Am I worrying too much?

[luvnwdwgal]

Back story. I quit working full-time in 2011 to babysit my first grandchild. By 2015 I had 3 granddaughters to watch which I did everyday, many years 50 hours a week. Up until March of this year I was still babysitting the youngest who I dropped off at school at noon and then picked all 3 up at 3:00. Then there’s always summer, etc. Then the shutdowns came and my daughter-in-law was able to work from home. Now, their school is going to open back up 5 days a week later this month. I am 58 with several risk factors for COVID-19. All 3 will be in school all day this year but I know they are going to expect me to pick them up and watch them until they get home, probably about 3 hours. I just don’t feel right doing it. I’m nervous. I love my grandchildren but I just don’t think I should take the risk. My husband is 65 and still works full-time for a different school/church. He plans on going directly out to our garage and taking a shower and changing as soon as he gets home. He’s also going to throw his clothes in the wash so I don’t have to handle them. He’s stressed out enough plus he has to help his siblings take care of their elderly parents who are in their 90’s and living at home. They need constant care 24/7. Our lives are a nightmare right now with them. They refuse any outside help. I seriously don’t think my husband could handle anymore stress if I were to get sick. I hate having to tell my son and daughter-in-law that I can’t watch the girls but I feel like I should. I don’t know. I just want to scream. I swear I cry everyday. Any thoughts would be appreciated. TIA

 

[RamblingMad]

I wouldn’t willingly watch potential carriers of COVID. I’m not willing to volunteer as tribute.

 

[Meriweather]

I had made the decision if my grand kids went to school/day care I would not be able to see them.
Luckily for me they decided to home school. I help pay for it (their aunt is the teacher), so everyone stays safe and we can see each other.

 

[mom2rtk]

They shouldn't be asking you to do this. And if you aren't, then you need to tell them ASAP so they can make other arrangements.

 

[Kitty 34]

Back story. I quit working full-time in 2011 to babysit my first grandchild. By 2015 I had 3 granddaughters to watch which I did everyday, many years 50 hours a week. Up until March of this year I was still babysitting the youngest who I dropped off at school at noon and then picked all 3 up at 3:00. Then there’s always summer, etc. Then the shutdowns came and my daughter-in-law was able to work from home. Now, their school is going to open back up 5 days a week later this month. I am 58 with several risk factors for COVID-19. All 3 will be in school all day this year but I know they are going to expect me to pick them up and watch them until they get home, probably about 3 hours. I just don’t feel right doing it. I’m nervous. I love my grandchildren but I just don’t think I should take the risk. My husband is 65 and still works full-time for a different school/church. He plans on going directly out to our garage and taking a shower and changing as soon as he gets home. He’s also going to throw his clothes in the wash so I don’t have to handle them. He’s stressed out enough plus he has to help his siblings take care of their elderly parents who are in their 90’s and living at home. They need constant care 24/7. Our lives are a nightmare right now with them. They refuse any outside help. I seriously don’t think my husband could handle anymore stress if I were to get sick. I hate having to tell my son and daughter-in-law that I can’t watch the girls but I feel like I should. I don’t know. I just want to scream. I swear I cry everyday. Any thoughts would be appreciated. TIA

Following the rule and I would say no in a heartbeat. Not sure why you would still be questioning it with the info you gave us. Good luck.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

I just don’t feel right doing it. I’m nervous. I love my grandchildren but I just don’t think I should take the risk.

IMO, this is your answer. If it were me, I'd also be nervous. I think them "expecting" you to watch them (if, indeed, they've indicated this), is a bad idea at this time.

 

[DLgal]

Have you been doing this for free this whole time, or do they pay you?

Just wondering how much of a financial burden this will be for them if you tell them you can't help them anymore.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Nice of you to do so for all these years. I would tell your son that they need to look into after school care for this school year.
Many parents have to do so. They have been super fortunate to have had build in child care all these years. Plus the kids will probably love the time with their friends after school!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

It’s not going to work if you’re uncomfortable. They won’t like it but you have to have this conversation with them and tell them if you’re not willing to take on the risk of getting sick. I think it’s reasonable. It’s not only you personally. Your husband has to be concerned about his parents, too - their grandparents and great-grandparents.

 

[GreatLakes]

Once my son goes back into school I expect he won't see his grandma for a little while. I don't think you are wrong or worrying too much OP and I hope your son/daughter understand and don't try to pressure you into doing it.

