Am I wrong? Overreacting?

[mom2rb]

Been there done that. As the kids came it got easier and easier for him to down size. All he has left is one huge closet filled with about $30,000 worth of comic books. He says he will sell these to pay for the boys college, but I have a feeling he will get a second job instead.

 

[Camicar]

.

 

[Planogirl]

Get him to at least box up the wrestling magazines if he's having trouble getting rid of them. That is what compromise is all about IMO.

I have some Star Wars stuff but it's boxed up and put away. No, I don't want to get rid of it.

 

[Todd&Copper]

We are planning on doing this. However, we actually agree on more than you think. This is actually the only issue causing any problem...and its not really a problem, just an annoyance to me. I have talked with him this morning about it. He stated that he understands my concerns and that he will not bring anything over that doesn't fit against the walls in the room and closet. He plans on selling the rest (what doesn't fit) or getting a storage unit. This definitely made me feel better about the situation. For now it is solved and I am not going to worry about it.

Sweetie, this is the only thing you know about that annoys you. There'll be more. Trust me.

 

[Evil Genius]

It's not YOUR house anymore. You LET him have the guest bedroom? How many times has this poor guy heard that this is your house?You are going to tell him what to sell before the wedding? Really? What is he telling you to sell before you get married?

Get a POD and figure it all out once everything gets settled.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

Couldn't you compromise and together get a storage compartment? I know I did. When we got married my DH & I got a storage spot for the stuff he wanted to keep but really didn't need constant access.

When we bought our home it went into the basement and today 100's of comic books in acid free wrap, old HS Hockey gear, a bunch old airbrush paraphernalia, sculpting tools, charcoal stuff, special pencils and toys that'll never see the light of day have dominated about 5 huge shelves in the basement, never mind the fact my dining room is now his art studio and we have another art table in my bedroom. Oh, and DVD's we only watch once, we have hundreds. Also the signed Iron Maiden jacket sleeve he got because DH airbrushed a jacket for a DF of ours in the late 80's. It'll never get onto our walls but its there safe & sound all the same.

Sure the stuff means zippo to me, but it means a whole lot to him so it stays. You seem to feel its your home and you're 'letting' him in, I bet he senses how you feel and is trying to negotiate his own place in your world together.

Trust me, there will be plenty of other boundaries to set, I wouldn't waste leverage on this issue because if you do he'll give you a harder time on the next issue 'just because'. Save the upset for the closet space, or late night friends, sharing chores or the budget... goodness knows other things will come your way soon enough. In our home whoever cares the most about xyz wins so if it's no biggie I let it slide. Good luck

No doubt.

I mean, as long as the guy isn't up at 2 am on Saturday nights playing "Battle on Death Star", this sounds like exactly what Public Storage was created for.

 

[Magic Mom]

Sweetie, this is the only thing you know about that annoys you. There'll be more. Trust me.

you are so, so right......

 

[missj1975]

We are planning on doing this. However, we actually agree on more than you think. This is actually the only issue causing any problem...and its not really a problem, just an annoyance to me. I have talked with him this morning about it. He stated that he understands my concerns and that he will not bring anything over that doesn't fit against the walls in the room and closet. He plans on selling the rest (what doesn't fit) or getting a storage unit. This definitely made me feel better about the situation. For now it is solved and I am not going to worry about it.

I am glad you worked out a situation that makes you both happy.

I am too now going through the stress of how to combine two households. My DBF and I are getting married next year and just started the converstions of how we are going to combine two households. We each own a house so we have to decide which to keep and which to sell. If the market was better we would sell both our houses and start fresh but right now we both agree that isn't a good idea. I want to keep mine, he wants to keep his so now we are just debating the pros and cons of each house. Ugghh! Luckily we aren't mad at each other (yet).

The other issue is I am a collector and he isn't. I have lived on my own for a long time and am use to my own ways...which means I'm not use to compromise. My DBF on the other hand was married for 12 years so he is very good at compromise. I need to learn to compromise; otherwise we are going to have issues once we try to fit two households into one household.

