Am I wrong?

[la79al]

Now that DH and I are expecting our first child together, I am terrified that I am going to be so wrapped up in my own child that the stepkids get lost in the background. That being said, DH really wants to take this baby to DW when it is around 2, old enough to think it is neat but young enough to be free. We were talking about it and I was telling him how much cheaper it would be to go in the fall. He said 'what about the other 2'. I said we have taken them twice (2005 & 2007) and we can't take them out of school anyhow. So now I am wondering if I am already becoming a horrible stepmother. It's not that I wouldn't want to take them for any reason (well stepson seemed less than excited about our trip this summer and a 17 hour car ride with 2 kids and a toddler does not give me warm fuzzies) it's more like if DH wants to take junior to see juniors reaction, I think it would be cheaper and more practical to take just junior. Opinions?

 

[autumnbaby9]

Thats a tough one.

While you should be able to take just one child on a trip, especially if the others have gone before, I think it would be hard to do it without hurting your stepkids' feelings. Even if it's not their favorite vacation spot, being left out of a family vacation is bound to hurt.

Since your husband wants to take all of his kids to disney at the same time I think you should try to accomidate it. I say start saving right now so you have enough money to not only take all the kids but to maybe also fly, so your not stuck in the car for 17 hours.

 

[Elmo888]

I don't think that it would be that strange to just take junior. People don't take all the kids all the time even when they are fully related. I would think that it is pretty common with the age range. My mom took me and my sister one year and took my brother another year. I don't remember feeling left out. (I think that it was because my dad didn't want to go or be left home alone.)

If it works out all three kids go, great. If it doesn't, well, just go with it.

Wasn't there a thread about leaving kids behind? I think that it was because the oldest kid couldn't go (teenager or high schooler). I'll try to find it.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I don't think that it would be that strange to just take junior. People don't take all the kids all the time even when they are fully related. I would think that it is pretty common with the age range. My mom took me and my sister one year and took my brother another year. I don't remember feeling left out. (I think that it was because my dad didn't want to go or be left home alone.)

If it works out all three kids go, great. If it doesn't, well, just go with it.

Wasn't there a thread about leaving kids behind? I think that it was because the oldest kid couldn't go (teenager or high schooler). I'll try to find it.

Like a PP said this is a tough one. This poster (above) said that her mom took turns with her kids and she didn't feel left out. But it sounds like she was bio daughter. When step kids are involved feeling can get very hurt, even more so that with your bio children. I think that maybe you should have a family meeting, when the time is right. Maybe you can let them choose.Go someplace with dad only like Universal. Let them know that US may not be the best place to take a baby. Maybe they would like time with dad only. Maybe they really would rather go to WDW as an entire family or maybe DSS wants a guys only trip and DSD wants to go to WDW. If you let them help with the decisions feelings won't get hurt. When I was about 13 I woyuld have rather died than to go anywhere with my parents. When I was 14 my father took his new family and I was devistated. A little bit different but stepkids (or even the bio kids of divorce) wear their feelings on their sleeve, even if it doesn't seem like it.

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[moon]

Like it was already said, it is a tough one. I can't imagine taking a child and leaving other's for vacation, but in another post someone grew up like that with no problems, so I don't know.

But you are wondering is if you are becoming a "horrible stepmother". The fact that you are questioning it tells me that you are not. But you want to know if you are being fair here. Can you analize yourself and honestly say that you'd be having the same plans if the steps were your bio children? Or, if you have another baby in a few years would you leave your older child and take only the toddler to DW? I the answer to those questions will tell you what you want to know.

I agree that going as a family of five could be a great bonding experience for all of you.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[la79al]

I can honestly say that I had no intentions of taking the stepkids back to Disney World, regardless of whether DH and I had anymore kids or not. And when DH said in June no more Disney for at least 5 years, I was fine with that. And even if we end up with another baby before this one turns 2, we would still most likely only do one trip when this one is 2 and then wait several years to go back with any kids. And I do understand that the steppies may have resentment if junior got to go to DW and they didn't but then I also consider that they miss things all the time when they are with their mom and us taking them to DW would not prevent them from coming here and going on and on about the trips they go on with their mother that junior does not get to go on. I come from a split family with siblings with other parents so I guess I will have to take some time and consider what it was like for us before we even go back to the DW discussion.

