going on our trip.

Anyhow, my point is, he would be going with us if his mom hadn't already booked his birthday trip, no doubt. I wouldn't think of not asking him.

 

[aubriee]

Ok, I've read this entire thread and because of my personal experience it is just making me more and more angry. However, when I think about my reaction I know my knee jerk reaction is because of my personal experience. Regardless, I still think the OP should take all the children on a trip like WDW. Camping, weekend trips, circus, and stuff like that maybe not, but a trip to WDW is a big trip and the kids should at least be invited. When the new baby comes they will probably be feeling left out as it is.

The reason I said this hit me wrong, is that my elder son just got remarried this past May. When they were dating my D-I-L somewhat acted like she liked my 9 y/o GD (however there were cracks in her facade that the rest of us saw, but my son could not). Shortly before they got married those cracks became more obvious. She did not like my GD at all and could barely cover it. My son still couldn't see it. Once they got married the gloves came off and she became the stepmother from H-E-double hockey sticks. My son has already been through one really rough divorce and will do anything to save his current marriage. Unfortunately if he does, it looks like it will have to be at my poor GD's expense. Her stepmother absolutely hates her and has made it almost impossible for my GD to spend any time with her dad (unless my D-I-L happens to be working OT on his weekends). To add to the problem my new D-I-L is constantly criticizing my GD's mother, my 10 y/o GD looks exactly like her mother, and now my new D-I-L just got pregnant and is using the excuse of hormones and not wanting to get upset to keep my GD from visiting them on her weekends and nights (my son is supposed to have my GD every 1st, 3rd, 5th weekend as well as every Thursday night). I can easily see my D-I-L excluding my GD from any of their family vacations. She'll do anything to make that child's (and her mom's) life miserable. She doesn't even call my GD her stepdaughter. When talking about her, she calls her my son's daughter and always immediately follows that with a negative comment. My son tries to keep them seperated as much as possible, but when he can't, he's always having to take one's side or the other. Most of their arguments have been over my GD. He desperately wants to make this marriage work and says he refuses to go through another divorce, but the rest of us are not holding out much hope due to my D-I-L's hatred of my poor GD. That child desperately needs love and security, but all my new D-I-L does is bate her into arguments and criticizes her and her real mom.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Aubriee, I'm so sorry your family is going thru this. It sounds much like my childhood. FWIW, dad eventually divorced the witch and things got better, and we all survived.

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[Princess Bella Luna]

I can see it now - two Cinderellas (or Cinderfellas) left behind as the REAL family goes to the ball (aka WDW) and are indulged and spoiled.

 

[ilovejack02]

I LOVE MY OLDEST SON lol... just had to get that out after reading this... it kinda freaks me out how some folks would be LIVID if their child's stepmother referred to their kids as their own. I have had my oldest since he was 5 and I worship the ground he walks on ... he is so handsome, so smart and sometimes a pain in the behind as are most teenagers I will say i referred to him the first cpl of yrs as my step... but grew to love him as my own and now only call him my child unless pressured by others on when i had him... LOL im 34 and he is almost 19 so i do get questioned sometimes on the age thing ; )

His bio mother did have him for a long time. .he moved in with us about 8th grade till went off to college and she has never been jealous of our relationship and has told me repeatedly how much she appreciates my love for him.. even though we almost never see eye to eye. I have my own little one now who is 5 and I would never consider putting my youngest needs over my oldest... i try to balance it. I will also say i never tried to pretend his bio mom doesnt exsist ... but i cant imagine ever calling him my stepson... and i think he would be freaked out and sad if i did. My husband also tells me all the time how happy he is that I love my oldest as much as i do and it makes him love me even more! If I had treated Brad as a 'red headed stepchild" my butt would have been thrown to the curve years ago.

Im not sure how to handle the trip issue, but will say I personally would never leave a child out of a trip on purpose.
OP please think about your relationship with those little ones, My life is so much better with my oldest in it and I cant WAIT to be a grandmother!!

Im NOT saying you are a bad stepmom.. Im just letting you know how lucky i am and wish everyone could have that same relationship with their stepchildren
I know im rambling , but i had to get that off my chest lol.
Signed,
Bradley's loving Mom!