 

[crz4mm2]

I'm outta this one....lol. It is rare that I can watch a movie twice so I rarely buy DVDs. I could not take all that stuff. Just reading this gives me chills.

He may not be controlling but if he is sulking and not talking to you for an hour, that says otherwise. Just a warning from an old married lady.

I gotta agree with Buckalew on this one.... Another old married lady here too....
This is going to be trouble somewhere down the pike if you don't get it out in the open now.

 

[Illuminations_Rocks]

I don't have any comment on overreacting, but...

From the amount of space you've described this has taken up, it sounds like he has all of the cases for the DVDs. Are those really necessary? DH has taken all his DVDs and keeps them in those huge CD zip folders. I also saw a cool product on QVC, it was a storage box that lets you automatically pick one - ok I know that's not a good description but it was sooo cool. I've also seen specific DVD folders that have space for the DVD booklets from the cases. Anyway, would he be willing to forego the cases (at least on some of them)? They take up much less space this way. I guess if he thought it was worth it to keep the cases, maybe they should go into a storage unit and just keep the DVDs in the house.

Good luck making it all fit!

 

[Octoberbride03]

He needs an entire bedroom for Star Wars toys? Tell him to put his comic books and dvd's in there too. And then bow down to you for being in his life.

Just kidding but seriously, an ENTIRE bedroom for Star Wars memorbilia?? And I know I spelled that wrong. But geez, he needs to learn the art of compromise, but I'm thinking it's going to be hard to get back to that if you already gave a whole bedroom up. I'd make him keep all of it in there. And then close the door.

OH hey, if he's got the ORIGINAL Kenner toys and stuff form way back when that's all worth money honey. Serious money. Was at a Flea market on Saturday, Leia in the box $900. Jawa in the box $1000. And on and on. Star Wars i have no trouble keeping.

The videos..... Burning in front of him is a little harsh. But dropping them in a trash bin when he aint looking

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

My fiance and I are getting married in March. He has started to move a few things into my house, specifically his DVD's and Star Wars items. Both of these are large collections. I have given him an entire upstairs bedroom for his Star Wars books, audio tapes, and other collector's items. I emptied out the large closet under the stairs (and gave away everything that was in it, I kept nothing) for DVD's (this is the only closet, by the way, for storage as we have only one other closet that is not in a bedroom). He brought about 450 movies over last week. We went through them and through mine. We ended up taking all but 10 of my DVD's to trade in. He kept all but, maybe 20 of his. This is not a big deal to me. However, I did not know about the 150 wrestling DVD's he has (that he does not watch). He brought them over tonight and they filled up a whole DVD cabinet. I was not enthusiatic about it (because there are so many and he does not watch them), but I didn't say anything. When he saw that I wasn't excited about it, he asked what was wrong. I stated that I liked the idea of having lots of DVD's, if we are going to watch them, but I don't want to keep them just for the sake of keeping them. I mentioned that if we intended on buying more movies in the future, we would have to trade in ones we already have. He did not like that and got all sulky and wouldn't talk to me for over an hour. He also brought his "graphic novels" (comic books)....three large boxes of them.

As I mentioned before, I gave him the "guest room" for his Star Wars stuff and the closet downstairs for his DVD's. I have given up the majority of my books (three large bookcases full) because he didn't think I needed them. He was right and I had no problem getting rid of them. Now he wants to use all the bookcases for his graphic novels and other books he wants to bring.

The more I think about it, the more I need to figure out a good way to address this with him. I feel like I have given away a lot of my things for him, but he is not willing to do the same. Maybe I am overeacting and it's not a big deal, but it does get on my nerves. If anyone has any ideas, please advise!

Thanks for listening to my venting!

Oh, honey, if little stuff like this is pissing you off, you're gonna have trouble with the real issues in marriage.

His stuff makes him happy, leave it alone.