 

[Aliceacc]

Congrats on your upcoming arrival!

I think that if you have 3 kids, regardless of whether or not they're "steps", you take 3 kids. If fall doesn't work for 2 of them, you go in the summer.

Love isn't like milk; you don't have less when you split it between three instead of two. You'll have plenty of love for all 3 kids once you decide that, regardless of how it came to be so, all 3 of those kids are your kids. Just think of the joy your 2 older kids will get from their baby brother or sister's first trip.

For what it's worth, while I have no step kids, my oldest is adopted and my younger 2 are biological. It honestly has no bearing on how I treat them or love them. Can I make a suggestion, (and forgive me if it's out of line?) Remove the "ss" and "sd" designations in your signature as a small first step.

Why not table the discussion until after the baby is born and you have time to sort through all this stuff?

 

[disneyjunkie]

Now that DH and I are expecting our first child together, I am terrified that I am going to be so wrapped up in my own child that the stepkids get lost in the background. That being said, DH really wants to take this baby to DW when it is around 2, old enough to think it is neat but young enough to be free. We were talking about it and I was telling him how much cheaper it would be to go in the fall. He said 'what about the other 2'. I said we have taken them twice (2005 & 2007) and we can't take them out of school anyhow. So now I am wondering if I am already becoming a horrible stepmother. It's not that I wouldn't want to take them for any reason (well stepson seemed less than excited about our trip this summer and a 17 hour car ride with 2 kids and a toddler does not give me warm fuzzies) it's more like if DH wants to take junior to see juniors reaction, I think it would be cheaper and more practical to take just junior. Opinions?

I think you're wrong. I might feel differently if the kids were older. However, they'll be 8 and 13 when at the time of your trip.

If money is an issue, plan the trip for mid-late August. That's when value season starts for the moderate and value resorts.

 

[EnchantedPrincess]

I don't have any step kids, but I think that you should take all of them. I have a friend who has 2 step kids and her step kids were about your stepkids age when they had a little girl of their own. I am not saying that she is a horrible stepmother because she is not. She takes great care of all of them, and she does a lot for all of them but she has told me that she doesn't treat or love them the same way as her own daughter and she excludes them from vacations and activities and it creates a lot of problems and resentments from the stepkids, and also create a lot of friction between her and her DH! My opinion is that you should treat your stepkids like your own kids....so I wouldn't take one on a vacation and not the other two. Just my opinion..

 

[Toot Sweet]

Take 'em all. *IF* they all want to go.

Imagine being a kid and your dad taking his "new" family to WDW and leaving you behind. I'd be crushed!


Why are you worrying about something now that is over two years away?

 

[alldiz]

Congrats on your pregnancy.....

I think that there would be a lot of hard feelings......not a good way
to start off a "new family"
good luck in your decision
Kerri

 

[mickeyfan2]

I think that if you have 3 kids, regardless of whether or not they're "steps", you take 3 kids. If fall doesn't work for 2 of them, you go in the summer.

MTE

I think you're wrong. I might feel differently if the kids were older. However, they'll be 8 and 13 when at the time of your trip.

If money is an issue, plan the trip for mid-late August. That's when value season starts for the moderate and value resorts.

I also think you are wrong.

I love your Nativity in your signature. I own many Nativities that I love to display this time of the year.

 

[boomhauer]

You're not being horrible at all. Of course, most people will read it as you are. Trust me from someone in a very similiar situation, this a no-win situation for you to try and explain. I used to come to people asking for advice, then I realized - Only I know how much I love my step-son. Only I know the exact situation. School, parents, activities come up. You'll be taking plenty of trips with your step-kids. And most likely, they'll be taking plenty of trips without you. Do what you feel is right and don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says.

 

[Aliceacc]

MTE

QUOTE]

Sorry, what does "MTE" mean?