 

[Nicolepa]

I LOVE MY OLDEST SON lol... just had to get that out after reading this... it kinda freaks me out how some folks would be LIVID if their child's stepmother referred to their kids as their own. I have had my oldest since he was 5 and I worship the ground he walks on ... he is so handsome, so smart and sometimes a pain in the behind as are most teenagers I will say i referred to him the first cpl of yrs as my step... but grew to love him as my own and now only call him my child unless pressured by others on when i had him... LOL im 34 and he is almost 19 so i do get questioned sometimes on the age thing ; )

His bio mother did have him for a long time. .he moved in with us about 8th grade till went off to college and she has never been jealous of our relationship and has told me repeatedly how much she appreciates my love for him.. even though we almost never see eye to eye. I have my own little one now who is 5 and I would never consider putting my youngest needs over my oldest... i try to balance it. I will also say i never tried to pretend his bio mom doesnt exsist ... but i cant imagine ever calling him my stepson... and i think he would be freaked out and sad if i did. My husband also tells me all the time how happy he is that I love my oldest as much as i do and it makes him love me even more! If I had treated Brad as a 'red headed stepchild" my butt would have been thrown to the curve years ago.

I just love it when I hear step parents like you. My step-dad was just like you (including the age difference) and my best friend is the most wonderful step mom ever. Her son is 19 (she has known him since he was 2 and they are close in age as well) and they are best friends. Like I said I was the step-child. Honestly, my relationship with my dad would be a lot different (non-existent) today had he referred to me as his step-child.

I had the same thoughts about the parents being LIVID that someone else loves their kid enough to call them their own. If something happened to me and my dh remarried I would be thrilled if he found a woman that loved my kids like their own. I would consider it an honor that someone else thought my kids were so great that they wanted to claim them as their own.

 

[SereneOne]

Here we go again, the golden uterus no matter how abusive is the second coming of Christ and stepmoms are evil the second that S_T_E_P is put in front of the word MOM. I raised my bonuskids for over 14yrs, we where custodial and took vacations mainly with them, if on the very rare occassion their female parent took them for summer, which I think was twice the whole 14 years and counting. We would not stop living because the almighty bonuschildren where gone...do any of you even think of how the other child(ren) feels being told they aren't allowed to do anything as a family because the other children are not there? Oh that is right, they do not matter, only the father's children matter because ALL stepmoms are EVIL. We went on trips to the shore and to amusement parks (not disney, like Carowinds and such). Just like when my son from a prior marriage went to be with his Dad in Cali, we still did trips and did not stop living because he was gone. We went with the bonuskids to the shore, amusement parks, etc. Does anyone tell the "other" parent they are not allowed to go on any trips or anything when they do not have their children?

OP, I have to say, I do not understand why you said you where planning on never taking your "steppies" again but are already planning to take your own child. I think to purposely plan a trip to something the caliber of Disney would, how do I put it? Not nice. However, there will be times that you and DH and the two of you's child will do things without the other children, duh, you are noncustodial. IF you are leaving them out bc they are not "your" children, then that is wrong, but if you are doing just in the course of being a family, period. That is different.

You will find no matter what you do as a stepmom you are wrong, wrong, wrong and the schildren are everyone's business but not yours, but yet, they are your responsibility and you must bow down and grovel.

I love my bonus kids dearly, but what other people put you through is hell.

 

[autumnbaby9]

OP, I have to say, I do not understand why you said you where planning on never taking your "steppies" again but are already planning to take your own child. I think to purposely plan a trip to something the caliber of Disney would, how do I put it? Not nice. However, there will be times that you and DH and the two of you's child will do things without the other children, duh, you are noncustodial. IF you are leaving them out bc they are not "your" children, then that is wrong, but if you are doing just in the course of being a family, period. That is different.

This is what I was trying to get across (probably badly because I have been on cold medication the last week.) There are always going to be small trips and vacations that the kids wont be able to participate in(zoo, small amusment parks, camping, etc). BUT to plan a trip over 2 years ahead of time and not even try to include the other children, is just mean IMO.

If their mother said no or the children didn't want to go after being asked that would be one thing, but that is not the case. the OP has no interest in ever taking these children with her again.

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

I'm not a stepparent but I am a stepchild. With your husband's older children not living with you full time and the age difference between them and their new baby sibling, there are going to be many places you go that is just you, your dh and your baby, without the older kids. However, in planning something like WDW, and planning it years in advance, to purposely plan it at a time when you know the older kids can't go is not right. Perhaps they wouldn't want to go, perhaps their mother wouldn't allow them to go, none of that is known now because it's still in the early planning stages. What is known, is that these two children are just as much your dh's children as your baby will be, and should be included if at all possible in a family vacation.