If you don't want to give away your stuff, then don't. But don't do it and then get pissy at him.

The whole I gave him a room thing is only going to make him feel like some kid in your house. He moved in, he's marrying you, it's his house too, he has every right to every nook and cranny that you have.

Chill.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Wow..I just read the first page...not realizing there were 4 pages...so I stopped reading...lol

In all seriousness, talk to him about this before it festers. Trust me, stuff like this can build into such a resentment that 4 years from now teeny tiny stuff will blow up and all you'll think is "I gave you a whole room for your dolls and you won't even take the trash out!" And then he'll get mad at you for calling "action figures" "dolls" and before you know it he's sleeping with Darth Vader. ( Not literally but you know!)
Tell him you're feeling like you've given a little more than he has. He's probably telling his buddies Chewbaca and Han Solo how cool you are about everything and wondering how he can get you into that gold lame bikini Princess Leia wore and meanwhile you're wondering how the dog can "accidently" chew up/pee on everything in that room.

Yeah...little things like that do fester, even though in all reality..its silly. When my BF moved in... he made me get rid of all my furniture because it was the cheap wood stuff yet he got rid of nothing. Yes, I agree, his is nicer, but, that was stuff I worked for as a single mom, and I even liked some of it!! I still resent in a small way that I felt I gave up more than he did... silly, but definitely a small thing to address...

 

[DarthKTrava]

In all seriousness, talk to him about this before it festers. Trust me, stuff like this can build into such a resentment that 4 years from now teeny tiny stuff will blow up and all you'll think is "I gave you a whole room for your dolls and you won't even take the trash out!" And then he'll get mad at you for calling "action figures" "dolls" and before you know it he's sleeping with Darth Vader. ( Not literally but you know!)
Tell him you're feeling like you've given a little more than he has. He's probably telling his buddies Chewbaca and Han Solo how cool you are about everything and wondering how he can get you into that gold lame bikini Princess Leia wore and meanwhile you're wondering how the dog can "accidently" chew up/pee on everything in that room.

Me, I'd keep the Star Wars stuff and totally DITCH the wrestling videos. Maybe he needs to build on extra space to accomodate all his action figures and other SW stuff.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

I mean, I want him to be able to keep some of his things, but if we are to build a life together, that means both of us giving things up in order to get things that are "ours". I think he will come around, but I have to find a gentle way of addressing it.

Yikes. Why in the world do you think you both need to "give stuff up"? You just need to organize it better. This is NOT something to get all in a twist about. I would never in a million years expect DH to give up his "stuff" and he would never expect me to give up my "stuff." He has about 500 DVDs and I have about 3000 books. We have lots of shelves and our house looks nice and neat.

Storage unit is a great idea.

And once you guys live together, all the space belongs to both of you. You may legally own the house, but you are not going to get along if either of you are making issues over "letting" each other keep things in certain places.

 

[Barbossa]

I wouldn't worry about any of this. I cite the four rules of marriage:

1. Anything the husband owned before the marriage will be either sold or thrown away.

2. Anything the wife owned before the marriage will be willed to her grandchildren.

3. Any money and property acquired by the wife after the marriage is hers.

4. Any money and property acquired by the husband after the marriage...is hers.

Just kidding (sort of)

 

[Calliaz]

This is one of those cases where you need to find a solution other than selling or giving away his stuff. This is clearly what makes him happy. It can't impose too much on your life together, but he does have the right to do the things that make him happy. I would rent a storage shed and call it done. Otherwise, you might have a conversation that reinforces his need and right to collect while helping him make decisions on the limits of his collection.

I never, ever tell my husband what he can and can't do as a person. That's not my right.

 

[JulyGirl]

Many a relationship has been ruined by "small" issues such as these. Make sure to keep your communication open. If this bothers you now, things will only snowball after you get married.

 

[L107ANGEL]

I know it may not seem it to you right now, but trust me. Sweating the small stuff can kill you