 

[autumnbaby9]

I can honestly say that I had no intentions of taking the stepkids back to Disney World, regardless of whether DH and I had anymore kids or not. And when DH said in June no more Disney for at least 5 years, I was fine with that. And even if we end up with another baby before this one turns 2, we would still most likely only do one trip when this one is 2 and then wait several years to go back with any kids. And I do understand that the steppies may have resentment if junior got to go to DW and they didn't but then I also consider that they miss things all the time when they are with their mom and us taking them to DW would not prevent them from coming here and going on and on about the trips they go on with their mother that junior does not get to go on. I come from a split family with siblings with other parents so I guess I will have to take some time and consider what it was like for us before we even go back to the DW discussion.

Yes the step kids will be going on vacations with their mother that your kid(s) wont be able to participate in, but their mother is not your childs parent and they wouldn't be missing out on a "family" vacation. It is not the same situation and you are comparing apple with oranges.

If you take your new baby on vacation and don't take the other kids then they would be missing out on a family vacation with their dad (not some lady that daddy use to be married to) and there is a really good chance they will resent it and in turn start to resent you and the new baby.

Your husband wants to take his other children with him. He wants to share this new experience with all his family, not just the new part. I think you need to figure out a way to accomplish this or you will have bad feelings between you and the rest of your family.

I would like to add that I'm coming from a situation that is similar, except I was the new baby. My parents didn't include my older sisters in all the family time. They couldn't afford it and had the same opinion as you. My sisters resent my mother for taking their father away, resent me for being born and taking dads attention, and resent everything that mom and dad have done for me throughout my life, including my vacations.

 

[lil mermaid]

You're not being horrible at all. Of course, most people will read it as you are. Trust me from someone in a very similiar situation, this a no-win situation for you to try and explain. I used to come to people asking for advice, then I realized - Only I know how much I love my step-son. Only I know the exact situation. School, parents, activities come up. You'll be taking plenty of trips with your step-kids. And most likely, they'll be taking plenty of trips without you. Do what you feel is right and don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says.

I have seen your posts earlier, Boomhauer, and it is apparent that you love your stepson. The OP here however - she uses phrases such as "my own child" and "steppies" - that is wrong. OP, you married a man with children, and if you weren't prepared to think of them as your own, you shouldn't have married him.

I think that a theoretical trip more than two years in the future should be the least of your worries. You already have this family caste system set up in your own mind, and the baby isn't even here yet. You have about 25 weeks to sort things out and I hope that for those childrens sake that you are able to.

Oh, and I wouldn't take "your" child and leave the "steppies" at home.

 

[swilphil]

First of all, the vacation in the making is more than two years away. Whatever you do in the next two years, DO NOT talk about this trip in front of the step-kids.

I've taken my son at 22 months and also taken him at about 14 months. There isn't a huge difference in his level of enjoyment, so it's not like you have to take your son at exactly 23 months. You could do any of the following without hurting the stepkids' feelings:

1. Plan the trip during a school break/summer/long weekend when they could come.

2. Dad can take the stepkids to Disney World sometime within in the next two years when the baby is too small. You and baby could stay at home (you certainly wouldn't mind missing WDW, would you?)

Face it, your stepkids are part of the family and they should be invited (even if they say no). That's what happens when you choose to marry someone who already has kids. Considering you are already planning a WDW trip for 2009 or 2010 and you actually refer to them as "steppies", these children are going to pick up on their backseat status very quickly. Don't make it worse for them by leaving them out of this trip. They did not have any choice on their parents' divorce and father's remarriage. If you think it's tough being a stepparent, try being a stepkid.

 

[disneyjunkie]

OP how would you feel if 6 or 7 years from now your husband decided to only takes his older kids to WDW? Would you mind having your child left out of that family trip? How do you think the child would feel?

What if your husband remarries and your child becomes the stepchild? Would you want him/her to be excluded from family vacations?

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

The one thing that many PPs have stated was you DH wants all of his children included. Although the older kids are your step children they are as much a part of him as your new one will be. If money is an issue then why do you have to go to WDW? It can be some other park or even the beach, lake, something.