I have three children and I have taken each of them individually on a trip to Disney, just the two of us, and dh and I have gone away to Disney and other places for long weekends just the two of us and none of the children, but to me, once you've got both parents and at least one of the kids, that's a family vacation and the entire family should be included. I am quite sure if one of the older children was your child, you would never think it okay to leave him/her home while you take only the younger one. Your dh has already told you he wants all three of his children on the trip, I think that's your answer. If you are going to deliberately go against his wishes and arrange this trip when you know his other children will not be able to go, then IMO, that doesn't say much for your level of respect for your dh and regard for his feelings, and once those things start to deteriorate...well, maybe one day your baby is going to end up somebody's stepchild.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Here we go again, the golden uterus no matter how abusive is the second coming of Christ and stepmoms are evil the second that S_T_E_P is put in front of the word MOM. I raised my bonuskids for over 14yrs, we where custodial and took vacations mainly with them, if on the very rare occassion their female parent took them for summer, which I think was twice the whole 14 years and counting. We would not stop living because the almighty bonuschildren where gone...do any of you even think of how the other child(ren) feels being told they aren't allowed to do anything as a family because the other children are not there? Oh that is right, they do not matter, only the father's children matter because ALL stepmoms are EVIL. We went on trips to the shore and to amusement parks (not disney, like Carowinds and such). Just like when my son from a prior marriage went to be with his Dad in Cali, we still did trips and did not stop living because he was gone. We went with the bonuskids to the shore, amusement parks, etc. Does anyone tell the "other" parent they are not allowed to go on any trips or anything when they do not have their children?

Did you actually READ this thread? I don't think one person has said anything like you've so sarcastically posted.

The discussion is about a person who OBVIOUSLY has already decided that her "steppies" are not worthy of going back to Dis, but her little darling will be.

Ilovejack, I love hearing you talk aboutyour boy. People like you and Miss Jasmine are the heros in the step parenting world.

Nicolopea, I agree. My husband couldn't raise these boys on his own! I pray that should anything happen to me, that he find an awesome mom for them. But after reading some of the crap here, part of me hopes she doesn't have one of her own. Not everyone is like ilovejack.

 

[bunny]

I agree that the OP should try to work her stepchildren into the trip but if they can't go, she should still go anyway. Not everything can be worked out in terms of logistics when dealing with a stepfamily.

I had the same thoughts about the parents being LIVID that someone else loves their kid enough to call them their own. If something happened to me and my dh remarried I would be thrilled if he found a woman that loved my kids like their own. I would consider it an honor that someone else thought my kids were so great that they wanted to claim them as their own.

Dying and getting divorced are two separate issues. What if your husband left you for another woman, took the kids with him and then severely limited your access to them? Then the courts ordered you to give this new family half of your income (further limiting your access to them due to financial reasons esp if they lived far away). Then the new stepmom pretended like you didn't exist as did your ex. Would you still want them to call your stepmom mom? Get real!

 

[DVCLiz]

I had the same thoughts about the parents being LIVID that someone else loves their kid enough to call them their own. If something happened to me and my dh remarried I would be thrilled if he found a woman that loved my kids like their own. I would consider it an honor that someone else thought my kids were so great that they wanted to claim them as their own.

Yes, that's a nice fantasy - that all stepmoms come into the picture only after the loving mother has died. I would have been thrilled, too, to see my daughters had a stepmom who loved them - I just wish their dad hadn't decided to start the process of building a new life with her before he let me know that the old life I thought we had together had ended.

 

[bunny]

DVCLiz- don't you know in all Disney films, the mom is dead and the stepmom is still evil? And the stepsiblings are always treated great and the real daughter is beautiful and abused.

I strongly agree that all children should be treated with respect and kindness. But it is not realistic to expect the OP to love her stepchildren the same way she loves her own child. As it would not be realistic (or wanted) for the stepchildren to love her the same as their own mother.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Liz, my mom was thrilled when stepmom #2 came into our lives. They both had the same goal, to heal our family. She has no resentment, they exchange gifts, and they even arranged a time when DH and I could visit out there without the kids this fall. My mom watched them for us. (My mom is an angel!)

Stepmom #2 was a witch who didn't care that my dad (absolutely at fault) was married, and acted like she liked us until she had my sister. My mom still treated her with respect, and encouraged us to be able to spend time with our dad. This would have included us vacationing with them, etc. (Fat chance that ever came up!)

I guess my point is that all children should be and feel loved by the adults who are in control of their lives. No, that obviously isn't reality, but shame on the adults who don't make it happen.