Am I Too Sensitive??

[Louise-Montreal]

Yet another story about my "outlaws". My daughter is graduating from high school, and invited her grandparents who live two hours away to attend. They agreed to come. Each graduate is only given four tickets, so we had to wrangle two extra tickets. Four days before the grad, they informed us they were not going to attend- because it was too much travelling for one day. Granted they are in their mid-seventies, however they travel all over Europe and take many vacations. They certainly can afford a hotel room, and we offered to let them stay at our house.

So.... am I right in thinking they are just miserable old sots??

 

[DVCLiz]

Yes.

 

[mommasita]

They are..Sadly for your daughter...

 

[DawnCt1]

At least they had the excuse that it was "two hours away". My MIL never went to any of my DSs high school graduations, even though she lives less than 20 minutes away......"its too hot". That is until my niece (her favorite grandchild granduated from the same h.s and at the same time as DS#4; then she came to the graduation. She did send a card with $15 in it. I gotta give her that.

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

I'd be furious. Maybe I'm too sensitive too.

 

[princess pooh]

I don't know what a sot is so I'll just call your inlaws big fat meanies . It's their loss for missing out on such an important event.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm sorry for your daughter but I imagine that this isn't the first time that this has happened. I hope that she doesn't dwell on this and let it ruin her special day. It's too bad that families like this but it comes back to bite them on the butt.

 

[4greatboys]

Its crappy they didnt go. My in-laws didnt go to my oldest sons and they live here in town. They felt the traffic would be to bad Nevermind they could have gone early with us and missed it.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Yet another story about my "outlaws". My daughter is graduating from high school, and invited her grandparents who live two hours away to attend. They agreed to come. Each graduate is only given four tickets, so we had to wrangle two extra tickets. Four days before the grad, they informed us they were not going to attend- because it was too much travelling for one day. Granted they are in their mid-seventies, however they travel all over Europe and take many vacations. They certainly can afford a hotel room, and we offered to let them stay at our house.

So.... am I right in thinking they are just miserable old sots??

I'd be TICKED.
We were at/in the wedding of our best friends recently, and the bride's brother, SIL, and nephew...plus her grandparents...didn't show. Apparently they all had VERY mild illnesses. The kind most people take Tylenol for, ESPECIALLY when their sister/granddaughter is getting married! Sadly, the bride did not seem to be especially surprised by this.

My dh didn't have anyone attend his graduation other than his parents...and he is still upset about it to this day. His grandmother and siblings ditched it, and it really hurt him. I'm sorry for your daughter.

 

[Hannathy]

I'm sorry for your DD but if she is like My DD who has family like yours she is so used to it by 18 that she probably didn't really believe they would be there. It sucks. If you already have the tickets I would offer to go get them the day before so they will be there and can ride with you. If they turn you down then there reasons are clear and I would let them know how rotten they are being.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

Since you now have two extra tickets, is there someone else you could invite that would actually appreciate them (aunt/uncle/cousin/etc.?) Maybe even some younger/older friends of your DD who are not graduating this year. I would try to turn her grandparents' selfishness into something positive, if possible!

 

[Louise-Montreal]

You are right- she is used to this now- but she was still extremely hurt.

Her graduation was yesterday and I invited other members of my family to take the extra tickets- so my mom, brother and sister in law, and other daughter were there. My other brother joined us all for supper after. So she had a lot of family around and did have a great day!

BTW- my husband did offer to drive them.

Thanks for all your replies. Glad to know I am not alone. My husband does not think they did anything wrong. Guess he has learned how to rationalize their selfish beahviour over the years.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You have to stop setting yourself up for a beating unless you are able to handle it.

So yes, you are too sensitive.

If you are going to invite "outlaws", your expectations need to drop to nil and then actual surprise if they come.

Which is why we do not invite certain people to certain events because they will mar the memory of the event. In other words....BE NIT PICKY from now on.

 

[Disney Doll]

Don't be too hard on your husband...he is in a difficult position, between his parents and his wife/children. I know, I know...his wife/children should come first....easy to say, much harder to do. He also may be used to this behavior, so it may be "par for the course" for him.

It is unfortunate that your in-laws are not interested in family events. My advice to you would be to let it go. You are not going to change their behavior, so you need to change your reaction to it. So you're mad and hurt and upset, and rightfully so. Did that change anything? No. All it did was to cause you distress for the period of time you dwelled on this issue. It didn't change your in-laws mind about coming.

I wouldn't bother inviting them to things anymore, since it's too much trouble for them to attend things. And if they asked me why they didn't get invites, I'd tell them that, very matter-of-factly..."no point in inviting you because you never come anyway, so we invited so and so who was quite happy to attend." I wouldn't make it a big emotional thing...you're just stating the facts. And years from now, when their grandchildren don't have time for them, perhaps they'll understand why.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

Don't be too hard on your husband...he is in a difficult position, between his parents and his wife/children. I know, I know...his wife/children should come first....easy to say, much harder to do. He also may be used to this behavior, so it may be "par for the course" for him.

It is unfortunate that your in-laws are not interested in family events. My advice to you would be to let it go. You are not going to change their behavior, so you need to change your reaction to it. So you're mad and hurt and upset, and rightfully so. Did that change anything? No. All it did was to cause you distress for the period of time you dwelled on this issue. It didn't change your in-laws mind about coming.

I wouldn't bother inviting them to things anymore, since it's too much trouble for them to attend things. And if they asked me why they didn't get invites, I'd tell them that, very matter-of-factly..."no point in inviting you because you never come anyway, so we invited so and so who was quite happy to attend." I wouldn't make it a big emotional thing...you're just stating the facts. And years from now, when their grandchildren don't have time for them, perhaps they'll understand why.

I agree with you. You can't change people, and after a while you learn not to expend that much time or energy on people that do things such as the OP's inlaws.

OP - Congrats to your daughter on her HS graduation, wishing her good luck, good health and happiness as she enters her next chapter of life. Please don't let yourself or your DD dwell on this. The inlaws/grand parents are missing out on some wonderful family times, but don't let it ruin your celebration.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

My parents are not nearly that old, live a mile a way, and have the same nonchalant attitude, and it infuriates me. I don't think you are being too sensitive at all. They are rude, if nothing more for the fact that they didn't give all those excuses in the first place, but said they *were* coming.

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

I don't think you are being too sensitive-you had to go to extra trouble for them and then they backed out if I read it correctly.

My grandparents didn't come to my HS graduation and they lived in the same town-2 houses away from us. They said if they went to one, they would have to go to all the grandkids' then. They only had 5 grandkids and 3 of us graduated, but they wouldn't make the effort. I didn't really care-it was typical so I just let it roll off my back.

Don't let it ruin the celebration-it's a big achievement so live it up!!