 

[brockash]

Back story. I quit working full-time in 2011 to babysit my first grandchild. By 2015 I had 3 granddaughters to watch which I did everyday, many years 50 hours a week. Up until March of this year I was still babysitting the youngest who I dropped off at school at noon and then picked all 3 up at 3:00. Then there’s always summer, etc. Then the shutdowns came and my daughter-in-law was able to work from home. Now, their school is going to open back up 5 days a week later this month. I am 58 with several risk factors for COVID-19. All 3 will be in school all day this year but I know they are going to expect me to pick them up and watch them until they get home, probably about 3 hours. I just don’t feel right doing it. I’m nervous. I love my grandchildren but I just don’t think I should take the risk. My husband is 65 and still works full-time for a different school/church. He plans on going directly out to our garage and taking a shower and changing as soon as he gets home. He’s also going to throw his clothes in the wash so I don’t have to handle them. He’s stressed out enough plus he has to help his siblings take care of their elderly parents who are in their 90’s and living at home. They need constant care 24/7. Our lives are a nightmare right now with them. They refuse any outside help. I seriously don’t think my husband could handle anymore stress if I were to get sick. I hate having to tell my son and daughter-in-law that I can’t watch the girls but I feel like I should. I don’t know. I just want to scream. I swear I cry everyday. Any thoughts would be appreciated. TIA

You have to do whatever you're comfortable with. My mom's 66 and has many risk factors, yet she's still watching my niece and nephew before/after school. I'll be honest it makes me worry a little, but not my decision.

 

[anniemae]

You need to do what is best for you and your husband. If you are not comfortable with the arrangement you have to tell them. Please tell them soon so they can try to work something out or hire someone asap to watch the kids. If they are relying on you, they do not have a lot of time to make alternate plans.

 

[DVC California]

... He’s stressed out enough plus he has to help his siblings take care of their elderly parents who are in their 90’s and living at home. They need constant care 24/7. Our lives are a nightmare right now with them. They refuse any outside help. I seriously don’t think my husband could handle anymore stress if I were to get sick. I hate having to tell my son and daughter-in-law that I can’t watch the girls but I feel like I should. I don’t know. I just want to scream. I swear I cry everyday. Any thoughts would be appreciated. TIA

You need to share this with your son and daughter-in-law. COVID-19 is no joke. Not only do you need to protect yourselves, you have to protect your elderly in-laws. You sound like you were great parents and very supportive grand parents that helped above and beyond the last 9 years. They will understand that it's not worth losing either of you for free daycare.

If daughter-in-law is working from home, she needs to adjust her schedule to include school pickups and the eldest needs to help a little more with the little ones. That's part of being a family.

And after this is over, maybe in a year, you can resume watching over your little angels again. Hang in there!

 

[lifesavacation]

Under normal circumstances you were willing to watch the grandkids, but we’re in the middle of a pandemic. Those over 60 need to take extra care to avoid catching COVID. You shouldn’t feel bad and you’re not overreacting.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

Covid 19 is not a joke especially for older people with risk factors. You need to put yourself first... you have paid your dues with child rearing. I would say 9 years with up to 50 hours a week watching your grandchildren has been a tremendous financial help to your kids and I cannot imagine them being so selfish to object to your extremely reasonable request. Who will take care of you and your dh if covid enters your home, and by extension his elderly parents? I am in the exact same position as your dh and my brother and I are very limited who we interact with because we take care of my parents. My mother is a heart/stroke patient and she would never survive if she was infected. Good luck, you sound like a very caring person.

 

[Pink Partridge]

All 3 will be in school all day this year but I know they are going to expect me to pick them up and watch them until they get home, probably about 3 hours. I

I promise you, a loving son and daughter in law would never expect high risk people to babysit children that are in school during a pandemic.

Talk to them. I am sure they are taking responsibility for their own children without involving risk to your life.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Am I remembering you correctly? Are you the DISer whose husband and three elderly siblings basically live in indentured servitude to their demanding and ungrateful 90 year old parents? And it turns out you’ve spent the past 9 years working full time as your adult son’s childcare, too? It really sounds like you and your husband are being squeezed by the generations on both sides and something’s got to give. Pandemic or not, it’s okay for you to put your well-being first. It is especially okay to do when your health is at risk. You don’t have to keep giving of yourselves until there is nothing left. Please allow yourselves some rest — you’ve earned it.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

Have you been doing this for free this whole time, or do they pay you?

Just wondering how much of a financial burden this will be for them if you tell them you can't help them anymore.

I’ve never taken any money for babysitting.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

Am I remembering you correctly? Are you the DISer whose husband and three elderly siblings basically live in indentured servitude to their demanding and ungrateful 90 year old parents? And it turns out you’ve spent the past 9 years working full time as your adult son’s childcare, too? It really sounds like you and your husband are being squeezed by the generations on both sides and something’s got to give. Pandemic or not, it’s okay for you to put your well-being first. It is especially okay to do when your health is at risk. You don’t have to keep giving of yourselves until there is nothing left. Please allow yourselves some rest — you’ve earned it.

Yes, that would be us. My in-laws are a nightmare. We’re stuck in that situation with no options whatsoever. At least I do have options as far as taking care of my grandchildren. I’m pretty sure my son and DIL can figure something else out.

 

[tnmt]

I agree that you shouldn't do it either. I just hope they understand, but I doubt they will since you have been doing it so long and saving them all that money.